All By Myself, All On My Own, chapter 31
We walked into the hotel about fifteen minutes later the freshly cleaned floor was now covered in puddles and muddy footprints from people walking in and out after the rain. I pushed open my door and slid off my muddy sneakers leaving them by the door. I went to the other side of the room and closed the curtains to keep in the heat. I went into the kitchen and started to boil water for hot chocolate. The guys slid off their shoes as well and took a seat on the couch but not before grabbing a towel from the bathroom and dried off a little. When I came out Mike was getting the water out of his hair making it go from flat and matted to fluffy. Tre turned on the TV as I brought out the first two mugs of coco. I handed them off to Tre and Mike who were sitting already. I went back in and brought out Billie Joe's and mine. We all sat on the couch watching crappy shows and drinking our hot coco to warm us up. Tre nearly fell asleep at one point and I had to snatch his half full... or half empty mug from his hands before it spilled onto Mike's lap. I set his cup down on the table and Tre lifted his head in confusion as to where his drink went. Billie Joe flicked through the channels. There was never anything on, on a Thursday night. He started to get annoyed at the fact there was absolutely NOTHING on today and left it on the TV guide channel and handed off the remote to me. I didn't know what to watch so I passed it over sleepy Tre to Mike who just set it down on the table. The warm milk left in my mug was making me drowsy as well. Just the steam was enough to put me to sleep so I set down my cup as well just in case I really did drift off. Mike finished his mug off in on last huge gulp and took it in to the sink. He came back pressing his wet hands against my face making me jump. "Mike!" I shouted almost tipping over onto Billie Joe. "What? It's just water." He laughed sitting back down on Tre's other side. I wiped the cold wetness from my face on my shirt, which was a little hard with no sleeves. I felt a small pressure across me as I opened my eyes. I saw Tre lying across my lap fast asleep. I let out a frustrated sigh and flipped him over so he was face up. I could not deny him looking at his sleeping face and I let him lay on me. If he was uncomfortable he could move himself. Mike watched in enjoyment at this unpleasant scene. Tre just looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb him but it was really annoying me at the fact I couldn't move and I was getting really uncomfortable. As we sat there watching the TV, well seeing what was on TV... I slowly fell asleep with Tre since I was unable to move and keep myself up.
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Today had been fun but it really made me sleepy. I woke with a start around eight. Tre had rolled off of me onto the floor and Mike was asleep at my feet, Billie Joe at my head. All three of us overlapped a little on the small couch squeezing in together. No wonder Tre had fallen off. There was no room for him. I carefully pulled my right leg out from under Mike's unconscious body. I placed it on the floor between Tre and the couch then tried to pull out my other leg only to do the same. I didn't want to wake anyone but I was surrounded. My head was by Billie's knees and I cautiously sat up and then stood trying to catch my balance in the small foot area that I had. I slid my feet across the rug until I was out of trouble and walked around to the other side of the coffee table by the TV to grab the little book and my keys. I tiptoed over to the door carefully shutting it behind me. Now I was actually able to make some noise. I opened the door to James's room. My new sanctuary. I sat on the end of the bed and set down the book another book sliding out from under it that I hadn't noticed picking up. It was my drawing pad. How did I pick this up? The last time I had it I had set it down on my bedside table not on the glass table by the couch. And I didn't remember setting the journal down on top of it. Anyways, it was with me now so no use just letting it sit there but first I was to read the next few pages of the diary left behind. I rolled onto my stomach and opened the book up to the last page I had read. Just reading the first few lines I could tell that something big had happened the day he had written it, or at least something big was about to happen. "Today I finally got it. It has been almost thirteen years since I met Kiki. I know it's been so long but it really doesn't seem that much time has passed by since we talked in the mall." It started. I noticed that this was the last written page in the journal. The rest were blank. "I can't wait. We met the Green Day guys and now have been spending a lot of time with them. They are really nice but I really feel that I should find out her answer soon before we start to drift apart. I know she still loves me and I love her yet I can't help but feel I am loosing her to these new friends. I have been keeping it in my pocket for the past few days. I almost lost it the other day though so I put it in the silver-wear drawer in the kitchen where no one will find it. I just need the perfect moment to~~~" The next word trailed off the page as if he had slid from his seat while writing or his arm had been bumped. I flipped the page over to see if there was anything on the back but it was blank and I then noticed the page was almost completely ripped out of the book. This was it. "The day Mark attacked him." It was when Mark came into his room and took him. One of James's only times alone on the trip to write in his journal and Mark comes in and threatens his life. I felt that hunger for revenge again. My temper was getting cut short making my mind snap and hot tears stream down my face. I had a feeling I knew what James was talking about at the time. I just had to see if I was correct. I closed the book in anger at this and ran into the kitchen stumbling on the junk lying on the floor. The kitchen look semi-clean compared to the rest of the place. Three of the drawers were pulled open and a dirty knife lay on the tiled floor. I hadn't been in here yet. James had tried to defend himself. He was in such a hurry though to attack Mark he had to search for the right drawer. When time was running out he just grabbed a used knife from the kitchen sink. This was the only thought in my head. I could just imagine what had happened that night. I wasn't totally positive that this was true of course but it's the best conclusion the evidence gave me. I opened up the silver-wear drawer. Exactly in the same place as all the other rooms. I saw nothing. "Had Mark or James taken whatever it was out? Or was what James said just a figure of speech. What he was trying to hide wasn't an object but a thought perhaps? I pulled the drawer out a little farther just in case and no doubt I spotted it. A little velvet box in the back corner. I was right. How could I live with myself? I reached my arm in and pulled it out. The outside so soft in my hands. I found myself crying only seconds later with no control. The tears streaming down not normal cries of sadness but of guilt and anger. I opened the box to see a simple ring sitting inside. "He was going to ask me to marry him." I sobbed. A single tear dripping into the box onto the small diamond ring trickling down its smooth surface into the spongy material it was sitting in. I cupped my hand to my mouth muffling my small sobs. I snapped the box shut and walked out of the room. Once again that burning urge to lash out was starting to overwhelm me and it was getting even stronger the madder I got at Mark and the sadder I felt for loosing James. I took a seat back on the end of the bed and picked up my art pad. I was prepared to draw something to go along with how I felt but how the hell could something so heart wrenching as this be put into a drawing or even in words? I flipped through the pages stopping now and then to study some of my past works. Most of them had me, James, Key and lil' Jake in them. These were before the Green Day times. Looking at these pictures was making me angry. I flipped through them rapidly searching for one that did not show me, or James or Green Day or Key, nothing was there. I stopped on one of my first drawings ever. The one when I was just starting out. The one I drew the day James gave me the book. I looked it over. I was so young, well younger, it's not like I was old just yet. But, still I was only a teenager, hardly any talent whatsoever but a love to draw and over the years I had gotten better. This was my first gift from James and possibly the best I had ever received. I ran my fingers over the slightly crinkled paper. The texture rougher than that of the other pages from being so old. All the used pages that had been done years ago were in a way yellowish and rough. The picture was that of me and James together. Just standing there. There was no background accept our shadows cast off to the side. I had looked so much different. My hair shorter and pulled back neatly into a ponytail. That was two years before I had gotten my braces removed. I had cuts on my lower arm from falling on my roller blades into a barbed-wire fence. I had caught my balance on my side and was able to push off of it but left huge gashes all up and down my right arm. To this day I still had a few scars to show for it. Another tear dripped off the tip of my nose onto the paper smearing some of the picture. I flipped the page to my second drawing. Mark and Kilana. This picture. In my opinion was the worst only because it showed Mark. As how Key had seen him. Happy and kind, yeah right like that would EVER happen in this lifetime. I was getting tense from all of this pressure. All this crap about my past. I no longer cared for the past nor the future. All I could focus on was the present and seeing all this that reminded me of how happy I had been so long ago with my friends before I ever thought about wanting to meet Green Day. These memories lingered in my mind taunting me of how bad I have it now. How screwed I am to have ever had a dream which turned out to be a nightmare.
