So Go Ahead and Kill Yourself! It All Amuses Me, chapter 11
My bed is covered in suitcases; bundles of clothes sit neatly inside each. The rest of the clothing is scattered around the room, accumulating in the corners and covering the hardwood floors. The closet is still full to the brim with all my outfits; the clothes lying around and in the suitcases aren't mine. They're Mike's clothes; he and Tre are leaving tomorrow morning to go back to Oakland.
Everyone's downstairs eating a farewell dinner, but I can't force myself to take the long, hard walk down the stairs to face them having fun with each other...saying auf Wiedersehen. I can't escape the tearful good byes at the airport, but I can escape this.
Staring at the mess made by him leaving hurts like a stabbing in the gut. It reminds me of having to leave my dad the first time and every time after that. Every single agonizing time I had to go home and leave the warmth of my father's arms.
The night is dark and the full moon hangs low in the sky, threatening to fall. The stars are twinkling up there too, making promises of better times and a more beautiful future. The howling of a dog calling out to the moon breaks the silence of the night. The quiet falls again and you can almost hear nature's spirit crying out to whoever will listen.
A gentle breeze wisped across my bare arms, making them go icily cold. The curtains flap as the chilling wind blows through the open window, rattling the dream catcher that hangs there. Wrapping my arms around myself, I approach the window slowly, taking dolly steps.
As I reach the edge of the window, another breath of wind hits me in the face, this time it is fierce, harsh and unforgiving. Goose bumps tarnish my fair skin, betraying my weakness of cold to the world. I hate my body just that little bit for showing a weak spot.
Hanging my head low, I grab onto the window ledge digging my fingers into the soft wood. Hearing shuffling down on the street my head snaps up. I stand there peering through the darkness. My eyes catch the reason for the strange noise. A small boy, Jonathan, his name was. He lives across the street is out innocently walking Pippin, his dog, with his parents.
I let out a small breath of disbelief at how jumpy I was. I began thinking about how to say goodbye to the one who has helped me quell the pain, even if it was just for a while. I'll miss Tre too, I really will.
I love Tre so much, but my love for Mike has changed and evolved so much in the last year of our lives. It's reached a high peak in the two weeks they both had been here. It's going to be so hard and so painful to say goodbye.
Feeling the emotions that I don't want to experience tug at my heartstrings, I wrench myself from the window and throw my own body to the end of the bed. My fingers scrap the ground and slide across a soft fabric. Hooking my fingers into the material, I pick up one of Mike's disregarded shirts and bring it to my face, embracing his essence. It smells distinctly of Mike, I love that smell. It's musky and delicate at the same time, but it captures his masculinity perfectly.
With the bad comes the good, and I can't help but let myself be a bit happy that in 3 days time, my dad will be joining me out here for a week. Brushing this thought away for the meantime, I take Mike's shirt and slip it safely into one of my draws keeping it there for when I will start to miss him.
The room has turned bone chillingly cold, so cold that I can practically see the mist of my own shaky breath. My legs are too heavy; they feel like lead. I can't budge from my spot on the agonizingly hard floor.
The chill of the wind agitates me again, but the window seems eons away from my body. I'm unable to close the window. So I just allow the cold air to continue to lower the temperature of the room.
Using a pile of Mike's clothes as a pillow, I lay my head to rest, in an attempt to ignore the cold. My eyelids grow continuously heavy and under the strain of keeping them open. A long, drawn out yawn, leaves my mouth filling the room with momentary sound. My eye's shut. Sleep claims me.
Dream
The Sun is shining down on my body. I can distinctly feel the itch of a blanket underneath me. Opening my eyes I explore my surroundings. I'm in what looks to be a park. A beautiful, blue flowing river runs north far out of sight. I realize, that it's home to a range of aquatic life as I hear, croak of a frog and the fins of fish as they splash in the water as they glide through. The grass is glowing a gorgeous green colour, it's lush and in plenty. Wild flowers of all imaginable colours litter the ground looking right out of a fairytale.
