Letters To The One I Love, chapter 4
Two months had gone by. There was no fighting or shouting within these two months, the letters reminded Billie and Adrienne of what they had, what they felt for each other and now they thought more of what they said, were careful so that they wouldn't hurt each other. Everything was quite harmonic. Green Day had left for their tour and their families lived their ordinary lives without any incidents. A few more terror attacks in the USA scared the population but there wasn't panic or something. They children most of the time didn't even know something happened and the parents watched the news and shook their heads at their president for not being able to do anything about it. Adrienne had taken the box with the letters and put it on top of the cupboard where Joseph and Jakob couldn't read them and laugh at their parents. Everytime Adrienne went shopping with them they wanted her to buy this and that and always said "Daddy would have bought me that", which was a little annoying but something every mother is used to so Adrienne just ignored their complains.
Billie called every now and then to talk to them; he sometimes forgot the time difference so he called them up in the middle of the night but they always forgave him. They could talk for hours about this and that, important stuff, jokes, the kids' school, Billie's shows, everything. After a few of those phone calls Billie Joe smilingly decided to write a letter home. He was sure Adrienne would be happy about it, she would smile, too. A simple letter to make his wife smile. But with every sentence Billie got more serious and he hoped Adie wouldn't show this letter to his sns, otherwise they would laugh at him for the rest of his life.
Dear Adie,
I'm in Japan somewhere right now, in a town which name I can't spell.
It's a little strange, the language is funny and I don't understand a word.
Today we met some people who understood about as much English as I understand Japanese and there was a little misunderstanding, they thought
I wanted to bite their hands off. At least that's what the interpreter told me.
Whatever. You know, I still think letters are such a wonderful thing. It's easier to write down your feelings than to speak them out loud. And I want to write down big feelings. As I did at least thousand times but it still never gets old.
It's still exactly how I feel. Adie, I love you. I'm sorry for everything I did in the past. You and Joey and Jake mean the world to me. I'll never mess up again. Promise. Yes, I know I said that so many times before. But I mean it.
Every single time I mean it. Pretty much all I do is making mistakes. But no matter what I did, I never did it to hurt you. So many times I stood there praying that you won't leave me. And you didn't. You always forgave me and took me back and I never thanked you for that. I was so used to you being around.
I never realized how much it actually meant to me. But now I did. And it means a
fucking lot to me. Really. I don't think I would survive a single day knowing that I'll never see you again. You are so beautiful, in many ways. And all these letters I wrote, they're not just any letters. They are letters to the one, the only one, I love. They're nothing less than my own heart transformed into ink and paper. And they will exist forever. The ink may fade, but they will still be there. Forever. Just like our love.
Maybe in 100 years someone will find them and say "This guy really loved his wife."
They will use past tense in that sentence. But he made a mistake with that. My love for you will never be in past. I will love you forever. I mean, really forever. You'll go to heaven when you die, Adie. I will probably go to hell, that's what I deserve for everything I did to you. But I'll still love you. We will be parted by a insuperable bound but together in our love nevertheless. And as I burn in hell you will be the only thing I think about. I will become ash but my heart will fly high into your hands and you will keep it forever. You will hear it beating only for you. You'll be an angel. You already are. You're my angel because I know you love me too. I don't know why, I can't understand why I deserve to be loved by you but I can see it in your eyes, in your smile. You love me, and that's the thing I hold on to when I feel like giving up because this world is just too cruel. When I feel so small because I can't do anything to make life better for everyone. When everything seems hopeless. You love me. It's all I have and it's all I want. My amazing wife and my two wonderful children, more than I ever dreamed of. Please, Adie, whatever happens, never stop loving me. Never leave me.
I will never stop loving you. Never.
Billie Joe
Billie had finished writing the last word and put down his pen, smiling and closing his eyes for a moment.
...
Billie called every now and then to talk to them; he sometimes forgot the time difference so he called them up in the middle of the night but they always forgave him. They could talk for hours about this and that, important stuff, jokes, the kids' school, Billie's shows, everything. After a few of those phone calls Billie Joe smilingly decided to write a letter home. He was sure Adrienne would be happy about it, she would smile, too. A simple letter to make his wife smile. But with every sentence Billie got more serious and he hoped Adie wouldn't show this letter to his sns, otherwise they would laugh at him for the rest of his life.
Dear Adie,
I'm in Japan somewhere right now, in a town which name I can't spell.
It's a little strange, the language is funny and I don't understand a word.
Today we met some people who understood about as much English as I understand Japanese and there was a little misunderstanding, they thought
I wanted to bite their hands off. At least that's what the interpreter told me.
Whatever. You know, I still think letters are such a wonderful thing. It's easier to write down your feelings than to speak them out loud. And I want to write down big feelings. As I did at least thousand times but it still never gets old.
It's still exactly how I feel. Adie, I love you. I'm sorry for everything I did in the past. You and Joey and Jake mean the world to me. I'll never mess up again. Promise. Yes, I know I said that so many times before. But I mean it.
Every single time I mean it. Pretty much all I do is making mistakes. But no matter what I did, I never did it to hurt you. So many times I stood there praying that you won't leave me. And you didn't. You always forgave me and took me back and I never thanked you for that. I was so used to you being around.
I never realized how much it actually meant to me. But now I did. And it means a
fucking lot to me. Really. I don't think I would survive a single day knowing that I'll never see you again. You are so beautiful, in many ways. And all these letters I wrote, they're not just any letters. They are letters to the one, the only one, I love. They're nothing less than my own heart transformed into ink and paper. And they will exist forever. The ink may fade, but they will still be there. Forever. Just like our love.
Maybe in 100 years someone will find them and say "This guy really loved his wife."
They will use past tense in that sentence. But he made a mistake with that. My love for you will never be in past. I will love you forever. I mean, really forever. You'll go to heaven when you die, Adie. I will probably go to hell, that's what I deserve for everything I did to you. But I'll still love you. We will be parted by a insuperable bound but together in our love nevertheless. And as I burn in hell you will be the only thing I think about. I will become ash but my heart will fly high into your hands and you will keep it forever. You will hear it beating only for you. You'll be an angel. You already are. You're my angel because I know you love me too. I don't know why, I can't understand why I deserve to be loved by you but I can see it in your eyes, in your smile. You love me, and that's the thing I hold on to when I feel like giving up because this world is just too cruel. When I feel so small because I can't do anything to make life better for everyone. When everything seems hopeless. You love me. It's all I have and it's all I want. My amazing wife and my two wonderful children, more than I ever dreamed of. Please, Adie, whatever happens, never stop loving me. Never leave me.
I will never stop loving you. Never.
Billie Joe
Billie had finished writing the last word and put down his pen, smiling and closing his eyes for a moment.
...
