Mistakes Worth Making, chapter 8
"I called him," Taryn finally says, looking anywhere but at me. "And he told me the reason why he did what he did. He..."
"I don't want to hear it," I say, cutting her off before she has a chance to tell me his excuses. "I don't care and this is not going to help me get over him."
"Relax," she tells me, walking out of the bathroom so I can get dressed. "I wasn't going to tell you what he said. But I really, really think you should just call him and give him a chance to explain. He had a good reason for..."
"For fucking blowing me off?" I ask, raising my voice. "When does someone ever have a reason for blowing someone else off? If he wants to be that much of an asshole and lead me on like he did, then I don't want to have anything to do with him."
"Okay, well you knew he was married and had kids, so you can't push all the blame on him. What the hell was he supposed to do?" she asks, clearly taking his side.
"Keep it in his fucking pants," I tell her, flopping down on the unmade bed. "I...I don't know. But what if I do call him back and the same thing happens in another month? I'm not going to let him just trample all over me when his wife gets a little suspicious."
"I know, I know," she says, rubbing her head, probably trying to get rid of the pain I'm causing there. "I just really thought you two were cute together...he seemed really happy and what's better than that, you seemed really happy."
It'd already been three weeks or more since I had not answered the phone when he called, I had lost track of all time. I'm pretty confident that he doesn't even remember my name anymore. Why should he? He has a beautiful wife who gave him two kids and now he doesn't have a mistress to come along and fuck all that up, so why would he even give me the time of day?
--
I sit at my desk fiddling with my cell phone, trying to decide whether I should call him back or not. It's back and forth, back and forth. This seems to be an hourly routine of mine and still I really don't know what I should do. What am I getting myself into? What happens when I'm thirty and realize the time to live it up is almost over and I'm ready to get married? It's not like he's going to leave his wife and kids and move all the way across the country for me. I guess I could kill Adrienne. Riiiight.
I decide to call the plan off altogether before sitting down on the couch to watch TV. After staring blankly at it for hours, I get up and make my way to the bedroom to get some much needed sleep. I still wasn't totally sure what I was going to do yet. There would always be that whole 'what could have been' thing going on in the back of my mind if I didn't take this opportunity to call him back.
Taryn came by the next day to hang out with me. I was assuming she was going to do more pushing me to do what I know I wanted to. Surprising, she didn't do that though. She actually acted like she was on my side for the day, which made me feel a lot better. I couldn't stand that she was making excuses for Billie, even though I had to hold my tongue just so I wouldn't ask her what he had said.
--
Pete and I are sitting on the couch watching re-runs of Roseanne when the doorbell rings. I have no idea who it could be and I know it's not Taryn. Taryn has a knack for being incredibly rude and just barging right in. If she hadn't been my best friend for so long, I'd probably have to kill her or something.
Pete gets up to answer it...I can tell that it's a guy and they are making small talk or...really, I don't know. A few seconds later I hear Pete saying something about his fiancée, which I find to be really odd.
"Hey Sam," he says, coming back over to the couch. "Some guy is out there asking for a Natalie. I don't know a Natalie, but you're here more than I am so I figured you might know."
"Uhh...okay," I say, getting up and walking over to the door even though I'm almost positive that I don't know a Natalie either.
When I get over to the door and pull it the rest of the way open, I almost have a heart attack. It is none other than Billie Joe Armstrong, standing outside my door while Pete is right there. I am at a loss for words, so instead of standing there stuttering like a fucking moron I just go out in the hall, closing the door behind me.
"Sam," he says, looking at me and then moving his eyes to the floor.
The next thing I know, I've grabbed the front of his shirt and am pulling him behind me down the hall. I drag him into one of the vacant janitorial closets, quickly shutting the door behind us. I pull him to me and kiss him, which is even a surprise to me. I don't even know why he ditched me almost a month ago and now I'm kissing him? I miss him that much.
"I'm sorry," he immediately says, pulling away from me. "I'm so sorry, but I really had to do that. She just...it'd just be really bad if something like this got out. The end of my marriage, I wouldn't see my kids anymore, the band. I know that I shouldn't try to excuse what I did. Or I shouldn't even be here because I'm fucking married for Christ's sake, but I just...I've missed you so much."
"It's ok, it's ok," I tell him, hugging him close like this is the last time I'll ever get to do that. "I overreacted and I really don't want to hear your 'reason' for doing it right now because Taryn told me that you had a really good reason and she would never lead me down the wrong path. I believe you and we'll talk about it later, okay? Right now, I've really gotta get back in there to Pete. How about we have coffee or something tomorrow?"
"Yeah, we can do that," he says, smiling. "Just call me tomorrow morning sometime. I'll have my phone on."
"Okay...bye," I say, kissing him one last time.
"Bye," he says, walking out of the closet.
I stand there, wondering if I just made the biggest mistake of my life. It had all been over and in just seconds I let him walk back into my life like he had done nothing wrong. He had done me wrong and there was no one to say he wouldn't do it again. I have a lot of thinking to do tonight before I go see him in the morning.