There were a few pure white clouds, floating in the sky. As hard as they try they do nothing to hide the sun. It was happily shining, tanning all those who were out. Birds of different shapes, sizes and colours were fluttering past chirping their merry tunes.
The blanket I'm laying on is covering a sizeable portion of the ground. It's white, covered in rainbow polka dots. On the opposite side of the blanket, placed in the shade, there sat a picnic basket. It was full to the brim with sweet smelling foods and sticky drinks. It had all the elements of a family picnic and this brightened my soul.
Now, satisfied that all was well, I allowed my mind to wonder what was happening. This must be a dream, the last thing I remember, I was in my room lying on the floor. I decided to let the dream play out, what's the harm in that.
Feeling rather parched for water I reached my left hand out to grab one of the many drinks littering the basket. I took one but stopped, when a shimmer of metal caught my eye. I brought my hand to my face, to my surprise, there sat an exquisite engagement ring. I sat staring at it for as long as I can remember hoping to find some clue to whom I was married to in this dream.
When I found none I returned to the drink I had opened not long ago. The cool liquid trickled down my throat as I drank deeply. Clearing my mind of thoughts, I laid back on the blanket letting myself feel calm in the place my mind has created for me. The call of the birds and the distant chatter of people helped to sooth me.
Just as I was about to find the right meditating state a small voice called out to me, breaking my daze. I sat up and my eyes landed on a young boy. He had a dark head of raven hair, a small face in exact proportion to his body. He wore simple jeans and an E.O.T.A T-shirt? I took that as a sign that the band made it to the big time.
This small boy was undeniably a cutie. But what really caught my attention were his eyes. I've never seen eyes like that. One eye was a captivating green and the other was a bright blue. On anybody else this would have looked bad, but it suited this boy. He called out again.
"Mum?" I span around looking for a woman that might be his mother, I saw none near me. I did a double take, but he was looking right at me.
"Mummy," I cocked my eyebrow in confusion as he started walking towards me.
"Are you lost? Are you looking for your mum?" I asked him. It was his turn to look at me confused.
"What are you talking about? Stop fooling around mum. Come and play with me," He demanded not sounding spoilt but slightly weirded out.
"Mum? What do you mean mum?" I cried, feeling confused. I felt an odd connection with this boy, he reminded me of...me and someone else. I couldn't put my finger on whom. I decided to hold back, wanting more information.
"Mummy stop it. It's not funny. You're scaring me," he hollered, his eyes filling up with tears of fear, making me a feeling of guilt rise up in me. It felt like my whole heart was invested in this boy. I glanced back at the ring on my finger. Letting the dream flow I called out.
"I'm sorry sweetie. Mummy's just playing around," he took a huge sniffle and wiped his tears away.
"Really?" he sounded hopeful.
"Really. Mum's just joking, come and give me a hug," I opened my arms to him, in return he let a small smile grace his face as he ran straight into my arms. His momentum carried us both over onto the blanket. He squealed as I tickled him.
He broke from my tickling fingers and stood up. "Come on mummy. Let's go play. Daddy's waiting for us by the swings, he let me go get you all by myself. I'm a big boy now," he pronounced proudly pointing to himself.
"You sure are...." I didn't know his name. This is a problem but I'm smart enough to you to deal with this. "Err...You sure are, but can you remember your own name? I bet you can't," I asked challengingly.
"Of course I can, Mummy. It's Ryan!" he cried happily.
As we approached, I could see a playground full with climbing frames, swings, slides, a sand pit and everything that a child would need. I could see the little kids running around, playing, laughing and having fun.
I smiled as Ryan took off running into the playground crying "Daddy! Daddy I got Mummy! I got her I really did," My heart fluttered as I recognized whom Ryan had run to, calling Daddy. I approached slowly watching my supposed husband interact with my son.
I grinned broadly for all to see, when his eyes rose to meet with mine "Hey honey. Did you have a nice catnap?" I nodded slowly relishing the moment even it was a dream. Ryan rushed over to the swing and started climbing on. My husband walked over and linked our hands lovingly "I love you," he spoke gently.
"I..." Ryan calling out to be pushed cut me off. He broke away from me to give his son a push. After 5 or 6 pushes Ryan was swinging mid height and loving it.
