You bleed just to know you're alive (sequel to The one he would help), chapter 5
The next day Tre had brought Lina to Billie'shouse. Both, Joey an Jakob, was on school now, and Jason an Susan didn't know that they had found Lina yet.
Adrienne was half lying, half sitting on Billie in the biggest sofa. Sometimes she glanced curiously on Lina, who was sitting in a sofa chair next to Tre.
Lina hadn't changed much since they saw her last time. Her hair was shorter, and she had bangs. But that was all. At least on the outside.
"So... Are you going to tell us where Mike is?" Billie asked the blonde girl. She shook her head.
"But you do know where he is?"
She looked like she thought of what to answer, but she had already kinda told Tre that she knew where Mike was, so she decided not to change her explanation now. Then she nodded.
"Please tell us where he is."
Billie's eyes begged her to listen. She felt horrible inside when she was holding on to the information she had, but she didn't want the rest of them to disappear too. There had to be a way to rescue Mike without bringing the rest of the band in danger.
The sadness she always felt inside had been harder to handle after she got to know about Mike. She wished that They never had found her. She wished that They didn't know that she knew Billie, Mike and Tre.
"You know that we should call the police and let them talk to you," Tre suddenly said.
She looked at him for a second, just to check if he just were threatening her or if he was serious. She couldn't tell. She didn't say anything.
Suddenly Billie lost his patient. He jumped up from the sofa and took one step over the floor. Now he stood right in front of Lina.
"While we are sitting here and tries to get you to talk, someone is torturing Mike somewhere. Are you going to tell us where our friend are, or are we just wasting our time?"
Still no answer. Lina just stared right in front of her.
"I cant believe that you're doing this. He was your friend too. Now you are letting him die."
Lina jumped up from the chair and ran out in the garden. They could see that she fell down on her knees out there. Maybe she was crying, maybe not.
"Well, nice job, Billie," Adrienne said and stood up too. Billie shrugged.
Adrienne smiled. "I'll talk to her."
Tre and Billie watched the woman walk out of the door Lina had left open and over to where the girl sat. Adrienne sat down beside her.
"Ten bucks she'll make it."
Billie looked at Tre. He smiled a little. Maybe it was good to get away a little of the stress.
"No way," He said.
"OK, if you want to loose money."
Billie and Tre never got to know what Adrienne said to Lina out there, but after some minutes they were wrapped in each others arms in a hug that reminded much of a hug she used to give her own sons. Then they both came back to the house, and Adrienne said that Lina was willing to help them, even thought she had told them that it was Theirs plan to get them all to come over to the place where Mike was.
While Adrienne had been out in the garden with Lina, Jason and Susan had arrived.
Both of them had been very surprised to see Lina out in the garden, but they had waited till they came back into the house.
So now Lina and Susan stood face to face again after a very long time.
"Hi" had Susan said. Her voice wasn't really as friendly as you thought it should be when you talk to an old friend. It was more like someone who talked to each other after a really big fight.
"What, aren't you happy to see me?" Lina said, even thought she knew what bothered Susan.
Susan had now, in three years, been convinced that her best friend where dead. Now she was standing right in front of her, and she was not dead.
"You let me think you were dead in three years."
Billie, Tre, Jason and Adrienne understood that this was something the girls should do in private, and they walked out in the garden and shot the door.
"I'm sorry." Lina said. Her eyes looked down at her shoes for some seconds, but then she understood that she had to look her friend in the eyes.
"I couldn't let anyone know where I was... "
"You could've at least given me something so I knew that you were alive."
Lina didn't answer.
"Why did you run away?" Susan said. Her eyes where watery.
"I... I had to get away from everything."
"Get away from what? Some stupid fight with your parents?!"
Lina was quiet for a long time.
"No." She whispered.
"So why did you leave? What could possible have been so bad that you had to make people think you were dead?"
"I had to. I just had to. Trust me, I didn't want to, I just had to."
"Why?" Susan wanted a real answer, but Lina couldn't give her a real answer. She couldn't tell her everything. Not yet.
