Wicked Wishes, chapter 11
Chadd's P.O.V
Billie called me and told me what happened. I was driving down the highway at around 11'o'clock when I saw his car pulled behind some bushes. I pulled my car behind his.
He was sitting on the hood of his car. He had a cigarette hanging from his mouth and had a beer in his hand. I trudged over to him.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he said watching me as I sat down next to him.
"You should come home."
"I'm not coming home Chadd." He sat the beer down and spit out the cigarette. He put his hands on my cheek.
"If you don't love me just say it and stop playing these fucking games with me."
I pulled his hands off my face.
"I know I fucked it up Chadd, you don't have to make it worse. So make up your mind."
I loved him how could I tell him I didn't.
"I don't want to put myself in the wrong position because of what you do."
He sighed.
"I stopped." He said to me. "I did."
I pulled up his sleeve; there were no more red puffy scars just pale ones.
"Please believe me Chadd."
I laid back on the hood of the car.
"God James."
He leaned over me.
"Don't call me James."
"What do you want me to call you?" He didn't answer. Instead he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around around his neck. I figured is I pushed him off it would make him even more mad. He pulled away from me.
"Fuck it Chadd. I don't know why I'm waiting my time on you." He put another cigarette in his mouth and lit it up.
"I've been screwed with my whole fucking life. I don't need you screwing with me now. God knows I love you Chadd but you can't seem to make up your fucking mind. And I'm done wasting my fucking time."
This was the angriest I had ever seen him.
"You know what I want you to say and I can't make you say it Chadd. But if you won't say it I have to go. I can't wait for you anymore Chadd."
He threw the cigarette on the ground. I wanted to say it to him, but why should he stay if I wasn't? He hopped of the hood of the car.
He slid into the front seat of the car. I grabbed the door frame before he could shut the door.
He shut the radio off and looked at me.
"Riot I love you I do but can't fucking trust you with your own fucking life! One day you as happy as can be the next day you're trying to fucking kill yourself!"
I let go of the door frame but he didn't shut the door.
"But Riot I love you so you don't have to fucking go."
He got out of the car and stood in front of me.
"I'm not killing myself."
"Then what are you doing?" I asked.
"I don't know. I do it because I deserve the pain."
I looked at him. Both of us had calmed down.
"No you don't."
"I stopped so you don't have to worry about it."
"Good."
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I felt his hands slip down my back and around my waist. Now how could I ever tell him I was leaving? I just wouldn't move to L.A. I would stay with him.
"So what are you going to do now?" I asked him when he pulled away from me.
"I don't know." He shrugged.
"I told Billie Id get you to come home." Riot laughed.
"Ah, I don't know if I'm coming home yet."
"You want to come to my house?" I asked.
David and mom were spending the night at Vikki's old house helping her pack.
"Sure."
Riot fell asleep on the couch after he sat by my bedroom door asking if he could come in while I was changing my clothes.
The two of us sat on floor and drank my mom's beers.
By the end of the month when we were supposed to move to L.A. David had broken up with Vikki. David decided to stay in Oakland. I was very happy.
Winter passed and spring came. I also turned 18. Wicked played at the Gilman more and more. We even recorded a CD with look out records. Right now we were working on planning a tour.
"But you're waiting till you graduate right?" Riot asked after I told him about our plans for a tour. We were at Rudy's.
"Yeah."
"To bad I can't go on tour with you."
"I wish you could." I said back to him.
"But I can't." He said standing up. I stood up to. I followed him outside. I watched as he skated around the parking lot on his skate board.
Before my brother moved to Chicago he told me everything was temporary and nothing lasted forever. That might not have been a good way to look at things but some times it was true. I hoped this lasted forever, me and him.
He had his problems and I had mine but we loved each other more then anything. He started to skate around me in circles the same way he had when he first invited me to his house. It was funny how far we'd come. He hoped off the skate board and let it roll out in front of him. He walked over to me.
"I don't want you to go but I know how much you want to." He pulled a cigarette out of his back pocket and lit it up.