"Mummy swing with me," I was about to join Ryan when my husband spoke to him. "You know that's dangerous Ryan, mummy could fall and hurt your unborn brother or sister."
Ryan hung his head in apology "Sorry Daddy, I forget."
"That's okay son, after the baby's born your mum can swing with you as much as you want. Okay? Do you wanna swing again?" Ryan nodded in agreement, and they both set off.
They were both sitting on a swing, swinging, smiling and waving at me. I heard a voice come to me through my dream haze, calling me back.
End Dream
I could now hear the voice that woke me up more clearly. "Wake up Sweetheart. It's not good for you to sleep on the floor and in the cold," Opening my eyes, I saw Mike leaning over me, looking concerned.
A shiver ran up my body as the coldness finally worked its way into my sensory system. Rolling over I noticed the window had been closed and the curtain drawn. I allowed myself to relax as Mike went to the bathroom. My memory wondered back to my dream, confused at it, I told myself that is was just a dream.
Crawling to my knees, I struggled to get to my feet. My neck and back were stiff from laying on the floor for...I glanced to the clock...4 hours! Finally being able to climb to my feet I stretched the muscles of my body, hearing my bones click as I tensed my back.
The unpacked suitcases were packed and moved from the bed to the floor. I stood staring at them for 5 minutes until Mike re-entered the room. Following my line of vision he sighed and sat down on the bed. "It's only gonna be for a month. When the month's over, you'll be flying out to me."
I mimicked his sigh and sat beside him. "Yeah, but we're gonna have to sneak around everyone when we're there," I complained.
"That's okay, we're good at sneaking. We could always tell everyone," he suggested.
"Yes, but I don't think they're all ready to know. Some of them yes, but others... defiantly not," I argued.
"You're right," he agreed.
"But it's gonna be hard on you and on me, especially with my relationship with my dad," I continued.
He sat silent for a while. He broke the silence by clicking his fingers as an idea came to him "You know what they say..." he started, but stopped prompting me to ask the question.
"What do they say?" I asked him anxiously. He began humming a tune from a lion king film. Then he started singing "Love will find a way," I giggled as he finished and made butterfly kisses up my arm.
He pulled away grinning at me. I returned his grin with a smirk of my own, when a thought suddenly came to me 'Adrienne'. I pulled away as Mike brought his face to mine.
"Adie!" I cried. Mike simply raised his eyebrow and grinned at my weird exclamation. Knowing what he thought I meant, I shook my head "No! That's not..."
"Hey I'm not judging!"
I let out a groan and grabbed his face "That's not what I meant," He just smiled again
"Sure it's not. That's weird! You and your dad have the same taste in women," I buried my face in my hands to hide my blush. It wasn't what I had meant but I couldn't deny that what Mike had said was true.
When I had found out that I was bisexual, to make me feel better and with Adie's permission, Dad took me out with him to go 'guy and girl spotting' as he called it. We hung around the mall and compared whom we were attracted to.
We had so much fun and it turns out, we do go for the same types of Men and women. I would go "She has good breasts," and he would spin around and agree with a "Nice knockers".
He would go "His ass is perfect," and I would twirl round and agree with a "You're right, he does have a cute butt".
I grabbed Mike's face again, "I am not attracted to Adie. She's like a mother to me."
This time he laughed and grabbed my face, "I know that, sweetie. I'm just messing with you," I laughed back and he asked me what I really meant.
"I'm supposed to get in touch with her and tell her what's going one with the move to California."
"Billie Joe doesn't know?" he questioned.
I nodded in reply, "I'm going to tell him when he's over here. I want to tell him to his face," I explained.
"Oh good. But I could tell her if you want," he offered kindly.
"Nah, that's okay. I'll just write her a letter and you can give it to her. I think It'd be better to come from me, even if it is in a letter," He grinned at me mockingly, as if he knew something.
"I know why you're writing it in a letter. You don't want to go all the way down to the phone in the cold."