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The sadness of being deprived of a loved one only about three weeks ago, the past no longer meant anything to me and the future just looked cold and dark as my world fell apart. The stifled cries in me were worse that welling in me stronger than it had ever been. I hated Mark now more than ever. Looking at my hate drawing of Mark now I seemed to burst into pure rage. I had finally lost it. That urge was being released and I only hoped I could stay alone long enough to keep my friends from harm. Blinded by my fury and anger I ripped every damn page of my book, every drawing that brought back any memory to me, every page in my reach to shreds. This act though, was not enough to douse the flames burning within me. I threw the discarded pieces of paper, all my thoughts and feelings into the middle of the floor. I ran into the kitchen and tore through the cabinet until I found a box of matches. My whole body being controlled by my hatred. I couldn't stop myself. I had finally lost my grip on reality forgetting about all the things I still had to live for in my life. I lit the match and threw it into the shredded papers. I screamed as I watched them burn tearing my life up. I watched as the flames burned brighter and got higher almost reaching the ceiling. This smoke alarm in by the glass door ringing making my brain rattle by I ignored it completely. "How dare he do this to me!" I screamed running back into the kitchen past the hot flames. I choked on the thick smoke forming in the small room as I gasped through my sobs. I grabbed the knife off the floor. The one James had tried to defend himself with. I slit my wrists and waited there until the blood came pouring down my arm dripping off my bent elbow onto the rug. I was bleeding away the pain, agony and the misery and anger that he put me through. I walked back towards the fire standing only feet away as it grew higher. I felt dizzy as my blood drained from me. I felt like dying. I wanted to so much. To end this stupid life I was living. I dropped to my knees too weak to stand and too dizzy to keep balance. All I could do now was cry and scream until the smoke caught me short of breath. The hot flames warmed me as I sat there in awe at all this. I was ready to go. I had so much adrenaline rushing through me. There was no way I was going to run away from this right when it was my chance to rid myself of this pathetic life. I was disconnected from the world. The loud ring of the smoke detector finally getting to me I lashed out once again jumping up and pulling it from the ceiling it's wires broken. I threw it into the flames watching the plastic melt down. I fell to the ground again blackened tears coming down. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I knew this was it and I couldn't wait for it to end. All the sound in the room were the sobs muffled by me being face down into the blood stained carpet and the crackling of the fire as everything around me started to burn up. I was destroying all trace of James. All that I had left of him. And I was destroying myself along with it and I no longer cared who I took down with me. I made a reach for the knife only feet away but I was too weak and was unable to reach it. This was Green Day's fault as well. Tre's fault, Mike's fault, Billie Joe's. Green Day was the reason I was here and the reason I was suffering and now I would no longer. I took short gasps of air as I lost my breath choking on forceful tears and black smoke and ash. I heard a loud banging on the door. I didn't care though. It was locked. No one was going to stop me from suicide. Then I heard another loud crack. It wasn't the fire. I squinted my eyes trying to see through the flames. I could just make out the silhouette of a man. Tall and thin. I felt that anger in me again. I knew who it was though. The figure looked so much of Mark and I couldn't stand it. I let out a soft cry trying to speak but there was no luck. "Kiki!" I heard Mike's voice ring out over another loud crack of flames. The door had been broken down. "Kiki where are you!?!" I heard him cry again, pure terror in his voice. I lifted my head off the floor to see the shadowed figure step closer searching for me. He got closer until he was standing right by me. I could just make out the expressions on his worried face. I fell back onto the floor my head resting on my arm blood smearing against my cheek. "Oh god Kiki." Mike cried as he knelt down beside me. He grabbed my underarms and sat me up. Propped up against him I could see two other characters enter the room. My vision blurred by the water left in my eyes, which now stung from the soot in the air. Mike's arms wrapped around me and I closed my eyes in pain. I had been found. Saved. No. I couldn't let this happen to me. I didn't want to be found. I wanted to die. I felt a cold wet cloth at my wrists and I opened my eyes wearily to see Tre crouched down in front of me holding my wrists wrapped in a wet towel. His eyes filled with tears either from this or the smoke, which was making it so hard for me to see clearly. Water splashed on me as Billie Joe poured a bucket of cold water onto the fire. The room got smokier and I coughed trying to clear my throat and breath but I couldn't while I was in this room. I sobbed again at the fact that they had to see me like this. I looked horrible after doing a horrible thing and it was breaking my heart. I no longer was angry with them. When the flames had been put out. Much of my anger had been too. These guys were only trying to help me. I loved these people but without James I never would have met them and that just reminded me of my past where once again Mark came in and the bitter taste of blood was in my mouth. I tried to pull away from Mike's hold and lay back down on the blackened burnt carpet but he grabbed hold again pulling me back up and holding my head to his chest. I closed my eyes letting the last few tears dry as I let the beating of Mike's heart calm me. "Kiki, it's okay now, settle down everything will be alright." Billie Joe whispered to me softly. I snapped again. I jumped to my feet pulling away hard from Mike's grip running on pure adrenaline with no real energy left in me. "No! It won't! Calming down won't bring James back to me! It won't erase my past and secure my future! Mark killed him and you have no reason to be so happy he tried to kill us too!" I sobbed dropping to my knees again. "He tried to kill us too... He tried to kill you! How can you say everything is okay?!? Prison is too good for Mark! He may be locked up but he is still a murderer! Locking him away won't bring back those he harmed, those whose lives he has destroyed! I won't be happy until that son-of a-bitch is dead! I don't care what fucking happens to me I just want him dead! Permanently!" I screamed falling into Mike pushing him over slightly. Tears streaming down my cheeks again into a river forming a puddle on Mike's shirt. I felt Tre's hand on my arm gliding across my skin trying to calm me but it wasn't helping much. The others were speechless. I closed my eyes tightly against the sting of how wet and vulnerable my eyes were to the dirt in the air. I belt around with my eyes closed until I was able to feel the burnt sheets of the bed. I tugged on them until the diary and ring box came close enough to me for me to grab. I pulled the ring box close to me but threw the book in the face of Tre who fell back in shock as the journal smacked him in the forehead. I opened the box and slipped the ring onto my finger opening my eyes to examine it then pass out in the arms of my friends. The box slipping from my hand onto the ash covered floor.
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I woke up in my own bed... well the bed of my hotel room. Tre sat next to me. I opened me eyes weakly. They still stung from all that had happened. I was so sorry for all that but I just couldn't find the words to say it. Sorry wasn't strong enough to tell how bad I felt about that. Sure these guys wrote songs about suicide but I could only help but wonder if they had ever known someone to commit it. Was this attempt the closest they had come to seeing someone trying to kill them self? "Kiki." Tre said sadly and scared. All this time he had been the one who had believed in me. The only one who didn't see the side of me that most people did and came to the conclusion I was insane. Now that hope was gone and I was lucky if he ever wanted to see me anymore. I felt weak and my breathing was difficult. My throat scratchy. "Don't ever try that again." Tre said letting out a small smile and leaning forward to plant a kiss on my forehead. Wait... what? He still wanted to be friends with me? He wasn't mad at me or scared of me? This guy really was as crazy as me. This is the Tre I remember and loved but... this seems unethical even for Tre. I looked at my wrists, which were now bandaged up. Dried blood was still cracked and glued to my skin that wouldn't come off until I was able to get into the shower and wash it off of me. I sat up with as much strength I had left so I could properly see Tre. I let out a pathetic grin trying not to smile too much as to show any more than a slit of my teeth through my lips. I flung myself around him without control or warning. It felt so good to be with him again where we didn't have to worry about everything else in our lives. He hugged me tight in return holding me close. I nuzzled into the concave of his neck. "I'm so sorry." I whispered my voice as scratchy as my throat and the roof of my mouth. That welling in me had completely disappeared after tonight and hopefully it would stay that way for a long time. I could only help but wonder what the hotel workers are going to think when they go into that room and find it totally torn apart. Not only all of James's stuff still laying on the floor but the thin wood left from where the fire had started, the dirty dishes in the sink, the burnt bed sheets, the missing smoke detector and the busted down door. "How did you guys know I was in trouble?" I said quietly into him my eyes closed and resting. "Well, Mike was out on the balcony and saw smoke coming from your door so he rushed over and the screaming was a good tip off." He joked pulling away for a second to see my face. I a wreck, I could only tell by how grimy my skin felt as I wiped a tear from my eye and the expression on Tre's face. "Hey! She's up." Billie Joe said coming in and walking over to the bed with me and Tre. I pulled off of Tre feeling light headed like I was about to fall down again but I managed to stay up long enough to grip hold of Billie Joe and pull him into a quick hug as he took a seat with Tre next to me. I let go of him and fell back onto my pillow looking at my bandages. "You'd think the hotel would run out of bandages by now." I laughed a little realizing how many times this month we had to bandage up each other. I looked up at Tre, whose gaze was fixed on my left hand. He had spotted the engagement ring James was going to ask me the big question before he... *sniff* died. I clenched my fist almost hiding the ring from view. "What?" I asked trying to break his awkward stare. "Where did you... ?" Tre asked pointing at my hand. I felt dead inside at this question. "James... " I said quietly again feeling tears build up but I held them back. I didn't want to cry again. Not today. Tre's mood changed again from what looked like confusion to sadness then happiness again. I unfolded my hand again and looked at the ring. The only thing on me that looked clean. The small diamond embedded in the gold band reflected the light of my bedside lamp. The sky was darker than ever now. The clock across the room reading 3:20. It was late. I pulled the small ring off of my finger and set it down on the table beside me. It felt awkward now though looking at my table. My drawing pad was gone, all my memories and artwork I had recorded were destroyed, the journal in the hands of Tre now. I had failed to kill myself but I succeeded in killing all the things in my life that made me who I am and I would regret this act for the rest of my life. The bed shook as Billie Joe got up and left the room. "Where you going?" Tre asked as Billie Joe started to turn the doorknob. "To bed. She's okay so it's time for some rest." He said yawning and walking out the door. Tre looked back at me then at the door. He seemed confused and looked to me for answers. "What?" I giggled at this weird behavior. "I'm not sure whether I should stay here with you or go back to my room." He said shifting his weight as if getting up but then sat back down again. I knew he wanted to stay it was what I wanted that worried him. I grabbed hold of his hand and he turned his attention quickly from the door to me. "Calm down Tre." I smiled sitting up again. I pulled his hand to me and grabbed his upper arm with my other hand pulling him closer until he was completely in my grasp. "Stay." I laughed pressing my lips gently to his. Then pulling away to lie back down again. He seemed to just stare into blank space. I grinned at his reaction to this. "Okay." He said lying down beside me. I rolled onto my side so I could seem him clearly.
