Dear Whatsername (an old journal was all that was left), chapter 5
Dear Whatsername,
Aaggggghhhh! School is such a dragggggg, but at least it takes my mind of.... well you know what I mean. Today I got high with Tre, and now I have the sick munchies! Man I'm going to get fatttttt! Lol, here I am obsessing over my body again for the billion time. Man, if you would have seen how fat I was before....... then I stopped eating little by little. Which was a big mission, cause those munchies always kicked in real bad! Anyways, I don't want to talk about that. Today would have been my dad's birthday, and in honor of his non existence presents we made a cake. This is the first time my mom and I have bonded in months! I really miss him, even though I don't really remember him. The only thing I could remember clearly, was him singing songs to me until I fell asleep. The last time, he sang to me was the night before my fifth birthday. Fuck, I dream this day so many times. It haunts my dreams.....
I was laying in my bed, when my dad walked in.
"Hey princess, your still up I see." he said approaching my bed.
"Yea, daddy you know I can't sleep unless you sing to me!"
"Oh really..... and why is that?"
"Hmm, I don't know daddy, it's like you kiss all those icky scary demons out of all my dreams!"
He started laughing as he tucked me in my bed.
"Okay, what song should I sing for my princess tonight?"
"Ahhhhhhhhh, how about Lullaby and good night, but with daddy instead of mother.
"Whatever my princess wants, my princess gets, especially because tomorrow is her birthday!"
Lullaby, and good night,
With pink roses bedight,
With lilies o'erspread,
Is my baby's sweet head.
Lay you down now, and rest,
May your slumber be blessed!
Lay you down now, and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed!
Lullaby, and good night,
You're your daddy's delight,
Shining angels beside
My darling abide.
Soft and warm is your bed,
Close your eyes and rest your head.
Soft and warm is your bed,
Close your eyes and rest your head.
Sleepyhead, close your eyes.
Daddy's right here beside you.
I'll protect you from harm,
You will wake in my arms.
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep on, with no fear.
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep on, with no fear.
Lullaby, and sleep tight.
Hush! My darling is sleeping,
On her sheets white as cream,
With her head full of dreams.
When the sky's bright with dawn,
She will wake in the morning.
When noontide warms the world,
She will frolic in the sun.
"Daddy, I love you sooooo much! Sing me another song. please!"
"I'll make a deal with you, how about I write you a song and sing it to you tomorrow, and you go to bed right now."
"Really! Yay daddy." I said jumping up and down.
"Okay, okay, we're gonnna wake mommy up, now to bed I say," he said tucking me in again.
"Okay, but could you put your name in the song? Ooo and can you put.........."
"You want me to put Jimmy in your song? Okay and what else?"
"I don't know, something cool.....like WHATSERNAME!!!"
"Whatsername? Now where did this name come from"
"Hehe, daddy, mommy told me that when I was born, you kept forgetting my name, so you would just call me Whatsername, don't you remember?"
"The only reason I kept forgetting your name my princess, was because your mom kept changing your name. Now go to bed," He tucked me in and headed for the door.
"Daddy! Wait you forgot to kiss me goodnight."
"I love you my lil' Lay, happy early birthday," he gave me a long kiss as he made his way out of my life...
This is where my happy dream because a nightmare.
The next day, I was awaken by my mom's screams. I jumped out of my bed and ran to my parents room. There, in the bed was my daddy looking white as snow. Time seemed to go by slow, and then suddenly it stopped, as I realize my daddy was dead.
After his death, I would lie awake for hours, not being able to sleep, and when I did I always had nightmares. My daddy wasn't there to kiss me goodnight. I wish he was here so he drain the pressure from the swelling, that's been growing inside of me. I just wish he could kiss me good night and to tell me everything would be all right. I wish I could have heard the song my daddy made for me. And what I wish for the most is to be awaken by my daddy, and for him to tell me I've been dreaming for 12 fucken years!!!!
Billie closed the journal, as tears escaped his green eyes. This entry brought back so many memories he spent with his dad. He never knew Layla had been so close to her dad. But he should have known, after all Layla started calling Mr. Armstrong, dad after he sang for her, in her birthday. Wasting no time he grabbed a sheet of paper and started writing.
Take away the sensation inside,
Bittersweet migraine in my head,
It's like a throbbing toothache,
Of the mind,
I can't take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight,
And everything will be alright,
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
Give me novacaine
Out of body and out of mind,
Kiss the demons out of my dreams,
I get the funny feeling and that's alright,
Jimmy says it's better than here
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight,
And everything will be alright,
Tell me Jimmy, I won't feel a thing
Give me novacaine
As he finished his new song, he popped open a beer and started drinking the day away.