"Lets go back to my house." He said wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked down the street. He threw the cigarette into the street before we walked into the house. I had convinced him to come home. Billie was quiet pleased with me.
Riot had changed in a way I couldn't quiet put my finger on.
In the past months he had gotten a lot of tattoos. 16 to be exact, 10 red and black stars, a skull, a heart grenade, a guitar and the word "Wicked". (because I had refused to let him put my name on his arm.)
Even if he had changed I still loved him and he still loved me so it didn't matter.
We sat down on the couch. I rested my head on his should and he put his feet on the coffee table. He put his arm around me.
It was hot outside. Soon school was going to be out soon. I was leaving for tour the day after graduation.
Riot looked at me, "Do you want to go swimming?" He asked.
"Um... I don't have a suit."
He stood up and walked to the back yard. I followed him. He stood by the edge of the pool. He took off his shoes shirt and jumped into the pool. I couldn't help but smile.
"I don't have a suit either." He said smiling when he came back up. "Your turn."
I pulled of my shoes, pants, and shirt all I had on was my bra and underwear. I jumped in after him.
"So where is everyone?" I asked. No one was home.
"Billie's in San Francisco for the weekend at a studio, Adie took Joey and Jakob to her mom's house for the weekend." Riot told me fishing out a leaf that was in the water.
"Oh." I said slipping underwater. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down. We came up.
"You know what? I think we should have a party."
"I don't know if Billie would like that."
"He wouldn't have to know." Riot got out of the water. "I'll go get towels."
I wiped off and put my clothes back on.
"Are you serious about this whole party thing?" I asked handing him back the towel.
He nodded. "Wicked could even play!" He had left his shirt outside and was walking around in dripping shorts.
"Come on it will be fun!"
"Fine I'll do it!"
"Great!" He yelled and kissed me.
The party was going to be tonight. We went through the house and put away anything breakable, valuable, or that someone would want to steal. Riot locked all the bedroom doors and the basement door where Billie kept his instruments.
We took a crappy drum set that had been in the garage and set it up by the pool along with some old guitars. I called Bayzer, Mark, and Sony and told them to invite anyone they wanted to and the people they invite could bring as many friends as they wanted.
Riot threw bags of chips and beer on the counter.
"Ok I think we are done."
Around 10'o'clock 50 people were already there and people were still coming. Wicked stopped playing before then after Sony destroyed the bass.
So instead we just blasted the radio.
I was in the house fixing the radio and trying to ignore the couple making out on the couch when a guy who looked around 20 came up and started talking to me. Before I knew what he was doing he had his arms around me and was kissing me. I kneed him in the crouch. He fell on the ground. I didn't know Riot had seen that. He grabbed the guy's collar and pulled him outside.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" He yelled and kicked him the stomach.
"YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER ASSHOLE!" He yelled and kicked him again.
"Riot stop!" I yelled. The guy tried to stand up but Riot punched him and pushed him on the ground.
"Riot please!" I yelled again.
"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH HER AGAIN!" There was blood on Riot's hands but it wasn't his own. I looked behind me.
"Sony, Mark get them off of each other!" I yelled at them. They pushed pass the crowd that had gathered around the boy. Sony grabbed Riot. Mark grabbed the boy. I turned and looked at Bayzer. She climbed on top of the patio table.
"Party's over! Everyone get the fuck out of here!"
Sony was doing his best to restrain Riot who was still trying to throw punches at the boy.
"God damn it Riot stop!" He yelled grabbing Riots arms. Mark hadn't done anything but pull the boy out from underneath Riot. He was now kneeling next to him as he had his hands over his bloody nose.
I looked at the doorway and saw Billie, Mike and Tre standing there with their suitcases.
"What the fuck are all these people doing at my house!?" Billie yelled storming into the back yard. No one said anything. Music was still blasting from the radio. Billie knelt down next to the boy. He pulled his hands off his face. He had blood smeared across his face. Billie looked at Riot and stood up.
"Everyone get the fuck out of my house before I call the cops!" It took a minute for everyone to get the message but soon people were running in different directions.