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I woke up once again that morning around 8:00. I had a major headache after all that had happened last night. I looked over at sleeping Tre next to me. I slipped out of bed trying not to move it too much and stumbled into the bathroom. I had to get all this crud off of my skin. I pulled off my blackened clothes and stepped into the warm water pouring from the showerhead. I washed away the dried blood and ash from me relieving me of that smoky burnt smell. I stepped out of the bathroom leaking steam into the room. I clutched my towel tightly around me as I walked over to the closet to get some clothes. Tre still lay in bed senseless to the fact I was no longer there he clung to a pillow entangled in the blankets. I let out a small giggle as I pulled on my shirt. I grabbed a pair of pants from the ground and put them on pulling on my belt and hanging my towel on the rack back in the bathroom. I stepped back over to my bed taking a seat on the edge. Tre was woken by the shake of the bed as I climbed back on and rolled over onto his other side. I couldn't help but smile. It was early. He didn't want to wake up. "Tre." I teased quietly crawling closer and looking down on him. He covered his face lamely with his arm trying to get me to go away. "Time to get up." I said gently shaking his shoulder. He pulled away and curled up tighter. He mumbled something that sounded like 'go away' but he was talking through his pillow. I leaned over him pressing my lips to his bare cheek, which he had failed to block from view with his arm. He pulled the blankets up over his head trying to get away. "Come on Tre, you gotta get up sometime." I giggled grabbing the top rim of the sheets and pulling them down over his head again. He tucked his head once again between his arms and looked up at me through his open eyes. He saw and closed them again tightly hiding back under the blankets. "I know you're awake." I said wrapping my arms around his covered body. I pressed my face to his shoulder. "You get up when you're ready." I sighed giving up. I lifted myself off of him and got once again off the bed. I noticed from the corner of my eye Tre pull down the blankets to check if I was still there. He was more like lil' Jake then anyone really let on. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a box of cereal out of the cupboard. I poured some into a bowl and grabbed a spoon out of the drawer. I picked up my breakfast and walked out into the main room taking a seat on the couch. Tre had once again resorted to hiding under the blankets. I wondered if the guys ever had this much trouble getting him up in the morning. I turned on the TV to early morning cartoons. I was so used to Jake in the room I had grown used to watching cartoons every morning. I took a bite of my cereal and took a seat on the couch setting the bowl in my lap. "Hey Tre." I said as he walked behind the couch and around to sit next to me. I hadn't bothered to even look away from the TV until I felt my lips meet his for a second. The spoonful of milk, which I held about halfway between the bowl and my mouth splashed a little as Tre moved in to kiss me again. He pulled away only inches from me. I looked into his tired blue eyes, A little bloodshot from lack of sleep. His spiked hair disheveled from his sleep and matted down. I let through a small smile before I lightly kissed him one last time before taking my last bite of breakfast and setting my bowl down on the table. He fell back into the cushion looking desperately in need to fall asleep. "Sorry for waking you up." I smiled. He looked at me. His mouth drooping on it's own his eyes half shut and just looking at me dismally. I giggled a little more unable to control myself. How could I be laughing? I had attempted suicide only a few hours ago. I had set the room on fire, burned all traces of the existence of James except a few articles of clothing, a book and a ring. I let myself calm immediately and rested against Tre who just seemed to do the same back. Resting his head against mine like a pillow and started to drift away. "Hey, wake up." I said calmly gently slapping his face with my palm. He lifted his head and looked around. "No." He moaned falling back on me. "Tre... " I sighed putting my arm around him, grabbing his opposite shoulder and turning myself towards him lying against him. I closed my eyes and breathed in his distinct smell. I can't believe I had tried to leave all these people behind. I had almost lost him just so I may see James again somehow. I nearly left behind Key and Jake, my family, I almost gave Mark what he wanted most, for me to die. As I lye there on the couch with him his breathing got shallow as he was completely lost in sleep. I lifted him off of me and laid him down on the couch. I stood up looking back at him one last time then walked out of my room into the abandoned hallway. I walked down past James's room. The door was missing and the inside revealed. Police tape was up across the doorway so no one would enter and beyond you could see the balcony door open to let the trapped smoke out of the room. I walked to the next room and knocked on the door. There was no answer. No doubt, they weren't awake yet. I walked back the way I had come passing my room and continued on to the stairs. The walls were still covered in our drawings. The crayon artwork was fading away and a few spots were smeared and gone where the housekeeper had once tried to clean it off before I stopped her. I jumped down the stairs around level two I just got tired and instead sat on the railing holding onto it loosely and slid down to the bottom where I burst through the door. Other than the rude receptionist there was no one else yet down. Breakfast didn't even start until 9:00. I took a seat at our usual table grabbing a magazine from the box sitting on the floor by the wall. I flipped through the first few pages immediately getting bored with this. I set it down on the table and walked over to the counter. "Excuse me can I help you?" The man behind the counter said. "No, just looking for someone to talk to." I said lamely. Somehow I was going to get on this guy's good side. "So, how's it goin'?" I asked in a sweet voice. It made me gag inside knowing I was talking like this to this jerk. He rolled his eyes but seemed interested in the fact I was talking to him. "Boring. No customers for the past few days other than that lady who only stayed here a few days." He sighed resting his face in his hand and his elbow on the newly cleaned countertop. He ran his fingers through his thick brown hair and tilted back in his chair. I tapped my fingernails on the hard top in thought of what I'm supposed to say next. "Doesn't it get boring?" I asked trying to look like I really cared for his answer. God what was I doing flirting with this freak? No doubt he was falling for this stupid act though. I just couldn't wait to leave him though and go back up to see Tre and the other two members of Green Day. "It gets really boring around here but I make it through. It wouldn't be so boring to me if I had someone here to keep me company though." He said smiling at me. Oh god was he hitting on me? Ew... and no shit it gets boring... I mean it's not like huge crowds of people come in every minute looking for a room in this crappy hotel especially since one of the hotel users was captured and killed and six others were attacked at night out in the parking lot... a bunch of punks wrote all over the walls on the fifth floor and one of the rooms was burned down. I mean how does that not draw people here? I'm being sarcastic I hope you know. I gave a smile through the disgust of his behavior towards me. "Doesn't all the action keep you busy or you know... scared or excited?" I asked thinking about all the shit me and the guys had done to trash this hotel. "Of course not. I do not have night duty when most of this happens. The only thing exciting I guess you could say is that stupid band staying here with those little punks who destroyed the fifth floor completely. Romilda and Shianna take care of most of the stuff in this place. Just being the receptionist I don't get to do much except yell at those punks who track mud on the nice clean floor and steal all the food from the buffet in the morning, and tear out pages in magazines and sit in the middle of the floor when all the fans are going. They are so uncivilized little rodents." He said eyeing me. He can't talk shit about me and my friends like that. Especially when half of it isn't true! And who the hell is Romilda and Shianna? The housekeeper ladies? Those bitches hardly do anything to stop us. Every time one of them yells at us we just yell back and they sulk away defeated. How dare he say that about us calling me and my friends a bunch of uncivilized punks! I couldn't take any more of this. I stepped away from the counter and headed toward the stairs. "Wait! Where are you going?" He called to me leaning out over the counter. "This punk is going back to her room! My name is Kiki by the way and I'm sick of all your lies to me and by the way I have a boy friend!" I shouted opening the door and running up the stairs stopping halfway to rest and laugh at myself. That guy was such a loser. I took a seat on the steps and looked below. I was just waiting to see if he would try to follow me up. "Hey! What are you doing down here so early?" I heard a familiar voice behind me. I quickly turned around to see Mike stepping down behind me. He sat down next to me. "I was just bored of being upstairs. Tre was so sleepy he fell asleep again on the couch only a few minutes after I woke him up so I decided to come down here and bug the moron behind the counter. Mike let out a small laugh at what I had just said. "Oh, Kiki? Where are you?... . Get back here!" I heard a voice shout below followed by footsteps coming up the stairs. "Oh shit um... " I said trying to think quickly I gave Mike a quick peck on the cheek and took off up the stairs. Wait I just kissed Mike? What the hell was I thinking? Oh well it's not like I care.
