So Go Ahead and Kill Yourself! It All Amuses Me, chapter 18
The doors closed behind them, and they let out breaths they had been holding.
"How'd it go?" the voice of Frank called out to them.
"Boy, you're nosy for a bouncer," Andy joked.
"Fine, don't tell me," he huffed and returned to his iPod.
"What are you listening to? It sounds familiar," Andy asked.
Frank grinned and reiterated, "Boy, you're nosy for a musician." Everyone laughed when Andy became momentarily flustered.
"Har har, seriously what is it?" Frank smiled toothily, replying in a dismissive voice.
"'Tell Jesus I'm a Sinner.'"
"That's our song," Tanisha announced to everyone else happily.
"But how did you? I mean we have no album." Frank smiled again showing his secretive grin. "I recorded some of your songs when you were playing here one night." Tasha beamed at him and leaned in.
Recognizing the chorus, she started singing.
"Tell Jesus that I'm a sinner,
That I'm gonna rot in hell
Blood, sex, and booze for all the wrongs
I've done the bad things for far too long
Tell Jesus I'm his sin, just as he is mine
He's the reason the devil hates me
Maybe I won't pray so much this time
You want me to be too perfect
But I'm just the way I am
Tell Jesus I'm not just the sinner, I'm the sin itself
Tell Jesus not to waste his time now
I'm just beyond his reach
Now I just wanna go back
Tell Jesus I wanna be the sinner tonight
Now I just wanna go back
Tell Jesus I wanna be the sinner tonight."
She finished, belting out the lyrics proudly. Frank and Steven wrapped the band in a warm hug. "Make sure you remember us two, gay beer bouncers when you finally hit it big."
"Of course we will. Listen, give one of our mums your address, and when it finally gets done, we'll send you the album."
Steven gave Tasha an extra hug in thanks.
"Right, you guys better head off. You don't want to be hanging around here anymore."
The band waved and headed off in the direction of the main road. Frank and Steven watched them go, arms around each other, looking like proud parents.
They rounded the corner onto the almost empty road. The comfortable silence once again resumed. Every two minutes a car would come down the road and slowly and cautiously pass them.
Tasha turned to her friends. "You guys coming back to my house tonight?" she asked.
"Nah, our mums want us to sleep at our houses for the remaining time that we're here. Sucks, don't it?" Andy answered. "I mean, your house is so much better than ours are," he explained, grinning at his friends.
"Okay," she called and went to turn round but stopped, looking back to her faithful friends. "You sure?" she asked.
Tom made swishing motions with his hands, exaggerating them beyond reasonable need.
"Get going home. Go! Be off with you," he shouted, putting his hands on his hips and pouting.
Tasha raised her hands sharply in defense. "Okay. Okay, I'm gone." Hesitating for a moment, she cast her eyes to the dark alley. With a nudge Tasha was on her way down the dilapidated shortcut.
The floor she walked on was slightly uneven. The darks fencing held numerous amounts of graffiti and damage. Household rubbish littered and cluttered the floor, leaving a path two and a half-foot wide.
Computers, chairs, fans, stereos, and phones were stacked up on top of each other, giving the impression of being crowded. After taking numerous familiar twists and turns, Tasha began to feel in unfamiliar territory even though she was on the right track.
Movement was heard from behind, and Tasha's heartbeat quickened to that of a Slipknot song. Fear flooded her entire system, and she began breathing harder. Another noise echoed from the way she had come.
Fear overtook all of her bodily functions, and she fled. She ran faster and faster, the sound of her feet slamming on the ground reverberated through her skull, blocking all else but her fear.
Without warning, her foot caught on a nearly invisible object; and she went thundering to the ground, scraping up her left arm, painfully so. Scrambling to her knees, she hissed in pain and began looking around.
Out of nowhere, two hands grabbed her and swiftly forced her up against a space in the wooden fence. Feminine hands wrapped themselves into Tasha's shirt and pulled her face up. Her eyes locked with the dull brown eyes of Angela B.
In the distance she could see Angela's friends getting closer to her. Angela grabbed Tasha's face and forced her attention.
"Look at me, Armstrong!"
Tasha's delicate eyelids, fluttered closed like the wings of a butterfly.
A searing slap stung her cheek, marring the snow-white skin with a bright red handprint. "Look at me. I won't ask again," Angela commanded forcefully. But Tasha's eyes remained shut, as tight as a clamp.
"Well, what are you going to do when I don't?" was the cocky and venomous reply.
I can't believe this is happening to me, she thought to herself.
Silence descended upon the group, broken only by Tasha's angry breathing. Uncertainty flickered from air molecule to air molecule, infecting the atmosphere. Until a loud breath and a grunt were expelled from Tasha's body as a fist collided with her abdomen, drawing the air from her.