Lina didn't answer this time.
"You never give me real answers."
Susan walked out to the others and left Lina alone in the living room. She smiled to the people out there, but when she turned away she cried. She didn't want to not to be able to talk to her friend, but she had thought Lina was dead for a long time. She had been put through the worst pain ever. The pain by loosing someone you really love. Lina was the one friend that had been there for her all the time. When she died (or, when Susan thought she died) a grief she had never felt before had taken her.
Lina was back, but she couldn't just come back like nothing had ever happened. She thought nothing was changed. She was wrong. A lot was changed.
*
(Linas pov)
I locked the door to Billie'sbathroom, and walked over to the big mirror over the sink. I looked into my own blue eyes and sight. In some sort of way, I felt heavy, like if there was something big and black inside of me. From the first time the feelings began growing inside of me, I have felt dead. I need to know I'm alive.
I turned my back to the 19 year old pale girl behind me and looked around in the room. In the window I see one of Adrienne's razorblades. As I moved forward I felt like I was standing outside of my own body and just looked at myself taking down the razorblade. It was sharp, and small hair were sucked on it. Adrienne had probably just used it.
I pulled up the arm on my sweater and looked from the razor to my arm. Scars were visible. This wasn't the first time I had done this.
Quickly I let the razor run through the skin on my arm. At first I didn't feel anything, so I did it again, deeper this time.
Two more times I repeated the action. Then I felt the pain. The razor fell down on the floor and I felt the blood stream from the cuts.
I felt dizzy and sick. I cant stand blood, I hate it. It makes me think of things that happened before...
(no ones pov)
"Isn't Lina coming soon?" Billie drummed on the steering wheel in the car. Everyone was there except the girl who was going to show them where to go.
"I'll go and get her," Tre said and jumped out from the car. He slammed the door behind him. Behind him he could hear Billie shout "DON'T RUIN MY CAR!" but Tre just grinned to him and walked into the house again.
"I'm just going to find Lina," he explained to Adrienne who was reading a book to Jakob. She nodded and concentrated on the book again.
Tre was heading to the toilet, cause that was where Lina had said she would be. Tre knocked on the door. No one answered, so he tried to open it. It was locked.
"Lina?" He knocked again. "Are you there?"
He put his ear into the door and listened. At first he didn't hear anything. Then he heard breathing. He knew something was wrong. He began shaking the door, but he couldn't open it.
*Linas pov*
Through the mist that covered my eyes I could see the door shaking. I wanted to open it. My hand was bleeding. Blood dripped down at the carpet and the blood vanished into it.
"Sorry about your floor Adrienne" I thought.
I raised the hand witch had cut my other wrist and managed to unlock the door. The door flew up.
*no ones pov*
Tre stumbled into the room and nearly crashed into the mirror Lina had been looking into some minutes earlier. He turned around and saw the girl sitting up against the wall. Blood was running from deep cuts on her right arm and she looked like she was falling asleep.
Tre sat down on the floor next to her and took her arm. A tear came from here eye.
"It hurts," she mumbled weakly and tried to make Tre let go.
"Why the fuck did u do that?" Tre was half mad, half worried.
Lina looked into his eyes.
"I need to know I'm alive." Her eyes rolled back into her scull.
"Oh, man."
Tre checked her pulse. She wasn't dieing. She had fainted, that was all. Tre got some water and washed her wounds. It had nearly stopped bleeding now. Gently he took pulled the arm on the black sweater down over her arm again.
He lifted her up and carried her out in the car.
"What the hell has happened to her?" Billie asked as he turned his head and looked at the people in the back seat. Jason took Linas head and placed it on his hip.
"She fainted on the bathroom," Tre said and slammed the door again.
"She just fainted?" Billie said. It was clearly that he didn't really believe his drummer friend.
"Yeah, she just fainted. Must be the heat."
"Shouldn't she be used to that by now?"
Tre put up a "I don't know" expression and began on the work of waking Lina up.
After two minutes she opened her eyes.
