So Go Ahead and Kill Yourself! It All Amuses Me, chapter 3
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. Crawling out of my nice warm bed, I checked my alarm clock for the time. 9:00am. It's a school day, why am I getting up at this time?
In response to my question my mum came barging into the room carrying a tray with bacon, sausage and egg. Complete with French bread and orange juice. "Get up you! I called you off of school today. I arranged a meeting with Mr. Macfarlen and your friend's parents, to discuss your contract"
"Mum. Ohhhh don't shout at me, I have a hangover" I burrowed my head under the covers to avoid the sunlight. Mum tutted to show her disapproval of my actions and mumbled "I didn't even shout". I groaned again as she pulled the covers off of my body.
"I'm never drinking alcohol again. Never in my lifetime" Mum chuckled at my vow "You remind me of your father. He used to say that to us every time he had a hangover" I grinned toothily "So what you got for me to eat then?"
She placed my breakfast on my lap "Eat this and then get ready, your meetings is at 11:00, I took the day off work this better be good" She waggled her finger in front of my face; I was tempted to bite it.
She waltzed out of the room leaving me to eat my food. Whilst eating my eggs, I picked up my phone to check for any messages.
My face lit up as I saw a message from my Dad. I got up and started doing my happy dance, forgetting momentarily that my food was getting cold. I opened the message and read it. It was quite short. It read
Hi baby! Gd luck on ur xams nxt week. Cnt wait 2 c u! bye
To tell you the truth that message deflated my good mood a bit. I kind of expected a little bit more from my own father. I mean he didn't even tell me he loved me. Maybe I was digging too deep for some kind of sign, what do you think?
I scrolled down through the messages from Vodafone about new offers until I came to a new message from Tre. He always makes me happy. It was a video message. "What could he be sending me?" I asked myself. I opened the file.
I had to wait for it to load up. When it had finished it opened automatically. My eyes bugged out of my skull at what I saw. I just started laughing uncontrollably whilst watching
I was seeing my uncle, strutting around in nothing but a hot pink silk thong singing King for a Day. It looked like someone else had filmed it. Tre had stopped singing and turned towards the camera phone. He tried to look pouty and failed miserably.
"I told you I looked hot in a thong Tasha. Now you can't ignore my sexiness. I have to go now, me and Mike are gonna go have sex! I'm making him really hot right now"
The phone must have been turned around because I could see Mike shaking his head violently and mouthing "NO! NO! NO! NO! Save Me" All what happened next was a blur to me.
Tre had run over to Mike and jumped on top of him all I heard was Mike's protests and Tre shouting, "You know you want me Mike! Don't lie!" before the tape was cut.
I was giggling so much, that mum came up the stairs to see what was the matter with me. She walked into the room to see me a pile of laughing and giggling limbs. "What on earth is wrong with you child?"
Without saying a word I chucked my phone up at her, she watched what I had seen. My mum has way too much self-control she only giggled slightly. Can you believe that?
"Go get changed! Go, go, go, go. We'll be late" I took a quick shower and got ready for the meeting. I was concentrating on doing my make up, when my little brother came into the room with a lost look on his face.
"Hey little man. What's wrong?" I heard a tiny little groan escape him "Daddy made me sick. He gave me his cold. I don't like it" I grinned down at him and lifted him up and positioned him in my still warm bed. "Now. I want you to try and get some sleep. Okay?"
Mike sneezed and yawned slightly "Okay, Tasha. I'll try and... " He had already fallen fast asleep before he finished. I stood there watching my brother sleeping before mum called my down to go.
"Natasha Armstrong! Get your little butt down here! We need to go"
I jumped excitedly down the stairs, taking them 2 at a time. Tanisha appeared at the bottom of the stairs but I was going way to fast and I couldn't stop. She gave a little yelp as I crashed into her knocking us both over in the process.
I jumped up as if nothing happened. That's another great talent I have. I can fall down any number of stairs and just get without hurting myself. I'm practically indestructible.
I pull Tanisha up from the ground whilst apologizing "What are you doing here? Isn't your mum coming?" I ask with mild politeness. She shakes her head at me, yes. "I wanted to come with you! I have something really good to tell you"
I look up to see my mum tapping her feet and jingling her keys, waiting for Tanisha and I to go. "Are you two ready yet?"