I laughed at his ridiculousness "You are right. I'll write the letter right now," I say as I walk over to the desk in the corner of the room. From the side of my eye, I can see him sulking.
"That's okay, you just neglect me. This is our last night together for along time and you want to write a letter," he fake sniffed.
Cranking my head over my shoulder I grin back at him, "Stop acting like Tre and after I've finished writing this we can have all the fun you want," I turn back to the desk and pulled out a piece of paper and an envelope. As I unclip my fountain pen, I can hear Mike cheering and doing a little dance in anticipation.
"I thought you were going to stop acting like Tre?" I asked sarcastically. He laughed and I knew that he was acting like Mike again.
Setting the pen to the paper I write.
Dear Adrienne
Unsure of what to write, I stop. A thought comes to me and I start scribbling in my neatest handwriting. It's still not very neat. It's slightly better than my dad's, but who cares.
Finishing the letter. I re-read it to check that it all makes sense.
Dear Adrienne,
Hi. How are you? I'm very good. Give me a call when you get this. I suppose you're wondering why I'd write you a letter. You probably are, well it's too cold down stairs to go get the phone and I couldn't be bothered. Plus this saves money for me and I haven't written a letter to anyone before. Can you tell?
Okay first things first, my dad's probably standing behind you reading this letter, so give him a slap and tell him to mind his own business. He's a slower reader than you so there's no risk of what I'm writing below to be seen.
About the move to California, you'll never guess what Mike did for us. He pulled some strings with some contacts he's made over his years with all bands that are friends with Green Day. He made it so our managing and producing is done in Oakland so we'll be moving there. Isn't that great? I hope you think it is. I'm going to love being closer to everyone.
We're staying in apartments about a 5-minute drive and a 15-minute walk away from all your houses. I don't remember where it is, Mike probably does. He has a freakishly good memory. I'm so happy. The guys are sharing and so are the girls. The apartments are so huge, there are two bedrooms in each so it should be fine. I have no idea how Tanisha's gonna cope having to live with me. I'm really messy and she likes things clean. I'll have to be clean, before you start laughing, I can learn.
Anyway, all of our things are being flown out two days before we get there. We'll be flying out on the 4th of September. I can't wait to do this I really can't. There is bad news on our part. The apartments aren't furnished so we'll be sleeping on the floor for like a week before we get furniture. I'm really glad we've saved up some money cause we have two apartments to furnish and that's going to cost us a bomb. Listen to me...complaining about money when we're being given a great chance.
Don't tell my dad about us moving yet. I want to tell him face to face when he comes over here for the week, I hope that he's happy with this...he will be, right? Well, I better stop here. The aren't enough rooms with my friends staying here, so Mike is bunking with me and I'm keeping him up with all the scratching of pen to paper.
I'll talk to you and hopefully see you soon. Oh, I got a text from Jake yesterday asking me to convince you to get him a dog. Let the boys get one, they're good kids. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
With all my Love,
Natasha
It sounded good to me, a little long for what I wanted to say, but I'm happy with it. Placing my pen down, I fold the piece of paper in half and slip it snugly in the envelope.
I carefully write Adrienne's name of the cover and walk over to Mike who, unsurprisingly, is still awake. "Here's the letter. Give it only to Adie. No peeking and don't loose it," He takes the letter and places it safely in his folder where he keeps important things.
Climbing onto the bed beside him, I kiss his cheek gently "Now what kind of fun did you want to have?" I ask huskily. He slides his arms around my waist and pulls me close to him
"I want to hold you," Looking confused, I cock my eyebrow questioningly. "I don't believe in goodbye sex. I believe in hello sex," I smile at his next sentence "Just lay with me."
Complying with his request, I rest my head on his chest and I linked our hands together lightly. "I'm going too miss you so much," I state trying to hold back tears that, as far as I know, only 3 people can truly cause. "Don't go finding someone new in Cali while I'm still stuck here?" I ask.
He draws in a shallow breath "I wouldn't. I've found the one for me and she's laying right here on this bed," Allowing my worry to subside I concentrate on the feeling that his love can cause within me, like no one else can.
It's the best feeling in the world, but the worst thing can vanquish even the best thing.