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I ran through the door to my room slamming it behind me. I jumped onto the couch and looked at the TV. Tre lifted his head and looked around confused about all the noise and the sudden movement at the opposite end of the couch. I looked at him. "Sorry." I laughed at his expression. There was a loud knocking on our door a moment later. Tre stood up to get it not knowing what I had been doing while I was away. I grabbed at his wrist as he walked by me but he pulled out and sleepily stumbled over to the door. I ran into the bathroom out of sight. "Hello?" I heard Tre say wearily from the other side of the room. I peaked around the corner of the bathroom doorway to see that stupid receptionist standing there in front of Tre looking annoyed. "Have you seen a young woman? I believe she said her name is Kiki?" He asked looking past Tre into the room. I ducked back into the bathroom before he saw me. "No why?" Tre asked itching his eyes. "No reason." The man said pushing Tre to the side to see in further. "I could've swore I saw her come into this room." He said trying to come in and look. Tre stepped in front of him blocking his entry. "Sorry no one by that name here." He said standing on his tiptoes to look the man directly in the eye. I had just noticed that the receptionist I had been talking to was about a foot taller than him. Tre took a step back and slammed the door walking back over to plop down on the couch once again. I came out of hiding and sat down next to him. "Thanks." I said looking away afraid to make eye contact after a moment like that. "What was that about?" Tre said a little annoyed. "I kinda pissed off the receptionist." I said a little nervous. "How?" He asked leaning over me so he could see my face. "I was bored, no one was awake yet so I went downstairs and started to talk to him, just fooling around and he started talking about us. I don't think he realized that I was one of those 'punks' he was talking about and I got mad and yelled at him. Then I took off running back up here and he chased after me." I laughed nervously. Tre let out a smile and pulled himself off of me. "So that's why he looked so angry." He chuckled looking at the TV, which I had never even bothered to turn off. There was another knock on the door. Tre sighed and stood up. He opened the door to see Mike standing there. "Kiki, what did you do now?" He asked looking from his friend standing there over to me. I pressed my knuckles to my lips and looked away. "Nothing." I whined laughing a little. I wonder how Mike is going to take that kiss. It was so out of context. Mike and Tre walked back over to the couch each sitting on either side of me. "Really what was that all about?" Mike laughed looking at me. "That guy was chasing me." I giggled pressing my hand to my mouth trying to stifle my laughs. "Why?" He asked starting to laugh himself. I didn't want to answer again. I looked to Tre who seemed taken aback by this. "Don't look at me! I don't know exactly what you did other than talk to him." Tre said calming down again. My lips were sealed. I didn't want to say. I knew Mike was going to bring up that stupid little kiss if I did. "Okay then" He said unsure of what else to say. "Well I was going to go down for breakfast, which starts in a couple minutes but if you're afraid to go back down there I suppose we can wait." Mike laughed standing up to stretch. "I'll come down but I already had some breakfast and don't steal all of the food from the buffet. The workers here are getting annoyed." I laughed. They were to tell the truth but we never stole all of the food. The most was a couple doughnuts, a drink and some pancakes. I stood up behind him and went to grab Tre's hand and pull him up. He pulled away. "I have to get some clean clothes on." He yawned standing up on his own and walking out the door ahead of us. "Meet you down!" He called from the hallway. "Okay... I guess it's just us." I said a little uncomfortable at this thought. We were just good friends I know but things just felt weird hanging out together. I had always been with Tre and now. People will only see us together and no one else... they may get the wrong impression on us. I'm not even sure why I was going down I mean I'm not even hungry. Oh well... . We walked down the stairs into the lobby where the dull receptionist was once again sitting behind his counter. The buffets were now open and all the tables pulled out. I took a seat at our normal spot while I waited for him to come back. Mike came and took a seat down across from me two doughnuts and a waffle on his plate and a mug of coffee in his hand. "So... ." I started trying to think of what to say. "Billie Joe still sleeping?" I asked wondering where the front man of Green Day had been. He hasn't been spending too much time with his friends lately. He took a bite out of his first doughnut. "Yeah, well he should be getting up soon if Tre doesn't wake him up while he's over there." Mike stated through a mouthful of food. I let out a small smile at this then looked away. This was the same person who was so angry with himself and at Key over something he wouldn't tell me and now he just seemed so happy and carefree. Behind us by the doorway to the stairs I saw a quick glimpse of Tre stumbling through the door half awake. He walked over to us and plopped down onto the chair next to me. "Morning Tre." I said hiding my giggles. I was in a very weird mood today. Yesterday was all misery for me and now today I couldn't stop laughing like all the pain and sadness was washed away. Tre looked much better now than he had earlier. His hair was combed and spiked once again his mood had changed, much happier, he was more awake and ready for the day. He looked like the Tre that everyone was used to seeing.
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After the guys had their breakfast we went to my room, well they did. I stayed down in the lobby ready to start another fight with the receptionist. I waltzed over to the counter where he still sat waiting for guests. "Ello," I said stupidly in a really girly voice. I sounded more like one of those candy kids than a human being. I leaned against the table waiting for a reply. "Hi I see you've decided to come back to me." The man said leaning forward over the large tabletop so he was only a few inches away from my face. "No actually I was just coming here to see if you've finally given up on me." I laughed stepping away out of such close range of him. When you are a target it's more fun not to be close range. "No I haven't unless... you have finally given in to moi?" He said back. "Actually I haven't and I don't plan to for a long time. Because I have a life to live, friends who care for me, and a place I can call home. All you have is this tiny hotel to live off of." I said rudely heading up the stairs. As soon as I was in the staircase behind that door I broke out into a run up the steps in case he dared to chase me again. I took two or three stairs at a time as I ran up the way. I burst through the top door into the fifth level hallway and instead of going to my room where Mike and Tre were I went past there, to their room. I knocked on the door for a second and the door flung open on it's own. "Hello?" I said unsure of whether anyone was here. "Huh?" I heard Billie Joe say from somewhere in the room. I stepped into the area and looked around. Billie Joe sat at the far end of the room at the small round table by the balcony door. A pile of papers were stacked sloppily to on side a pencil in his hand and his cell phone sitting inches away to his other side. "What are you doing?" I asked shyly walking over to him and taking a seat in the chair on the other side of the table. "Nothing, trying to come up with some new songs, writing letter, calling Adrienne, -" He said trailing off. "We've been... well... I've been wondering what you've been doing here the past few days. I mean you haven't been spending too much time with us and, when you are with us you are never really in the mood to do much. I was just wondering if there was something wrong." I said quietly unsure as to whether this was a good thing to ask him. "Well you sure are nosy today." He smiled looking up from a paper he had been writing on. It looked like a messy poem the verses had lines scribbled over them arrows pointing in every direction and crossed out words with replacements written above them. "I'm not trying to be nosy I just wanted to see if you were okay. I mean I have to leave tomorrow and I thought we could hang out together at least once." I said trying to smile back but not finding it possible at the moment. I looked at the various papers in the pile. Empty envelopes were stacked on top some with addresses scribbled across them others were letters addressed to him, which had been torn open. I tilted back in my chair. "When I'm done here I'll come over." Billie Joe said looking back down at his work and starting to write some more. "Kay." I said standing up and heading out into the hallway once again. With all that work he had there? I'll be back home before he finishes. I opened the door to my own room and walked in carefully shutting it behind me. Tre was lying on the bed his eyes closed. Mike sat on the couch watching the TV. I walked over to the bed and cocked my head to he side looking down at Tre who was sprawled out across the surface his feet and hands hanging off the edges. He opened his eyes and looked up at me a large grin on his face. I took a seat on the bed in between his flung out arm and leg. He didn't move, he just looked up at me smiling brightly. I rubbed his arm calmly with my hand not quite positive what to do at a moment like this. Mike never turned from the TV. I don't think he even knew that I was back in the room. I leaned over Tre and gently kissed his lips. I pulled off of him and stood up. I stretched out. My shirt pulling up to reveal my belly button for a second. I laughed for a second as Tre started to giggle after he saw the 'Billie Joe' autograph tattoo on my stomach and my 'Mike' one on my shoulder. The 'Tre' tattoo was on my chest though covered up by my shirt. I put down my arms to once again cover up my tattoos and then jumped over the back of the couch into the space next to Mike who jumped from his seat in shock at this. Tre did the same seconds later and Mike, who was already standing nearly tripped on the table and fell over backwards into the glass, but luckily, we caught him before he did so. He sat back down next to me a little bit in shock still but he was fine. I fell back over Tre lying across his lap. He leaned forward over me sticking his fingers into my sides, which made me immediately break out in a fit of hysterics. I kicked as he tickled me and Mike backed away farther to the other end out of reach of my flailing feet. I couldn't help but scream from laughing. "Stop!" I shouted through gasps as I tried to catch my breath. I closed my eyes tight trying to push him away from me but I was too weak and just merely hit him across the face with the palm of my hand. "Tre!" I shouted one last time. He stopped and just let me lay there across him trying to calm myself down but I couldn't stop laughing. I rolled off of him onto the floor and panted heavily as I stopped laughing. I got up on my knees and climbed back onto the couch between Mike and Tre. I bit my lip through small fits that had not yet left my system. I leaned against Tre's shoulder now calm and quiet. "I don't wanna leave." I whispered more to myself than the other two. Tre heard me though. "I don't want you to leave either." He whispered in my ear. Mike strained to hear from my other side. My heart leapt at him saying this. It made me want to stay with him longer and never go back to the place I once called my home. Now that James is gone and I made friends here this hotel was considered my home and I didn't want to leave but I had no money to stay here any longer and the guys would be leaving as well for their next destination and staying here all alone would be no fun. I wanted to come with them but I knew I couldn't possibly do that. I held close to Tre warm and comfortable in his presence. I never wanted this to end. I snuggled up closer to him. He had his arms wrapped around me loosely holding on. Mike looked at us a little uncomfortable and I could tell that he felt invisible to us at the moment. No longer afraid of me kicking him he was closer and I pulled away from Tre for a quick second to grab him around the waist and pulling him up to us. Tre seemed to have no problem with this and happily extended his arm from around me to around him and now we all sat squashed up together but we were happy. Mike felt less left out but really odd from this and pulled away confused. I let out a small laugh and opened my arm inviting him back in. He refused even more confused than he was a moment before. I pulled myself off of Tre who gave a slight shiver. It did feel much colder in here when we were apart. I wrapped my arms around Mike and pulled him into a hug. I opened my arms and also pulled in Tre so it was once again the three of us huddled together. I pressed my lips against Mike's scalp for a moment and then Tre's. These people were my family. I closed my eyes in the crowd but still kept my grip around them. Mike had returned the favor and so had Tre and also had their arms around my back.
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I heard the doorknob rattle as we all sat there half asleep. I let go of my friends and walked over opening up the door to see Billie Joe. He looked over my shoulder to his friends who were still in a big hug. "Okay... maybe I came at a bad time... " He laughed to himself. "Come on." I said putting my arms around him. "It's all in good fun." I laughed letting go and taking hold of his hand to dragging him over to the couch.