I grinned at her walking step by step slowly up to her. "See, I'm going as fast as I can" Mum goes to slap me playfully on the ass but I slink up behind a pillar in our house, pretending to hide.
I make a gun shape with my hands and peered around the side of the pillar trying to look like a secret agent. I begin to hum the Mission Impossible Theme tune. By this time Tanisha was laughing her ass off at me.
After 5 minutes of rolling around on the ground trying to look cool, we are in the car and on our way to the England branch of Interscope records. Oh Leo had decided to come too cause we'd need a lawyer to look over everything to make sure it was legit. Mum has punk music blaring out through the speakers.
My mums so cool. It's loud enough so she can't hear Tanisha and I talking "So what have you got to tell me?" I asked curiously. "Well you know how Billie Joe dyed his hair blonde"
Yeah of course I remember. I remember being informed by my friend, that my own father dyed his hair.
I nod feeling quite insecure and uncomfortable once again of talking about my father. "Yeah" She giggles and I try not to laugh "Well! He dyed his hair back to black" My eyes boggle "Really"
Again my friend knew something about my father that I didn't know. I feel so pathetic. It's like my father doesn't tell me anything. "Yeah he looks sooooooo fucking gorgeous with the black hair. I mean Wow! I feel like making a shrine and dedicating it to him"
I struggle not to puke up my breakfast at the thought of my father being fucking gorgeous. I decide to play along "I suppose he is"
"You suppose, he is fucking gorgeous"
"Okay he his, whatever you say Tanisha" She grins at me with another thought "Have you seen his eyes? They are the most sparkly, beautiful green color on this planet, kinda like yours"
I can feel myself start to turn bright red; I struggled to keep my expression neutral, hoping that my face wasn't showing any sign of guilt. She turns to look at me skeptically.
"You do actually look a bit like him" In my mind I was thinking 'a bit! A BIT! I look a fucking lot like my father'
"Well at least I can say I have my own special little female Billie Joe Armstrong"
I whispered to myself "You have no idea"
"What was that?"
"Nothing! So did you hear Fall out Boy's new song?"
A smile reached her face and eyes "Yeah! Its so awesome, I was listening to it yesterday and thinking...Wow they rock" I rested my head on the car window and began watching the cars of all different colors, shapes and makes passing us while nodding every now and again at what Tanisha was saying.
I must have dosed off to sleep cause the next thing I know my mum's shaking me roughly. My eyes snap open suddenly makes Mum and Tanisha jump. "We're here" My eyes travel to the building we were meant to be going into, it was fairly big. "WOW!"
Tanisha grabs me and we walk arm in arm into the building, looking fairly confident. The interior of the building was very modern. It was decorated in Blues, blacks, reds and silvers.
There were spacious offices and waiting areas, for clients of the company. We were going to talk to one of the secretaries when someone called out to us. It was Andy "Guys over here! We have to wait for a little while. James should be back soon. Hey Mrs. P"
"You guys all know my mum right?"
"Yes, It's nice to see you again Mrs. Waters. You know my mum and step dad right?" The woman in question smiled and shook my mum and Leo's hands. "Its nice to finally meet you Isabelle and Harry. Why don't we leave these kids to talk and go over her to the mini mothers meeting" I heard Leo start to grumble about not being a mother.
Mrs. Waters lead my mum over to the two other women sitting in the corner. I waved to them "Hey Mrs. Gill! Hey Mrs. Debenedictis!" Tanisha seemed anxious "Where's Tom?" she asked looking around.
"Oh he went to the bathroom like 10 minutes ago. I wonder where he is?" Tanisha started walking in the direction of toilets, quite hurriedly "I'll go find him!" I give Andy a playful nudge "I wonder what they're gonna be doing, Huh"
He put his hands over his ears "Ewwwwww! I don't wanna think about it" I forced his hands away from his ears and shouted into them "You're a baby!" A few of the other people of the 4th floor turned to watch us with mild amusement.
He turned back to me with an angry look, I started trying to run away and failing miserably. Whenever I went to step somewhere I tripped over my own feet, I'm part klutz as well.
I dashed behind this huge plant like thing in the middle of the room. We were on opposite sides. When he moved to go one way I moved to other "It's like dancing!" I exclaimed. Andy shook his head at my enthusiasm.
