All By Myself, All On My Own, chapter 32

This is the part that I first kinda made up... the part that I named the story after...and yeah, whatever, you people don't care about this so, anyway enough of me talking...

My throat was still sore from the other day... well last night. As I sat on my bed I played with the small golden ring in my hands. "James." I whined slipping the band onto my finger and holding it away to examine it from a distance. "What have I done?" I cried. I took the ring off and once again set it back on my bedside table. As I sat alone in my room the only sound was the sound of birds and cars passing by outside where the sound blew in the open window. I got up off of my bed pulling down my shirt again and stepping out onto the balcony. I pulled a small box of mint Life Savers from my pocket that I had bought down stairs. I poured three out of the little box and put them in my mouth. I was in need of a snack but I didn't want to bother and look around my kitchen so I just ate what I could find on hand. I chewed up one and swallowed it. The day was warmer than they had been for the past few days. All traces it had ever rained were gone, which I was okay with. I pulled my hoody off and tied the arm sleeves around my waist as I leaned forward on the railing. I went back inside and turned on the TV. I changed the channel to FUSE. Videomaniac was on. Some new show hosted by the new VJ Adonis. Personally I could say I liked Power Fuse better, which was pretty much the same but no one hosted it, it was just a show of music videos. I collapsed into the cushion to watch the video Best Of Me by Starting Line. The song ended only seconds later though and went to Way Away by Yellowcard. I hadn't seen these videos in about three months. I mouthed out the words as the song played. I remember doing this when I was living with my parents and late at night I would listen to music and sing along and then my mom walked in just as I was saying "Fuck You." I was probably about nine. When the song ended and commercials came on I turned off the TV and went onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. I was very impatient today for some reason. There was no way I could sit still or wait for anything today. I jumped up off the couch and walked into the kitchen. My candy was gone and now I wanted something else to munch on. I opened up the cupboard and pulled out a small bag of chips. "When did those get there?" I asked myself. I had never noticed them here before but after all I don't think I ever opened up that cupboard it was always the one with the cereal in it. I opened the bag and pulled a handful of the chips out of it and put them in my mouth. When I was done I put them back and went out to lie on my bed. I closed my eyes to the music playing in my mind. I reached and grabbed the phone off of the receiver. I dialed Key's number and held the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I asked when the phone stopped ringing and Key picked up. "What?" She said grumpily on the other end. "How you doing?" I asked as if I didn't know. Kilana was probably still upset after all it wasn't even a week ago that I called her asking about the big secret. "This isn't about what happened is it?" She said. "No." I said getting annoyed about all this. "Oh, sorry then I just thought... you know... well... you don't... but that's it... and... yeah... " She said confusing herself. She seemed much happier now though now that she knew I wasn't going to push her to give me an answer to all the things that have been going on. "How's Jake?" I asked. "Jake? He's fine. He's outside playing with Tina and Katrina and Tony and Sam and you know, all those other little kids on our street." She laughed. "What are you doing?" She asked. "I'm talking to you. It's pretty boring around here. I'll be coming home tomorrow. I set the hotel room next door on fire and destroyed all my pictures and tried to kill myself and we watched TV and... ." "Wait... you what?!?" She asked scared. "Oh... um... yeah I had a fit and set James's stuff on fire and I burnt my art book and stuff... and tried to kill myself... Oh and I found out a secret of my own... I'll tell you tomorrow when I come home." I said twisting the phone cord in my fingers. "Oh okay well I have to go. The store closes in fifteen minutes and we're out of milk. See you tomorrow." She said hanging up on the other end. "Bye." I said hanging up as well. That was a boring conversation. At least I knew she was able to talk to me still. I was beginning to want to go home now but another part of me said I wanted to stay here for the rest of my life.

