Wicked Wishes, chapter 25
Riots P.O.V
A few months passed and more people wanted to adopt Helena. Finally the adoption agency found a couple in their 30s who they thought was right so they suggested we invite them over for Dinner.
I was a very awkward night. I wondered if they could sense the tension between me and Chadd. I swear to god she was becoming depressed. I was taking sleeping pills but they didn't help much.
At one point that night we were all sitting around the table eating when Helena started to cry.
"I'll get it," I said starting to stand up.
"No. I will," said Chadd getting up and walking down the hallway.
I sighed and put my head in my hands. I could feel the two of them watching me.
Chadd didn't come back out the rest of the night.
I went into the bedroom but she wasn't there. The Window leading out to the fire escape was wide open.
"Fuck!" I yelled.
I ran into Helena's Room and grabbed her. I drove to Billie's house.
He opened the door and I pushed Helena into his hands.
"Please just watch her for the night," I said frantically.
"What's wrong?" he said.
"It's Chadd! I can't find her! I don't know where she is!"
"WHAT? Do you want my help!?" he asked me.
"NO!" I yelled getting in the car.
I don't know how long I drove around. But I know it was a long time...it was raining. The rain pounded against the windshield, I couldn't see anything. How was I ever going to find her?
So I just pulled the car over and started to walk. I didn't give a damn if I was getting soaked. I passed a bus shelter. The same one where I first met Chadd. Sitting on the street corner in front of it was Chadd.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" I yelled at her. She just looked up at me.
She was soaked. She stood up.
I pulled my jacket off and wrapped it around her.
She just stood there looking at me.
I pulled her closer to me. I put my forehead against hers, our faces pressed together.
"If you don't want to do this anymore tell me, if you can't do this anymore tell me," I said to her. "I need to hear it strait from you; I don't need a reason this time. Just tell me so I know it's not all in my head," I said squeezing her. I loved her so much.
"I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore," she told me. I couldn't tell if the water drops running down her face were the rain or tears. "It's not all your fault,"she said gripping the back of my shirt. "It's not Riot, It's mine too."
"It's my fault. Yes it is," I said wiping the rain and tears off her face.
"We can't give Helena what she needs. Both of us Riot. We couldn't do this; I don't know why we ever thought we could," she cried.
***
One day when I got home from work I felt horrible. I felt sick to my stomach.
I opened up the apartment door and stood in the door way. Chadd was sitting on the couch reading a magazine and the radio was on.
The Cheap Trick song "I Want You To Want Me" was on the radio.
I clenched my hands into fists as the song went into the first line...
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I didn't want to walk into the apartment. I just stood there watching her...
"Riot?" she said, looking at me.
"Turn the goddamn radio off," I said to her walking inside and going strait to bed.
A few months passed and more people wanted to adopt Helena. Finally the adoption agency found a couple in their 30s who they thought was right so they suggested we invite them over for Dinner.
I was a very awkward night. I wondered if they could sense the tension between me and Chadd. I swear to god she was becoming depressed. I was taking sleeping pills but they didn't help much.
At one point that night we were all sitting around the table eating when Helena started to cry.
"I'll get it," I said starting to stand up.
"No. I will," said Chadd getting up and walking down the hallway.
I sighed and put my head in my hands. I could feel the two of them watching me.
Chadd didn't come back out the rest of the night.
I went into the bedroom but she wasn't there. The Window leading out to the fire escape was wide open.
"Fuck!" I yelled.
I ran into Helena's Room and grabbed her. I drove to Billie's house.
He opened the door and I pushed Helena into his hands.
"Please just watch her for the night," I said frantically.
"What's wrong?" he said.
"It's Chadd! I can't find her! I don't know where she is!"
"WHAT? Do you want my help!?" he asked me.
"NO!" I yelled getting in the car.
I don't know how long I drove around. But I know it was a long time...it was raining. The rain pounded against the windshield, I couldn't see anything. How was I ever going to find her?
So I just pulled the car over and started to walk. I didn't give a damn if I was getting soaked. I passed a bus shelter. The same one where I first met Chadd. Sitting on the street corner in front of it was Chadd.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" I yelled at her. She just looked up at me.
She was soaked. She stood up.
I pulled my jacket off and wrapped it around her.
She just stood there looking at me.
I pulled her closer to me. I put my forehead against hers, our faces pressed together.
"If you don't want to do this anymore tell me, if you can't do this anymore tell me," I said to her. "I need to hear it strait from you; I don't need a reason this time. Just tell me so I know it's not all in my head," I said squeezing her. I loved her so much.
"I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore," she told me. I couldn't tell if the water drops running down her face were the rain or tears. "It's not all your fault,"she said gripping the back of my shirt. "It's not Riot, It's mine too."
"It's my fault. Yes it is," I said wiping the rain and tears off her face.
"We can't give Helena what she needs. Both of us Riot. We couldn't do this; I don't know why we ever thought we could," she cried.
***
One day when I got home from work I felt horrible. I felt sick to my stomach.
I opened up the apartment door and stood in the door way. Chadd was sitting on the couch reading a magazine and the radio was on.
The Cheap Trick song "I Want You To Want Me" was on the radio.
I clenched my hands into fists as the song went into the first line...
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I didn't want to walk into the apartment. I just stood there watching her...
"Riot?" she said, looking at me.
"Turn the goddamn radio off," I said to her walking inside and going strait to bed.