I was dodging around so much trying to loose Andy that I made myself slightly dizzy. I swung myself out from behind the plant and held my hands up in defense "If you don't hurt me, I'll give you a cookie!"
Andy grinned at me and winked "Your terms are acceptable". We headed to sit back down with our Mum's. I plonked my slim ass in between Mum and Mrs. Waters. Mrs. Waters leaned over to me and whispered into my ear "You're not really going to give him a cookie are you?"
She giggled at my shake of the head. I was sitting with my head in my hands listening to the mum's talk about how best to get red wine off of white shirts. Leo was silent like me trying to survive the wait without having the urge to commit suicide.
I glanced up and noticed James walking up to us with a smile "Hello there, you must be their mothers and Natasha's step dad" They all nodded politely.
James turned to talk to me "Is everyone accounted for and ready to go in?" I started counting everyone 1 by 1. "I think we're missing 2 band members" Andy whispered to James.
Tanisha and Tom walked up to us; I of course was still counting "Hey guys!" Tom called. I let out a frustrated sigh "Arrr you made me loose count! Wait a minute!" I glanced up to the both of them. Tanisha's skirt was slightly crumpled and Tom's hair was out of place.
I gasped and they both turned red. No one was really taking any notice, except James who chuckled lightly "Well I guess we're all here now. Why don't we go in?"
We walked into a big spacious room, the tables and chairs were all lined up conference style. In the chairs on the right, were men in suits, I'm assuming that they were the bosses.
We sat down on the left-hand chairs; the band sat together next to their guardians. When we were seated the talk began; "now we've drawn up a contract" A copy of the contract was passed to all of us.
I heard murmurs of agreement and approval from the parents. I read it over very carefully. It all looked good to me. Even Leo looked happy with it.
It said we would be entitled to almost unlimited funds to record and produce our record. We would of course be able to negotiate a tour. It said that we would get 30% of all records that were bought and some other stuff I won't bore you about. I was quite pleased.
"There is a problem that we have to discuss" My ears perked up at the hint of a problem. "What would that problem be?" Leo asked.
"Well in the interest of the bands success, we feel it would be better for them to move to Los Angeles, to get the best career that they can have. Plus they would have better facilities to produce their record over in California than in England"
My heart jumped in my chest at the possibility of living far closer to my father and extended family. "What! What about their financial circumstances? How can they possibly afford to move to and live in America? They're only 16" My mum shrieked.
"We have thought of that Miss, We are prepared to put a lot of money and time into this band. They are some of the best we have ever seen. We have already purchased a rather big house in California that they would be able to live in at no expense"
"Wow!" Tom cried, "What do you guys think?" Andy asked. I cleared my throat "To tell you the truth. I want to do this! I really do. We could start a great life out there; we could get to play music for a living. That's what I've always wanted to do"
I could see every member of the band nodding. "I want to do this. As long as we do it together" Tom whispered quietly. I stuck my fist out, and waited. Andy covered my hand with his. Tanisha placed her hand on top of his and finally Tom put his hand on Tanisha's.
"Together?" I asked, I looked to each and every one of them; they each smiled and repeated after me "Together" We all had a big group hug. The Bosses and James were smiling at our display.
We turned to face our parents; they didn't look too happy. The only one who was smiling was Leo. "Mum?" I asked timidly "No!" she cried "No! You can't go to America. You can't. I need you"
I smiled warmly "Mum. I need you too. I love you. But I need to do this. As a great band once said 'It's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done' If this is a mistake. Its my mistake to make, Don't worry, I know what I'm doing"
She grinned a watery smile "You are so much your father's daughter. Okay, you have my blessing" I pulled her towards me into a giant hug, Leo and everyone else watched on.
"I suppose you all feel this way as well don't you?" Mrs. Debenedictis asked the 3 other band members. They nodded. I looked around daring not to hope.
"Where do we sign?" Everyone shouted. The contracts were signed and arrangements were made for after the exams. We were all heading home after a long day. James was going to send us pictures of the house that Interscope purchased.
I was so knackered when I got home that I had time to say goodnight to my brother. To find out that we had a gig at the local club called 'The quake' and to text Tre, Mike and my dad telling them I missed them before collapsing onto the sofa.