Aaggggghhhh! School is such a dragggggg, but at least it takes my mind of.... well you know what I mean. Today I got high with Tre, and now I have the sick munchies! Man I'm going to get fatttttt! Lol, here I am obsessing over my body again for the billion time. Man, if you would have seen how fat I was before....... then I stopped eating little by little. Which was a big mission, cause those munchies always kicked in real bad! Anyways, I don't want to talk about that. Today would have been my dad's birthday, and in honor of his non existence presents we made a cake. This is the first time my mom and I have bonded in months! I really miss him, even though I don't really remember him. The only thing I could remember clearly, was him singing songs to me until I fell asleep. The last time, he sang to me was the night before my fifth birthday. Fuck, I dream this day so many times. It haunts my dreams.....
I was laying in my bed, when my dad walked in.
"Hey princess, your still up I see." he said approaching my bed.
"Yea, daddy you know I can't sleep unless you sing to me!"
"Oh really..... and why is that?"
"Hmm, I don't know daddy, it's like you kiss all those icky scary demons out of all my dreams!"
He started laughing as he tucked me in my bed.
"Okay, what song should I sing for my princess tonight?"
"Ahhhhhhhhh, how about Lullaby and good night, but with daddy instead of mother.
"Whatever my princess wants, my princess gets, especially because tomorrow is her birthday!"
Lullaby, and good night,
With pink roses bedight,
With lilies o'erspread,
Is my baby's sweet head.
Lay you down now, and rest,
May your slumber be blessed!
Lay you down now, and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed!
Lullaby, and good night,
You're your daddy's delight,
Shining angels beside
My darling abide.
Soft and warm is your bed,
Close your eyes and rest your head.
Soft and warm is your bed,
Close your eyes and rest your head.
Sleepyhead, close your eyes.
Daddy's right here beside you.
I'll protect you from harm,
You will wake in my arms.
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep on, with no fear.
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep on, with no fear.
Lullaby, and sleep tight.
Hush! My darling is sleeping,
On her sheets white as cream,
With her head full of dreams.
When the sky's bright with dawn,
She will wake in the morning.
When noontide warms the world,
She will frolic in the sun.
"Daddy, I love you sooooo much! Sing me another song. please!"
"I'll make a deal with you, how about I write you a song and sing it to you tomorrow, and you go to bed right now."
"Really! Yay daddy." I said jumping up and down.
"Okay, okay, we're gonnna wake mommy up, now to bed I say," he said tucking me in again.
"Okay, but could you put your name in the song? Ooo and can you put.........."
"You want me to put Jimmy in your song? Okay and what else?"
"I don't know, something cool.....like WHATSERNAME!!!"
"Whatsername? Now where did this name come from"
"Hehe, daddy, mommy told me that when I was born, you kept forgetting my name, so you would just call me Whatsername, don't you remember?"
"The only reason I kept forgetting your name my princess, was because your mom kept changing your name. Now go to bed," He tucked me in and headed for the door.
"Daddy! Wait you forgot to kiss me goodnight."
"I love you my lil' Lay, happy early birthday," he gave me a long kiss as he made his way out of my life...
This is where my happy dream because a nightmare.
The next day, I was awaken by my mom's screams. I jumped out of my bed and ran to my parents room. There, in the bed was my daddy looking white as snow. Time seemed to go by slow, and then suddenly it stopped, as I realize my daddy was dead.
After his death, I would lie awake for hours, not being able to sleep, and when I did I always had nightmares. My daddy wasn't there to kiss me goodnight. I wish he was here so he drain the pressure from the swelling, that's been growing inside of me. I just wish he could kiss me good night and to tell me everything would be all right. I wish I could have heard the song my daddy made for me. And what I wish for the most is to be awaken by my daddy, and for him to tell me I've been dreaming for 12 fucken years!!!!
Billie closed the journal, as tears escaped his green eyes. This entry brought back so many memories he spent with his dad. He never knew Layla had been so close to her dad. But he should have known, after all Layla started calling Mr. Armstrong, dad after he sang for her, in her birthday. Wasting no time he grabbed a sheet of paper and started writing.
Take away the sensation inside,
Bittersweet migraine in my head,
It's like a throbbing toothache,
Of the mind,
I can't take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight,
And everything will be alright,
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
Give me novacaine
Out of body and out of mind,
Kiss the demons out of my dreams,
I get the funny feeling and that's alright,
Jimmy says it's better than here
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight,
And everything will be alright,
Tell me Jimmy, I won't feel a thing
Give me novacaine
As he finished his new song, he popped open a beer and started drinking the day away.
