"If you love me, let me go, chapter 1
November 16, 1973 Anessa's P.O.V.
"Great another birthday alone, maybe if I'm lucky dad will be home sober, and mom might even be here at all," I thought as I woke up to another empty morning in Hell, better known as Downtown Denver.
As I forced myself off of the couch, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror that I could see in my parents room, my cheeks were a pale pink, and my green eyes were filled with pain withheld from the world over years and years, my lip ring was still through the left side of my soft bottom lip, and that black and red mess on the top of my head, that most people call hair, was so ratted, and needed to be brushed. I walked out into the hallway of the small three room apartment that holds eight people, consisting of my step father, mother, my two brothers (Drake 13, Aaron 7), my three younger sisters (Liz 3, Sara 15, Jessica 5), then that leaves me (Anessa 17 -as of today-).
As I walked to the first room on the left side of the hallway holding my two brothers, I slowly opened the door walked over to the twin bed that they were so soundly sleeping on, and shook each gently with a, "wake up Drake, Aaron, common boy's time for school."
Drake mumbled what sounded like "Don't, get the sea monkey, and catch it, PEANUTS!" I had to laugh at that last bit, when he shouted "peanuts!" because as soon as he yelled that, Aaron shot out of bed like a freaking bat out of hell.
"Alright now that you're both up, you need to go wake up your sisters, and make sure that they get out of bed... do whatever it takes to get them up," both boys smiled when I let those last words escape from my mouth, but they were out of their room and into the girls room before I could say, "don't pee on their bed again," oh that was horrible, not to mention disgusting.
I walked into my parent's room, but was hesitant, because I could smell the alcohol from the doorway. So I readied myself and walked over to the bed.
"Where's mom?" I said as I got closer to the bed, knowing that I was either going to be yelled at or hit, maybe even both.
I shook him gently, and before I knew it he had woken up and went to get the belt.
"Aright you stupid bitch you think you can wake me up on my fucking day off! How many days do I have to do this until you understand that I own you and you do what I say when I say, got it?" He said as he stood over me.
"Oh my God! Please, please don't hit me, I'm sorry I didn't know it was your day off, just please." I pleaded while moving away from him, but I should have stayed closer to the door cause as I got closer to the bed, I knew what was about to happen.
"Shut the fuck up you whore now climb in bed!"
"NO! You fucking asshole you're not doing this to me again!"
"Oh that's how your going to be, that's ok I like it when you fight." He shouted getting ready to tie me with his black belt that had left so many marks on my tortured body.
"You piece of shit!" I screamed at him and at that moment Sara ran in and saw what was going on.
"Dad?! What the fuck are you doing to her?" she said with sheer concern.
"Oh nothing we're just having a conversation." I said, not wanting her to see what was really going on. I knew that my stepfather abused all of us including my three-year-old stepsister but since I wasn't his biological child, he only raped only me.
"Yah that's right Sara," he said whilst pretending that nothing happened. "Now get your ass out of this room and get ready for that school that you're supposed to go to!"
"Ok dad I'm leaving!" she said back, knowing that if she didn't, she would have that silver buckle imbedded in her soft skin.
I sat up from the floor at which I had fallen, or rather been pushed. I looked up to see my stepfather staring at me, with his brown eyes, which looked so red to me from the sheer anger that he so often showed me.
"And as for you, well finish this later." He said, and with that I just got up and walked out of the room.
I haven't cried in over a year, not because I think its weak, just because I'm afraid if I start to let it out, I'll never stop. So I refuse to allow that pain to slowly leak through the cold tears that were so eager to escape from my tired eyes. I walked into the small kitchen got out five bowls, one for each of my brothers and sisters, but not for me, I wasn't up for breakfast today.
"Come on kids, its time for breakfast."
I said as the five, thankfully dressed and ready, kids came into the living room. I set the bowls down on the small table meant for two, but set for five. Each sat down and ate what cereal I had given them in silence.
As they finished I told them that they needed to go to school, and since school was so close they walked every day. Sara took each of the four children that she was now in charge of, and walked out the front door.
"WAIT!" I screamed back at them. Sara was startled and turned around. I ran to all of the kids and gave them each a kiss. Sara told the rest to wait outside.
I said to Sara, "I love you and I want you to finish high school, go to college, and grow into a great person, watch over the kids and don't disappoint me." She began to cry and told me she would miss me as well.
"You're going to be great, Kid." I said, teasing her.
Sara knew what I had been planning for six months... and what I was about to do was something of a birthday present to myself. The only reason I told her was because I had to leave someone with the knowledge of how to take care of the kids. I felt terrible for leaving her to uphold my duties, and I knew I would never forgive myself, but I also knew and trusted that she could handle it.