I heard nothing for the rest of the night; it was planned that we would miss school again tomorrow because of exhaustion. My mum was going to make Chicken Caesar Salad, so in the words of my Uncle "I'm a happy boy! Well, girl if we're being technical"
In response to my question my mum came barging into the room carrying a tray with bacon, sausage and egg. Complete with French bread and orange juice. "Get up you! I called you off of school today. I arranged a meeting with Mr. Macfarlen and your friend's parents, to discuss your contract"
"Mum. Ohhhh don't shout at me, I have a hangover" I burrowed my head under the covers to avoid the sunlight. Mum tutted to show her disapproval of my actions and mumbled "I didn't even shout". I groaned again as she pulled the covers off of my body.
"I'm never drinking alcohol again. Never in my lifetime" Mum chuckled at my vow "You remind me of your father. He used to say that to us every time he had a hangover" I grinned toothily "So what you got for me to eat then?"
She placed my breakfast on my lap "Eat this and then get ready, your meetings is at 11:00, I took the day off work this better be good" She waggled her finger in front of my face; I was tempted to bite it.
She waltzed out of the room leaving me to eat my food. Whilst eating my eggs, I picked up my phone to check for any messages.
My face lit up as I saw a message from my Dad. I got up and started doing my happy dance, forgetting momentarily that my food was getting cold. I opened the message and read it. It was quite short. It read
Hi baby! Gd luck on ur xams nxt week. Cnt wait 2 c u! bye
To tell you the truth that message deflated my good mood a bit. I kind of expected a little bit more from my own father. I mean he didn't even tell me he loved me. Maybe I was digging too deep for some kind of sign, what do you think?
I scrolled down through the messages from Vodafone about new offers until I came to a new message from Tre. He always makes me happy. It was a video message. "What could he be sending me?" I asked myself. I opened the file.
I had to wait for it to load up. When it had finished it opened automatically. My eyes bugged out of my skull at what I saw. I just started laughing uncontrollably whilst watching
I was seeing my uncle, strutting around in nothing but a hot pink silk thong singing King for a Day. It looked like someone else had filmed it. Tre had stopped singing and turned towards the camera phone. He tried to look pouty and failed miserably.
"I told you I looked hot in a thong Tasha. Now you can't ignore my sexiness. I have to go now, me and Mike are gonna go have sex! I'm making him really hot right now"
The phone must have been turned around because I could see Mike shaking his head violently and mouthing "NO! NO! NO! NO! Save Me" All what happened next was a blur to me.
Tre had run over to Mike and jumped on top of him all I heard was Mike's protests and Tre shouting, "You know you want me Mike! Don't lie!" before the tape was cut.
I was giggling so much, that mum came up the stairs to see what was the matter with me. She walked into the room to see me a pile of laughing and giggling limbs. "What on earth is wrong with you child?"
Without saying a word I chucked my phone up at her, she watched what I had seen. My mum has way too much self-control she only giggled slightly. Can you believe that?
"Go get changed! Go, go, go, go. We'll be late" I took a quick shower and got ready for the meeting. I was concentrating on doing my make up, when my little brother came into the room with a lost look on his face.
"Hey little man. What's wrong?" I heard a tiny little groan escape him "Daddy made me sick. He gave me his cold. I don't like it" I grinned down at him and lifted him up and positioned him in my still warm bed. "Now. I want you to try and get some sleep. Okay?"
Mike sneezed and yawned slightly "Okay, Tasha. I'll try and... " He had already fallen fast asleep before he finished. I stood there watching my brother sleeping before mum called my down to go.
"Natasha Armstrong! Get your little butt down here! We need to go"
I jumped excitedly down the stairs, taking them 2 at a time. Tanisha appeared at the bottom of the stairs but I was going way to fast and I couldn't stop. She gave a little yelp as I crashed into her knocking us both over in the process.
I jumped up as if nothing happened. That's another great talent I have. I can fall down any number of stairs and just get without hurting myself. I'm practically indestructible.
I pull Tanisha up from the ground whilst apologizing "What are you doing here? Isn't your mum coming?" I ask with mild politeness. She shakes her head at me, yes. "I wanted to come with you! I have something really good to tell you"
I look up to see my mum tapping her feet and jingling her keys, waiting for Tanisha and I to go. "Are you two ready yet?"
I grinned at her walking step by step slowly up to her. "See, I'm going as fast as I can" Mum goes to slap me playfully on the ass but I slink up behind a pillar in our house, pretending to hide.