***

I decided to go see the guys again not too long after my talk with Key. I lifted my fist to knock on the door but before I could it swung open. "Whoa hey!" Mike smiled a little in shock. I looked up at him. "Where you going in such a hurry?" I asked starting to giggle. "Nowhere really, just thought I'd go to the lobby." He said. I could tell he was lying to me. The expression on his face told me I couldn't know and he pushed past me as if trying to get out as quickly as possible. I walked in closing the door behind me. Tre was on his bed looking through some papers. "Tre?" I said watching him shuffle through some things he had spread out. "What?" He said a little shocked. He pushed all the things together and picked them all up at the same time. He took the pile and shoved it under his bed. Okay now this felt weird. "Tre? What are you doing?" I asked coming in and standing in front of his bed where he was sitting. "Nothing... um... yeah nothing I was just um... just doing some work and um... nothing I wasn't doing anything." He stuttered nervously. "Tre. You know you can't lie to me." I giggled sitting down next to him. "Yeah well I um... why are you here?" He asked sliding forward so he was closer to me. I still stood there looking down on him. "I came to see you guys. "What's going on? Mike lied to me and seemed to be in a big hurry to get down stairs and you are hiding a bunch of stuff from me under your bed and Billie Joe... I don't know where he is... ." I said taking a seat next to him. "Billie Joe is in... the kitchen and um... that stuff is um... about... um... stuff." He said looking away. I put my hand around him and on his cheek to turn his head back my way. "Tre. Stop lying." I said looking into his eyes. What was such a big secret? "I... um... what... um... what do you wanna do or... um... what have you been doing?" He said shyly trying to pull away but I kept him steady in my grip so I wouldn't lose his eye contact. "Don't try to change the subject." I said a little worried about him now. Why couldn't he tell me? I was beginning to feel like I couldn't trust anyone anymore. "I... um... I was um... yeah... uh... it was nothing... " He stuttered looking around the room for help. "So then why are you hiding it from me?" I asked determined to get an answer. Billie Joe walked out of the kitchen a half emptied beer bottle in his hand. I let go of Tre who quickly looked away. Billie Joe stopped in his tracks when he saw us. "Shit." I heard him say quietly to himself. "Hmm?" I said leaning forward as I sat on the edge of the bed. I looked up at him for an answer as to what that was all about. "When did you get here?" He said walking over to the couch trying to avoid eye contact with me. "Only a few minutes ago." Tre said grumpily as if mad at Billie Joe for not coming out sooner. I rolled my eyes and stood up. "Well when you decide to tell me what the hell is going on with you come find me." I said kissing Tre on the cheek and heading out the door. "So she doesn't know yet?" I heard Billie Joe ask Tre as I began to close the door. I shut it and pressed my ear against the smooth wood. "If you came any later she would have." Tre said stubbornly back. "You have horrible timing." He finished. "Well I didn't know. When do you plan on telling her? I mean today is her last real day here before she goes home you have to tell her soon... either that or you somehow do it later when she is home but it would probably be better to say it in person." Billie Joe said. "I know. I'm just not sure if I can tell her at all after all that's happened I don't know if it would be a good idea." I heard Tre say last then there was a long silence between the two and I heard loud footsteps echoing up the stairway. I ran down the hall and into my own room slamming the door just as Mike walked by. What was it that I didn't know?

