So Go Ahead and Kill Yourself! It All Amuses Me, chapter 10
Two days later you could find all of us sitting in the lounge of my mother's apartment overlooking the river, James Mcfarlen was there also. We were discussing the living conditions of the band.
James had said that plans had been changed and that we were going to be sharing two separate apartments close to the studio that we were going to record in. We were going to meet our producer and manager when we were over there.
Mike and Tre had gone out sightseeing to let us discuss things in private. "So that's okay? Tanisha and Natasha are going to share and Andy and Tom will be sharing as well, is everyone good with that?"
A murmur of agreement sounded out. I wasn't paying much attention to what was going on. I was just sitting back in the plush crimson comfort of my favourite armchair, pretending to pay attention to what James had to say.
It must have been obvious to everyone because my eyes glazed over in my complete day dream mode. I was feeling disturbed and slightly depressed. I excused myself from the group without a word.
I felt their eyes burning into the back of my skull as I rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door in my hurry to get away from the constant talk. My feet began pacing up and down on the worn out rug of the bathroom floor seemingly of they're own accord.
I ground to a halt and stood in front of the sink clinging on the porcelain sides of the bowl desperately. I turned the cold water tap on and washed my face in the hope that it would wake me up and increase my alertness.
A shiver went travelled down my spine as the freezing cold liquid touched my face. I dried my hands hurriedly and reached for the handle of the bathroom cabinet situated over the sink, flinging the door open in a full blown search for the Prozac that mum keeps everywhere for me.
I started breathing heavily and erratically, my lungs desperately trying to fill with air as I began to panic, not finding what I was digging through the cabinet for. My hands clasped the prescription box.
Filling up a glass of water, I extracted 3 of the green and white pills from the box and swallowed them down like a dehydrated man desperate for liquid to quench his thirst. They went down smoothly and without the trouble I usually had swallowing them.
I perched myself on the edge of the bathtub, staring at a red spot on the usually immaculate pale walls and used that to concentrate on in an attempt to bring my breathing rate down to it's normal no panic level.
As soon as my vital signs returned to normal working order, I flushed the toilet trying to cover up what I had been doing and returned to the living room where everyone was still talking gleefully. Tanisha nodded in greeting as I sat back down in my chair and continued staring, the effects of the Prozac not kicking in as of yet.
The reason for my feeling depressed and upset was because on the way over here I had ran into one of my ex-boyfriends and it brought back feelings of anguish remembering how he hurt me by going behind my back and sleeping with Emma Watkins - my absolute worst enemy. His name was Chad Middleton if you're interested in knowing that.
We were travelling to the apartment in two separate cars. We had stopped for a to-go cup of coffee at Maria's coffeehouse. Mike and I had offered to go in and order everything. We were giggling, cracking jokes and having fun. Mike had gone to the counter to order the oh so complex coffee's we enjoyed drinking while I hung back near the seats to wait for him.
I cracked a smile as I watched him talk to the girl behind the counter who appeared to be a big fan. I was so involved in watching him smile and take a sincere interest in his fans, that I didn't notice Chad until he slapped me on my ass, hard.
I jumped around cupping my pained posterior. Feeling my repressed anger towards him bubble to the surface as my brain registered who I was looking at I slapped him with all my energy. He only grinned manically and grabbed hold of my arm in an iron tight grip, attempting to bring my body closer to his. "It's great to see you Natasha! Why don't you give me some sugar?"
"How about no!" I cried and began to try and force him to let go of me, but he held on tight despite my attempts. "Come on sugar. You know every time you fought me, you lost. Why should now be any different?" I had nearly lost any hope that someone would stop Chad abusing me, until...
"Because now she has me, you fucking dick!" came a shout from in front go us. I grinned happily as Mike's fist collided with Chad's face and his grip on my arm had loosened so I was able to yank my limb away from him and scuttle over behind Mike.
"You Bitch!" Chad cried out as he turned back to us cupping his bleeding nose. "You cheat on me with this guy and let him hit me" he continued pointing at Mike angrily. "Cheat on you? Our relationship ended 4 months ago because you slept with 'Wanker Watkins' and you weren't able to control your fists!"