"I don't want to hear it," I say, cutting her off before she has a chance to tell me his excuses. "I don't care and this is not going to help me get over him."
"Relax," she tells me, walking out of the bathroom so I can get dressed. "I wasn't going to tell you what he said. But I really, really think you should just call him and give him a chance to explain. He had a good reason for..."
"For fucking blowing me off?" I ask, raising my voice. "When does someone ever have a reason for blowing someone else off? If he wants to be that much of an asshole and lead me on like he did, then I don't want to have anything to do with him."
"Okay, well you knew he was married and had kids, so you can't push all the blame on him. What the hell was he supposed to do?" she asks, clearly taking his side.
"Keep it in his fucking pants," I tell her, flopping down on the unmade bed. "I...I don't know. But what if I do call him back and the same thing happens in another month? I'm not going to let him just trample all over me when his wife gets a little suspicious."
"I know, I know," she says, rubbing her head, probably trying to get rid of the pain I'm causing there. "I just really thought you two were cute together...he seemed really happy and what's better than that, you seemed really happy."
It'd already been three weeks or more since I had not answered the phone when he called, I had lost track of all time. I'm pretty confident that he doesn't even remember my name anymore. Why should he? He has a beautiful wife who gave him two kids and now he doesn't have a mistress to come along and fuck all that up, so why would he even give me the time of day?
--
I sit at my desk fiddling with my cell phone, trying to decide whether I should call him back or not. It's back and forth, back and forth. This seems to be an hourly routine of mine and still I really don't know what I should do. What am I getting myself into? What happens when I'm thirty and realize the time to live it up is almost over and I'm ready to get married? It's not like he's going to leave his wife and kids and move all the way across the country for me. I guess I could kill Adrienne. Riiiight.
I decide to call the plan off altogether before sitting down on the couch to watch TV. After staring blankly at it for hours, I get up and make my way to the bedroom to get some much needed sleep. I still wasn't totally sure what I was going to do yet. There would always be that whole 'what could have been' thing going on in the back of my mind if I didn't take this opportunity to call him back.
Taryn came by the next day to hang out with me. I was assuming she was going to do more pushing me to do what I know I wanted to. Surprising, she didn't do that though. She actually acted like she was on my side for the day, which made me feel a lot better. I couldn't stand that she was making excuses for Billie, even though I had to hold my tongue just so I wouldn't ask her what he had said.
--
Pete and I are sitting on the couch watching re-runs of Roseanne when the doorbell rings. I have no idea who it could be and I know it's not Taryn. Taryn has a knack for being incredibly rude and just barging right in. If she hadn't been my best friend for so long, I'd probably have to kill her or something.
Pete gets up to answer it...I can tell that it's a guy and they are making small talk or...really, I don't know. A few seconds later I hear Pete saying something about his fiancée, which I find to be really odd.
"Hey Sam," he says, coming back over to the couch. "Some guy is out there asking for a Natalie. I don't know a Natalie, but you're here more than I am so I figured you might know."
"Uhh...okay," I say, getting up and walking over to the door even though I'm almost positive that I don't know a Natalie either.
When I get over to the door and pull it the rest of the way open, I almost have a heart attack. It is none other than Billie Joe Armstrong, standing outside my door while Pete is right there. I am at a loss for words, so instead of standing there stuttering like a fucking moron I just go out in the hall, closing the door behind me.
"Sam," he says, looking at me and then moving his eyes to the floor.
The next thing I know, I've grabbed the front of his shirt and am pulling him behind me down the hall. I drag him into one of the vacant janitorial closets, quickly shutting the door behind us. I pull him to me and kiss him, which is even a surprise to me. I don't even know why he ditched me almost a month ago and now I'm kissing him? I miss him that much.
"I'm sorry," he immediately says, pulling away from me. "I'm so sorry, but I really had to do that. She just...it'd just be really bad if something like this got out. The end of my marriage, I wouldn't see my kids anymore, the band. I know that I shouldn't try to excuse what I did. Or I shouldn't even be here because I'm fucking married for Christ's sake, but I just...I've missed you so much."
"It's ok, it's ok," I tell him, hugging him close like this is the last time I'll ever get to do that. "I overreacted and I really don't want to hear your 'reason' for doing it right now because Taryn told me that you had a really good reason and she would never lead me down the wrong path. I believe you and we'll talk about it later, okay? Right now, I've really gotta get back in there to Pete. How about we have coffee or something tomorrow?"
"Yeah, we can do that," he says, smiling. "Just call me tomorrow morning sometime. I'll have my phone on."
"Okay...bye," I say, kissing him one last time.
"Bye," he says, walking out of the closet.
I stand there, wondering if I just made the biggest mistake of my life. It had all been over and in just seconds I let him walk back into my life like he had done nothing wrong. He had done me wrong and there was no one to say he wouldn't do it again. I have a lot of thinking to do tonight before I go see him in the morning.
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