***

I sat on my bed once again bored out of my mind. The last day I would be here and my friends weren't talking to me. Well this sucked. I wanted to leave right now. I didn't care about all that has happened. I was sick of this hotel and just wanted to leave and go back home where I belonged. I went once again out onto the balcony to get some fresh air and clear my mind. The sun beat down on me filling the empty space in me with warmth. I closed my eyes to the bright sunlight blinding me. Everything around me was falling apart. Everyone had their secrets but I seemed to be the only one left out of all this and I had no idea why. Kilana and Mike hid the secret of whatever happened on the way back to her house and Tre was ignoring me. Come to think of it he had been running off a lot lately without us. Well it was one of them that kept leaving anyway and none would bother to tell me where they were headed. Tre was hiding a bunch of junk that just seemed weird. I was still coping with the fact I had betrayed James who was murdered only two weeks ago and Mark had attacked us twice but now was in jail but this punishment towards him had driven me insane and I destroyed my boyfriends hotel room as well as most of his belongings and all my memories that I had recorded. All I had left was my picture that still stayed in my pocket, his journal and a photograph as well as any junk I had stored in my place back home. I felt a cool breeze blow at me and seemed to pass right through me. It quickly passed though and left me once again in the blazing summer heat. As I kept my eyes closed I heard the slide of a door and I opened my eyes squinting in the brightness to see Billie Joe step out onto the balcony next door. "Billie Joe, What is going on?" I pleaded to him. "Huh?... oh... um... what do you mean?" He asked seemingly confused by my question. He came out closer and leaned on the railing of his balcony just as I was looking at me then back out to the city. "Why won't Tre speak to me?... why are you and Mike and Tre keeping so many secrets from me and where do you guys keep disappearing to? First Tre had ran away from you out on the city a long time ago and then you leave to go to the lobby and I go down to see you and you are coming back from the city and Mike, who just lied to me when he said he was just going downstairs. Where have you really been going?" I asked. This was a lot for him at one time and he took a second to think all of this through. "Oh... well... um... I can't really tell you. Tre doesn't want you to know anything at the moment but trust me on this, it is nothing bad and nothing that he doesn't want you to know. You will know everything eventually he just isn't really to say yet and well, personally I have no idea what he is up to. I mean I have been helping him but he never really told me everything but... it involves you kinda and well... I guess you'll just have to wait and see... sorry I can't tell you." He said stuttering as he talked as he tried to work out his words the best he could without giving anything away. Okay... wow this was kinda depressing to hear. "Oh... thanks I guess... " I said pushing my hair back behind my ears, which keeps getting blown back into my face by the breeze. "Don't worry. All you have to know right now is that he really cares about you and would never let you down." He smiled going back inside as if the only reason why he came out is to talk to me. I knew he was just trying to avoid more questioning though. My mind was fixed on that last sentence Billie Joe had said. 'He really cares about you and wouldn't ever let you down, he cares and would never let you down, he cares and never will let down... "HE CARES FOR ME AND WOULD NEVER LET ME DOWN." AT these words I went back inside and collapsed onto my bed. I had to know what was going on. I was too curious and I would never be able to calm down until I knew. I reached into my pocket and drew out the folded piece of paper. I opened it and scanned over my picture. Was this coming true? I doubt it. This picture was just a thought that would probably never happen but it was worth dreaming of. I folded it back up and shoved it back into my pocket. I needed something to do until tomorrow. I had got my wish. Only seconds after I had thought this there was a knock on the door. I got up and walked over to my door. When I opened it I saw Tre standing there looking nervously at me. "Tre?" I said reaching out and putting my hand gently on his upper arm. "You okay?" I said trying to stay as calm as possible with all these thoughts racing through my head. "Yeah... um... we are going down town to the bar you... um... you wanna come with us?" He asked not so much as scared about what I may say or the fact that we were talking to each other but the fact he wasn't sure how to put his words. His eyes looked like he was begging me but his voice made it sound like he was just saying I could if I wanted to but I didn't have to. "Okay." I said trying to sound happy. He smiled at me and I walked back into the main room. He followed me in. "Sorry I was um... I lied to you before but... you kinda can't know yet." He said coming around to my front and putting his arms gently around me. Holding me tight as to more calm himself than me. "Tre, it's okay really. I'm not upset at all. I understand." I giggled slightly. He let go of me and took my hands in his. "Just don't you forget that I love you." He smiled pulling my hands in his up to his lips and kissing my fingers. "Tre." I blushed pulling myself out of his grip. "Stop it." I giggled. Man I was sounding girly. Ugh... I was becoming the type of person I hate. "Tre, calm down, everything is okay now. I talked to Billie Joe." I said. "He didn't tell you... did he? He didn't tell you that... " Tre started. "No he didn't tell me anything... he just cleared some things up for me... nothing of any importance though... just things to make me calm down a bit... " I smiled coming into him again my hands still clutched in his. I looked up at him even if he was only about an inch taller than me. I felt really short... I mean I always have been small but Tre was short and being shorter than him just made me feel like a little kid. "Yeah? What'd he say?" Tre said coming closer to me so our faces were only inches away. "He just said not to worry. Everything would be okay... you were just trying to get things straight and you would eventually let me know if at all and I should trust you... and exactly what you just said... " I said looking down. Him being so close was making my eyes a little sore. "He did, did he?" Tre laughed a little pressing his lips to mine for a second then coming in again for a deeper kiss. "Now are we going or what?" I said as we pulled out once again. I took his hand in mine and pulled him out of the room into the hallway where Billie Joe and Mike were walking our way from their room. We joined the other two members of Green Day and walked down the stairs into the lobby. I hid behind Tre as we walked by. The receptionist had been keeping a close eye out for me after all that I had done to him. Which really, wasn't that much, I just insulted him and stood up for my friends. We went through the double doors and out into the parking lot. This time I had my mind setting on actually drinking. I didn't care if I got drunk at all. I just wanted to have fun with my friends on my last real day with them. We would walk all the way to the bar though. Driving would be a bad idea for the way home.