"You broke his nose." Billie said after everyone left. "He has to go to the hospital."
"I'll take him." Bayzer said climbing off the table. "He is my cousin."
"Your cousin!?" I yelled at Bayzer.
"Yeah Anthony." She walked over and helped him up. I watched as Bayzer drove away with him. I turned and looked at Mark and Sony.
"Chadd you need to go." Billie said to me looking at Riot.
He looked at Mark and Sony.
"I don't know who you are but you need to go too."
I followed Mark and Sony. All of us went back to Sony's house.
The next afternoon when I went home David was sitting at the kitchen table drink a cup of coffee. I sat down across from him.
"I'm thinking about moving back to Chicago." He said looking into his coffee cup. "Moms a lot better and you'll be graduating soon and then going on tour." David looked up at me and laughed.
"Guess who called me at like 3 in the morning last night? Some guy named Billie Joe."
"You do know who that is right?"
"Of course I know who that is Chadd! I knew all of them even before Dookie came out. I had that job at Lookout Records remember?"
"Oh yeah."
"He wanted to explain to me why you might be coming home at 4 in the morning."
I opened my mouth to explain but he put his hand up.
"You're an adult now it's really none of my business where you were."
I looked at David shocked he had said something like that.
"Well, I'm going to Billie's house now. You're welcome to come if you want."
David nodded. "I've got nothing better to do."
Riot's P.O.V
After the party Billie told me how disappointed he was. Why is everyone so disappointed in me?
I clung to the sink in the bathroom rocking back and forth on my feet. I glared at the razor lying by the soap. Should I or shouldn't I?
Just as I was about to reach for it Billie called my name and said Chadd was here. I slammed my hands down on the sink thankful to have a distraction.
I walked down the steps. Billie was standing there talking to Chadd's brother.
I was afraid to look Chadd in the eyes; I thought if I did she would know what I had been thinking about doing while I was upstairs. I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to leave again. I took her upstairs in my room.
I kissed her.
"You know I love you right?"
She nodded.
"Good." I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. There was something I had to do, Something I had to give her.
Billie called me and told me what happened. I was driving down the highway at around 11'o'clock when I saw his car pulled behind some bushes. I pulled my car behind his.
He was sitting on the hood of his car. He had a cigarette hanging from his mouth and had a beer in his hand. I trudged over to him.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he said watching me as I sat down next to him.
"You should come home."
"I'm not coming home Chadd." He sat the beer down and spit out the cigarette. He put his hands on my cheek.
"If you don't love me just say it and stop playing these fucking games with me."
I pulled his hands off my face.
"I know I fucked it up Chadd, you don't have to make it worse. So make up your mind."
I loved him how could I tell him I didn't.
"I don't want to put myself in the wrong position because of what you do."
He sighed.
"I stopped." He said to me. "I did."
I pulled up his sleeve; there were no more red puffy scars just pale ones.
"Please believe me Chadd."
I laid back on the hood of the car.
"God James."
He leaned over me.
"Don't call me James."
"What do you want me to call you?" He didn't answer. Instead he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around around his neck. I figured is I pushed him off it would make him even more mad. He pulled away from me.
"Fuck it Chadd. I don't know why I'm waiting my time on you." He put another cigarette in his mouth and lit it up.
"I've been screwed with my whole fucking life. I don't need you screwing with me now. God knows I love you Chadd but you can't seem to make up your fucking mind. And I'm done wasting my fucking time."
This was the angriest I had ever seen him.
"You know what I want you to say and I can't make you say it Chadd. But if you won't say it I have to go. I can't wait for you anymore Chadd."
He threw the cigarette on the ground. I wanted to say it to him, but why should he stay if I wasn't? He hopped of the hood of the car.
He slid into the front seat of the car. I grabbed the door frame before he could shut the door.
He shut the radio off and looked at me.
"Riot I love you I do but can't fucking trust you with your own fucking life! One day you as happy as can be the next day you're trying to fucking kill yourself!"
I let go of the door frame but he didn't shut the door.
"But Riot I love you so you don't have to fucking go."