"I can control my fists just fine, it's not my fault you couldn't follow orders. And shut your mouth!" he ranted taking a step towards me. Mike strode in front of my body protectively, blocking his path. "Or you'll do what?" my lover near growled with an animal like undertone in his voice that I've never seen him use before.
Chad turned his eyes towards me evilly, completely ignoring what Mike had said. "Or Tasha, you won't be able to see through one of your eyes for a week" With that said Mike flung himself at Chad taking him to the ground at an immense force. I watched with a hint of grim satisfaction as Mike's fists connected with Chad's face again and again so fast that Chad couldn't even get a punch in.
"No one threatens my girl like that," Mike whispered into Chad's ear as he withdrew himself from the battered Chad. I have never been more grateful and more in love with Mike than I was in that moment.
He turned to me and pulled me into his gentle embrace; he hooked his ruff but soft fingers under my chin gently and raised my head from his chest towards his face lightly "Hey, you okay?" he whispered worried for my well being. I nodded and snuggled back into him.
Coming back down to earth from our little moment we turned to see the manager Maria walking towards us over the trail of blood Chad had made as he crawled pathetically out of the coffeehouse.
She looked extremely solemn as she carried our order. "I'm sorry to say this after you protected your friend, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Here's your order...have a nice day," She had said sincerely giving us a wry grin.
We had giggled all the way out of there and to the cars. It was left unsaid that we wouldn't tell the guys about what had happened even though I was still slightly shaken.
***
A face appeared in front of mine. Scaring me half to death, and cutting off my reminiscence. "Hello? Is anybody in there? Or do you look permanently confused?" Tom began clicking his fingers before my face.
I swatted at his hand until he retracted it "Yes I am confused." Everyone stayed quiet, surprised that I actually answered "I'm confused because, the Interscope bosses showed us pictures of the house where we would be living in LA and now you're telling us we'll be staying in apartments."
James laughed and sat down on the delicate coffee table amused at my thinking. I cringed as I heard the thin wood begin to creak under his weight "Yes, I was wondering if you'd ask. Your friend Mike pulled some strings, so you'll be living and recording in Oakland."
He raised himself from the coffee table, the creaking stopped and I let out a breath of relief but that relief was short lived when what James had said sunk in through my foggy mind.
My mouth dropped open at this completely surprise announcement. My heart felt like it was floating with the knowledge that I'd be so much closer to my other family, friends and Mike himself. I spun around in my chair to face my three best friends. They all had their mouths hanging open just as I did.
"Wow. Are you being serious James? Please tell me you're not playing with my emotions," I asked him desperately. He only grinned in reply "I'm being serious." A look of relief crossed my face; I turned to the guys once again asking their approval "Are you guys okay with this? Moving to Oakland?"
"Tasha. We're your best friends and your band. Wherever you go...we go." My eyes began to fill with tears at one of the rare moments where I was completely whole and happy. I opened my arms wide inviting them in for a hug. "Come here you lot. I love you guys" We embraced in a warm group hug. Allowing myself to lower my barriers for the moment, I closed my eyes and just stood there in the embrace of my best friends.
"Errrr...is this a bad time?" came a voice by the door. We looked up at Mike and Tre standing in the doorway hesitantly. With no encouragement needed, I ran to them full pelt and flung myself into Mike's arms wrapping all my limbs around him, kissing his cheeks repeatedly in thanks.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" He placed my feet back on the ground and I pulled Tre into a bear hug who was able to give a confused look in his bear hugged state, obviously Mike hadn't told him what he had done. "I take it McFarlen told you"
I nodded ecstatically, then Tre broke in asking "What?"
I ignored Tre and answered Mike's question "Yes he told us..that was amazing! No one's ever done something like that for me before" he just grinned as I hugged him again and longer this time.
"What?" Tre asked again more demanding this time.
"It was nothing really. I thought you'd be thankful, but not that thankful" he added indicating his pink lip gloss marks on his cheek. I laughed but stopped when Tre began stamping his feet and shouting "Someone best tell me what's going on, or I swear to god I'll...What's so funny?"