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About a half hour later I was sitting on the edge of my bed James's journal in my hands and Tre sitting next to me. I was helping to explain the things James had wrote better after all Tre knew hardly anything about my past and this was helping him learn a lot. Now that it was safe for Tre to read it I didn't care what he thought about James. I don't know what but all this seemed to really interest Tre. He seemed to want to know more and more about us and wouldn't stop asking me questions. What about my life was so interesting to him? My life sucked. It was funny to watch his reaction to some of the things written in the book. He would make faces at some things and make comments. I was enjoying myself to tell the truth. I held myself close to him. Mike was watching some weird show on TV and Billie Joe was a good distance away at the table watching the screen from there, also trying to listen in on what me and Tre were talking about. What? He think we were going to actually say something of any interest to him? I finished reading up the journal, which left an expression of shock slapped across Tre's face. He wrapped his arms tightly around me pulling me into him. He was acting as if this was really upsetting to me and to tell the truth it is but I was over it and now him squeezing me like this just made me feel uncomfortable. I pulled from his grip and he looked at me with sad eyes then a smile broke out once again. I felt a little nervous at the way he was looking at me. I inched myself farther towards the other end of the bed. He came closer. "No Tre." I whispered harshly to him looking around to see if the others were watching or had noticed at all what was going on. Tre came closer putting his hands at my waist and leaning into me making me tip back until I was lying down, him on top of me. I pushed on his chest trying to get him off of me. I felt our lips meet for a moment then pull away. Tre pulled himself off of me. "Fine." He said grumpily but a glint of that devilish smile was still in him. I lifted myself onto my elbows and the sat up fully to look once again to see if Billie Joe and Mike had noticed but both seemed fixed on the tube. This had to be the fifth time Tre has tried this and really I would like to at least have no one else in the room before he does this. I felt so embarrassed even if nobody had really noticed what Tre had done. I kept my distance from Tre as we sat there not wanting that to happen again and too nervous to really move back anyway. It just didn't feel right to be around him much in one day after something like that happens. You people probably think I'm crazy for not wanting this but too bad.
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Today had been fun but it really made me sleepy. I woke with a start around eight. Tre had rolled off of me onto the floor and Mike was asleep at my feet, Billie Joe at my head. All three of us overlapped a little on the small couch squeezing in together. No wonder Tre had fallen off. There was no room for him. I carefully pulled my right leg out from under Mike's unconscious body. I placed it on the floor between Tre and the couch then tried to pull out my other leg only to do the same. I didn't want to wake anyone but I was surrounded. My head was by Billie's knees and I cautiously sat up and then stood trying to catch my balance in the small foot area that I had. I slid my feet across the rug until I was out of trouble and walked around to the other side of the coffee table by the TV to grab the little book and my keys. I tiptoed over to the door carefully shutting it behind me. Now I was actually able to make some noise. I opened the door to James's room. My new sanctuary. I sat on the end of the bed and set down the book another book sliding out from under it that I hadn't noticed picking up. It was my drawing pad. How did I pick this up? The last time I had it I had set it down on my bedside table not on the glass table by the couch. And I didn't remember setting the journal down on top of it. Anyways, it was with me now so no use just letting it sit there but first I was to read the next few pages of the diary left behind. I rolled onto my stomach and opened the book up to the last page I had read. Just reading the first few lines I could tell that something big had happened the day he had written it, or at least something big was about to happen. "Today I finally got it. It has been almost thirteen years since I met Kiki. I know it's been so long but it really doesn't seem that much time has passed by since we talked in the mall." It started. I noticed that this was the last written page in the journal. The rest were blank. "I can't wait. We met the Green Day guys and now have been spending a lot of time with them. They are really nice but I really feel that I should find out her answer soon before we start to drift apart. I know she still loves me and I love her yet I can't help but feel I am loosing her to these new friends. I have been keeping it in my pocket for the past few days. I almost lost it the other day though so I put it in the silver-wear drawer in the kitchen where no one will find it. I just need the perfect moment to~~~" The next word trailed off the page as if he had slid from his seat while writing or his arm had been bumped. I flipped the page over to see if there was anything on the back but it was blank and I then noticed the page was almost completely ripped out of the book. This was it. "The day Mark attacked him." It was when Mark came into his room and took him. One of James's only times alone on the trip to write in his journal and Mark comes in and threatens his life. I felt that hunger for revenge again. My temper was getting cut short making my mind snap and hot tears stream down my face. I had a feeling I knew what James was talking about at the time. I just had to see if I was correct. I closed the book in anger at this and ran into the kitchen stumbling on the junk lying on the floor. The kitchen look semi-clean compared to the rest of the place. Three of the drawers were pulled open and a dirty knife lay on the tiled floor. I hadn't been in here yet. James had tried to defend himself. He was in such a hurry though to attack Mark he had to search for the right drawer. When time was running out he just grabbed a used knife from the kitchen sink. This was the only thought in my head. I could just imagine what had happened that night. I wasn't totally positive that this was true of course but it's the best conclusion the evidence gave me. I opened up the silver-wear drawer. Exactly in the same place as all the other rooms. I saw nothing. "Had Mark or James taken whatever it was out? Or was what James said just a figure of speech. What he was trying to hide wasn't an object but a thought perhaps? I pulled the drawer out a little farther just in case and no doubt I spotted it. A little velvet box in the back corner. I was right. How could I live with myself? I reached my arm in and pulled it out. The outside so soft in my hands. I found myself crying only seconds later with no control. The tears streaming down not normal cries of sadness but of guilt and anger. I opened the box to see a simple ring sitting inside. "He was going to ask me to marry him." I sobbed. A single tear dripping into the box onto the small diamond ring trickling down its smooth surface into the spongy material it was sitting in. I cupped my hand to my mouth muffling my small sobs. I snapped the box shut and walked out of the room. Once again that burning urge to lash out was starting to overwhelm me and it was getting even stronger the madder I got at Mark and the sadder I felt for loosing James. I took a seat back on the end of the bed and picked up my art pad. I was prepared to draw something to go along with how I felt but how the hell could something so heart wrenching as this be put into a drawing or even in words? I flipped through the pages stopping now and then to study some of my past works. Most of them had me, James, Key and lil' Jake in them. These were before the Green Day times. Looking at these pictures was making me angry. I flipped through them rapidly searching for one that did not show me, or James or Green Day or Key, nothing was there. I stopped on one of my first drawings ever. The one when I was just starting out. The one I drew the day James gave me the book. I looked it over. I was so young, well younger, it's not like I was old just yet. But, still I was only a teenager, hardly any talent whatsoever but a love to draw and over the years I had gotten better. This was my first gift from James and possibly the best I had ever received. I ran my fingers over the slightly crinkled paper. The texture rougher than that of the other pages from being so old. All the used pages that had been done years ago were in a way yellowish and rough. The picture was that of me and James together. Just standing there. There was no background accept our shadows cast off to the side. I had looked so much different. My hair shorter and pulled back neatly into a ponytail. That was two years before I had gotten my braces removed. I had cuts on my lower arm from falling on my roller blades into a barbed-wire fence. I had caught my balance on my side and was able to push off of it but left huge gashes all up and down my right arm. To this day I still had a few scars to show for it. Another tear dripped off the tip of my nose onto the paper smearing some of the picture. I flipped the page to my second drawing. Mark and Kilana. This picture. In my opinion was the worst only because it showed Mark. As how Key had seen him. Happy and kind, yeah right like that would EVER happen in this lifetime. I was getting tense from all of this pressure. All this crap about my past. I no longer cared for the past nor the future. All I could focus on was the present and seeing all this that reminded me of how happy I had been so long ago with my friends before I ever thought about wanting to meet Green Day. These memories lingered in my mind taunting me of how bad I have it now. How screwed I am to have ever had a dream which turned out to be a nightmare.