***

I walked into the bar behind the Mike and Billie Joe. Tre stood next to me as if afraid to leave me alone for too long like I would run off... I don't really blame him if he thought that though after all I have done. I'm surprised he was still up to being such good friends with me after all I had done. I was sure that that last attempt at suicide would definitely get him to hate me though it didn't and he just seemed to stick to me more. This was the same old smoky place I had been stuck at twice before but this time I wouldn't be just sitting around waiting for my friends and this time Mike was here with us to keep me company if Tre got drunk too quickly. I was just afraid of how bad I might be if I drank too much. We sat at the usual corner table and before I could say a word Tre was gone. He came back holding four glasses of alcohol in his arms setting them down on the table. The liquid splashed from the large glasses onto the smooth tabletop making little streams along the surface and dripping off the edge onto the floor. "Oops." Tre said taking his sleeve and wiping off the table. I looked in a little disgust at this. I took my glass into both hands holding on tightly to the wet mug. I drank slowly down about a quarter of it and just sat there holding onto the cup inches from my mouth letting the taste take effect as it lingered in my mouth. I don't think I've ever had this before... I never was a big drinker... after all that happens to me when I do drink... I never really did bother to learn names of drinks I've had I just drank them and drank down whatever someone gave me. Tre watched me as I brought the glass back up to my lips for another bit. "You like it?" He smiled at me. "What?... I don't know... I guess... what is it?" I asked trying to think out my words. "You've had it before... it's cheech." He laughed a little taking a swig of his own drink. Oh yeah... I remember now from the last time we came... how could I not recognize this? I smiled back after once again lowering the cup. "She's had it before? When?" Mike asked confused. He knew I wouldn't drink unless I really wanted to or was forced to and besides he wasn't there when I had first tried it. "She had a little of Tre's when you went to take Key home." Billie Joe said emptying his glass and heading back up to the counter for more. I set the glass onto the table in front of me and moved my fingertip along the top rim the low tone that the sound made eerie but in a way comforting. Tre set his down as well and copied me. His nearly empty cup making a much higher pitch note than mine. Mike just seemed to sit back and watch as we did this. I always tended to do stupid and pointless things when I was bored and this was one of them. Billie Joe came back over holding another drink in his hand. I noticed his eye twitch at the squeaky sound Tre's glass was making as his finger got stuck a little on the glass and as he tried to force it around it made a really loud screech. I stopped now that my finger was dry and would no longer make the soft tone it had been making and would cause a more annoying tone as Tre's was doing. He seemed to be enjoying himself though as he tormented Billie with the noise. Of course the cry of the glass wasn't as bad and taking as much affect on him because he was the one causing the sound. "Enough." Mike said reaching across the table and grabbing Tre's wrist. Tre pulled from his grip and sulked down in his chair like a little boy who just got told off by his mom. This was quiet common for me to see being kinda like Jake's aunt. Tre took his glass and also emptied it but instead of going for more he sat there and glared angrily at Mike and Billie for stopping him and ruining his fun. I couldn't help but giggle. I seemed to be the only one who had not yet finished my drink. I didn't really feel like me today. Normally if I were to drink even a tiny sip of alcohol I HAD to have more before I went insane but now... I felt like I could really care less for what I was drinking... like this drink just happened to be alcohol free, but I knew that that wasn't true. I looked at the contents of my half empty glass. It wasn't the drink that was making me feel like this... I had had it before and had resorted to drinking Coke in my hotel room because I didn't have anything else and felt like going crazy. It had to be something with my emotions. I have never really felt so down in my life before. I tried my best to be happy when deep down I felt horrible. I picked up the glass and drank down a little more. "You okay?" Mike asked looking at me. "You don't look too good." He said lifting my chin to see my face better. "I'm fine... I just feel weird... like... there is something missing in me... I don't know... " I said slowly setting down my cup once again. "You wanna go back to the hotel?" Billie Joe asked trying to help. "No... I wanna stay... I just don't really wanna leave this place." I said calmly taking time to look at each of them. Tre looked at me confused. "You don't wanna leave THIS place? Or do you mean this town... or us?" He said trying to make sense of what he had just said. "I don't mind leaving this bar but I don't wanna leave tomorrow." I said finishing my glass finally. Tre smiled brightly at what I just said, which to me made no sense. What was there to be happy about? "You like us." He giggled pushing lightly on my shoulder making me sway in my seat. "No duh Tre, of course she does, after all she is your girlfriend." Billie Joe laughed at Tre. Wait... what... did he just say... GIRLFRIEND? Whoa wait a minute... since when? I liked Tre but girlfriend? I don't know about that...

