The best love she ever had, chapter 5
A white blanket covering him up to his belly button, white gauze covering the middle of his chest and his wrists. Images of the blood stained note pop into my head.
I suddenly get dizzy, propping myself up on the side of the bed. I reach my hand out to touch his cheek, touching it with my fingertips as it feels lifeless and cold.
I jolt back as the door flies open, a man looking like a doctor comes in. Realizing he scared me immensely grabs a chair and motions for me to sit.
"Hi," he starts. "My name is Dr. Ramirez, I'm just doing a check up on his wounds, sorry to interrupt."
"It's okay.." I squeak, trying to slow my heart. "What did he do to his chest?" I hesitantly ask.
"Would you like to see? I'm changing the bandage now."
I pull myself up, dropping my bag to the ground.
The doctor pulls off the white gauze as I focus on the cuts.
"He seemed to write someone's initials..." he says. I turn my head trying to make out what it says.
"I think it says DAA, what do you think?" Dr. Ramirez says. I try to look for it, slowly making out each letter.
"Yeah. Looks to be it... Hmm who's initials?"
I sit down, having enough of looking at the angry wound staring me in the face.
"Were you close to him?" The man asks.
"Yeah, he was my best friend."
I suddenly realize.
"DAA."
"Darlene, Ann... My last name doesn't start with A... What the..."
"A? Who's last name is A? No one I know has a last name that starts with A exce-" I cut off my own thought with a new one.
"Armstrong." I say out loud without meaning too, Realizing the doctor left.
It hits me like a bullet to the head, luckily I was sitting down.
Darlene Ann Armstrong. "YOU. PUT. YOUR. FUCKING. LAST NAME. WITH. MY NAME. ON. YOUR. FUCKING. CHEST?!" I yell, as if Billie, or anyone but me, could hear.
I had so much anger built inside of me I couldn't help but calling Mike to let some of it out.
"HE FUCKING CARVED MY INITIALS IN HIS CHEST! WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING!" I yell into the phone, racing around the small hospital room.
"I know..." Mike says. "I wanted you to see for yourself. I'm so sorry Darlene." His voice sounds sympathetic.
I try to calm down, as much as I can. "What gave him the dumb ass idea to do that. Why. Is this some sort of fun game to him?"
"Darlene... Remember when Billie found out you were cutting all that time ago... What did you cut."
"What do you mean what did I fucking cut, I cut-" my head races around to try to find another solution but only coming to one.
"... I cut his initials in my arm."
I drop my phone as my head falls back against the wall so hard it makes a loud banging sound.
I got so consumed with guilt I just started to give up. Not give up on finding a solution, or a way to lessen the guilt, I just gave up trying everything.
I gave up having hope he would be okay, I gave up trying to be strong, I even gave up trying to hold myself up. I fell into a heap on the floor next to Billie's bed, being perfectly content with laying there for the rest of my life.
Suddenly I awaken to Tre's face so close to mine I could count each eyelash.
"She's awake!" He yells.
I pick myself up to sit up straight and realize I'm still on the cold floor of Billie's hospital room.
I see Mike's converse shoes come through the doorway.
He bends down to my level.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He says, worry in his voice.
"Who cares." I grab the chair next to me and hoist myself up.
"Come on kid, let's get you something to drink."
Mike grab's my hand as Tre follows, taking me back to the hotel.
When we get back to the hotel I go through the second set of doors and fall onto the bed without any thought.
"Want anything special?" I hear Mike holler through the room.
"Um.. Mountain Dew." I say, as loud as my raspy voice let me.
I hear footstep's and the door close.
Guessing Mike was gone, I got up and searched for some vodka. Hell some rum, anything with alcohol really.
I go through the bedroom door's to see Tre leaning on the wall looking at me.
I continue my search for vodka, finally finding a half full bottle in the tv cabinet.
"I don't think you-" Tre tries to say as I cut him off.
"Just don't bother."
I walk back into the bedroom closing the door's.
I wake up laying on my side next to Mike. Realizing I didn't know where I was, what had happened in the past 24 hours, or why Mike was laying next to me.