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The sadness of being deprived of a loved one only about three weeks ago, the past no longer meant anything to me and the future just looked cold and dark as my world fell apart. The stifled cries in me were worse that welling in me stronger than it had ever been. I hated Mark now more than ever. Looking at my hate drawing of Mark now I seemed to burst into pure rage. I had finally lost it. That urge was being released and I only hoped I could stay alone long enough to keep my friends from harm. Blinded by my fury and anger I ripped every damn page of my book, every drawing that brought back any memory to me, every page in my reach to shreds. This act though, was not enough to douse the flames burning within me. I threw the discarded pieces of paper, all my thoughts and feelings into the middle of the floor. I ran into the kitchen and tore through the cabinet until I found a box of matches. My whole body being controlled by my hatred. I couldn't stop myself. I had finally lost my grip on reality forgetting about all the things I still had to live for in my life. I lit the match and threw it into the shredded papers. I screamed as I watched them burn tearing my life up. I watched as the flames burned brighter and got higher almost reaching the ceiling. This smoke alarm in by the glass door ringing making my brain rattle by I ignored it completely. "How dare he do this to me!" I screamed running back into the kitchen past the hot flames. I choked on the thick smoke forming in the small room as I gasped through my sobs. I grabbed the knife off the floor. The one James had tried to defend himself with. I slit my wrists and waited there until the blood came pouring down my arm dripping off my bent elbow onto the rug. I was bleeding away the pain, agony and the misery and anger that he put me through. I walked back towards the fire standing only feet away as it grew higher. I felt dizzy as my blood drained from me. I felt like dying. I wanted to so much. To end this stupid life I was living. I dropped to my knees too weak to stand and too dizzy to keep balance. All I could do now was cry and scream until the smoke caught me short of breath. The hot flames warmed me as I sat there in awe at all this. I was ready to go. I had so much adrenaline rushing through me. There was no way I was going to run away from this right when it was my chance to rid myself of this pathetic life. I was disconnected from the world. The loud ring of the smoke detector finally getting to me I lashed out once again jumping up and pulling it from the ceiling it's wires broken. I threw it into the flames watching the plastic melt down. I fell to the ground again blackened tears coming down. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I knew this was it and I couldn't wait for it to end. All the sound in the room were the sobs muffled by me being face down into the blood stained carpet and the crackling of the fire as everything around me started to burn up. I was destroying all trace of James. All that I had left of him. And I was destroying myself along with it and I no longer cared who I took down with me. I made a reach for the knife only feet away but I was too weak and was unable to reach it. This was Green Day's fault as well. Tre's fault, Mike's fault, Billie Joe's. Green Day was the reason I was here and the reason I was suffering and now I would no longer. I took short gasps of air as I lost my breath choking on forceful tears and black smoke and ash. I heard a loud banging on the door. I didn't care though. It was locked. No one was going to stop me from suicide. Then I heard another loud crack. It wasn't the fire. I squinted my eyes trying to see through the flames. I could just make out the silhouette of a man. Tall and thin. I felt that anger in me again. I knew who it was though. The figure looked so much of Mark and I couldn't stand it. I let out a soft cry trying to speak but there was no luck. "Kiki!" I heard Mike's voice ring out over another loud crack of flames. The door had been broken down. "Kiki where are you!?!" I heard him cry again, pure terror in his voice. I lifted my head off the floor to see the shadowed figure step closer searching for me. He got closer until he was standing right by me. I could just make out the expressions on his worried face. I fell back onto the floor my head resting on my arm blood smearing against my cheek. "Oh god Kiki." Mike cried as he knelt down beside me. He grabbed my underarms and sat me up. Propped up against him I could see two other characters enter the room. My vision blurred by the water left in my eyes, which now stung from the soot in the air. Mike's arms wrapped around me and I closed my eyes in pain. I had been found. Saved. No. I couldn't let this happen to me. I didn't want to be found. I wanted to die. I felt a cold wet cloth at my wrists and I opened my eyes wearily to see Tre crouched down in front of me holding my wrists wrapped in a wet towel. His eyes filled with tears either from this or the smoke, which was making it so hard for me to see clearly. Water splashed on me as Billie Joe poured a bucket of cold water onto the fire. The room got smokier and I coughed trying to clear my throat and breath but I couldn't while I was in this room. I sobbed again at the fact that they had to see me like this. I looked horrible after doing a horrible thing and it was breaking my heart. I no longer was angry with them. When the flames had been put out. Much of my anger had been too. These guys were only trying to help me. I loved these people but without James I never would have met them and that just reminded me of my past where once again Mark came in and the bitter taste of blood was in my mouth. I tried to pull away from Mike's hold and lay back down on the blackened burnt carpet but he grabbed hold again pulling me back up and holding my head to his chest. I closed my eyes letting the last few tears dry as I let the beating of Mike's heart calm me. "Kiki, it's okay now, settle down everything will be alright." Billie Joe whispered to me softly. I snapped again. I jumped to my feet pulling away hard from Mike's grip running on pure adrenaline with no real energy left in me. "No! It won't! Calming down won't bring James back to me! It won't erase my past and secure my future! Mark killed him and you have no reason to be so happy he tried to kill us too!" I sobbed dropping to my knees again. "He tried to kill us too... He tried to kill you! How can you say everything is okay?!? Prison is too good for Mark! He may be locked up but he is still a murderer! Locking him away won't bring back those he harmed, those whose lives he has destroyed! I won't be happy until that son-of a-bitch is dead! I don't care what fucking happens to me I just want him dead! Permanently!" I screamed falling into Mike pushing him over slightly. Tears streaming down my cheeks again into a river forming a puddle on Mike's shirt. I felt Tre's hand on my arm gliding across my skin trying to calm me but it wasn't helping much. The others were speechless. I closed my eyes tightly against the sting of how wet and vulnerable my eyes were to the dirt in the air. I belt around with my eyes closed until I was able to feel the burnt sheets of the bed. I tugged on them until the diary and ring box came close enough to me for me to grab. I pulled the ring box close to me but threw the book in the face of Tre who fell back in shock as the journal smacked him in the forehead. I opened the box and slipped the ring onto my finger opening my eyes to examine it then pass out in the arms of my friends. The box slipping from my hand onto the ash covered floor.
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I woke up in my own bed... well the bed of my hotel room. Tre sat next to me. I opened me eyes weakly. They still stung from all that had happened. I was so sorry for all that but I just couldn't find the words to say it. Sorry wasn't strong enough to tell how bad I felt about that. Sure these guys wrote songs about suicide but I could only help but wonder if they had ever known someone to commit it. Was this attempt the closest they had come to seeing someone trying to kill them self? "Kiki." Tre said sadly and scared. All this time he had been the one who had believed in me. The only one who didn't see the side of me that most people did and came to the conclusion I was insane. Now that hope was gone and I was lucky if he ever wanted to see me anymore. I felt weak and my breathing was difficult. My throat scratchy. "Don't ever try that again." Tre said letting out a small smile and leaning forward to plant a kiss on my forehead. Wait... what? He still wanted to be friends with me? He wasn't mad at me or scared of me? This guy really was as crazy as me. This is the Tre I remember and loved but... this seems unethical even for Tre. I looked at my wrists, which were now bandaged up. Dried blood was still cracked and glued to my skin that wouldn't come off until I was able to get into the shower and wash it off of me. I sat up with as much strength I had left so I could properly see Tre. I let out a pathetic grin trying not to smile too much as to show any more than a slit of my teeth through my lips. I flung myself around him without control or warning. It felt so good to be with him again where we didn't have to worry about everything else in our lives. He hugged me tight in return holding me close. I nuzzled into the concave of his neck. "I'm so sorry." I whispered my voice as scratchy as my throat and the roof of my mouth. That welling in me had completely disappeared after tonight and hopefully it would stay that way for a long time. I could only help but wonder what the hotel workers are going to think when they go into that room and find it totally torn apart. Not only all of James's stuff still laying on the floor but the thin wood left from where the fire had started, the dirty dishes in the sink, the burnt bed sheets, the missing smoke detector and the busted down door. "How did you guys know I was in trouble?" I said quietly into him my eyes closed and resting. "Well, Mike was out on the balcony and saw smoke coming from your door so he rushed over and the screaming was a good tip off." He joked pulling away for a second to see my face. I a wreck, I could only tell by how grimy my skin felt as I wiped a tear from my eye and the expression on Tre's face. "Hey! She's up." Billie Joe said coming in and walking over to the bed with me and Tre. I pulled off of Tre feeling light headed like I was about to fall down again but I managed to stay up long enough to grip hold of Billie Joe and pull him into a quick hug as he took a seat with Tre next to me. I let go of him and fell back onto my pillow looking at my bandages. "You'd think the hotel would run out of bandages by now." I laughed a little realizing how many times this month we had to bandage up each other. I looked up at Tre, whose gaze was fixed on my left hand. He had spotted the engagement ring James was going to ask me the big question before he... *sniff* died. I clenched my fist almost hiding the ring from view. "What?" I asked trying to break his awkward stare. "Where did you... ?" Tre asked pointing at my hand. I felt dead inside at this question. "James... " I said quietly again feeling tears build up but I held them back. I didn't want to cry again. Not today. Tre's mood changed again from what looked like confusion to sadness then happiness again. I unfolded my hand again and looked at the ring. The only thing on me that looked clean. The small diamond embedded in the gold band reflected the light of my bedside lamp. The sky was darker than ever now. The clock across the room reading 3:20. It was late. I pulled the small ring off of my finger and set it down on the table beside me. It felt awkward now though looking at my table. My drawing pad was gone, all my memories and artwork I had recorded were destroyed, the journal in the hands of Tre now. I had failed to kill myself but I succeeded in killing all the things in my life that made me who I am and I would regret this act for the rest of my life. The bed shook as Billie Joe got up and left the room. "Where you going?" Tre asked as Billie Joe started to turn the doorknob. "To bed. She's okay so it's time for some rest." He said yawning and walking out the door. Tre looked back at me then at the door. He seemed confused and looked to me for answers. "What?" I giggled at this weird behavior. "I'm not sure whether I should stay here with you or go back to my room." He said shifting his weight as if getting up but then sat back down again. I knew he wanted to stay it was what I wanted that worried him. I grabbed hold of his hand and he turned his attention quickly from the door to me. "Calm down Tre." I smiled sitting up again. I pulled his hand to me and grabbed his upper arm with my other hand pulling him closer until he was completely in my grasp. "Stay." I laughed pressing my lips gently to his. Then pulling away to lie back down again. He seemed to just stare into blank space. I grinned at his reaction to this. "Okay." He said lying down beside me. I rolled onto my side so I could seem him clearly.