"I love you," I mumble into him as he rubs circles on my back.
"I love you too baby," Grasping onto my hand more firmly he whispers "Never leave me?" I Hold his hand just as firmly
"Never."
Everyone's downstairs eating a farewell dinner, but I can't force myself to take the long, hard walk down the stairs to face them having fun with each other...saying auf Wiedersehen. I can't escape the tearful good byes at the airport, but I can escape this.
Staring at the mess made by him leaving hurts like a stabbing in the gut. It reminds me of having to leave my dad the first time and every time after that. Every single agonizing time I had to go home and leave the warmth of my father's arms.
The night is dark and the full moon hangs low in the sky, threatening to fall. The stars are twinkling up there too, making promises of better times and a more beautiful future. The howling of a dog calling out to the moon breaks the silence of the night. The quiet falls again and you can almost hear nature's spirit crying out to whoever will listen.
A gentle breeze wisped across my bare arms, making them go icily cold. The curtains flap as the chilling wind blows through the open window, rattling the dream catcher that hangs there. Wrapping my arms around myself, I approach the window slowly, taking dolly steps.
As I reach the edge of the window, another breath of wind hits me in the face, this time it is fierce, harsh and unforgiving. Goose bumps tarnish my fair skin, betraying my weakness of cold to the world. I hate my body just that little bit for showing a weak spot.
Hanging my head low, I grab onto the window ledge digging my fingers into the soft wood. Hearing shuffling down on the street my head snaps up. I stand there peering through the darkness. My eyes catch the reason for the strange noise. A small boy, Jonathan, his name was. He lives across the street is out innocently walking Pippin, his dog, with his parents.
I let out a small breath of disbelief at how jumpy I was. I began thinking about how to say goodbye to the one who has helped me quell the pain, even if it was just for a while. I'll miss Tre too, I really will.
I love Tre so much, but my love for Mike has changed and evolved so much in the last year of our lives. It's reached a high peak in the two weeks they both had been here. It's going to be so hard and so painful to say goodbye.
Feeling the emotions that I don't want to experience tug at my heartstrings, I wrench myself from the window and throw my own body to the end of the bed. My fingers scrap the ground and slide across a soft fabric. Hooking my fingers into the material, I pick up one of Mike's disregarded shirts and bring it to my face, embracing his essence. It smells distinctly of Mike, I love that smell. It's musky and delicate at the same time, but it captures his masculinity perfectly.
With the bad comes the good, and I can't help but let myself be a bit happy that in 3 days time, my dad will be joining me out here for a week. Brushing this thought away for the meantime, I take Mike's shirt and slip it safely into one of my draws keeping it there for when I will start to miss him.
The room has turned bone chillingly cold, so cold that I can practically see the mist of my own shaky breath. My legs are too heavy; they feel like lead. I can't budge from my spot on the agonizingly hard floor.
The chill of the wind agitates me again, but the window seems eons away from my body. I'm unable to close the window. So I just allow the cold air to continue to lower the temperature of the room.
Using a pile of Mike's clothes as a pillow, I lay my head to rest, in an attempt to ignore the cold. My eyelids grow continuously heavy and under the strain of keeping them open. A long, drawn out yawn, leaves my mouth filling the room with momentary sound. My eye's shut. Sleep claims me.
Dream
The Sun is shining down on my body. I can distinctly feel the itch of a blanket underneath me. Opening my eyes I explore my surroundings. I'm in what looks to be a park. A beautiful, blue flowing river runs north far out of sight. I realize, that it's home to a range of aquatic life as I hear, croak of a frog and the fins of fish as they splash in the water as they glide through. The grass is glowing a gorgeous green colour, it's lush and in plenty. Wild flowers of all imaginable colours litter the ground looking right out of a fairytale.
There were a few pure white clouds, floating in the sky. As hard as they try they do nothing to hide the sun. It was happily shining, tanning all those who were out. Birds of different shapes, sizes and colours were fluttering past chirping their merry tunes.
