The best love she ever had, chapter 4
"What do you mean yet?"
"He's gonna fucking die, i know it. This is my luck, my best friend dies."
"Come on, don't think like that! He's gonna be fine."
"Really Darlene? How many people do you know that survive not only overdosing on heroin, but also cutting themselves so deep in the chest that there rib tissue is visible. HMM?" Mike says slowly,as if emphasizing every word.
"Oh fuck." She says out loud, realising she shouldn't have.
"I mean... I'm sorry Mike."
"Mmm, don't even be sorry yet."
"Um, why?"
"I can't say, not like this. Can you come to New York? I already checked the airport, there's a flight leaving in an hour and 10 minutes."
"I don't know.. I don't want to see-" She gets cut off by Mike speaking softly.
"Please? For me?"
"Hmm, okay, for you." A faint smile appearing on her face.
"Alright, call me when you get here, I'll come pick you up."
"Okay love, bye."
"Bye Darlene."
Darlene gets a jolt of energy and she races upstairs, packs some clothes and belongings, her jacket, her keys, and heads out the door.
*Darlene's POV*
Hours later I arrive in New York. Stepping off of the plane I realise Billie is somewhere near by, half dead. An image snaps in my mind that brings a tug at my heart and a few tears to fall down my cheek, silently.
As I walk into the airport lobby I snap out of it. "Oh, right, call Mike." I finally think, reaching in my bag for my cell.
Mike appears a few minutes later in his blue SUV.
I hug him, without even saying hi, and then hop into the car.
We finally reach the hotel, grab my things and scurry up to Tre's hotel room.
Mike opens the door to reveal Tre lying on the floor asleep. I feel another tug at my heart, I could swear it was slowly being ripped in two.
Mike notions for me to sit on the couch adjacent to Tre. We both sit and face toward each other, our heads down.
"So, you know, I had... I had something to tell you, that I couldn't tell you on the phone." Mike starts, "I was going to save it until later, but I don't want to say it in front of Tre, and I highly doubt he'll be going back to sleep for quite a while after he wakes up."
"Alright" I say, "I'm listening Mike."
"Well.. I don't really know where to start.." His voice getting sadder and sadder with every word.
"Um, as most suicidal...people...do, he left a suicide note."
"Mmm, figures.." It was the best I could come up with, to show Mike I was listening.
"Yeah, okay well... it was addressed to me and Tre..." He speaks slowly.
"And it was a usual note, saying he loved us and his kids."
"Well, that's good."
"Right... and then we got to the last paragraph. I want you to see it yourself, I'm sorry I have to show it you." He says, handing me a folded piece of paper covered with Billie's sloppy writing and faint blood stains.
I skip down to the last paragraph, reading it slowly.
To Darlene-
I'm sorry I didnt have the guts to ever tell you how much you ment to me as a friend. I regret every time I ever yelled at you, or took my agression about other parts of my life...out on you. But my biggest regret would be when I had known you for a few months and we went out to eat and that crappy mexican restaurant, remember? I regret that day the most, because you told me you loved me and I didn't even say ANYTHING back. I know its a little late, and not even to your face, but I just needed you to know... I love you too. more than you could possibly know.
I love you all with all of my heart and soul.
- Billie Joe
I feel Mike wrap his arms around me, finally noticing I've been crying. I guess I didn't notice because it wasn't a loud cry, you know when you make those dumb little whines and such, I just sat there, tears after tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't even move, I sat there looking at Billie's writing.
I love you too. more than you could possibly know.
I look at my thumb, realising it's touching part of one of the several blood stains on the page.
"That's Billie's fucking blood!" I thought, throwing the piece of paper as far away as I could.
I sat there motionless, sobbing into Mike's shoulder for several minutes.
Finally the tears slow down, and I grab a tissue on the table and wipe my cheeks clean.
"Can I go see him?" I whisper, though trying to talk as loud as i could.
"Yeah we can, as long as you're sure you want to go... it's not pretty. Tre couldn't even handle it." He said.
We head out the door, and I suddenly realise how stupid I'm acting.
"I don't make Mike play mother to me, I don't burst into crying fits like some little girl, god dammit Darlene get your act together." I say to myself in my head, turning to Mike.
"You don't have to come, I'm a big girl, I can handle it." I said, looking up at Mike's eyes which practically spell 'heart broken' in them.
"Alright Darlene, I'll stay and watch Tre, here's the keys to my car. Call me if you need me." He says, turning to go back into Tre's room.
I walk up to his car, realising I'm still crying, and try to snap myself out of it. I jump in and head to the hospital only a few streets down.
I walk into the hospital lobby and up to the clerk.
"Hi, I'm here to see Billie Joe Armstrong."
"Ok, go to the 2nd floor, turn to your right and after a few doors you'll see room 113. Here's your guest pass." The clerk hands me a little card with "GUEST" written in black ink.
I finally reach the 2nd floor after what seemed like an eternity in the elevator. I walk down and read the doors. "110, 111, 112, 113." I stop and look at the door.
I realised Billie is right there, right through that door, and I suddenly want to run back to Tre's hotel and never look back.
"No, I have to go in." I convince myself, grabbing for the handle and turning it.