The guys were standing back amused at Tre's little display of childlikeness. Amused would be an understatement they were laughing their Asses off, rolling around on the ground. Tanisha tried to hide her giggle behind her hand but failed. I placed my hand on his arm "its okay Tre. Mike just pulled some strings and now we're moving to Oakland!" I cried.
Tre's eyes widened in shock and disbelief, he picked me up by my thighs and hiked me onto his shoulders, and he jumped up and down as I clung onto his arms in fright. "Oh my God! That's great. I'll be closer to my bugaboo!" A look of dawning crossed his face as he spun round to face Mike the look of dawning turning to pissed off in an instant.
In his anger he forgot that I was perched delicately on his shoulders and as he swung round I went flying off and landed on the ground, unluckily my ass broke my fall. Andy and Tom who had just calmed down launched back into a fit of giggles again. Tre either didn't notice or chose to ignore what happened and I found that I didn't care.
"You did this and you never told me!" Mike had the decency to look ashamed as Tre grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in to a rather rough noogie. In another instant Tre look of pissed became one of joking and mocking "Don't look so scared Mike my pal, I'm not gonna hurt you...much," he leered.
"Scared? I don't think so Mr Cool," he replied rubbing his arm mocking where Tre held him "Oh! Oh God, It hurts so much! I think I need to go to the hospital" he said his voice just dripping with sarcasm.
Tre just shook his head and flopped onto the couch and looked up at us expectantly "So... what did we miss?" his head turning to each of us in questioning. Tom jumped right into telling Tre what we had been discussing. He didn't waste a chance to talk to Tre Cool. I think it's a drummer thing. Actually I'm pretty sure it's a drummer thing.
After ten minutes of listening to Tom show off to Tre, Tanisha had to drag her boyfriend away from Tre with promises of ice cream with pineapples on top. Tre likes that too... It's defiantly a drummer thing.
"So let me get this straight. You guys are moving to Oakland in just under a month?" he clarified. Tom tore away from his bowl of ice cream to let out a "Uh huh! So you were listening"
From my standing position I could see James picking up his coat and begin to make his way to the door. "You going now James?" he only nodded in response so I let him exit the building. I sat back down in my chair and laughed as Tre started singing SpongeBob Square pants.
When Tre's song finished, everyone was so quiet and you know what they say silence is defining
"I'm bored!" Andy cried out from the edge of the room as Mike sat down on the floor at my feet. Andy's eyes fixated on Mike and he grinned as an Idea came to him.
"Mike tell us a story" he begged, at this point Andy was about ready to rip his eyes out to give us at least a little bit of entertainment. Mike was just about to politely decline when I gave him my infamous puppy dog eyes, but gave in.
Tom dropped his spoon halfway to his mouth and stopped eating his ice cream at the prospect of hearing a story. He trudged happily over and next to... you guessed it Tre whose eyes were wide and expectant staring up at Mike. They clasped each others hands and started swaying from side to side smiling and humming.
Mike cleared his throat and everybody became silent, even Tre and Tom. They had gathered around to listen to what Mike had to say
"This is a story about a bassist and it goes like this... " he was whispering in a mystic type voice and I had the distinct image us being on TV and the screen fading into the story Mike had began to tell.
"An amazing and talented bassist is walking down the road, when he spots a lamp lying on the floor. Picking it up (as you do), he realised it was as dusty as hell, he rubbed it clean, and, suprise surprise, a genie appeared in front of him all awe inspiring and magical.
"Okay, you know the score", the genie told him, "You get three wishes. But be warned, whatever you wish for, every guitarist on the planet will get double."
Unperturbed by this, the bassist decided to ask for a new instrument. In a puff of smoke, a top-quality new bass appeared in his hand, but his joy was short lived when he saw someone walking down the road with a new guitar in each hand.
For his second wish, the somewhat sex-starved bassist wished for a gorgeous girl on his arm. His wish was granted when a green eyed, raven haired young woman appeared before him, but imagine his horror when he saw someone in a Stevie Vai t-shirt with two supermodels flanking him.
By now, our fantastic hero was becoming rather annoyed. The genie reminded him that he had one more wish.