I sit up and grab the glass of water and aspirin already on the table next to me.
I grab my flats and put them on, everything rushing to my head at once.
A new thought rushes to my head- Mike's room.
I grab the glass of water and tip toe out of the room.
I walk down the halls a few door's to see the numbers '236' right in front of me.
I push the handle and swing the door open, seeing blood stains all over the carpet.
An image of Billie, laying on the ground covered in blood popped in my mind. I close the door and run out of the hotel as fast as I could.
Once outside, the rain pounding me, I decide to go see Billie. "I have to get him to wake up." I thought.
Realizing I don't have the car key's I start walking in the rain up to the hospital.
While walking I let my head think back to all the times me and Billie shared. The time I said 'I love you' started to play back, scene by scene.
"STOP!" I said, turning to Billie Joe.
"Lets eat here!" Pointing to a small Mexican restaurant painted a puke green color.
"Haha, are you sure?" Billie says laughing.
He pulls the car over and we jump out and walk up to the counter.
"Mmm... I'll have... A cheese enchilada lunch with a diet coke." I tell the cashier.
"Haha, I'll have the same actually." Billie smirks back.
We wait for our food and then proceed to sit down and eat.
Instead of sitting in the chair across from me Billie comes and sit's right next to me.
"Haha you look so ugly stuffing your face." I finally said to Billie, looking at him with enchilada sauce covering his mouth.
"You don't look so hot either." He says laughing.
After we finish eating Billie grabs our trash and throws it in a bin near by.
"You know..." I start off.
"Did you ever notice how alike we are? It's kind of.. Freaky.. I've always had the idea that I was way too weird for there to be anyone even close to like me, but here it is, alive and breathing."
Billie smiles.
"Yeah, I know what you mean." I turn to him and see his cute little smile reaching from ear to ear.
"I know um... This isn't exactly well timed.. And I should actually never say it. But I'm having a truth moment here." I say, his smile drops and he looks at me seriously.
"I just want you to know," I continue, "That I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens. And I'll always understand you, because like I said, were so alike. And recently I was thinking back to when I was little, and all the things I thought about and realized... Even when I was little I prayed I met someone just. Like. You. And I'm sorry to say it but I feel I have too, and you don't have say anything back because I get it, okay?" Billie looks at me and slightly nods.
"I love you Billie Joe, so much. And I know you hear that a lot from other people that don't really mean it, and trust me I feel so retarded, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you and I never got to tell you how I really felt." I finish, waiting for Billie to move... At all. After what seems like 2 hours, although it was probably about 15 seconds, I get up and run out of the restaurant as fast as I could. Once a few blocks away I stop to catch my breath. I turn around and see someone behind me. "Hello?" "HELLO? Who do you want to see darlin'?"
I suddenly snap out of my trance, Realizing I'm in the hospital and a clerk is talking to me.
"Um, Billie Armstrong" I say.
I grab the guest pass and head up to Billie's room.
A shock runs through my body as I step into the white room I've only visited once before.
I slowly walk up to Billie's bed and lightly touch his chest with my fingertips.
I love you too. More than you could possibly know.
I notice his skin looks a lot healthier and feels warm. But his face is still lifeless. I slowly bring my head to his and lightly kiss his forehead.
I pull the nearby chair close to his bed and sit down, still holding his hand.
I sit there for several minutes, staring at his face. His lips were paler than usual, and I could swear they were in the shape of a frown. I looked up to his nose, and then his eyes. His cheeks were slightly red, and his eyes were shut.
After a few minutes I decide to try to talk to him. Usually I would figure people only do that in corny daytime drama's like 'When the World Turns' but I had to try.
I stand up and continue holding his hand with my left, and put my right hand on the blanket covering his stomach.
"Billie... Please wake up. I feel so dumb doing this, but I'm not going to let you go. You know I'm a bitch, and you know I'm strong, and I will fight it for the rest of my life if I have too. Your strong too, even stronger then me, so come on and just wake up. Mike, Tre, and I.. We all love you! No one is mad at you, and no one wants you to die. Please... Please wake up."