"Great another birthday alone, maybe if I'm lucky dad will be home sober, and mom might even be here at all," I thought as I woke up to another empty morning in Hell, better known as Downtown Denver.
As I forced myself off of the couch, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror that I could see in my parents room, my cheeks were a pale pink, and my green eyes were filled with pain withheld from the world over years and years, my lip ring was still through the left side of my soft bottom lip, and that black and red mess on the top of my head, that most people call hair, was so ratted, and needed to be brushed. I walked out into the hallway of the small three room apartment that holds eight people, consisting of my step father, mother, my two brothers (Drake 13, Aaron 7), my three younger sisters (Liz 3, Sara 15, Jessica 5), then that leaves me (Anessa 17 -as of today-).
As I walked to the first room on the left side of the hallway holding my two brothers, I slowly opened the door walked over to the twin bed that they were so soundly sleeping on, and shook each gently with a, "wake up Drake, Aaron, common boy's time for school."
Drake mumbled what sounded like "Don't, get the sea monkey, and catch it, PEANUTS!" I had to laugh at that last bit, when he shouted "peanuts!" because as soon as he yelled that, Aaron shot out of bed like a freaking bat out of hell.
"Alright now that you're both up, you need to go wake up your sisters, and make sure that they get out of bed... do whatever it takes to get them up," both boys smiled when I let those last words escape from my mouth, but they were out of their room and into the girls room before I could say, "don't pee on their bed again," oh that was horrible, not to mention disgusting.
I walked into my parent's room, but was hesitant, because I could smell the alcohol from the doorway. So I readied myself and walked over to the bed.
"Where's mom?" I said as I got closer to the bed, knowing that I was either going to be yelled at or hit, maybe even both.
I shook him gently, and before I knew it he had woken up and went to get the belt.
"Aright you stupid bitch you think you can wake me up on my fucking day off! How many days do I have to do this until you understand that I own you and you do what I say when I say, got it?" He said as he stood over me.
"Oh my God! Please, please don't hit me, I'm sorry I didn't know it was your day off, just please." I pleaded while moving away from him, but I should have stayed closer to the door cause as I got closer to the bed, I knew what was about to happen.
"Shut the fuck up you whore now climb in bed!"
"NO! You fucking asshole you're not doing this to me again!"
"Oh that's how your going to be, that's ok I like it when you fight." He shouted getting ready to tie me with his black belt that had left so many marks on my tortured body.
"You piece of shit!" I screamed at him and at that moment Sara ran in and saw what was going on.
"Dad?! What the fuck are you doing to her?" she said with sheer concern.
"Oh nothing we're just having a conversation." I said, not wanting her to see what was really going on. I knew that my stepfather abused all of us including my three-year-old stepsister but since I wasn't his biological child, he only raped only me.
"Yah that's right Sara," he said whilst pretending that nothing happened. "Now get your ass out of this room and get ready for that school that you're supposed to go to!"
"Ok dad I'm leaving!" she said back, knowing that if she didn't, she would have that silver buckle imbedded in her soft skin.
I sat up from the floor at which I had fallen, or rather been pushed. I looked up to see my stepfather staring at me, with his brown eyes, which looked so red to me from the sheer anger that he so often showed me.
"And as for you, well finish this later." He said, and with that I just got up and walked out of the room.
I haven't cried in over a year, not because I think its weak, just because I'm afraid if I start to let it out, I'll never stop. So I refuse to allow that pain to slowly leak through the cold tears that were so eager to escape from my tired eyes. I walked into the small kitchen got out five bowls, one for each of my brothers and sisters, but not for me, I wasn't up for breakfast today.
"Come on kids, its time for breakfast."
I said as the five, thankfully dressed and ready, kids came into the living room. I set the bowls down on the small table meant for two, but set for five. Each sat down and ate what cereal I had given them in silence.
As they finished I told them that they needed to go to school, and since school was so close they walked every day. Sara took each of the four children that she was now in charge of, and walked out the front door.
"WAIT!" I screamed back at them. Sara was startled and turned around. I ran to all of the kids and gave them each a kiss. Sara told the rest to wait outside.
I said to Sara, "I love you and I want you to finish high school, go to college, and grow into a great person, watch over the kids and don't disappoint me." She began to cry and told me she would miss me as well.
"You're going to be great, Kid." I said, teasing her.
Sara knew what I had been planning for six months... and what I was about to do was something of a birthday present to myself. The only reason I told her was because I had to leave someone with the knowledge of how to take care of the kids. I felt terrible for leaving her to uphold my duties, and I knew I would never forgive myself, but I also knew and trusted that she could handle it.
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