He got out of the car and stood in front of me.
"I'm not killing myself."
"Then what are you doing?" I asked.
"I don't know. I do it because I deserve the pain."
I looked at him. Both of us had calmed down.
"No you don't."
"I stopped so you don't have to worry about it."
"Good."
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I felt his hands slip down my back and around my waist. Now how could I ever tell him I was leaving? I just wouldn't move to L.A. I would stay with him.
"So what are you going to do now?" I asked him when he pulled away from me.
"I don't know." He shrugged.
"I told Billie Id get you to come home." Riot laughed.
"Ah, I don't know if I'm coming home yet."
"You want to come to my house?" I asked.
David and mom were spending the night at Vikki's old house helping her pack.
"Sure."
Riot fell asleep on the couch after he sat by my bedroom door asking if he could come in while I was changing my clothes.
The two of us sat on floor and drank my mom's beers.
By the end of the month when we were supposed to move to L.A. David had broken up with Vikki. David decided to stay in Oakland. I was very happy.
Winter passed and spring came. I also turned 18. Wicked played at the Gilman more and more. We even recorded a CD with look out records. Right now we were working on planning a tour.
"But you're waiting till you graduate right?" Riot asked after I told him about our plans for a tour. We were at Rudy's.
"Yeah."
"To bad I can't go on tour with you."
"I wish you could." I said back to him.
"But I can't." He said standing up. I stood up to. I followed him outside. I watched as he skated around the parking lot on his skate board.
Before my brother moved to Chicago he told me everything was temporary and nothing lasted forever. That might not have been a good way to look at things but some times it was true. I hoped this lasted forever, me and him.
He had his problems and I had mine but we loved each other more then anything. He started to skate around me in circles the same way he had when he first invited me to his house. It was funny how far we'd come. He hoped off the skate board and let it roll out in front of him. He walked over to me.
"I don't want you to go but I know how much you want to." He pulled a cigarette out of his back pocket and lit it up.
"Lets go back to my house." He said wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked down the street. He threw the cigarette into the street before we walked into the house. I had convinced him to come home. Billie was quiet pleased with me.
Riot had changed in a way I couldn't quiet put my finger on.
In the past months he had gotten a lot of tattoos. 16 to be exact, 10 red and black stars, a skull, a heart grenade, a guitar and the word "Wicked". (because I had refused to let him put my name on his arm.)
Even if he had changed I still loved him and he still loved me so it didn't matter.
We sat down on the couch. I rested my head on his should and he put his feet on the coffee table. He put his arm around me.
It was hot outside. Soon school was going to be out soon. I was leaving for tour the day after graduation.
Riot looked at me, "Do you want to go swimming?" He asked.
"Um... I don't have a suit."
He stood up and walked to the back yard. I followed him. He stood by the edge of the pool. He took off his shoes shirt and jumped into the pool. I couldn't help but smile.
"I don't have a suit either." He said smiling when he came back up. "Your turn."
I pulled of my shoes, pants, and shirt all I had on was my bra and underwear. I jumped in after him.
"So where is everyone?" I asked. No one was home.
"Billie's in San Francisco for the weekend at a studio, Adie took Joey and Jakob to her mom's house for the weekend." Riot told me fishing out a leaf that was in the water.
"Oh." I said slipping underwater. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down. We came up.
"You know what? I think we should have a party."
"I don't know if Billie would like that."
"He wouldn't have to know." Riot got out of the water. "I'll go get towels."
I wiped off and put my clothes back on.
"Are you serious about this whole party thing?" I asked handing him back the towel.
He nodded. "Wicked could even play!" He had left his shirt outside and was walking around in dripping shorts.
"Come on it will be fun!"
"Fine I'll do it!"
"Great!" He yelled and kissed me.
The party was going to be tonight. We went through the house and put away anything breakable, valuable, or that someone would want to steal. Riot locked all the bedroom doors and the basement door where Billie kept his instruments.
We took a crappy drum set that had been in the garage and set it up by the pool along with some old guitars. I called Bayzer, Mark, and Sony and told them to invite anyone they wanted to and the people they invite could bring as many friends as they wanted.