The blanket I'm laying on is covering a sizeable portion of the ground. It's white, covered in rainbow polka dots. On the opposite side of the blanket, placed in the shade, there sat a picnic basket. It was full to the brim with sweet smelling foods and sticky drinks. It had all the elements of a family picnic and this brightened my soul.
Now, satisfied that all was well, I allowed my mind to wonder what was happening. This must be a dream, the last thing I remember, I was in my room lying on the floor. I decided to let the dream play out, what's the harm in that.
Feeling rather parched for water I reached my left hand out to grab one of the many drinks littering the basket. I took one but stopped, when a shimmer of metal caught my eye. I brought my hand to my face, to my surprise, there sat an exquisite engagement ring. I sat staring at it for as long as I can remember hoping to find some clue to whom I was married to in this dream.
When I found none I returned to the drink I had opened not long ago. The cool liquid trickled down my throat as I drank deeply. Clearing my mind of thoughts, I laid back on the blanket letting myself feel calm in the place my mind has created for me. The call of the birds and the distant chatter of people helped to sooth me.
Just as I was about to find the right meditating state a small voice called out to me, breaking my daze. I sat up and my eyes landed on a young boy. He had a dark head of raven hair, a small face in exact proportion to his body. He wore simple jeans and an E.O.T.A T-shirt? I took that as a sign that the band made it to the big time.
This small boy was undeniably a cutie. But what really caught my attention were his eyes. I've never seen eyes like that. One eye was a captivating green and the other was a bright blue. On anybody else this would have looked bad, but it suited this boy. He called out again.
"Mum?" I span around looking for a woman that might be his mother, I saw none near me. I did a double take, but he was looking right at me.
"Mummy," I cocked my eyebrow in confusion as he started walking towards me.
"Are you lost? Are you looking for your mum?" I asked him. It was his turn to look at me confused.
"What are you talking about? Stop fooling around mum. Come and play with me," He demanded not sounding spoilt but slightly weirded out.
"Mum? What do you mean mum?" I cried, feeling confused. I felt an odd connection with this boy, he reminded me of...me and someone else. I couldn't put my finger on whom. I decided to hold back, wanting more information.
"Mummy stop it. It's not funny. You're scaring me," he hollered, his eyes filling up with tears of fear, making me a feeling of guilt rise up in me. It felt like my whole heart was invested in this boy. I glanced back at the ring on my finger. Letting the dream flow I called out.
"I'm sorry sweetie. Mummy's just playing around," he took a huge sniffle and wiped his tears away.
"Really?" he sounded hopeful.
"Really. Mum's just joking, come and give me a hug," I opened my arms to him, in return he let a small smile grace his face as he ran straight into my arms. His momentum carried us both over onto the blanket. He squealed as I tickled him.
He broke from my tickling fingers and stood up. "Come on mummy. Let's go play. Daddy's waiting for us by the swings, he let me go get you all by myself. I'm a big boy now," he pronounced proudly pointing to himself.
"You sure are...." I didn't know his name. This is a problem but I'm smart enough to you to deal with this. "Err...You sure are, but can you remember your own name? I bet you can't," I asked challengingly.
"Of course I can, Mummy. It's Ryan!" he cried happily.
As we approached, I could see a playground full with climbing frames, swings, slides, a sand pit and everything that a child would need. I could see the little kids running around, playing, laughing and having fun.
I smiled as Ryan took off running into the playground crying "Daddy! Daddy I got Mummy! I got her I really did," My heart fluttered as I recognized whom Ryan had run to, calling Daddy. I approached slowly watching my supposed husband interact with my son.
I grinned broadly for all to see, when his eyes rose to meet with mine "Hey honey. Did you have a nice catnap?" I nodded slowly relishing the moment even it was a dream. Ryan rushed over to the swing and started climbing on. My husband walked over and linked our hands lovingly "I love you," he spoke gently.
"I..." Ryan calling out to be pushed cut me off. He broke away from me to give his son a push. After 5 or 6 pushes Ryan was swinging mid height and loving it.
"Mummy swing with me," I was about to join Ryan when my husband spoke to him. "You know that's dangerous Ryan, mummy could fall and hurt your unborn brother or sister."