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I woke up once again that morning around 8:00. I had a major headache after all that had happened last night. I looked over at sleeping Tre next to me. I slipped out of bed trying not to move it too much and stumbled into the bathroom. I had to get all this crud off of my skin. I pulled off my blackened clothes and stepped into the warm water pouring from the showerhead. I washed away the dried blood and ash from me relieving me of that smoky burnt smell. I stepped out of the bathroom leaking steam into the room. I clutched my towel tightly around me as I walked over to the closet to get some clothes. Tre still lay in bed senseless to the fact I was no longer there he clung to a pillow entangled in the blankets. I let out a small giggle as I pulled on my shirt. I grabbed a pair of pants from the ground and put them on pulling on my belt and hanging my towel on the rack back in the bathroom. I stepped back over to my bed taking a seat on the edge. Tre was woken by the shake of the bed as I climbed back on and rolled over onto his other side. I couldn't help but smile. It was early. He didn't want to wake up. "Tre." I teased quietly crawling closer and looking down on him. He covered his face lamely with his arm trying to get me to go away. "Time to get up." I said gently shaking his shoulder. He pulled away and curled up tighter. He mumbled something that sounded like 'go away' but he was talking through his pillow. I leaned over him pressing my lips to his bare cheek, which he had failed to block from view with his arm. He pulled the blankets up over his head trying to get away. "Come on Tre, you gotta get up sometime." I giggled grabbing the top rim of the sheets and pulling them down over his head again. He tucked his head once again between his arms and looked up at me through his open eyes. He saw and closed them again tightly hiding back under the blankets. "I know you're awake." I said wrapping my arms around his covered body. I pressed my face to his shoulder. "You get up when you're ready." I sighed giving up. I lifted myself off of him and got once again off the bed. I noticed from the corner of my eye Tre pull down the blankets to check if I was still there. He was more like lil' Jake then anyone really let on. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a box of cereal out of the cupboard. I poured some into a bowl and grabbed a spoon out of the drawer. I picked up my breakfast and walked out into the main room taking a seat on the couch. Tre had once again resorted to hiding under the blankets. I wondered if the guys ever had this much trouble getting him up in the morning. I turned on the TV to early morning cartoons. I was so used to Jake in the room I had grown used to watching cartoons every morning. I took a bite of my cereal and took a seat on the couch setting the bowl in my lap. "Hey Tre." I said as he walked behind the couch and around to sit next to me. I hadn't bothered to even look away from the TV until I felt my lips meet his for a second. The spoonful of milk, which I held about halfway between the bowl and my mouth splashed a little as Tre moved in to kiss me again. He pulled away only inches from me. I looked into his tired blue eyes, A little bloodshot from lack of sleep. His spiked hair disheveled from his sleep and matted down. I let through a small smile before I lightly kissed him one last time before taking my last bite of breakfast and setting my bowl down on the table. He fell back into the cushion looking desperately in need to fall asleep. "Sorry for waking you up." I smiled. He looked at me. His mouth drooping on it's own his eyes half shut and just looking at me dismally. I giggled a little more unable to control myself. How could I be laughing? I had attempted suicide only a few hours ago. I had set the room on fire, burned all traces of the existence of James except a few articles of clothing, a book and a ring. I let myself calm immediately and rested against Tre who just seemed to do the same back. Resting his head against mine like a pillow and started to drift away. "Hey, wake up." I said calmly gently slapping his face with my palm. He lifted his head and looked around. "No." He moaned falling back on me. "Tre... " I sighed putting my arm around him, grabbing his opposite shoulder and turning myself towards him lying against him. I closed my eyes and breathed in his distinct smell. I can't believe I had tried to leave all these people behind. I had almost lost him just so I may see James again somehow. I nearly left behind Key and Jake, my family, I almost gave Mark what he wanted most, for me to die. As I lye there on the couch with him his breathing got shallow as he was completely lost in sleep. I lifted him off of me and laid him down on the couch. I stood up looking back at him one last time then walked out of my room into the abandoned hallway. I walked down past James's room. The door was missing and the inside revealed. Police tape was up across the doorway so no one would enter and beyond you could see the balcony door open to let the trapped smoke out of the room. I walked to the next room and knocked on the door. There was no answer. No doubt, they weren't awake yet. I walked back the way I had come passing my room and continued on to the stairs. The walls were still covered in our drawings. The crayon artwork was fading away and a few spots were smeared and gone where the housekeeper had once tried to clean it off before I stopped her. I jumped down the stairs around level two I just got tired and instead sat on the railing holding onto it loosely and slid down to the bottom where I burst through the door. Other than the rude receptionist there was no one else yet down. Breakfast didn't even start until 9:00. I took a seat at our usual table grabbing a magazine from the box sitting on the floor by the wall. I flipped through the first few pages immediately getting bored with this. I set it down on the table and walked over to the counter. "Excuse me can I help you?" The man behind the counter said. "No, just looking for someone to talk to." I said lamely. Somehow I was going to get on this guy's good side. "So, how's it goin'?" I asked in a sweet voice. It made me gag inside knowing I was talking like this to this jerk. He rolled his eyes but seemed interested in the fact I was talking to him. "Boring. No customers for the past few days other than that lady who only stayed here a few days." He sighed resting his face in his hand and his elbow on the newly cleaned countertop. He ran his fingers through his thick brown hair and tilted back in his chair. I tapped my fingernails on the hard top in thought of what I'm supposed to say next. "Doesn't it get boring?" I asked trying to look like I really cared for his answer. God what was I doing flirting with this freak? No doubt he was falling for this stupid act though. I just couldn't wait to leave him though and go back up to see Tre and the other two members of Green Day. "It gets really boring around here but I make it through. It wouldn't be so boring to me if I had someone here to keep me company though." He said smiling at me. Oh god was he hitting on me? Ew... and no shit it gets boring... I mean it's not like huge crowds of people come in every minute looking for a room in this crappy hotel especially since one of the hotel users was captured and killed and six others were attacked at night out in the parking lot... a bunch of punks wrote all over the walls on the fifth floor and one of the rooms was burned down. I mean how does that not draw people here? I'm being sarcastic I hope you know. I gave a smile through the disgust of his behavior towards me. "Doesn't all the action keep you busy or you know... scared or excited?" I asked thinking about all the shit me and the guys had done to trash this hotel. "Of course not. I do not have night duty when most of this happens. The only thing exciting I guess you could say is that stupid band staying here with those little punks who destroyed the fifth floor completely. Romilda and Shianna take care of most of the stuff in this place. Just being the receptionist I don't get to do much except yell at those punks who track mud on the nice clean floor and steal all the food from the buffet in the morning, and tear out pages in magazines and sit in the middle of the floor when all the fans are going. They are so uncivilized little rodents." He said eyeing me. He can't talk shit about me and my friends like that. Especially when half of it isn't true! And who the hell is Romilda and Shianna? The housekeeper ladies? Those bitches hardly do anything to stop us. Every time one of them yells at us we just yell back and they sulk away defeated. How dare he say that about us calling me and my friends a bunch of uncivilized punks! I couldn't take any more of this. I stepped away from the counter and headed toward the stairs. "Wait! Where are you going?" He called to me leaning out over the counter. "This punk is going back to her room! My name is Kiki by the way and I'm sick of all your lies to me and by the way I have a boy friend!" I shouted opening the door and running up the stairs stopping halfway to rest and laugh at myself. That guy was such a loser. I took a seat on the steps and looked below. I was just waiting to see if he would try to follow me up. "Hey! What are you doing down here so early?" I heard a familiar voice behind me. I quickly turned around to see Mike stepping down behind me. He sat down next to me. "I was just bored of being upstairs. Tre was so sleepy he fell asleep again on the couch only a few minutes after I woke him up so I decided to come down here and bug the moron behind the counter. Mike let out a small laugh at what I had just said. "Oh, Kiki? Where are you?... . Get back here!" I heard a voice shout below followed by footsteps coming up the stairs. "Oh shit um... " I said trying to think quickly I gave Mike a quick peck on the cheek and took off up the stairs. Wait I just kissed Mike? What the hell was I thinking? Oh well it's not like I care.
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I ran through the door to my room slamming it behind me. I jumped onto the couch and looked at the TV. Tre lifted his head and looked around confused about all the noise and the sudden movement at the opposite end of the couch. I looked at him. "Sorry." I laughed at his expression. There was a loud knocking on our door a moment later. Tre stood up to get it not knowing what I had been doing while I was away. I grabbed at his wrist as he walked by me but he pulled out and sleepily stumbled over to the door. I ran into the bathroom out of sight. "Hello?" I heard Tre say wearily from the other side of the room. I peaked around the corner of the bathroom doorway to see that stupid receptionist standing there in front of Tre looking annoyed. "Have you seen a young woman? I believe she said her name is Kiki?" He asked looking past Tre into the room. I ducked back into the bathroom before he saw me. "No why?" Tre asked itching his eyes. "No reason." The man said pushing Tre to the side to see in further. "I could've swore I saw her come into this room." He said trying to come in and look. Tre stepped in front of him blocking his entry. "Sorry no one by that name here." He said standing on his tiptoes to look the man directly in the eye. I had just noticed that the receptionist I had been talking to was about a foot taller than him. Tre took a step back and slammed the door walking back over to plop down on the couch once again. I came out of hiding and sat down next to him. "Thanks." I said looking away afraid to make eye contact after a moment like that. "What was that about?" Tre said a little annoyed. "I kinda pissed off the receptionist." I said a little nervous. "How?" He asked leaning over me so he could see my face. "I was bored, no one was awake yet so I went downstairs and started to talk to him, just fooling around and he started talking about us. I don't think he realized that I was one of those 'punks' he was talking about and I got mad and yelled at him. Then I took off running back up here and he chased after me." I laughed nervously. Tre let out a smile and pulled himself off of me. "So that's why he looked so angry." He chuckled looking at the TV, which I had never even bothered to turn off. There was another knock on the door. Tre sighed and stood up. He opened the door to see Mike standing there. "Kiki, what did you do now?" He asked looking from his friend standing there over to me. I pressed my knuckles to my lips and looked away. "Nothing." I whined laughing a little. I wonder how Mike is going to take that kiss. It was so out of context. Mike and Tre walked back over to the couch each sitting on either side of me. "Really what was that all about?" Mike laughed looking at me. "That guy was chasing me." I giggled pressing my hand to my mouth trying to stifle my laughs. "Why?" He asked starting to laugh himself. I didn't want to answer again. I looked to Tre who seemed taken aback by this. "Don't look at me! I don't know exactly what you did other than talk to him." Tre said calming down again. My lips were sealed. I didn't want to say. I knew Mike was going to bring up that stupid little kiss if I did. "Okay then" He said unsure of what else to say. "Well I was going to go down for breakfast, which starts in a couple minutes but if you're afraid to go back down there I suppose we can wait." Mike laughed standing up to stretch. "I'll come down but I already had some breakfast and don't steal all of the food from the buffet. The workers here are getting annoyed." I laughed. They were to tell the truth but we never stole all of the food. The most was a couple doughnuts, a drink and some pancakes. I stood up behind him and went to grab Tre's hand and pull him up. He pulled away. "I have to get some clean clothes on." He yawned standing up on his own and walking out the door ahead of us. "Meet you down!" He called from the hallway. "Okay... I guess it's just us." I said a little uncomfortable at this thought. We were just good friends I know but things just felt weird hanging out together. I had always been with Tre and now. People will only see us together and no one else... they may get the wrong impression on us. I'm not even sure why I was going down I mean I'm not even hungry. Oh well... . We walked down the stairs into the lobby where the dull receptionist was once again sitting behind his counter. The buffets were now open and all the tables pulled out. I took a seat at our normal spot while I waited for him to come back. Mike came and took a seat down across from me two doughnuts and a waffle on his plate and a mug of coffee in his hand. "So... ." I started trying to think of what to say. "Billie Joe still sleeping?" I asked wondering where the front man of Green Day had been. He hasn't been spending too much time with his friends lately. He took a bite out of his first doughnut. "Yeah, well he should be getting up soon if Tre doesn't wake him up while he's over there." Mike stated through a mouthful of food. I let out a small smile at this then looked away. This was the same person who was so angry with himself and at Key over something he wouldn't tell me and now he just seemed so happy and carefree. Behind us by the doorway to the stairs I saw a quick glimpse of Tre stumbling through the door half awake. He walked over to us and plopped down onto the chair next to me. "Morning Tre." I said hiding my giggles. I was in a very weird mood today. Yesterday was all misery for me and now today I couldn't stop laughing like all the pain and sadness was washed away. Tre looked much better now than he had earlier. His hair was combed and spiked once again his mood had changed, much happier, he was more awake and ready for the day. He looked like the Tre that everyone was used to seeing.