He stopped to think for a minute, and then answered, "You know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney." And here endth our story my little kiddies" he finished. Andy burst out laughing hysterically, Tre and Tom both chuckled lightly but stopped when Tanisha and I glared at them completely unamused. "That's not nice for guitarists"
By now Andy who had clamed down considerably was patting Mike and the back and congratulating him on a so called excellent story by his standards. "Eventhough that was more like a joke I loved it, in fact I have one of my own, you wanna hear it?" he asked Mike.
Tanisha shouted at him for all the guitarist's in the world "NO!" but Andy told us his joke anyway "A guitar player and a drummer are walking down the street. They walk past this bar... well, it could happen" Tre began laughing but his laughter grounded to a halt when he realised that Andy had insulted drummers as well.
"Hey! We are not!...wait a minute. Try this on for size," he shouts and launches straight into his story/joke. "There was once a poor ragged bass guitarist panhandling for spare change on a street corner. One day someone came by and threw a brass lamp into his guitar case.
Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared and offered the bass player three wishes. "I wish I was a better musician", said the bass man. Next thing he knew he was in a band that was cutting its first CD and had a loyal following.
He was pretty happy, but he wanted more. "I wish I was an even better musician." said the bassist. Before long he was playing on an extended world tour in front of tens of thousands of adoring fans. He was ecstatic, but he wanted even more.
"Genie", he said, "make me an even BETTER musician!" Poof! He found himself standing on his old street corner . . . playing drums! Take that you bassists" he cried, jumping to his feet, hands on hips and grinning from ear to ear.
Then It started a full scale war erupted between the bass guitarists of the groups and the drummers of the groups. This consisted of mindless jokes and ended on Tre Cool sitting on top of Mike's back and bending his legs up behind him awkwardly shouting "Say Uncle! You bassist"
Tanisha and I just stayed out of it laughing now and again as one of the guys did something stupid. I turned to her and asked the question that had been on my mind for the past 10 minutes "You ever noticed how it's always the bassists and the drummers that start a fight and tell stupid jokes? Never the guitarists."
She just laughed and continued to watch Tre and Tom face off against Mike and Andy, as I sat back and sunk down into my thoughts wondering when I should let Adie know about our plans to move.
James had said that plans had been changed and that we were going to be sharing two separate apartments close to the studio that we were going to record in. We were going to meet our producer and manager when we were over there.
Mike and Tre had gone out sightseeing to let us discuss things in private. "So that's okay? Tanisha and Natasha are going to share and Andy and Tom will be sharing as well, is everyone good with that?"
A murmur of agreement sounded out. I wasn't paying much attention to what was going on. I was just sitting back in the plush crimson comfort of my favourite armchair, pretending to pay attention to what James had to say.
It must have been obvious to everyone because my eyes glazed over in my complete day dream mode. I was feeling disturbed and slightly depressed. I excused myself from the group without a word.
I felt their eyes burning into the back of my skull as I rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door in my hurry to get away from the constant talk. My feet began pacing up and down on the worn out rug of the bathroom floor seemingly of they're own accord.
I ground to a halt and stood in front of the sink clinging on the porcelain sides of the bowl desperately. I turned the cold water tap on and washed my face in the hope that it would wake me up and increase my alertness.
A shiver went travelled down my spine as the freezing cold liquid touched my face. I dried my hands hurriedly and reached for the handle of the bathroom cabinet situated over the sink, flinging the door open in a full blown search for the Prozac that mum keeps everywhere for me.
I started breathing heavily and erratically, my lungs desperately trying to fill with air as I began to panic, not finding what I was digging through the cabinet for. My hands clasped the prescription box.
Filling up a glass of water, I extracted 3 of the green and white pills from the box and swallowed them down like a dehydrated man desperate for liquid to quench his thirst. They went down smoothly and without the trouble I usually had swallowing them.
I perched myself on the edge of the bathtub, staring at a red spot on the usually immaculate pale walls and used that to concentrate on in an attempt to bring my breathing rate down to it's normal no panic level.
As soon as my vital signs returned to normal working order, I flushed the toilet trying to cover up what I had been doing and returned to the living room where everyone was still talking gleefully. Tanisha nodded in greeting as I sat back down in my chair and continued staring, the effects of the Prozac not kicking in as of yet.