Ryan hung his head in apology "Sorry Daddy, I forget."
"That's okay son, after the baby's born your mum can swing with you as much as you want. Okay? Do you wanna swing again?" Ryan nodded in agreement, and they both set off.
They were both sitting on a swing, swinging, smiling and waving at me. I heard a voice come to me through my dream haze, calling me back.
End Dream
I could now hear the voice that woke me up more clearly. "Wake up Sweetheart. It's not good for you to sleep on the floor and in the cold," Opening my eyes, I saw Mike leaning over me, looking concerned.
A shiver ran up my body as the coldness finally worked its way into my sensory system. Rolling over I noticed the window had been closed and the curtain drawn. I allowed myself to relax as Mike went to the bathroom. My memory wondered back to my dream, confused at it, I told myself that is was just a dream.
Crawling to my knees, I struggled to get to my feet. My neck and back were stiff from laying on the floor for...I glanced to the clock...4 hours! Finally being able to climb to my feet I stretched the muscles of my body, hearing my bones click as I tensed my back.
The unpacked suitcases were packed and moved from the bed to the floor. I stood staring at them for 5 minutes until Mike re-entered the room. Following my line of vision he sighed and sat down on the bed. "It's only gonna be for a month. When the month's over, you'll be flying out to me."
I mimicked his sigh and sat beside him. "Yeah, but we're gonna have to sneak around everyone when we're there," I complained.
"That's okay, we're good at sneaking. We could always tell everyone," he suggested.
"Yes, but I don't think they're all ready to know. Some of them yes, but others... defiantly not," I argued.
"You're right," he agreed.
"But it's gonna be hard on you and on me, especially with my relationship with my dad," I continued.
He sat silent for a while. He broke the silence by clicking his fingers as an idea came to him "You know what they say..." he started, but stopped prompting me to ask the question.
"What do they say?" I asked him anxiously. He began humming a tune from a lion king film. Then he started singing "Love will find a way," I giggled as he finished and made butterfly kisses up my arm.
He pulled away grinning at me. I returned his grin with a smirk of my own, when a thought suddenly came to me 'Adrienne'. I pulled away as Mike brought his face to mine.
"Adie!" I cried. Mike simply raised his eyebrow and grinned at my weird exclamation. Knowing what he thought I meant, I shook my head "No! That's not..."
"Hey I'm not judging!"
I let out a groan and grabbed his face "That's not what I meant," He just smiled again
"Sure it's not. That's weird! You and your dad have the same taste in women," I buried my face in my hands to hide my blush. It wasn't what I had meant but I couldn't deny that what Mike had said was true.
When I had found out that I was bisexual, to make me feel better and with Adie's permission, Dad took me out with him to go 'guy and girl spotting' as he called it. We hung around the mall and compared whom we were attracted to.
We had so much fun and it turns out, we do go for the same types of Men and women. I would go "She has good breasts," and he would spin around and agree with a "Nice knockers".
He would go "His ass is perfect," and I would twirl round and agree with a "You're right, he does have a cute butt".
I grabbed Mike's face again, "I am not attracted to Adie. She's like a mother to me."
This time he laughed and grabbed my face, "I know that, sweetie. I'm just messing with you," I laughed back and he asked me what I really meant.
"I'm supposed to get in touch with her and tell her what's going one with the move to California."
"Billie Joe doesn't know?" he questioned.
I nodded in reply, "I'm going to tell him when he's over here. I want to tell him to his face," I explained.
"Oh good. But I could tell her if you want," he offered kindly.
"Nah, that's okay. I'll just write her a letter and you can give it to her. I think It'd be better to come from me, even if it is in a letter," He grinned at me mockingly, as if he knew something.
"I know why you're writing it in a letter. You don't want to go all the way down to the phone in the cold."
I laughed at his ridiculousness "You are right. I'll write the letter right now," I say as I walk over to the desk in the corner of the room. From the side of my eye, I can see him sulking.
"That's okay, you just neglect me. This is our last night together for along time and you want to write a letter," he fake sniffed.