Green eyes snapped open as pain laced her nerves like a Converse shoe. She would have doubled over if it weren't for the hand holding her steady.
"I'm going to do that. I told you were on my books, Armstrong," Angela hissed, confidence filtering through her voice.
A pained chuckle echoed down the alleyways as Tasha laughed in Angela's face. "You were trying to scare me? I fear the unknown more than I do you, and I don't fear it very much, cocksucker."
Another hit smashed into Tasha's abdomen with vicious force. "What was that? What did you call me?"
Tasha coughed up her answer, grinning in sick amusement, "I called you a cocksucker." Her laugh died on her lips as Angela's face contorted in newfound fury, and she lashed out.
A shower of rapid punches rained down on Tasha's body. The cries she had been containing were thrown from her lips as agony ripped through her injured muscles. Angela screamed questions at Tasha's body while she plowed roughly into her.
"What the fuck did you call me? How dare you say that to me? Why? Why call me that? Who the fuck do you think you are? You bitch!" she screeched and lashed out, brutally socking Tasha in the jaw.
The force split her bottom lip open, spraying crimson droplets everywhere, soaking Angela's clothes in blood. Finally Angela smashed Tasha's head up against the fence, smacking it on the sharp edge with a sickening crack, causing tears to pool at corner of her eyes.
With a deep breath, Angela released her rock hard grip, letting Tasha's bruised and bloodied body slip down the fence and crumble to the floor.
Watching the sight with disgust, Angela leaned down with a satisfied smirk and whispered harshly in her ear, "You're a fuckup. You're nothing, and when you crash and burn, I'll be here laughing." With a last look at Tasha's motionless form, Angela turned and began walking away, dragging her mindless dogs with her.
After many seconds, Tasha moved her arm and surprisingly grinned from under her messed curtain of hair. Raising her head tiredly, she called out to Angela's retreating form.
"Same for you."
The sound of her voice was like a signal for more danger, but she called out regardless. Using a lot of energy, she rolled onto her knees with a pitiful whimper and tried with every ounce to raise herself. With every move she made, pain pierced her to the bone, like a dagger.
The sound of multiple footsteps drew closer and closer. Tasha's head was spinning round and round in circles like teacups at the fair. She focused her eyes on the ground, but even that was moving out of control.
Sickness pooled in her stomach as the sound of feet on gravel stopped right next to her. Her body swayed to and fro, and her head hung heavily backwards to connect eyes with the person above her.
Tasha's eyes rolled back into her skull with the effort of sitting up, showing only the whites of her eyes momentarily. Even in an enormous amount of pain, she half-heartedly smiled at her tormentor and sung the words "Brown-eyed girl."
Hands once again tangled themselves in her shirt and half threw, half dragged her, like a dog into the centre of the path. She was left to lie there and watch bodies circle her like vultures.
Angela kept creeping round and round her, taunting, spitting out words. "You never learn do you?" Toni exasperatedly chastised her.
"Never," Tasha croaked, licking the blood from her own lips.
"You couldn't just keep your mouth shut, could you? You had to retaliate. You brought this on yourself. It's your own fault. You did it!" Angela screamed the last bit, unleashing her burning rage, giving a swift kick to Tasha's unguarded and unsuspecting jaw, sending Tasha reeling.
Angela's scream of hate and rage transformed to one of horror and gut wrenching sorrow as she finally saw the damage done.
Her eyes watched the blood oozing from Tasha's mouth onto the rocky ground. Her swift brain assessed how gravelly and hard it was and realized how cut and scratched Tasha's face and body must be. Coughs wracked Tasha's damaged body, producing blood.
Silent tears ran down Tasha's face, bleeding black eyeliner, leaving black tracks down her cheeks.
Angela covered her mouth and nose in total dismay; her mind was turning and turning, but only able to come to one realization. With this she fled, running from sight and sound. A scatter of footsteps echoed as her friends ran after their leader.
A new silence fell upon the alley as Tasha's body was left alone. Every muscle, every bone, every fiber, and every nerve was on fire, burning deep and sharp within. No thoughts came; she was only aware of the pain ripping her apart.
The crushing blackness drifted in and out of her vision, blurring it at the edges. A freezing cold enveloped her warm body. It felt oddly comforting in a gothic sort of way. The pain was slowly fading into the darkness.
The black was getting stronger now and remaining for longer periods of time. In the far away distance, a voice was calling her name, calling her from beyond the comforting dark. Something that felt like a hand touched her face.
She was far away now, and peacefulness lulled her body and soul. The voice grew louder for a moment, but faded just as fast. She spared a fleeting thought for her family, her friends, and those she loved.