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After the guys had their breakfast we went to my room, well they did. I stayed down in the lobby ready to start another fight with the receptionist. I waltzed over to the counter where he still sat waiting for guests. "Ello," I said stupidly in a really girly voice. I sounded more like one of those candy kids than a human being. I leaned against the table waiting for a reply. "Hi I see you've decided to come back to me." The man said leaning forward over the large tabletop so he was only a few inches away from my face. "No actually I was just coming here to see if you've finally given up on me." I laughed stepping away out of such close range of him. When you are a target it's more fun not to be close range. "No I haven't unless... you have finally given in to moi?" He said back. "Actually I haven't and I don't plan to for a long time. Because I have a life to live, friends who care for me, and a place I can call home. All you have is this tiny hotel to live off of." I said rudely heading up the stairs. As soon as I was in the staircase behind that door I broke out into a run up the steps in case he dared to chase me again. I took two or three stairs at a time as I ran up the way. I burst through the top door into the fifth level hallway and instead of going to my room where Mike and Tre were I went past there, to their room. I knocked on the door for a second and the door flung open on it's own. "Hello?" I said unsure of whether anyone was here. "Huh?" I heard Billie Joe say from somewhere in the room. I stepped into the area and looked around. Billie Joe sat at the far end of the room at the small round table by the balcony door. A pile of papers were stacked sloppily to on side a pencil in his hand and his cell phone sitting inches away to his other side. "What are you doing?" I asked shyly walking over to him and taking a seat in the chair on the other side of the table. "Nothing, trying to come up with some new songs, writing letter, calling Adrienne, -" He said trailing off. "We've been... well... I've been wondering what you've been doing here the past few days. I mean you haven't been spending too much time with us and, when you are with us you are never really in the mood to do much. I was just wondering if there was something wrong." I said quietly unsure as to whether this was a good thing to ask him. "Well you sure are nosy today." He smiled looking up from a paper he had been writing on. It looked like a messy poem the verses had lines scribbled over them arrows pointing in every direction and crossed out words with replacements written above them. "I'm not trying to be nosy I just wanted to see if you were okay. I mean I have to leave tomorrow and I thought we could hang out together at least once." I said trying to smile back but not finding it possible at the moment. I looked at the various papers in the pile. Empty envelopes were stacked on top some with addresses scribbled across them others were letters addressed to him, which had been torn open. I tilted back in my chair. "When I'm done here I'll come over." Billie Joe said looking back down at his work and starting to write some more. "Kay." I said standing up and heading out into the hallway once again. With all that work he had there? I'll be back home before he finishes. I opened the door to my own room and walked in carefully shutting it behind me. Tre was lying on the bed his eyes closed. Mike sat on the couch watching the TV. I walked over to the bed and cocked my head to he side looking down at Tre who was sprawled out across the surface his feet and hands hanging off the edges. He opened his eyes and looked up at me a large grin on his face. I took a seat on the bed in between his flung out arm and leg. He didn't move, he just looked up at me smiling brightly. I rubbed his arm calmly with my hand not quite positive what to do at a moment like this. Mike never turned from the TV. I don't think he even knew that I was back in the room. I leaned over Tre and gently kissed his lips. I pulled off of him and stood up. I stretched out. My shirt pulling up to reveal my belly button for a second. I laughed for a second as Tre started to giggle after he saw the 'Billie Joe' autograph tattoo on my stomach and my 'Mike' one on my shoulder. The 'Tre' tattoo was on my chest though covered up by my shirt. I put down my arms to once again cover up my tattoos and then jumped over the back of the couch into the space next to Mike who jumped from his seat in shock at this. Tre did the same seconds later and Mike, who was already standing nearly tripped on the table and fell over backwards into the glass, but luckily, we caught him before he did so. He sat back down next to me a little bit in shock still but he was fine. I fell back over Tre lying across his lap. He leaned forward over me sticking his fingers into my sides, which made me immediately break out in a fit of hysterics. I kicked as he tickled me and Mike backed away farther to the other end out of reach of my flailing feet. I couldn't help but scream from laughing. "Stop!" I shouted through gasps as I tried to catch my breath. I closed my eyes tight trying to push him away from me but I was too weak and just merely hit him across the face with the palm of my hand. "Tre!" I shouted one last time. He stopped and just let me lay there across him trying to calm myself down but I couldn't stop laughing. I rolled off of him onto the floor and panted heavily as I stopped laughing. I got up on my knees and climbed back onto the couch between Mike and Tre. I bit my lip through small fits that had not yet left my system. I leaned against Tre's shoulder now calm and quiet. "I don't wanna leave." I whispered more to myself than the other two. Tre heard me though. "I don't want you to leave either." He whispered in my ear. Mike strained to hear from my other side. My heart leapt at him saying this. It made me want to stay with him longer and never go back to the place I once called my home. Now that James is gone and I made friends here this hotel was considered my home and I didn't want to leave but I had no money to stay here any longer and the guys would be leaving as well for their next destination and staying here all alone would be no fun. I wanted to come with them but I knew I couldn't possibly do that. I held close to Tre warm and comfortable in his presence. I never wanted this to end. I snuggled up closer to him. He had his arms wrapped around me loosely holding on. Mike looked at us a little uncomfortable and I could tell that he felt invisible to us at the moment. No longer afraid of me kicking him he was closer and I pulled away from Tre for a quick second to grab him around the waist and pulling him up to us. Tre seemed to have no problem with this and happily extended his arm from around me to around him and now we all sat squashed up together but we were happy. Mike felt less left out but really odd from this and pulled away confused. I let out a small laugh and opened my arm inviting him back in. He refused even more confused than he was a moment before. I pulled myself off of Tre who gave a slight shiver. It did feel much colder in here when we were apart. I wrapped my arms around Mike and pulled him into a hug. I opened my arms and also pulled in Tre so it was once again the three of us huddled together. I pressed my lips against Mike's scalp for a moment and then Tre's. These people were my family. I closed my eyes in the crowd but still kept my grip around them. Mike had returned the favor and so had Tre and also had their arms around my back.
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I heard the doorknob rattle as we all sat there half asleep. I let go of my friends and walked over opening up the door to see Billie Joe. He looked over my shoulder to his friends who were still in a big hug. "Okay... maybe I came at a bad time... " He laughed to himself. "Come on." I said putting my arms around him. "It's all in good fun." I laughed letting go and taking hold of his hand to dragging him over to the couch.
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About a half hour later I was sitting on the edge of my bed James's journal in my hands and Tre sitting next to me. I was helping to explain the things James had wrote better after all Tre knew hardly anything about my past and this was helping him learn a lot. Now that it was safe for Tre to read it I didn't care what he thought about James. I don't know what but all this seemed to really interest Tre. He seemed to want to know more and more about us and wouldn't stop asking me questions. What about my life was so interesting to him? My life sucked. It was funny to watch his reaction to some of the things written in the book. He would make faces at some things and make comments. I was enjoying myself to tell the truth. I held myself close to him. Mike was watching some weird show on TV and Billie Joe was a good distance away at the table watching the screen from there, also trying to listen in on what me and Tre were talking about. What? He think we were going to actually say something of any interest to him? I finished reading up the journal, which left an expression of shock slapped across Tre's face. He wrapped his arms tightly around me pulling me into him. He was acting as if this was really upsetting to me and to tell the truth it is but I was over it and now him squeezing me like this just made me feel uncomfortable. I pulled from his grip and he looked at me with sad eyes then a smile broke out once again. I felt a little nervous at the way he was looking at me. I inched myself farther towards the other end of the bed. He came closer. "No Tre." I whispered harshly to him looking around to see if the others were watching or had noticed at all what was going on. Tre came closer putting his hands at my waist and leaning into me making me tip back until I was lying down, him on top of me. I pushed on his chest trying to get him off of me. I felt our lips meet for a moment then pull away. Tre pulled himself off of me. "Fine." He said grumpily but a glint of that devilish smile was still in him. I lifted myself onto my elbows and the sat up fully to look once again to see if Billie Joe and Mike had noticed but both seemed fixed on the tube. This had to be the fifth time Tre has tried this and really I would like to at least have no one else in the room before he does this. I felt so embarrassed even if nobody had really noticed what Tre had done. I kept my distance from Tre as we sat there not wanting that to happen again and too nervous to really move back anyway. It just didn't feel right to be around him much in one day after something like that happens. You people probably think I'm crazy for not wanting this but too bad.