***

Only about a half hour later Tre was going on his third glass. Mike had stopped drinking after his second cup and Billie Joe had only just finished his second and was once again up talking to the bartender and getting another glass. I hadn't drunk any more since my first glass. I was beginning to feel sick and don't think I could hold in anything more. I sat back in my chair staring at the empty glass in front of me. The small urge for more was becoming a pain as my body longed for something more to drink but I held back. If anything else were to go down my throat tonight I may throw up. Just at this thought made my stomach cringe. "You positive you're okay?" Mike asked as Billie Joe took his seat back from Tre who was spreading himself out across all the empty chairs. I nodded my head too afraid to really open my mouth. "I'm surprised you don't wanna leave. After all the whole time we were here you've been complaining and wanting to go home. And don't you wanna see Key and Jake again?" Mike asked calmly trying to get me to speak. My heart did back flips to these words. Of course I wanted to see them again and really I would do anything to get out of that damn hotel but I didn't want to leave these guys. They were the greatest friends I had ever had. I tried to crack a smile but it quickly turned to a frown as my stomach churned and sent me rushing to the bathroom. I wiped my mouth off on my arm still slightly hunched over the toilet. No, I couldn't be getting sick... not now." I stood up. I felt a little queasy but all in all okay. Whatever was in me was out now. I walked out of the stall and over to the sink to wash myself off. I cupped my hands filling them with cool water and using it to rinse my mouth out and get the horrible taste of vomit out. I wiped my hands on my pants and pushed open the door to walk out. The guys watched me as I took a seat again. "Kiki maybe we should take you back now." Mike said standing up. Billie Joe followed. "You coming Tre?" Billie Joe asked grabbing my arm and pulling me once again to my feet. "No... I gotta finish this sos you guys go on without me." Tre slurred drunkenly as he drained his cup and once again headed for more. We headed outside into the cool night air. "Kiki, I think you're getting sick. You should get some rest come on." Billie Joe said tugging at my arm to make me walk with them as I tried to go back inside the building. "Is it a good idea to leave Tre here when he's like that?" I asked shakily putting my arm around my stomach as it knotted making me feel sick again. "He'll be fine." Mike said trying to calm me. He put his hand on my shoulder as we walked through the dark streets back to the hotel. I walked into their room with them and Billie Joe made sure that I lied down. I felt weird being in their room without Tre. And the fact that these guys were pretty much acting like parents taking care of a sick child. I rolled onto my side as Mike threw a blanket over me. "You know, you guys don't have to do this. I'm plenty capable of taking care of myself and besides if I am sick I don't want you to catch it." I said trying to get them to leave me alone. It was very uncomfortable for me to be waited on hand and foot. I didn't even really feel that sick. My stomach constantly was making me want to puke but the rest of me seemed fine. I didn't feel either hot or cold, I had no headache or drowsiness and really I just felt like a little kid would feel going to the dentist for their first time. Billie Joe took a seat in the space I had left on the couch by my belly. "Calm down. It's fine. We don't mind taking care of you for a while. I guess we're just so used to babysitting Tre that we want to do this. Now get some rest." He laughed a little rubbing my arm to calm me though it didn't really help. I laughed a little at this comment as well. It's a good thing that Tre wasn't here or there would be a fight considering how drunk he was when we left him at the bar. I kinda felt bad for him actually. I could only hope he could make it back to the hotel safely and not wander down the wrong street. The guys had said that he would be fine though and I knew I could trust them. "I'm going to miss you guys." I smiled as Billie Joe stood up and walked around the back of the couch to his bed, Mike following at his heels and then going to his own bed. