Mom, Why Didn't You Tell Me?, chapter 10

"You see ever since I moved here I made four friends," I explained "I have two really close friends, Sam who plays guitar and sings lead vocals and Keeley who plays the bass, She really likes Mike."

"So you play drums?" Tre said.

"Yeah but my dad doesn't want me to," I said "He wants me to be like him, but I'm not. I'm not just Billie Joe Armstrong's daughter, I'm Bailey Jade Armstrong soon to be the world's second best drummer in the universe."

"And who would be the first?" Tre asked. I looked at him and he smiled like he was proud of me, like a father would do, but the thing is my dad never looked at me that way. He never told me he was proud of me, that he loved me, he didn't really even speak at all.

"But wouldn't people expect you to sing if Billie Joe is your dad?" Tre asked, trying to keep his eyes on the road.
"But they don't know he's my dad," I said with a smile.

**
"Hey Sam, hey Keeley," I said spotting them with a group of people, talking. They came over.
"Hey this must be your dad," Keeley said looking at Tre.
"Yup, the one and only," I said. "Are you guys ready to go?"

We said bye to Tre and went backstage. We went for sound check and were on. Tre started moshing. I kind of wish I were down there with him. I LOVE playing the drums but sometimes its better to be someone else for a bit. When we were finished we went to find Tre. We loaded up our stuff in Tre's car.

"Tre do you mind if Keeley and Sam spend the night?" I asked.
"Sure, you know I can't say no to you," He said. "Let's drop off their instruments first."

We went to Sam's apartment then Keeley's house. They went and got their stuff then cam back out. When we got to Tre's I said I was going to say good night to Joey and Jake. I went next door to my room and out the door. I couldn't find my mom so I went to find Joey. He was in his room.

"Where's mom?" I asked.
"She went out with some friends," He said in a dull tone.
"Okay, if you need anything I'll be at Tre's," I said and left.

I went to the kitchen and wrote a note that said I'd be gone. I didn't say where I was going but that I'd be back tomorrow. I went back upstairs and packed a few more clothes. Once again I went over to Tre's. I put my stuff in my room before I saw Keeley and Sam. I put my stuff away and found Keeley and Sam in the living room with Tre. I sat next to Sam.

The doorbell rang and I looked at Tre.

"Everyone go in the closet for a sec," He said. They gave him a confused look but obeyed. We went in the closet by the door. I heard Mike's voice through the cracks. I felt Keeley get anxious and move around uncomfortably.

"I know she's here, Tre," Mike said.

"Who?" Tre asked acting dumb.

"Bailey, retard. I know she's here."

"How?" he said.

"She wasn't anywhere not even at any local gigs," Mike said. "There was a good band though that I really liked, the lead singer was someone named Sam," I sensed Sam's eyes get big. "Maybe Billie could give them a record deal." I would love to have a record deal but if my dad found out he would get so pissed.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Tre said.
"Why not?" Mike asked.
"Because I'm the drummer," I said stepping out of the closet. Everyone stared at me.

**

"So your dad doesn't know?" Mike asked.

"You told us your dad was Tre," Keeley said. I could tell she was getting mad.

"Actually Billie Joe Armstrong is the lead singer and guitarist for Green Day and my dad," I said depressed. I fought the urge to go to my room and find a sharp object.

"So that's why you look exactly like him," Sam said. That's when I snapped.

I hated the fact like I look like him, I hate that everyone has to remind me that I look like him. I hate that I act like him. I hate that he never talks to me. I hate that he's never home. I hate that my dad thinks I'm him. I hate that I can relate to his music. I hate that I think the same as him. I hate all of that so much that I hate him, I even hate me.

I stormed off to my room I had all this rage inside of me that's when it hit me, I am the daughter of rage and love, so what everyone says is true. I am the little rebel that everyone says I am. Even my dad used to say that I'm a little rebel and I'm gonna be famous. How can you hate someone so much that you love them? But one thing I've come to know is love fucking hurts.

Once I took all my anger out on my drum set. I went back to find everyone silent, in the living room.

"Sorry I ran out like that," I said quietly. I once again sat by Sam. I gave her a hug. They asked, "Who's tired?"

Everyone raised their hands so Sam, Keeley, and I went to my room and got ready for bed. Sam and I slept in my bed and Keeley slept on my pull out couch.

**

I woke up and the first thing I did was look at the calendar. My birthday is today. I started to get thoughts of suicide when I remembered that my dad is most likely is not going to be there. I bet he'll be in a different state even. If he's not here I'm going to the bridge and I'm not coming back. I looked around the room and neither Sam nor Keeley were there. I got dressed and well, everything you do in the morning. I went upstairs for breakfast. I came up the stairs and everyone was there, mom, Joey, Jake, Mike, Mike's girlfriend, Tre, Keeley, Sam, My best guy friends, Kyle and Joey. Absolutely everyone was there. Everyone but...

"Mom, where's dad?" I asked during breakfast. Her usual cheery smile faded a little.
"He had an interview in New York," She said staring at her plate. I suddenly lost my appetite. I left with a simple "Just like every year." I went downstairs to my room feeling really depressed. I locked myself in my bathroom. I felt warm tears fall down my face. I put my head in my hands. I repeated, "Just like every year."

