I Still Think About You, chapter 4

It seemed like for once on my life everything was going to be ok. Now that my deepest secret is out, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The only thing that was wearing on me though, was when I should tell Mike. After all he is my brother, but he is my overprotective brother, he is my older brother, he is my only brother. He has the right to know... But then he will make it into a much bigger deal than what it needs to be, and I don't want that to happen. Just stop thinking about it... Leave it alone, deal with it later... is what I kept telling myself.

Billie loosened his grip and began to let me go. Even though I wished that that hug would have lasted forever, I let him let go of me. He took a step back and stood there, leaning down a bit to able himself to see my face. I looked down at the floor; I hated it when people stared at me.

"Hey." He said as he picked up my chin in the tips of his fingers.
"Are you ok?"

I stood there and stared at him, making direct eye contact.
"Of course." I said as I forced a smile.

We walked downstairs together, and quietly peaked into the living room to see if Mike was there. To our surprise, he wasn't. Billie and I exchanged surprised looks; Mike is never up at 7. Just then we heard something in the kitchen.

"He's probably just getting a drink. Most likely he will fall back asleep." I said.

"Most likely."

Billie walked through the kitchen doors with me following close behind. Mike was sitting on a stool at the counter, drinking a glass of water. Billie slumped onto a stool next to Mike, and I sat on the other one next to Billie Joe.

"So... Why are you up so early?" Billie asked his best friend.

"I dunno, just couldn't sleep." Replied Mike, you could tell he was still half asleep by the way he was talking.

"Have you been up long?" I asked, joining in on the conversation.

"No, I don't think so. Just like 10 minutes."

A big sigh of relief fell upon me. I was cheering inside that he had only been up for like 10 minutes. Cause if he was up for any more than that, he most likely heard every word we were saying in the kitchen. It's not like we said anything important, but he would probably put two and two together and figure out something was up.

I glanced over at Billie. He too looked like he was relieved that Mike wasn't up for any longer than he already was.

We all 3 sat there for about 10 more minutes, in complete silence. None of us were really in the mood to talk. Everything that had been going on lately wasn't really conversation friendly material.

"I'm going to go for a walk." I said, completely out of the blue.

I slid off of my chair and went upstairs to get my shoes on. I slipped on my converse, not really caring of they were tied or not, and walked out the door.

The sky was a real dark blue color, mixed in with lighter blues and purples. Then towards the horizon it was oranges, pinks, and yellows. I loved the sunset, especially in autumn. It wasn't really that cool outside, maybe about 78 degrees. Kind of warm for fall, but hey, it's California.

After walking for about 5 minutes I came to my house. The windows were all shut, the car was gone. It was completely abandoned. I probably stood there for 10 minutes before deciding to go inside. The door was locked. I knew a way to get in though, and it never failed. I crept around to the back of my house, and walked until I came to the far side of it. I bent down next to the basement window and pulled, of course it opened. I moved my legs around until I could feel the ladder I put underneath the window, making it easier to sneak in and out of the house. Once I felt the ladder underneath my feet, I slowly inched down into the basement.

I hated it down here, always so cold, and dark. I walked over to the stairs and began to walk up them; I was almost to the top when I heard a thump. It was coming from the basement. I stood there not knowing what to do, and then I decided to go down and see what the noise was. As I slowly descended down the stairs I kept hearing thumps. Then I heard whoever it was start climbing down the ladder. I was standing on the bottom step of the stairs hiding behind the wall. It would only be a few seconds until whoever it was trying to get into the house succeeded and met me at the bottom of the stairs where I was standing, horrified.

After they were down I heard another person begin to climb down the ladder. When I heard them both start walking over to the stairs where I was, I sat down on the step. Who would've known to go to the back window and use the ladder, other than... I looked up. Sure enough, there stood Mike and Billie.

"Hey Jen-Jen, we thought you'd be here." Said Billie

"Don't ever call me that again." I said as I stood up from the step where I was sitting.

"Why did you come in here though?" asked Mike
"I thought for sure that you would be too scared to come back, and by yourself."

"Well... I didn't think anyone would be home, and they aren't. Plus, if we are going to be at Billie's then we are going to need to get our clothes and junk."

"Yup, my mom said that you both were to stay at our house until everything gets sorted out. Just so you wouldn't be at home alone all the time." Billie stated.

I nodded my head and started to walk up the steps with Billie and Mike following close behind chatting about something with one another.

Once I got to my room I grabbed my book bag off of my desk and started shoving clothes into it. After I was done "packing" I walked over to my night stand and opened up the top drawer, pulling out a box and setting it on my bed. I softly pulled the lid off and set it down beside me, and then I gently took out what was in the box, dusty pictures. I hadn't looked at these for years; they brought back so many memories that I would never be able to have again, just made me sad to look at them.

The picture on the top was one of Mike, my mom, dad, and me. We were all so happy then. I think I was like 4, and Mike was 6. We were at the park, I was learning how to ride a bike. Eventually I got it, but I never rode my bike again. Instead I got a skateboard for my 5th Birthday. My mom thought it was too dangerous for a five year old, but my dad got it for me anyways, and I could ride it really well too.

I could feel someone staring at me so I looked up. Billie was standing in the doorway.

"Whatchya lookin at?" He asked walking over to where I was sitting and taking a seat next to me on the bed.

"Oh, just pictures." I said pulling out one of Billie, Mike, and me.

"What the hell? You still have all of those pictures? I was like 8 in that one." He said nudging to the picture I was holding in my hands.

"This one was taken on my first day of 1st grade, and Mike and yours first day of 3rd grade." I said giggling a little at the picture.

He started shaking his head at the picture... Then I put it back in the box, shut the lid, and tucked the box away in my night stand.

"You know... I had a crush on you then too." He said getting up off of the bed and stretching.

"Oh really... Is that so?"

"Mhm, sure is." He said in return.

"You're pathetic."

"What eveeerrrr." He said in a girly sort of voice, putting his hand up in front of his face and turning his head to the side.

"Real mature... " I mumbled as I walked over to my bag, picked it up and lifting it over one of my shoulders.

I walked across the hall over to Mike's room, following Billie. Mike was trying to fit his bass into its case without messing it up. Finally after getting it perfectly fit, we all three began walking towards the front door.

"You know, the first day of school is Monday." Billie said as he opened the front door, and locked the knob before we walked out.

"Eleventh grade... Is going to suck." Mike said

"Sure is. School is going to suck, period." Stated Billie, we all three agreed on that one.
"Hey Jen, you're going to our school this year! That should be fun... "

"Whoopie it's just going to be a riot." I said while rolling my eyes.

"Hey. At least you'll be with meeeeeee your boyyyyfriennnd." Billie said in yet another girlie voice, while batting his eyelashes.

"Dude, don't ever do that again." Mike said.

We all started laughing at Billie. He was such a dork, but that's why we all love him. We started walking towards Billie's house so we could put our things away, then it was off to the Gilman, for Sweet Children's gig at 9. I guess life isn't so bad, when you have friends that care, and a place to call your home.