The reason for my feeling depressed and upset was because on the way over here I had ran into one of my ex-boyfriends and it brought back feelings of anguish remembering how he hurt me by going behind my back and sleeping with Emma Watkins - my absolute worst enemy. His name was Chad Middleton if you're interested in knowing that.
We were travelling to the apartment in two separate cars. We had stopped for a to-go cup of coffee at Maria's coffeehouse. Mike and I had offered to go in and order everything. We were giggling, cracking jokes and having fun. Mike had gone to the counter to order the oh so complex coffee's we enjoyed drinking while I hung back near the seats to wait for him.
I cracked a smile as I watched him talk to the girl behind the counter who appeared to be a big fan. I was so involved in watching him smile and take a sincere interest in his fans, that I didn't notice Chad until he slapped me on my ass, hard.
I jumped around cupping my pained posterior. Feeling my repressed anger towards him bubble to the surface as my brain registered who I was looking at I slapped him with all my energy. He only grinned manically and grabbed hold of my arm in an iron tight grip, attempting to bring my body closer to his. "It's great to see you Natasha! Why don't you give me some sugar?"
"How about no!" I cried and began to try and force him to let go of me, but he held on tight despite my attempts. "Come on sugar. You know every time you fought me, you lost. Why should now be any different?" I had nearly lost any hope that someone would stop Chad abusing me, until...
"Because now she has me, you fucking dick!" came a shout from in front go us. I grinned happily as Mike's fist collided with Chad's face and his grip on my arm had loosened so I was able to yank my limb away from him and scuttle over behind Mike.
"You Bitch!" Chad cried out as he turned back to us cupping his bleeding nose. "You cheat on me with this guy and let him hit me" he continued pointing at Mike angrily. "Cheat on you? Our relationship ended 4 months ago because you slept with 'Wanker Watkins' and you weren't able to control your fists!"
"I can control my fists just fine, it's not my fault you couldn't follow orders. And shut your mouth!" he ranted taking a step towards me. Mike strode in front of my body protectively, blocking his path. "Or you'll do what?" my lover near growled with an animal like undertone in his voice that I've never seen him use before.
Chad turned his eyes towards me evilly, completely ignoring what Mike had said. "Or Tasha, you won't be able to see through one of your eyes for a week" With that said Mike flung himself at Chad taking him to the ground at an immense force. I watched with a hint of grim satisfaction as Mike's fists connected with Chad's face again and again so fast that Chad couldn't even get a punch in.
"No one threatens my girl like that," Mike whispered into Chad's ear as he withdrew himself from the battered Chad. I have never been more grateful and more in love with Mike than I was in that moment.
He turned to me and pulled me into his gentle embrace; he hooked his ruff but soft fingers under my chin gently and raised my head from his chest towards his face lightly "Hey, you okay?" he whispered worried for my well being. I nodded and snuggled back into him.
Coming back down to earth from our little moment we turned to see the manager Maria walking towards us over the trail of blood Chad had made as he crawled pathetically out of the coffeehouse.
She looked extremely solemn as she carried our order. "I'm sorry to say this after you protected your friend, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Here's your order...have a nice day," She had said sincerely giving us a wry grin.
We had giggled all the way out of there and to the cars. It was left unsaid that we wouldn't tell the guys about what had happened even though I was still slightly shaken.
***
A face appeared in front of mine. Scaring me half to death, and cutting off my reminiscence. "Hello? Is anybody in there? Or do you look permanently confused?" Tom began clicking his fingers before my face.
I swatted at his hand until he retracted it "Yes I am confused." Everyone stayed quiet, surprised that I actually answered "I'm confused because, the Interscope bosses showed us pictures of the house where we would be living in LA and now you're telling us we'll be staying in apartments."
James laughed and sat down on the delicate coffee table amused at my thinking. I cringed as I heard the thin wood begin to creak under his weight "Yes, I was wondering if you'd ask. Your friend Mike pulled some strings, so you'll be living and recording in Oakland."