I pulled myself together in about forty minutes last year I was in there for an hour and Tre had to come get me because I didn't want anyone else to know that I had a room here. I put all black on and put my eyeliner on thicker than usual. I put up my lack hoody up. I put on my chain and walked upstairs. Sam and Keeley spotted me first and came up to me. They saw all the black; I usually wear red and black or white and black. They knew something's wrong.

"Hey, bai," Sam said. "What's wrong?"
"Haven't you noticed that every year the famous Billie Joe Armstrong isn't here?" I said, trying not to cry.
"I'm sorry," They both said. But it wasn't their fault my dad doesn't love me.

The rest of the day I decided to have fun. Sam, Kelley, Kyle, Joey, and I went a bunch of different gigs. Some people wanted me to go up there and sing. So I did. I played the guitar and sang to 'I don't want to know if your lonely' by Sweet Children. I guess everyone liked it. The fun had to stop at ten because my mom wanted me home. But I wasn't going home. Walked my usual way home but you had to cross the bridge. I stopped in the middle of the bridge and stood there. I closed my eyes.

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here, I would be at home with mom, Joey, Jake and you. I would be playing in my band and I wouldn't have to sneak out so the family wouldn't know. I wouldn't have to stay at Tre's until you were gone. Being gone when your home gives you a reason for you not to talk to me. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't hate you, If it wasn't for you I wouldn't hate myself," I said. I felt a arm around my waist and I was being pulled back. I opened my eyes, blue and red lights surrounded me. I looked up and there was a police officer. Once I was on the sidewalk of the bridge he looked at me.

"What were you thinking?" he asked.
"That I wanted to die," I shouted at him.
"What's your name?" he asked. I said nothing. "Either that or we take you to the police department and-"
"Its Bailey Jade Armstrong," I yelled fighting tears. Why was I crying? I didn't know.

"I'm going to take you home," He said. I didn't object as he led me to his car. We road down the street. "Aren't you Billie Joe Armstrong's daughter?" He asked.
"No," I said without looking at him "No, I'm not."

We arrived at my house and I ran in. I passed the kitchen, where my mom was washing the dishes. The police officer came in too. I ran up to my room. Once I was there I turned up my stereo as loud as it would go and sang to 'I'm Not Okay' by My Chemical Romance. I repeatedly sang to it until my mom came in thirty minutes later.

"Your dad is coming home early," She told me. I decided to be a smart-ass.
"You mean instead of staying two weeks extra like he usually does he's only staying one?" I asked. Mom ignored me.
"He's on the next plane home, when he gets here were gonna talk," She said. "All of us"

I know he's going to say something to get him out of it. So I decided that before I lose the battle I'm going to go out. I re-did my eyeliner and left right out the front door. I was walking down the street when I saw a familiar face.

"Hey Keeley," I said approaching her and a few other people.
"Hey what you doing here?" She asked. I eyed what she was drinking.
"Um long story," I said. She saw me looking at the glass bottle in her hand.
"Want some?" she asked waving it in my face. I hesitated but willingly took it.

I don't really remember what else happened except that someone came and took me home. Dad. I thought as he carried me to his car. I tried to focus on him. As soon as I did I found out that it wasn't my dad. It was Tre. Then I passed out.

I woke up in my room. I was still dressed in yesterday's clothes and I had a huge head-ache. I got dressed and I went downstairs. I knew I had to face them sooner or later. I got some medicine for my head from the bathroom then went downstairs.

I found them in the downstairs family room. I went in, Tre was the first one to notice me and my dad was the last.

"Do you know how worried we were about you?" Said my mom loudly, almost in tears. I saw that she actually cares. I smiled of happiness, and I gave her a hug. I felt a single tear run down my face.

"Why the fuck are you smiling, you made your step-mother worry?" My dad yelled. I didn't stop smiling.
"Why the fuck are you always gone?" I asked.
"Look, I've lived without a father since I was ten, I think you can live without a father too," He said.
"Have you noticed I'm not you?" I asked starting to go out of the room I turned back around "And did your dad miss every fucking birthday of yours, and the reason I'm smiling is because I'm happy that someone actually cares about me and the person isn't you."

I went up to my room and slept a while longer. An hour later I heard little feet run across the carpet of my room. I decided to see what's going on. I went downstairs.

"You want to come with us?" my mom asked avoiding eye contact, "Your father has to go back on tour we need to drop off Jake and Joey off at grandma's house."

"Sure," I said I wanted to be with someone who cared about me.

We dropped off Joey and Jake first then we went to the airport my dad and I said nothing to each other so far. When we got to the airport Tre and Mike was already there. My dad hugged my mom good bye and gave her a kiss while I said bye to Mike and Tre. I gave Tre a kiss and a hug imitating my dad but more dorky Tre and Mike laughed. Mom and dad didn't see though. My dad didn't even look at me or say bye he just left.

Mom and I got in the car. About fifteen minutes into the ride home my mom asked, "You want to go shopping?"

I knew something was wrong so I jut nodded and we were off to the mall. Five store's and seven bags of stuff later I decided to ask her what's wrong.

She gave me a sigh before saying, "I want to get a divorce."