I feel myself getting angry so I stop, just incase he can really hear me. I look out the window and see that the rain stopped, so I leave while I can.
I suddenly get dizzy, propping myself up on the side of the bed. I reach my hand out to touch his cheek, touching it with my fingertips as it feels lifeless and cold.
I jolt back as the door flies open, a man looking like a doctor comes in. Realizing he scared me immensely grabs a chair and motions for me to sit.
"Hi," he starts. "My name is Dr. Ramirez, I'm just doing a check up on his wounds, sorry to interrupt."
"It's okay.." I squeak, trying to slow my heart. "What did he do to his chest?" I hesitantly ask.
"Would you like to see? I'm changing the bandage now."
I pull myself up, dropping my bag to the ground.
The doctor pulls off the white gauze as I focus on the cuts.
"He seemed to write someone's initials..." he says. I turn my head trying to make out what it says.
"I think it says DAA, what do you think?" Dr. Ramirez says. I try to look for it, slowly making out each letter.
"Yeah. Looks to be it... Hmm who's initials?"
I sit down, having enough of looking at the angry wound staring me in the face.
"Were you close to him?" The man asks.
"Yeah, he was my best friend."
I suddenly realize.
"DAA."
"Darlene, Ann... My last name doesn't start with A... What the..."
"A? Who's last name is A? No one I know has a last name that starts with A exce-" I cut off my own thought with a new one.
"Armstrong." I say out loud without meaning too, Realizing the doctor left.
It hits me like a bullet to the head, luckily I was sitting down.
Darlene Ann Armstrong. "YOU. PUT. YOUR. FUCKING. LAST NAME. WITH. MY NAME. ON. YOUR. FUCKING. CHEST?!" I yell, as if Billie, or anyone but me, could hear.
I had so much anger built inside of me I couldn't help but calling Mike to let some of it out.
"HE FUCKING CARVED MY INITIALS IN HIS CHEST! WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING!" I yell into the phone, racing around the small hospital room.
"I know..." Mike says. "I wanted you to see for yourself. I'm so sorry Darlene." His voice sounds sympathetic.
I try to calm down, as much as I can. "What gave him the dumb ass idea to do that. Why. Is this some sort of fun game to him?"
"Darlene... Remember when Billie found out you were cutting all that time ago... What did you cut."
"What do you mean what did I fucking cut, I cut-" my head races around to try to find another solution but only coming to one.
"... I cut his initials in my arm."
I drop my phone as my head falls back against the wall so hard it makes a loud banging sound.
I got so consumed with guilt I just started to give up. Not give up on finding a solution, or a way to lessen the guilt, I just gave up trying everything.
I gave up having hope he would be okay, I gave up trying to be strong, I even gave up trying to hold myself up. I fell into a heap on the floor next to Billie's bed, being perfectly content with laying there for the rest of my life.
Suddenly I awaken to Tre's face so close to mine I could count each eyelash.
"She's awake!" He yells.
I pick myself up to sit up straight and realize I'm still on the cold floor of Billie's hospital room.
I see Mike's converse shoes come through the doorway.
He bends down to my level.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He says, worry in his voice.
"Who cares." I grab the chair next to me and hoist myself up.
"Come on kid, let's get you something to drink."
Mike grab's my hand as Tre follows, taking me back to the hotel.
When we get back to the hotel I go through the second set of doors and fall onto the bed without any thought.
"Want anything special?" I hear Mike holler through the room.
"Um.. Mountain Dew." I say, as loud as my raspy voice let me.
I hear footstep's and the door close.
Guessing Mike was gone, I got up and searched for some vodka. Hell some rum, anything with alcohol really.
I go through the bedroom door's to see Tre leaning on the wall looking at me.
I continue my search for vodka, finally finding a half full bottle in the tv cabinet.
"I don't think you-" Tre tries to say as I cut him off.
"Just don't bother."
I walk back into the bedroom closing the door's.
I wake up laying on my side next to Mike. Realizing I didn't know where I was, what had happened in the past 24 hours, or why Mike was laying next to me.
I sit up and grab the glass of water and aspirin already on the table next to me.