He raised himself from the coffee table, the creaking stopped and I let out a breath of relief but that relief was short lived when what James had said sunk in through my foggy mind.
My mouth dropped open at this completely surprise announcement. My heart felt like it was floating with the knowledge that I'd be so much closer to my other family, friends and Mike himself. I spun around in my chair to face my three best friends. They all had their mouths hanging open just as I did.
"Wow. Are you being serious James? Please tell me you're not playing with my emotions," I asked him desperately. He only grinned in reply "I'm being serious." A look of relief crossed my face; I turned to the guys once again asking their approval "Are you guys okay with this? Moving to Oakland?"
"Tasha. We're your best friends and your band. Wherever you go...we go." My eyes began to fill with tears at one of the rare moments where I was completely whole and happy. I opened my arms wide inviting them in for a hug. "Come here you lot. I love you guys" We embraced in a warm group hug. Allowing myself to lower my barriers for the moment, I closed my eyes and just stood there in the embrace of my best friends.
"Errrr...is this a bad time?" came a voice by the door. We looked up at Mike and Tre standing in the doorway hesitantly. With no encouragement needed, I ran to them full pelt and flung myself into Mike's arms wrapping all my limbs around him, kissing his cheeks repeatedly in thanks.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" He placed my feet back on the ground and I pulled Tre into a bear hug who was able to give a confused look in his bear hugged state, obviously Mike hadn't told him what he had done. "I take it McFarlen told you"
I nodded ecstatically, then Tre broke in asking "What?"
I ignored Tre and answered Mike's question "Yes he told us..that was amazing! No one's ever done something like that for me before" he just grinned as I hugged him again and longer this time.
"What?" Tre asked again more demanding this time.
"It was nothing really. I thought you'd be thankful, but not that thankful" he added indicating his pink lip gloss marks on his cheek. I laughed but stopped when Tre began stamping his feet and shouting "Someone best tell me what's going on, or I swear to god I'll...What's so funny?"
The guys were standing back amused at Tre's little display of childlikeness. Amused would be an understatement they were laughing their Asses off, rolling around on the ground. Tanisha tried to hide her giggle behind her hand but failed. I placed my hand on his arm "its okay Tre. Mike just pulled some strings and now we're moving to Oakland!" I cried.
Tre's eyes widened in shock and disbelief, he picked me up by my thighs and hiked me onto his shoulders, and he jumped up and down as I clung onto his arms in fright. "Oh my God! That's great. I'll be closer to my bugaboo!" A look of dawning crossed his face as he spun round to face Mike the look of dawning turning to pissed off in an instant.
In his anger he forgot that I was perched delicately on his shoulders and as he swung round I went flying off and landed on the ground, unluckily my ass broke my fall. Andy and Tom who had just calmed down launched back into a fit of giggles again. Tre either didn't notice or chose to ignore what happened and I found that I didn't care.
"You did this and you never told me!" Mike had the decency to look ashamed as Tre grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in to a rather rough noogie. In another instant Tre look of pissed became one of joking and mocking "Don't look so scared Mike my pal, I'm not gonna hurt you...much," he leered.
"Scared? I don't think so Mr Cool," he replied rubbing his arm mocking where Tre held him "Oh! Oh God, It hurts so much! I think I need to go to the hospital" he said his voice just dripping with sarcasm.
Tre just shook his head and flopped onto the couch and looked up at us expectantly "So... what did we miss?" his head turning to each of us in questioning. Tom jumped right into telling Tre what we had been discussing. He didn't waste a chance to talk to Tre Cool. I think it's a drummer thing. Actually I'm pretty sure it's a drummer thing.
After ten minutes of listening to Tom show off to Tre, Tanisha had to drag her boyfriend away from Tre with promises of ice cream with pineapples on top. Tre likes that too... It's defiantly a drummer thing.
"So let me get this straight. You guys are moving to Oakland in just under a month?" he clarified. Tom tore away from his bowl of ice cream to let out a "Uh huh! So you were listening"
From my standing position I could see James picking up his coat and begin to make his way to the door. "You going now James?" he only nodded in response so I let him exit the building. I sat back down in my chair and laughed as Tre started singing SpongeBob Square pants.
