Lying in a hospital bed dying, chapter 1
I lie here day in day out. The nurses say I'm not dying, but I am. I can feel my body shutting down, my mind closing up. The bump on my stomach means nothing to me, my daughter Aurora Leigh has no need for me once I push her into this world. I mean who would want a crack whore mum, snorting coke every hour, I mean, who needs a mum like that? Not her anyway. She can go live with my mom and dad, Billie Joe and Adrienne Armstrong. Raven Adeline Armstrong, by the way. It's my dad's fault I'm in here anyway. If he hadn't kicked me out on the street the day he found out I was using cocaine and was pregnant, I wouldn't be lying here mutilated my face torn to shreds.
I was attacked by a local pimp. I sold him a bad batch of heroin and he came after me, and made sure I would never look the same again. I hear my dad's voice down the shouting, "Where the fuck is she, she's my fucking daughter and I want to see her NOW!"
The nurses tried to calm him down to explain that daughter or no daughter, Ididn't want to see him. But this time the nurses let him in. He ran through with tears running down his face.
"Oh Raven, You're okay! I'm so sorry I kicked you out. I should have gotten you help, not discarded you honey!" To my suprise he hugged me tight and sobbed. Big baby sobs.
I pushed him away." It's too late for sorrys. The damage is done. You threw me out when I needed you most and I hate you for it. Iwill never forgive you." I said with venom in my voice. His eyes filled with hurt.
"But, but... Please Raven don't do this to me", he begged.
"No", I said," This is for eveytime you got sick of me and shoved me in achildrens home or brought in the kid shrink, like I was either something to be thrown away at the least displeasure, or a test subject being analyzed. Now go away and leave me to die in peace. No fucking wonder I became a crack whore, I'm so messed up, Michael Jackson doesn't get a look in so fuck off."
Then I felt water trickle down my legs and a sudden urge to push.
I was in labour.
I was attacked by a local pimp. I sold him a bad batch of heroin and he came after me, and made sure I would never look the same again. I hear my dad's voice down the shouting, "Where the fuck is she, she's my fucking daughter and I want to see her NOW!"
The nurses tried to calm him down to explain that daughter or no daughter, Ididn't want to see him. But this time the nurses let him in. He ran through with tears running down his face.
"Oh Raven, You're okay! I'm so sorry I kicked you out. I should have gotten you help, not discarded you honey!" To my suprise he hugged me tight and sobbed. Big baby sobs.
I pushed him away." It's too late for sorrys. The damage is done. You threw me out when I needed you most and I hate you for it. Iwill never forgive you." I said with venom in my voice. His eyes filled with hurt.
"But, but... Please Raven don't do this to me", he begged.
"No", I said," This is for eveytime you got sick of me and shoved me in achildrens home or brought in the kid shrink, like I was either something to be thrown away at the least displeasure, or a test subject being analyzed. Now go away and leave me to die in peace. No fucking wonder I became a crack whore, I'm so messed up, Michael Jackson doesn't get a look in so fuck off."
Then I felt water trickle down my legs and a sudden urge to push.
I was in labour.
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