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but the constant worrying about Tre seemed to get me lost in paranoia. What if he lost his way back? What if he went to the wrong hotel? What if he passed out in the bar? What if he passed out on the streets? What if he couldn't get to his room? And he ended up on the wrong floor? What would happen to him? What if he were hit by a car? Or was mugged by someone? I didn't dare want to return to that memory. What was going to happen to him? I tried and tried to push these thoughts from my mind and do what Mike and Billie had told me to do. Rest. I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep eventually actually blacking out into a dream.

***

I opened my eyes as I lay on the couch. The room was still pitch dark but the digital clock on Mike's bedside I could just see clearly as 1:27. I sat up no longer feeling sick at all. My stomachache was gone and I felt fine. What had caused this to happen to me? I put my feet on firm ground and stood up a little woozy from lying down for so long but then settling and I was able to walk. I pulled my sneakers on and went out the door into the dark hallway. Small lights on the ceiling glowed dimly giving off just enough light for me to see the doors in the corridor. I walked down until I found mine and slipped my key into the slot. I opened my door and walked into the dark room. As I stepped in I was welcomed with the strange and now familiar feeling that I wasn't alone. I could just hear soft whines like someone crying. I walked in farther unable to see and carefully dragging my feet across the carpet so I wouldn't trip on anything. As I went farther I was able to realize that whom ever was with me was not a threat. In the moonlight shining through the glass door I could see the silhouette of a person sitting on my bed. I turned on a small light on the wall hardly lighting up any of the room. "Kiki?" I heard the stifled cry of someone I knew. "Tre, what's wrong?" I whispered taking a seat on my bed next to him. In the moonlight through the window I could see the gentle fall of tears on his cheeks. "Tre, don't cry." I said wrapping my arms around him. He returned the favor now sobbing into my shoulder. I put my hand on the back of his head holding him close to me rubbing his back with the other. "Kiki, I thought you were gone. Everyone left. I was alone. I didn't think I would ever see you again. I was all by myself." "Shh... It's okay Tre everything is fine. I would never just leave you." I whispered rocking back and forth gently. His grip on me loosened and his breathing was once again shallow. "It's alright, I'm here now. Billie Joe and Mike are back in their room sleeping." I said He gave me a small smile and looked into my eyes. I really did care for him and I hated seeing him like this. He seemed to be so drunk he didn't remember what had happened back at the bar. When I got sick. His eyes were red and welled with tears. I didn't know what to do or say. I felt lost from the world. He clung around me again not so sad but happy I had come back and what he thought was wrong. Nothing could explain how I was feeling right now. My heart seemed overwhelmed with such love from another. "Tre, why did you think I would ever leave you?" I asked trying not to sound too nosy. I was curious. "You seemed so mad and you left and I didn't know where you went and I thought you left me and the bar closed and I walked home but you weren't here and I didn't know where you went and... " "Tre, I wouldn't leave you. I wasn't feeling good and Billie and Mike made me go back to the hotel but you didn't want to come. You were really drunk so we left you there. We didn't know the bar would close so soon." I said trying to make him feel better for now tears were once again being soaked into my shirt as they dripped from his eyes. I was starting to cry but I held back the tears the best I could until I could no longer tolerate them. He had let go of me his tears almost gone and I flung into him forcing my weight on him my face buried into his chest crying. "It's okay. Who knew seeing me sad would make you so upset." He laughed a little drunkenly. He put his arms around me holding me close. I never wanted to leave this position. I never wanted to leave him. This was just too good to be true.