"Welcome back to the world," Jason said and smiled down to her. Slowly she got up and looked around in the moving car.
"I found you fainted on the floor," Tre said to her. She looked at him.
"Yeah, I felt a little dizzy... I haven't drunk enough water I guess." Billie threw a bottle of water over to her without taking his eyes off the road.
"Here. Drink it all up."
Lina opened the bottle and drank a little.
"So, where shall I drive?" Billie asked.
Lina looked out of the window just to know where they were.
"It's over there."
*
Mike couldn't help it. He was shaking. The man who came into his room had an expression on his face that could make people piss on them selves.
"What do you want?" Mike'svoice didn't sound brave at all.
"Shut up!"
The man grabbed him and turned him roughly around. He placed his left arm over Mike'sneck and pushed him up against the wall. The man began fiddling around his pants, and Mike could feel that he managed to open them. That was when he understood what the man was planning to do. Panic struck him and he began fighting.
"Stop, don't do it!"
The man pushed harder on his neck. The pain stabbed in him like a knife.
"Just try to fight, little rock star. You won't escape from me." Mike threw his hole body back and forward, trying to escape the man behind him, but he was so much stronger.
The man had taken off his own pants now. He found his way to Mike.
Mike could feel something stick into his butt, and he knew what it was.
"Stop it, please!"
Then he screamed. It hurt so bad, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Mike closed his eyes. Then suddenly it stopped.
"I hope you enjoyed yourself."
The man let go of Mike and left him on the floor. The door was shut.
Tears came streaming down Mike's face. His whole body began shaking, and he crept into the corner so far away from the door that he could get. He covered his face with his hands and just sat there for a long time.
Then he could hear voices outside of his door. Quickly he pulled up his pants again, but no one was coming into the room. They were talking outside.
"There is a car outside." a voice said. It was a deep voice, it belonged to the man who had been in the room where Mike was.
"Good. I knew they would come." Another voice said, this voice was childish, but belonged to a grown up man.
Steps.
"I'm surprised you know... I didn't think she would bring them here." Still it was the childish voice speaking.
"I'm not," the other voice said. "Lina always follow orders."
Adrienne was half lying, half sitting on Billie in the biggest sofa. Sometimes she glanced curiously on Lina, who was sitting in a sofa chair next to Tre.
Lina hadn't changed much since they saw her last time. Her hair was shorter, and she had bangs. But that was all. At least on the outside.
"So... Are you going to tell us where Mike is?" Billie asked the blonde girl. She shook her head.
"But you do know where he is?"
She looked like she thought of what to answer, but she had already kinda told Tre that she knew where Mike was, so she decided not to change her explanation now. Then she nodded.
"Please tell us where he is."
Billie's eyes begged her to listen. She felt horrible inside when she was holding on to the information she had, but she didn't want the rest of them to disappear too. There had to be a way to rescue Mike without bringing the rest of the band in danger.
The sadness she always felt inside had been harder to handle after she got to know about Mike. She wished that They never had found her. She wished that They didn't know that she knew Billie, Mike and Tre.
"You know that we should call the police and let them talk to you," Tre suddenly said.
She looked at him for a second, just to check if he just were threatening her or if he was serious. She couldn't tell. She didn't say anything.
Suddenly Billie lost his patient. He jumped up from the sofa and took one step over the floor. Now he stood right in front of Lina.
"While we are sitting here and tries to get you to talk, someone is torturing Mike somewhere. Are you going to tell us where our friend are, or are we just wasting our time?"
Still no answer. Lina just stared right in front of her.
"I cant believe that you're doing this. He was your friend too. Now you are letting him die."
Lina jumped up from the chair and ran out in the garden. They could see that she fell down on her knees out there. Maybe she was crying, maybe not.
"Well, nice job, Billie," Adrienne said and stood up too. Billie shrugged.
Adrienne smiled. "I'll talk to her."
Tre and Billie watched the woman walk out of the door Lina had left open and over to where the girl sat. Adrienne sat down beside her.
"Ten bucks she'll make it."