I make a gun shape with my hands and peered around the side of the pillar trying to look like a secret agent. I begin to hum the Mission Impossible Theme tune. By this time Tanisha was laughing her ass off at me.
After 5 minutes of rolling around on the ground trying to look cool, we are in the car and on our way to the England branch of Interscope records. Oh Leo had decided to come too cause we'd need a lawyer to look over everything to make sure it was legit. Mum has punk music blaring out through the speakers.
My mums so cool. It's loud enough so she can't hear Tanisha and I talking "So what have you got to tell me?" I asked curiously. "Well you know how Billie Joe dyed his hair blonde"
Yeah of course I remember. I remember being informed by my friend, that my own father dyed his hair.
I nod feeling quite insecure and uncomfortable once again of talking about my father. "Yeah" She giggles and I try not to laugh "Well! He dyed his hair back to black" My eyes boggle "Really"
Again my friend knew something about my father that I didn't know. I feel so pathetic. It's like my father doesn't tell me anything. "Yeah he looks sooooooo fucking gorgeous with the black hair. I mean Wow! I feel like making a shrine and dedicating it to him"
I struggle not to puke up my breakfast at the thought of my father being fucking gorgeous. I decide to play along "I suppose he is"
"You suppose, he is fucking gorgeous"
"Okay he his, whatever you say Tanisha" She grins at me with another thought "Have you seen his eyes? They are the most sparkly, beautiful green color on this planet, kinda like yours"
I can feel myself start to turn bright red; I struggled to keep my expression neutral, hoping that my face wasn't showing any sign of guilt. She turns to look at me skeptically.
"You do actually look a bit like him" In my mind I was thinking 'a bit! A BIT! I look a fucking lot like my father'
"Well at least I can say I have my own special little female Billie Joe Armstrong"
I whispered to myself "You have no idea"
"What was that?"
"Nothing! So did you hear Fall out Boy's new song?"
A smile reached her face and eyes "Yeah! Its so awesome, I was listening to it yesterday and thinking...Wow they rock" I rested my head on the car window and began watching the cars of all different colors, shapes and makes passing us while nodding every now and again at what Tanisha was saying.
I must have dosed off to sleep cause the next thing I know my mum's shaking me roughly. My eyes snap open suddenly makes Mum and Tanisha jump. "We're here" My eyes travel to the building we were meant to be going into, it was fairly big. "WOW!"
Tanisha grabs me and we walk arm in arm into the building, looking fairly confident. The interior of the building was very modern. It was decorated in Blues, blacks, reds and silvers.
There were spacious offices and waiting areas, for clients of the company. We were going to talk to one of the secretaries when someone called out to us. It was Andy "Guys over here! We have to wait for a little while. James should be back soon. Hey Mrs. P"
"You guys all know my mum right?"
"Yes, It's nice to see you again Mrs. Waters. You know my mum and step dad right?" The woman in question smiled and shook my mum and Leo's hands. "Its nice to finally meet you Isabelle and Harry. Why don't we leave these kids to talk and go over her to the mini mothers meeting" I heard Leo start to grumble about not being a mother.
Mrs. Waters lead my mum over to the two other women sitting in the corner. I waved to them "Hey Mrs. Gill! Hey Mrs. Debenedictis!" Tanisha seemed anxious "Where's Tom?" she asked looking around.
"Oh he went to the bathroom like 10 minutes ago. I wonder where he is?" Tanisha started walking in the direction of toilets, quite hurriedly "I'll go find him!" I give Andy a playful nudge "I wonder what they're gonna be doing, Huh"
He put his hands over his ears "Ewwwwww! I don't wanna think about it" I forced his hands away from his ears and shouted into them "You're a baby!" A few of the other people of the 4th floor turned to watch us with mild amusement.
He turned back to me with an angry look, I started trying to run away and failing miserably. Whenever I went to step somewhere I tripped over my own feet, I'm part klutz as well.
I dashed behind this huge plant like thing in the middle of the room. We were on opposite sides. When he moved to go one way I moved to other "It's like dancing!" I exclaimed. Andy shook his head at my enthusiasm.
I was dodging around so much trying to loose Andy that I made myself slightly dizzy. I swung myself out from behind the plant and held my hands up in defense "If you don't hurt me, I'll give you a cookie!"