***

I seemed to fall asleep last night with Tre. I woke up around 8:30 and looked around. I lay in bed Tre by my side snoring away. I smiled a little and gently kissed his forehead. Last night seemed like such a blur to me now. Tre was drunk, we came back to the hotel, I was sick, we were sad, that's it. I must have passed out in that last bit with him. Today was the day I will go home. This thought wrenched at my heart. I may never see these people again. I may never get to meet Green Day for the rest of my life. This thought was horrible. I sat up trying not to move too much and wake up Tre. I slipped out of bed and stood up. I walked into the bathroom and combed a brush through my hair to smooth it out. I would find out Mike and Key's secret today but I may never find out Tre's and at the moment that's the only one I really cared about. I went from the bathroom to the kitchen and grabbed a box of cereal from the cabinet. I poured some in a bowl and went out to the couch to watch TV. Tomorrow Green Day would have another concert, I would be home and life would go back to normal. At the moment though, normal would be the worst thing that could happen to me. I curled up in the corner of the couch munching on Coco Puffs and watching Pet Star on the Animal Planet. The only sounds in the room were ticking of the clock, The TV Tre's snoring and me eating dry cereal. I finished the bowl around 8:50 and I set it down on the coffee table. I stretched out on the couch one leg flung off the side my foot flat on the floor and the other straight out over the arm. I sat up quickly again to put my hair up in a ponytail with one of the three ties on my wrist and then lay back down again. I couldn't believe I had only been here for four weeks when it felt like a year. All in one month I had suffered the loss of a friend, The finding of new friends, love, misery, an attempt at suicide, the meeting of a lost relative, secrets, games, two attacks from an evil ex, and much more. What a month. Only two weeks ago James died and it felt like so much longer. I closed my eyes and thought of all the memories that I still had. Memories that hadn't been lost in the fire. Horrible memories and happy ones. My life had gone from normal to insane and impossible in only a few weeks and now it would all end for me. These guys, Green Day were the cause of all my problems lately and the cause of confusion and happiness and I couldn't doubt them. Also I had made friends from them though and without them I may be dead right now or James would be alive. I should be mad at them for all the shit they put me through but after all this I didn't have any anger left in my to use. All my fury had been drained. "What are you doing?" I heard Tre mumble. I opened my eyes and rolled over to look up at him. "Watching Pet Star." I said looking at the TV to see if it was still on or not. I wasn't sure how much time had gone by. "No you're not." He said. Planets Funniest Animals had just started. "Well I was." I said sitting up so he could sit down. He took a seat next to me. He looked funny compared to how most people see him in pictures. His hair was flat and dull and he hadn't shaven yet. He looked half asleep without any of his makeup on and his clothes had been twisted around him in the night as he slept. He actually looked... I don't know... normal I guess you could call it. "Guess we're leaving today." He sighed looking down at his hands and then up to me. I looked away unsure of how I should take this comment. How dare he say those words. In my world those words would cost him his life but he was right. I would be going home and he would be leaving with the band for the next town. I leaned against him and he put one arm around me holding my there. "I'm going to miss you so much." I whined snuggling into him. I felt like falling asleep again but I couldn't. I was too awake now. "I'm going to miss you too." He said calmly smiling down at me as if it were a joke but I could tell he wasn't joking. He seemed happy this morning but looking into his eyes all I could see was black, deep, sorrow. I felt tears in my eyes but I quickly wiped them away. How could I cry? I had cried about 80% of the time I was here and now this little piece of my life seemed so insignificant compared to the rest that has happened and I had no reason to cry.