But then there was nothing, and the black took hold.
"How'd it go?" the voice of Frank called out to them.
"Boy, you're nosy for a bouncer," Andy joked.
"Fine, don't tell me," he huffed and returned to his iPod.
"What are you listening to? It sounds familiar," Andy asked.
Frank grinned and reiterated, "Boy, you're nosy for a musician." Everyone laughed when Andy became momentarily flustered.
"Har har, seriously what is it?" Frank smiled toothily, replying in a dismissive voice.
"'Tell Jesus I'm a Sinner.'"
"That's our song," Tanisha announced to everyone else happily.
"But how did you? I mean we have no album." Frank smiled again showing his secretive grin. "I recorded some of your songs when you were playing here one night." Tasha beamed at him and leaned in.
Recognizing the chorus, she started singing.
"Tell Jesus that I'm a sinner,
That I'm gonna rot in hell
Blood, sex, and booze for all the wrongs
I've done the bad things for far too long
Tell Jesus I'm his sin, just as he is mine
He's the reason the devil hates me
Maybe I won't pray so much this time
You want me to be too perfect
But I'm just the way I am
Tell Jesus I'm not just the sinner, I'm the sin itself
Tell Jesus not to waste his time now
I'm just beyond his reach
Now I just wanna go back
Tell Jesus I wanna be the sinner tonight
Now I just wanna go back
Tell Jesus I wanna be the sinner tonight."
She finished, belting out the lyrics proudly. Frank and Steven wrapped the band in a warm hug. "Make sure you remember us two, gay beer bouncers when you finally hit it big."
"Of course we will. Listen, give one of our mums your address, and when it finally gets done, we'll send you the album."
Steven gave Tasha an extra hug in thanks.
"Right, you guys better head off. You don't want to be hanging around here anymore."
The band waved and headed off in the direction of the main road. Frank and Steven watched them go, arms around each other, looking like proud parents.
They rounded the corner onto the almost empty road. The comfortable silence once again resumed. Every two minutes a car would come down the road and slowly and cautiously pass them.
Tasha turned to her friends. "You guys coming back to my house tonight?" she asked.
"Nah, our mums want us to sleep at our houses for the remaining time that we're here. Sucks, don't it?" Andy answered. "I mean, your house is so much better than ours are," he explained, grinning at his friends.
"Okay," she called and went to turn round but stopped, looking back to her faithful friends. "You sure?" she asked.
Tom made swishing motions with his hands, exaggerating them beyond reasonable need.
"Get going home. Go! Be off with you," he shouted, putting his hands on his hips and pouting.
Tasha raised her hands sharply in defense. "Okay. Okay, I'm gone." Hesitating for a moment, she cast her eyes to the dark alley. With a nudge Tasha was on her way down the dilapidated shortcut.
The floor she walked on was slightly uneven. The darks fencing held numerous amounts of graffiti and damage. Household rubbish littered and cluttered the floor, leaving a path two and a half-foot wide.
Computers, chairs, fans, stereos, and phones were stacked up on top of each other, giving the impression of being crowded. After taking numerous familiar twists and turns, Tasha began to feel in unfamiliar territory even though she was on the right track.
Movement was heard from behind, and Tasha's heartbeat quickened to that of a Slipknot song. Fear flooded her entire system, and she began breathing harder. Another noise echoed from the way she had come.
Fear overtook all of her bodily functions, and she fled. She ran faster and faster, the sound of her feet slamming on the ground reverberated through her skull, blocking all else but her fear.
Without warning, her foot caught on a nearly invisible object; and she went thundering to the ground, scraping up her left arm, painfully so. Scrambling to her knees, she hissed in pain and began looking around.
Out of nowhere, two hands grabbed her and swiftly forced her up against a space in the wooden fence. Feminine hands wrapped themselves into Tasha's shirt and pulled her face up. Her eyes locked with the dull brown eyes of Angela B.
In the distance she could see Angela's friends getting closer to her. Angela grabbed Tasha's face and forced her attention.
"Look at me, Armstrong!"
Tasha's delicate eyelids, fluttered closed like the wings of a butterfly.
A searing slap stung her cheek, marring the snow-white skin with a bright red handprint. "Look at me. I won't ask again," Angela commanded forcefully. But Tasha's eyes remained shut, as tight as a clamp.
"Well, what are you going to do when I don't?" was the cocky and venomous reply.
I can't believe this is happening to me, she thought to herself.
Silence descended upon the group, broken only by Tasha's angry breathing. Uncertainty flickered from air molecule to air molecule, infecting the atmosphere. Until a loud breath and a grunt were expelled from Tasha's body as a fist collided with her abdomen, drawing the air from her.