Cranking my head over my shoulder I grin back at him, "Stop acting like Tre and after I've finished writing this we can have all the fun you want," I turn back to the desk and pulled out a piece of paper and an envelope. As I unclip my fountain pen, I can hear Mike cheering and doing a little dance in anticipation.
"I thought you were going to stop acting like Tre?" I asked sarcastically. He laughed and I knew that he was acting like Mike again.
Setting the pen to the paper I write.
Dear Adrienne
Unsure of what to write, I stop. A thought comes to me and I start scribbling in my neatest handwriting. It's still not very neat. It's slightly better than my dad's, but who cares.
Finishing the letter. I re-read it to check that it all makes sense.
Dear Adrienne,
Hi. How are you? I'm very good. Give me a call when you get this. I suppose you're wondering why I'd write you a letter. You probably are, well it's too cold down stairs to go get the phone and I couldn't be bothered. Plus this saves money for me and I haven't written a letter to anyone before. Can you tell?
Okay first things first, my dad's probably standing behind you reading this letter, so give him a slap and tell him to mind his own business. He's a slower reader than you so there's no risk of what I'm writing below to be seen.
About the move to California, you'll never guess what Mike did for us. He pulled some strings with some contacts he's made over his years with all bands that are friends with Green Day. He made it so our managing and producing is done in Oakland so we'll be moving there. Isn't that great? I hope you think it is. I'm going to love being closer to everyone.
We're staying in apartments about a 5-minute drive and a 15-minute walk away from all your houses. I don't remember where it is, Mike probably does. He has a freakishly good memory. I'm so happy. The guys are sharing and so are the girls. The apartments are so huge, there are two bedrooms in each so it should be fine. I have no idea how Tanisha's gonna cope having to live with me. I'm really messy and she likes things clean. I'll have to be clean, before you start laughing, I can learn.
Anyway, all of our things are being flown out two days before we get there. We'll be flying out on the 4th of September. I can't wait to do this I really can't. There is bad news on our part. The apartments aren't furnished so we'll be sleeping on the floor for like a week before we get furniture. I'm really glad we've saved up some money cause we have two apartments to furnish and that's going to cost us a bomb. Listen to me...complaining about money when we're being given a great chance.
Don't tell my dad about us moving yet. I want to tell him face to face when he comes over here for the week, I hope that he's happy with this...he will be, right? Well, I better stop here. The aren't enough rooms with my friends staying here, so Mike is bunking with me and I'm keeping him up with all the scratching of pen to paper.
I'll talk to you and hopefully see you soon. Oh, I got a text from Jake yesterday asking me to convince you to get him a dog. Let the boys get one, they're good kids. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
With all my Love,
Natasha
It sounded good to me, a little long for what I wanted to say, but I'm happy with it. Placing my pen down, I fold the piece of paper in half and slip it snugly in the envelope.
I carefully write Adrienne's name of the cover and walk over to Mike who, unsurprisingly, is still awake. "Here's the letter. Give it only to Adie. No peeking and don't loose it," He takes the letter and places it safely in his folder where he keeps important things.
Climbing onto the bed beside him, I kiss his cheek gently "Now what kind of fun did you want to have?" I ask huskily. He slides his arms around my waist and pulls me close to him
"I want to hold you," Looking confused, I cock my eyebrow questioningly. "I don't believe in goodbye sex. I believe in hello sex," I smile at his next sentence "Just lay with me."
Complying with his request, I rest my head on his chest and I linked our hands together lightly. "I'm going too miss you so much," I state trying to hold back tears that, as far as I know, only 3 people can truly cause. "Don't go finding someone new in Cali while I'm still stuck here?" I ask.
He draws in a shallow breath "I wouldn't. I've found the one for me and she's laying right here on this bed," Allowing my worry to subside I concentrate on the feeling that his love can cause within me, like no one else can.
It's the best feeling in the world, but the worst thing can vanquish even the best thing.
"I love you," I mumble into him as he rubs circles on my back.
"I love you too baby," Grasping onto my hand more firmly he whispers "Never leave me?" I Hold his hand just as firmly
"Never."