I grab my flats and put them on, everything rushing to my head at once.
A new thought rushes to my head- Mike's room.
I grab the glass of water and tip toe out of the room.
I walk down the halls a few door's to see the numbers '236' right in front of me.
I push the handle and swing the door open, seeing blood stains all over the carpet.
An image of Billie, laying on the ground covered in blood popped in my mind. I close the door and run out of the hotel as fast as I could.
Once outside, the rain pounding me, I decide to go see Billie. "I have to get him to wake up." I thought.
Realizing I don't have the car key's I start walking in the rain up to the hospital.
While walking I let my head think back to all the times me and Billie shared. The time I said 'I love you' started to play back, scene by scene.
"STOP!" I said, turning to Billie Joe.
"Lets eat here!" Pointing to a small Mexican restaurant painted a puke green color.
"Haha, are you sure?" Billie says laughing.
He pulls the car over and we jump out and walk up to the counter.
"Mmm... I'll have... A cheese enchilada lunch with a diet coke." I tell the cashier.
"Haha, I'll have the same actually." Billie smirks back.
We wait for our food and then proceed to sit down and eat.
Instead of sitting in the chair across from me Billie comes and sit's right next to me.
"Haha you look so ugly stuffing your face." I finally said to Billie, looking at him with enchilada sauce covering his mouth.
"You don't look so hot either." He says laughing.
After we finish eating Billie grabs our trash and throws it in a bin near by.
"You know..." I start off.
"Did you ever notice how alike we are? It's kind of.. Freaky.. I've always had the idea that I was way too weird for there to be anyone even close to like me, but here it is, alive and breathing."
Billie smiles.
"Yeah, I know what you mean." I turn to him and see his cute little smile reaching from ear to ear.
"I know um... This isn't exactly well timed.. And I should actually never say it. But I'm having a truth moment here." I say, his smile drops and he looks at me seriously.
"I just want you to know," I continue, "That I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens. And I'll always understand you, because like I said, were so alike. And recently I was thinking back to when I was little, and all the things I thought about and realized... Even when I was little I prayed I met someone just. Like. You. And I'm sorry to say it but I feel I have too, and you don't have say anything back because I get it, okay?" Billie looks at me and slightly nods.
"I love you Billie Joe, so much. And I know you hear that a lot from other people that don't really mean it, and trust me I feel so retarded, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you and I never got to tell you how I really felt." I finish, waiting for Billie to move... At all. After what seems like 2 hours, although it was probably about 15 seconds, I get up and run out of the restaurant as fast as I could. Once a few blocks away I stop to catch my breath. I turn around and see someone behind me. "Hello?" "HELLO? Who do you want to see darlin'?"
I suddenly snap out of my trance, Realizing I'm in the hospital and a clerk is talking to me.
"Um, Billie Armstrong" I say.
I grab the guest pass and head up to Billie's room.
A shock runs through my body as I step into the white room I've only visited once before.
I slowly walk up to Billie's bed and lightly touch his chest with my fingertips.
I love you too. More than you could possibly know.
I notice his skin looks a lot healthier and feels warm. But his face is still lifeless. I slowly bring my head to his and lightly kiss his forehead.
I pull the nearby chair close to his bed and sit down, still holding his hand.
I sit there for several minutes, staring at his face. His lips were paler than usual, and I could swear they were in the shape of a frown. I looked up to his nose, and then his eyes. His cheeks were slightly red, and his eyes were shut.
After a few minutes I decide to try to talk to him. Usually I would figure people only do that in corny daytime drama's like 'When the World Turns' but I had to try.
I stand up and continue holding his hand with my left, and put my right hand on the blanket covering his stomach.
"Billie... Please wake up. I feel so dumb doing this, but I'm not going to let you go. You know I'm a bitch, and you know I'm strong, and I will fight it for the rest of my life if I have too. Your strong too, even stronger then me, so come on and just wake up. Mike, Tre, and I.. We all love you! No one is mad at you, and no one wants you to die. Please... Please wake up."
I feel myself getting angry so I stop, just incase he can really hear me. I look out the window and see that the rain stopped, so I leave while I can.