Billie looked at Tre. He smiled a little. Maybe it was good to get away a little of the stress.
"No way," He said.
"OK, if you want to loose money."
Billie and Tre never got to know what Adrienne said to Lina out there, but after some minutes they were wrapped in each others arms in a hug that reminded much of a hug she used to give her own sons. Then they both came back to the house, and Adrienne said that Lina was willing to help them, even thought she had told them that it was Theirs plan to get them all to come over to the place where Mike was.
While Adrienne had been out in the garden with Lina, Jason and Susan had arrived.
Both of them had been very surprised to see Lina out in the garden, but they had waited till they came back into the house.
So now Lina and Susan stood face to face again after a very long time.
"Hi" had Susan said. Her voice wasn't really as friendly as you thought it should be when you talk to an old friend. It was more like someone who talked to each other after a really big fight.
"What, aren't you happy to see me?" Lina said, even thought she knew what bothered Susan.
Susan had now, in three years, been convinced that her best friend where dead. Now she was standing right in front of her, and she was not dead.
"You let me think you were dead in three years."
Billie, Tre, Jason and Adrienne understood that this was something the girls should do in private, and they walked out in the garden and shot the door.
"I'm sorry." Lina said. Her eyes looked down at her shoes for some seconds, but then she understood that she had to look her friend in the eyes.
"I couldn't let anyone know where I was... "
"You could've at least given me something so I knew that you were alive."
Lina didn't answer.
"Why did you run away?" Susan said. Her eyes where watery.
"I... I had to get away from everything."
"Get away from what? Some stupid fight with your parents?!"
Lina was quiet for a long time.
"No." She whispered.
"So why did you leave? What could possible have been so bad that you had to make people think you were dead?"
"I had to. I just had to. Trust me, I didn't want to, I just had to."
"Why?" Susan wanted a real answer, but Lina couldn't give her a real answer. She couldn't tell her everything. Not yet.
Lina didn't answer this time.
"You never give me real answers."
Susan walked out to the others and left Lina alone in the living room. She smiled to the people out there, but when she turned away she cried. She didn't want to not to be able to talk to her friend, but she had thought Lina was dead for a long time. She had been put through the worst pain ever. The pain by loosing someone you really love. Lina was the one friend that had been there for her all the time. When she died (or, when Susan thought she died) a grief she had never felt before had taken her.
Lina was back, but she couldn't just come back like nothing had ever happened. She thought nothing was changed. She was wrong. A lot was changed.
*
(Linas pov)
I locked the door to Billie'sbathroom, and walked over to the big mirror over the sink. I looked into my own blue eyes and sight. In some sort of way, I felt heavy, like if there was something big and black inside of me. From the first time the feelings began growing inside of me, I have felt dead. I need to know I'm alive.
I turned my back to the 19 year old pale girl behind me and looked around in the room. In the window I see one of Adrienne's razorblades. As I moved forward I felt like I was standing outside of my own body and just looked at myself taking down the razorblade. It was sharp, and small hair were sucked on it. Adrienne had probably just used it.
I pulled up the arm on my sweater and looked from the razor to my arm. Scars were visible. This wasn't the first time I had done this.
Quickly I let the razor run through the skin on my arm. At first I didn't feel anything, so I did it again, deeper this time.
Two more times I repeated the action. Then I felt the pain. The razor fell down on the floor and I felt the blood stream from the cuts.
I felt dizzy and sick. I cant stand blood, I hate it. It makes me think of things that happened before...
(no ones pov)
"Isn't Lina coming soon?" Billie drummed on the steering wheel in the car. Everyone was there except the girl who was going to show them where to go.
"I'll go and get her," Tre said and jumped out from the car. He slammed the door behind him. Behind him he could hear Billie shout "DON'T RUIN MY CAR!" but Tre just grinned to him and walked into the house again.
"I'm just going to find Lina," he explained to Adrienne who was reading a book to Jakob. She nodded and concentrated on the book again.