Andy grinned at me and winked "Your terms are acceptable". We headed to sit back down with our Mum's. I plonked my slim ass in between Mum and Mrs. Waters. Mrs. Waters leaned over to me and whispered into my ear "You're not really going to give him a cookie are you?"
She giggled at my shake of the head. I was sitting with my head in my hands listening to the mum's talk about how best to get red wine off of white shirts. Leo was silent like me trying to survive the wait without having the urge to commit suicide.
I glanced up and noticed James walking up to us with a smile "Hello there, you must be their mothers and Natasha's step dad" They all nodded politely.
James turned to talk to me "Is everyone accounted for and ready to go in?" I started counting everyone 1 by 1. "I think we're missing 2 band members" Andy whispered to James.
Tanisha and Tom walked up to us; I of course was still counting "Hey guys!" Tom called. I let out a frustrated sigh "Arrr you made me loose count! Wait a minute!" I glanced up to the both of them. Tanisha's skirt was slightly crumpled and Tom's hair was out of place.
I gasped and they both turned red. No one was really taking any notice, except James who chuckled lightly "Well I guess we're all here now. Why don't we go in?"
We walked into a big spacious room, the tables and chairs were all lined up conference style. In the chairs on the right, were men in suits, I'm assuming that they were the bosses.
We sat down on the left-hand chairs; the band sat together next to their guardians. When we were seated the talk began; "now we've drawn up a contract" A copy of the contract was passed to all of us.
I heard murmurs of agreement and approval from the parents. I read it over very carefully. It all looked good to me. Even Leo looked happy with it.
It said we would be entitled to almost unlimited funds to record and produce our record. We would of course be able to negotiate a tour. It said that we would get 30% of all records that were bought and some other stuff I won't bore you about. I was quite pleased.
"There is a problem that we have to discuss" My ears perked up at the hint of a problem. "What would that problem be?" Leo asked.
"Well in the interest of the bands success, we feel it would be better for them to move to Los Angeles, to get the best career that they can have. Plus they would have better facilities to produce their record over in California than in England"
My heart jumped in my chest at the possibility of living far closer to my father and extended family. "What! What about their financial circumstances? How can they possibly afford to move to and live in America? They're only 16" My mum shrieked.
"We have thought of that Miss, We are prepared to put a lot of money and time into this band. They are some of the best we have ever seen. We have already purchased a rather big house in California that they would be able to live in at no expense"
"Wow!" Tom cried, "What do you guys think?" Andy asked. I cleared my throat "To tell you the truth. I want to do this! I really do. We could start a great life out there; we could get to play music for a living. That's what I've always wanted to do"
I could see every member of the band nodding. "I want to do this. As long as we do it together" Tom whispered quietly. I stuck my fist out, and waited. Andy covered my hand with his. Tanisha placed her hand on top of his and finally Tom put his hand on Tanisha's.
"Together?" I asked, I looked to each and every one of them; they each smiled and repeated after me "Together" We all had a big group hug. The Bosses and James were smiling at our display.
We turned to face our parents; they didn't look too happy. The only one who was smiling was Leo. "Mum?" I asked timidly "No!" she cried "No! You can't go to America. You can't. I need you"
I smiled warmly "Mum. I need you too. I love you. But I need to do this. As a great band once said 'It's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done' If this is a mistake. Its my mistake to make, Don't worry, I know what I'm doing"
She grinned a watery smile "You are so much your father's daughter. Okay, you have my blessing" I pulled her towards me into a giant hug, Leo and everyone else watched on.
"I suppose you all feel this way as well don't you?" Mrs. Debenedictis asked the 3 other band members. They nodded. I looked around daring not to hope.
"Where do we sign?" Everyone shouted. The contracts were signed and arrangements were made for after the exams. We were all heading home after a long day. James was going to send us pictures of the house that Interscope purchased.
I was so knackered when I got home that I had time to say goodnight to my brother. To find out that we had a gig at the local club called 'The quake' and to text Tre, Mike and my dad telling them I missed them before collapsing onto the sofa.
I heard nothing for the rest of the night; it was planned that we would miss school again tomorrow because of exhaustion. My mum was going to make Chicken Caesar Salad, so in the words of my Uncle "I'm a happy boy! Well, girl if we're being technical"