When Tre's song finished, everyone was so quiet and you know what they say silence is defining
"I'm bored!" Andy cried out from the edge of the room as Mike sat down on the floor at my feet. Andy's eyes fixated on Mike and he grinned as an Idea came to him.
"Mike tell us a story" he begged, at this point Andy was about ready to rip his eyes out to give us at least a little bit of entertainment. Mike was just about to politely decline when I gave him my infamous puppy dog eyes, but gave in.
Tom dropped his spoon halfway to his mouth and stopped eating his ice cream at the prospect of hearing a story. He trudged happily over and next to... you guessed it Tre whose eyes were wide and expectant staring up at Mike. They clasped each others hands and started swaying from side to side smiling and humming.
Mike cleared his throat and everybody became silent, even Tre and Tom. They had gathered around to listen to what Mike had to say
"This is a story about a bassist and it goes like this... " he was whispering in a mystic type voice and I had the distinct image us being on TV and the screen fading into the story Mike had began to tell.
"An amazing and talented bassist is walking down the road, when he spots a lamp lying on the floor. Picking it up (as you do), he realised it was as dusty as hell, he rubbed it clean, and, suprise surprise, a genie appeared in front of him all awe inspiring and magical.
"Okay, you know the score", the genie told him, "You get three wishes. But be warned, whatever you wish for, every guitarist on the planet will get double."
Unperturbed by this, the bassist decided to ask for a new instrument. In a puff of smoke, a top-quality new bass appeared in his hand, but his joy was short lived when he saw someone walking down the road with a new guitar in each hand.
For his second wish, the somewhat sex-starved bassist wished for a gorgeous girl on his arm. His wish was granted when a green eyed, raven haired young woman appeared before him, but imagine his horror when he saw someone in a Stevie Vai t-shirt with two supermodels flanking him.
By now, our fantastic hero was becoming rather annoyed. The genie reminded him that he had one more wish.
He stopped to think for a minute, and then answered, "You know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney." And here endth our story my little kiddies" he finished. Andy burst out laughing hysterically, Tre and Tom both chuckled lightly but stopped when Tanisha and I glared at them completely unamused. "That's not nice for guitarists"
By now Andy who had clamed down considerably was patting Mike and the back and congratulating him on a so called excellent story by his standards. "Eventhough that was more like a joke I loved it, in fact I have one of my own, you wanna hear it?" he asked Mike.
Tanisha shouted at him for all the guitarist's in the world "NO!" but Andy told us his joke anyway "A guitar player and a drummer are walking down the street. They walk past this bar... well, it could happen" Tre began laughing but his laughter grounded to a halt when he realised that Andy had insulted drummers as well.
"Hey! We are not!...wait a minute. Try this on for size," he shouts and launches straight into his story/joke. "There was once a poor ragged bass guitarist panhandling for spare change on a street corner. One day someone came by and threw a brass lamp into his guitar case.
Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared and offered the bass player three wishes. "I wish I was a better musician", said the bass man. Next thing he knew he was in a band that was cutting its first CD and had a loyal following.
He was pretty happy, but he wanted more. "I wish I was an even better musician." said the bassist. Before long he was playing on an extended world tour in front of tens of thousands of adoring fans. He was ecstatic, but he wanted even more.
"Genie", he said, "make me an even BETTER musician!" Poof! He found himself standing on his old street corner . . . playing drums! Take that you bassists" he cried, jumping to his feet, hands on hips and grinning from ear to ear.
Then It started a full scale war erupted between the bass guitarists of the groups and the drummers of the groups. This consisted of mindless jokes and ended on Tre Cool sitting on top of Mike's back and bending his legs up behind him awkwardly shouting "Say Uncle! You bassist"
Tanisha and I just stayed out of it laughing now and again as one of the guys did something stupid. I turned to her and asked the question that had been on my mind for the past 10 minutes "You ever noticed how it's always the bassists and the drummers that start a fight and tell stupid jokes? Never the guitarists."
She just laughed and continued to watch Tre and Tom face off against Mike and Andy, as I sat back and sunk down into my thoughts wondering when I should let Adie know about our plans to move.