Green eyes snapped open as pain laced her nerves like a Converse shoe. She would have doubled over if it weren't for the hand holding her steady.
"I'm going to do that. I told you were on my books, Armstrong," Angela hissed, confidence filtering through her voice.
A pained chuckle echoed down the alleyways as Tasha laughed in Angela's face. "You were trying to scare me? I fear the unknown more than I do you, and I don't fear it very much, cocksucker."
Another hit smashed into Tasha's abdomen with vicious force. "What was that? What did you call me?"
Tasha coughed up her answer, grinning in sick amusement, "I called you a cocksucker." Her laugh died on her lips as Angela's face contorted in newfound fury, and she lashed out.
A shower of rapid punches rained down on Tasha's body. The cries she had been containing were thrown from her lips as agony ripped through her injured muscles. Angela screamed questions at Tasha's body while she plowed roughly into her.
"What the fuck did you call me? How dare you say that to me? Why? Why call me that? Who the fuck do you think you are? You bitch!" she screeched and lashed out, brutally socking Tasha in the jaw.
The force split her bottom lip open, spraying crimson droplets everywhere, soaking Angela's clothes in blood. Finally Angela smashed Tasha's head up against the fence, smacking it on the sharp edge with a sickening crack, causing tears to pool at corner of her eyes.
With a deep breath, Angela released her rock hard grip, letting Tasha's bruised and bloodied body slip down the fence and crumble to the floor.
Watching the sight with disgust, Angela leaned down with a satisfied smirk and whispered harshly in her ear, "You're a fuckup. You're nothing, and when you crash and burn, I'll be here laughing." With a last look at Tasha's motionless form, Angela turned and began walking away, dragging her mindless dogs with her.
After many seconds, Tasha moved her arm and surprisingly grinned from under her messed curtain of hair. Raising her head tiredly, she called out to Angela's retreating form.
"Same for you."
The sound of her voice was like a signal for more danger, but she called out regardless. Using a lot of energy, she rolled onto her knees with a pitiful whimper and tried with every ounce to raise herself. With every move she made, pain pierced her to the bone, like a dagger.
The sound of multiple footsteps drew closer and closer. Tasha's head was spinning round and round in circles like teacups at the fair. She focused her eyes on the ground, but even that was moving out of control.
Sickness pooled in her stomach as the sound of feet on gravel stopped right next to her. Her body swayed to and fro, and her head hung heavily backwards to connect eyes with the person above her.
Tasha's eyes rolled back into her skull with the effort of sitting up, showing only the whites of her eyes momentarily. Even in an enormous amount of pain, she half-heartedly smiled at her tormentor and sung the words "Brown-eyed girl."
Hands once again tangled themselves in her shirt and half threw, half dragged her, like a dog into the centre of the path. She was left to lie there and watch bodies circle her like vultures.
Angela kept creeping round and round her, taunting, spitting out words. "You never learn do you?" Toni exasperatedly chastised her.
"Never," Tasha croaked, licking the blood from her own lips.
"You couldn't just keep your mouth shut, could you? You had to retaliate. You brought this on yourself. It's your own fault. You did it!" Angela screamed the last bit, unleashing her burning rage, giving a swift kick to Tasha's unguarded and unsuspecting jaw, sending Tasha reeling.
Angela's scream of hate and rage transformed to one of horror and gut wrenching sorrow as she finally saw the damage done.
Her eyes watched the blood oozing from Tasha's mouth onto the rocky ground. Her swift brain assessed how gravelly and hard it was and realized how cut and scratched Tasha's face and body must be. Coughs wracked Tasha's damaged body, producing blood.
Silent tears ran down Tasha's face, bleeding black eyeliner, leaving black tracks down her cheeks.
Angela covered her mouth and nose in total dismay; her mind was turning and turning, but only able to come to one realization. With this she fled, running from sight and sound. A scatter of footsteps echoed as her friends ran after their leader.
A new silence fell upon the alley as Tasha's body was left alone. Every muscle, every bone, every fiber, and every nerve was on fire, burning deep and sharp within. No thoughts came; she was only aware of the pain ripping her apart.
The crushing blackness drifted in and out of her vision, blurring it at the edges. A freezing cold enveloped her warm body. It felt oddly comforting in a gothic sort of way. The pain was slowly fading into the darkness.
The black was getting stronger now and remaining for longer periods of time. In the far away distance, a voice was calling her name, calling her from beyond the comforting dark. Something that felt like a hand touched her face.
She was far away now, and peacefulness lulled her body and soul. The voice grew louder for a moment, but faded just as fast. She spared a fleeting thought for her family, her friends, and those she loved.
But then there was nothing, and the black took hold.
