Lying in a hospital bed dying, chapter 5
Billie Joes POV
I sat in front of the TV and glugged down another mouthful of Southern Comfort. How could I have been so stupid? I fucked it up with Raven and now she hates me, and I'm doing exactly the same with Joey and Jake. But the difference is, I can change for the two boys. The damage is already done with Raven, because of me she's lying in a hospital on her deathbed, her face ripped to shreds, and a baby in her arms. I should have been there to protect her when she most needed it and instead I disowned her and left her to cope on her own. She has lost her childhood, her innocence, because of me. Lot's of things are because of me, none are good.
I suddenly realised that I was crying, and I this I broke into sobs. That's right, big baby sobs. Down went another mouthful. And another. And then another. I went through to Raven's room. It was covered with posters of her favourite band, Analysis apart from one picture. I looked closely at it and found it was a picture she had drawn when she was little. It was a picture of a little girl holding an older man's hand. At the top it said "Me and Daddy" and she had put little love hearts round the word daddy. I burst into tears again. It made me think of an essay she'd written in the fifth grade. It had to be about someone you admired and she'd done it about me. She got a star for best in class and it was laminated and put up on the the living room wall. Not any more. The night I kicked her out I threw it into a drawer and forgot about it. I went and got it. The end read "I picked to do my dad 'cause I think he's really cool and he's the best daddy in the world."
I began writing:
Love is just a code word for slow and painful death,
I can feel it chilling in my bones with every breath.
I'll take your memory to my grave, because it's you that I crave.
I cannot hold you in my arms so I will hold you in my kind.
Forever.
Nothing dulls the pain like a bullet to the brain,
But I'll carve your name on the bullet,
so that everyone will know you were the last thing going through my mind
You started it now finish it.
This will all end in tears.
Suddenly the phone began to ring. I picked it up. "Hello?" I slurred.
"Billie Joe Armstrong, are you drunk?" came the voice of my wife, Adrienne.
"Jest a leetle."
"Billie! How can you drink at a time like this? Anyway, it's Raven."
"Wit about Raven?" I asked concerned. I heard Adrienne break into tears. "Adrienne! What is it?!"
"Billie, Raven died five minutes ago."
I sat in front of the TV and glugged down another mouthful of Southern Comfort. How could I have been so stupid? I fucked it up with Raven and now she hates me, and I'm doing exactly the same with Joey and Jake. But the difference is, I can change for the two boys. The damage is already done with Raven, because of me she's lying in a hospital on her deathbed, her face ripped to shreds, and a baby in her arms. I should have been there to protect her when she most needed it and instead I disowned her and left her to cope on her own. She has lost her childhood, her innocence, because of me. Lot's of things are because of me, none are good.
I suddenly realised that I was crying, and I this I broke into sobs. That's right, big baby sobs. Down went another mouthful. And another. And then another. I went through to Raven's room. It was covered with posters of her favourite band, Analysis apart from one picture. I looked closely at it and found it was a picture she had drawn when she was little. It was a picture of a little girl holding an older man's hand. At the top it said "Me and Daddy" and she had put little love hearts round the word daddy. I burst into tears again. It made me think of an essay she'd written in the fifth grade. It had to be about someone you admired and she'd done it about me. She got a star for best in class and it was laminated and put up on the the living room wall. Not any more. The night I kicked her out I threw it into a drawer and forgot about it. I went and got it. The end read "I picked to do my dad 'cause I think he's really cool and he's the best daddy in the world."
I began writing:
Love is just a code word for slow and painful death,
I can feel it chilling in my bones with every breath.
I'll take your memory to my grave, because it's you that I crave.
I cannot hold you in my arms so I will hold you in my kind.
Forever.
Nothing dulls the pain like a bullet to the brain,
But I'll carve your name on the bullet,
so that everyone will know you were the last thing going through my mind
You started it now finish it.
This will all end in tears.
Suddenly the phone began to ring. I picked it up. "Hello?" I slurred.
"Billie Joe Armstrong, are you drunk?" came the voice of my wife, Adrienne.
"Jest a leetle."
"Billie! How can you drink at a time like this? Anyway, it's Raven."
"Wit about Raven?" I asked concerned. I heard Adrienne break into tears. "Adrienne! What is it?!"
"Billie, Raven died five minutes ago."
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