I step into the all white room, and see his body right in the middle.
"He's gonna fucking die, i know it. This is my luck, my best friend dies."
"Come on, don't think like that! He's gonna be fine."
"Really Darlene? How many people do you know that survive not only overdosing on heroin, but also cutting themselves so deep in the chest that there rib tissue is visible. HMM?" Mike says slowly,as if emphasizing every word.
"Oh fuck." She says out loud, realising she shouldn't have.
"I mean... I'm sorry Mike."
"Mmm, don't even be sorry yet."
"Um, why?"
"I can't say, not like this. Can you come to New York? I already checked the airport, there's a flight leaving in an hour and 10 minutes."
"I don't know.. I don't want to see-" She gets cut off by Mike speaking softly.
"Please? For me?"
"Hmm, okay, for you." A faint smile appearing on her face.
"Alright, call me when you get here, I'll come pick you up."
"Okay love, bye."
"Bye Darlene."
Darlene gets a jolt of energy and she races upstairs, packs some clothes and belongings, her jacket, her keys, and heads out the door.
*Darlene's POV*
Hours later I arrive in New York. Stepping off of the plane I realise Billie is somewhere near by, half dead. An image snaps in my mind that brings a tug at my heart and a few tears to fall down my cheek, silently.
As I walk into the airport lobby I snap out of it. "Oh, right, call Mike." I finally think, reaching in my bag for my cell.
Mike appears a few minutes later in his blue SUV.
I hug him, without even saying hi, and then hop into the car.
We finally reach the hotel, grab my things and scurry up to Tre's hotel room.
Mike opens the door to reveal Tre lying on the floor asleep. I feel another tug at my heart, I could swear it was slowly being ripped in two.
Mike notions for me to sit on the couch adjacent to Tre. We both sit and face toward each other, our heads down.
"So, you know, I had... I had something to tell you, that I couldn't tell you on the phone." Mike starts, "I was going to save it until later, but I don't want to say it in front of Tre, and I highly doubt he'll be going back to sleep for quite a while after he wakes up."
"Alright" I say, "I'm listening Mike."
"Well.. I don't really know where to start.." His voice getting sadder and sadder with every word.
"Um, as most suicidal...people...do, he left a suicide note."
"Mmm, figures.." It was the best I could come up with, to show Mike I was listening.
"Yeah, okay well... it was addressed to me and Tre..." He speaks slowly.
"And it was a usual note, saying he loved us and his kids."
"Well, that's good."
"Right... and then we got to the last paragraph. I want you to see it yourself, I'm sorry I have to show it you." He says, handing me a folded piece of paper covered with Billie's sloppy writing and faint blood stains.
I skip down to the last paragraph, reading it slowly.
To Darlene-
I'm sorry I didnt have the guts to ever tell you how much you ment to me as a friend. I regret every time I ever yelled at you, or took my agression about other parts of my life...out on you. But my biggest regret would be when I had known you for a few months and we went out to eat and that crappy mexican restaurant, remember? I regret that day the most, because you told me you loved me and I didn't even say ANYTHING back. I know its a little late, and not even to your face, but I just needed you to know... I love you too. more than you could possibly know.
I love you all with all of my heart and soul.
- Billie Joe
I feel Mike wrap his arms around me, finally noticing I've been crying. I guess I didn't notice because it wasn't a loud cry, you know when you make those dumb little whines and such, I just sat there, tears after tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't even move, I sat there looking at Billie's writing.
I love you too. more than you could possibly know.
I look at my thumb, realising it's touching part of one of the several blood stains on the page.
"That's Billie's fucking blood!" I thought, throwing the piece of paper as far away as I could.
I sat there motionless, sobbing into Mike's shoulder for several minutes.
Finally the tears slow down, and I grab a tissue on the table and wipe my cheeks clean.
"Can I go see him?" I whisper, though trying to talk as loud as i could.
"Yeah we can, as long as you're sure you want to go... it's not pretty. Tre couldn't even handle it." He said.
We head out the door, and I suddenly realise how stupid I'm acting.
"I don't make Mike play mother to me, I don't burst into crying fits like some little girl, god dammit Darlene get your act together." I say to myself in my head, turning to Mike.
"You don't have to come, I'm a big girl, I can handle it." I said, looking up at Mike's eyes which practically spell 'heart broken' in them.
"Alright Darlene, I'll stay and watch Tre, here's the keys to my car. Call me if you need me." He says, turning to go back into Tre's room.
I walk up to his car, realising I'm still crying, and try to snap myself out of it. I jump in and head to the hospital only a few streets down.
I walk into the hospital lobby and up to the clerk.
"Hi, I'm here to see Billie Joe Armstrong."
"Ok, go to the 2nd floor, turn to your right and after a few doors you'll see room 113. Here's your guest pass." The clerk hands me a little card with "GUEST" written in black ink.
I finally reach the 2nd floor after what seemed like an eternity in the elevator. I walk down and read the doors. "110, 111, 112, 113." I stop and look at the door.
I realised Billie is right there, right through that door, and I suddenly want to run back to Tre's hotel and never look back.
"No, I have to go in." I convince myself, grabbing for the handle and turning it.
I step into the all white room, and see his body right in the middle.