Tre was heading to the toilet, cause that was where Lina had said she would be. Tre knocked on the door. No one answered, so he tried to open it. It was locked.
"Lina?" He knocked again. "Are you there?"
He put his ear into the door and listened. At first he didn't hear anything. Then he heard breathing. He knew something was wrong. He began shaking the door, but he couldn't open it.
*Linas pov*
Through the mist that covered my eyes I could see the door shaking. I wanted to open it. My hand was bleeding. Blood dripped down at the carpet and the blood vanished into it.
"Sorry about your floor Adrienne" I thought.
I raised the hand witch had cut my other wrist and managed to unlock the door. The door flew up.
*no ones pov*
Tre stumbled into the room and nearly crashed into the mirror Lina had been looking into some minutes earlier. He turned around and saw the girl sitting up against the wall. Blood was running from deep cuts on her right arm and she looked like she was falling asleep.
Tre sat down on the floor next to her and took her arm. A tear came from here eye.
"It hurts," she mumbled weakly and tried to make Tre let go.
"Why the fuck did u do that?" Tre was half mad, half worried.
Lina looked into his eyes.
"I need to know I'm alive." Her eyes rolled back into her scull.
"Oh, man."
Tre checked her pulse. She wasn't dieing. She had fainted, that was all. Tre got some water and washed her wounds. It had nearly stopped bleeding now. Gently he took pulled the arm on the black sweater down over her arm again.
He lifted her up and carried her out in the car.
"What the hell has happened to her?" Billie asked as he turned his head and looked at the people in the back seat. Jason took Linas head and placed it on his hip.
"She fainted on the bathroom," Tre said and slammed the door again.
"She just fainted?" Billie said. It was clearly that he didn't really believe his drummer friend.
"Yeah, she just fainted. Must be the heat."
"Shouldn't she be used to that by now?"
Tre put up a "I don't know" expression and began on the work of waking Lina up.
After two minutes she opened her eyes.
"Welcome back to the world," Jason said and smiled down to her. Slowly she got up and looked around in the moving car.
"I found you fainted on the floor," Tre said to her. She looked at him.
"Yeah, I felt a little dizzy... I haven't drunk enough water I guess." Billie threw a bottle of water over to her without taking his eyes off the road.
"Here. Drink it all up."
Lina opened the bottle and drank a little.
"So, where shall I drive?" Billie asked.
Lina looked out of the window just to know where they were.
"It's over there."
*
Mike couldn't help it. He was shaking. The man who came into his room had an expression on his face that could make people piss on them selves.
"What do you want?" Mike'svoice didn't sound brave at all.
"Shut up!"
The man grabbed him and turned him roughly around. He placed his left arm over Mike'sneck and pushed him up against the wall. The man began fiddling around his pants, and Mike could feel that he managed to open them. That was when he understood what the man was planning to do. Panic struck him and he began fighting.
"Stop, don't do it!"
The man pushed harder on his neck. The pain stabbed in him like a knife.
"Just try to fight, little rock star. You won't escape from me." Mike threw his hole body back and forward, trying to escape the man behind him, but he was so much stronger.
The man had taken off his own pants now. He found his way to Mike.
Mike could feel something stick into his butt, and he knew what it was.
"Stop it, please!"
Then he screamed. It hurt so bad, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Mike closed his eyes. Then suddenly it stopped.
"I hope you enjoyed yourself."
The man let go of Mike and left him on the floor. The door was shut.
Tears came streaming down Mike's face. His whole body began shaking, and he crept into the corner so far away from the door that he could get. He covered his face with his hands and just sat there for a long time.
Then he could hear voices outside of his door. Quickly he pulled up his pants again, but no one was coming into the room. They were talking outside.
"There is a car outside." a voice said. It was a deep voice, it belonged to the man who had been in the room where Mike was.
"Good. I knew they would come." Another voice said, this voice was childish, but belonged to a grown up man.
Steps.
"I'm surprised you know... I didn't think she would bring them here." Still it was the childish voice speaking.
"I'm not," the other voice said. "Lina always follow orders."