Riot threw bags of chips and beer on the counter.
"Ok I think we are done."
Around 10'o'clock 50 people were already there and people were still coming. Wicked stopped playing before then after Sony destroyed the bass.
So instead we just blasted the radio.
I was in the house fixing the radio and trying to ignore the couple making out on the couch when a guy who looked around 20 came up and started talking to me. Before I knew what he was doing he had his arms around me and was kissing me. I kneed him in the crouch. He fell on the ground. I didn't know Riot had seen that. He grabbed the guy's collar and pulled him outside.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" He yelled and kicked him the stomach.
"YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER ASSHOLE!" He yelled and kicked him again.
"Riot stop!" I yelled. The guy tried to stand up but Riot punched him and pushed him on the ground.
"Riot please!" I yelled again.
"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH HER AGAIN!" There was blood on Riot's hands but it wasn't his own. I looked behind me.
"Sony, Mark get them off of each other!" I yelled at them. They pushed pass the crowd that had gathered around the boy. Sony grabbed Riot. Mark grabbed the boy. I turned and looked at Bayzer. She climbed on top of the patio table.
"Party's over! Everyone get the fuck out of here!"
Sony was doing his best to restrain Riot who was still trying to throw punches at the boy.
"God damn it Riot stop!" He yelled grabbing Riots arms. Mark hadn't done anything but pull the boy out from underneath Riot. He was now kneeling next to him as he had his hands over his bloody nose.
I looked at the doorway and saw Billie, Mike and Tre standing there with their suitcases.
"What the fuck are all these people doing at my house!?" Billie yelled storming into the back yard. No one said anything. Music was still blasting from the radio. Billie knelt down next to the boy. He pulled his hands off his face. He had blood smeared across his face. Billie looked at Riot and stood up.
"Everyone get the fuck out of my house before I call the cops!" It took a minute for everyone to get the message but soon people were running in different directions.
"You broke his nose." Billie said after everyone left. "He has to go to the hospital."
"I'll take him." Bayzer said climbing off the table. "He is my cousin."
"Your cousin!?" I yelled at Bayzer.
"Yeah Anthony." She walked over and helped him up. I watched as Bayzer drove away with him. I turned and looked at Mark and Sony.
"Chadd you need to go." Billie said to me looking at Riot.
He looked at Mark and Sony.
"I don't know who you are but you need to go too."
I followed Mark and Sony. All of us went back to Sony's house.
The next afternoon when I went home David was sitting at the kitchen table drink a cup of coffee. I sat down across from him.
"I'm thinking about moving back to Chicago." He said looking into his coffee cup. "Moms a lot better and you'll be graduating soon and then going on tour." David looked up at me and laughed.
"Guess who called me at like 3 in the morning last night? Some guy named Billie Joe."
"You do know who that is right?"
"Of course I know who that is Chadd! I knew all of them even before Dookie came out. I had that job at Lookout Records remember?"
"Oh yeah."
"He wanted to explain to me why you might be coming home at 4 in the morning."
I opened my mouth to explain but he put his hand up.
"You're an adult now it's really none of my business where you were."
I looked at David shocked he had said something like that.
"Well, I'm going to Billie's house now. You're welcome to come if you want."
David nodded. "I've got nothing better to do."
Riot's P.O.V
After the party Billie told me how disappointed he was. Why is everyone so disappointed in me?
I clung to the sink in the bathroom rocking back and forth on my feet. I glared at the razor lying by the soap. Should I or shouldn't I?
Just as I was about to reach for it Billie called my name and said Chadd was here. I slammed my hands down on the sink thankful to have a distraction.
I walked down the steps. Billie was standing there talking to Chadd's brother.
I was afraid to look Chadd in the eyes; I thought if I did she would know what I had been thinking about doing while I was upstairs. I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to leave again. I took her upstairs in my room.
I kissed her.
"You know I love you right?"
She nodded.
"Good." I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. There was something I had to do, Something I had to give her.