***

Around 10:00 there was a knock on my door and I had to let in Billie Joe and Mike. "Hey why'd you leave last night?" Billie Joe said taking a seat next to Tre on the couch and Mike on my other side. "I didn't feel sick any more and turns out there was someone waiting for me in my room anyway that I had to see." I said looking at Tre. "Tre, why were you in her room instead of coming back to ours?" Mike laughed a little at the fact Tre was alone in my room. "I went to the wrong room and I figured she would be over here. I didn't know that she was still with you." He said defending himself. "Yeah, and you thought we had left for good and I found you crying." I laughed. Tre looked away in defeat. He couldn't stick up for himself anymore. He knew it was true but can you blame him for last night? He was drunk. "He was crying?" Billie Joe laughed but stopped at the look Tre gave him. "Knock it off Billie. He has his reasons to cry... besides he was drunk and mistaken." I said that last bit quietly. Mike started to giggle under his breath. I slapped him on the back of the head not enough to really hurt him, but enough to shut him up. Now Tre and Billie Joe were laughing but I didn't want to hit them too. "What are you laughing at Tre? He was laughing at you." I said and Tre immediately stopped. "That's not funny." He said looking at Billie Joe again in that way that says shut up before I help you to.

***

Around noon I was getting packed and ready to leave. Tre sat in front of the closet pulling out all the junk that had piled up in it over the month. Most of the stuff had been Jake and Key's but I did my fair share as well. "What is all this stuff?" Tre said pulling out pieces of paper and pages ripped from magazines, candy wrappers, a pocket calendar, shoes, wrinkled shirts, and other miscellaneous junk. "Most of it is garbage, others I collected and those are my clothes." I said snatching a pair of my underwear out of his hand. He laughed as I stuffed it into my suitcase. "Why do you have all this crap?" he smiled at me from his sitting position on the rug. "You expect me to walk around without underwear on?" I said a little disgusted. "No, I mean why did you bring all this with you instead of leaving it at home?" He said picking up a wad of newspaper clippings. "I got them while I was here." I said picking up more clothes that he had tossed onto the floor. "Why did you keep them?" He said unfolding on of the clippings and looking over it. "That happened on my birthday." I said grabbing it from him. "Why didn't you just save the whole newspaper?" "It takes up too much space to bring a bunch of newspapers and magazines home. This way I save the things I want and I have more room for other junk." I said folding it up and neatly placing it in my suitcase with the rest of my stuff. He rolled his eyes at this remark and went back to digging through my things. He tossed stuff over his shoulder as he went. "I thought you were here to help me not make things harder." I said diving for my locket before it hit ground. I got it by the chain only inches above the floor. I wrapped the thin golden chain around the circular locket and stuffing it into my pocket. "I am helping. Helping you get going so we can spend the rest of the day having fun. If I weren't here to throw things at you, you probably wouldn't get finished before six." He said chucking a book at me. I ducked quickly and let it fly by and hit the wall with a loud bang and fell to the floor opened up, the pages all folded and torn. I closed it and placed it in my open case. The door burst open a moment later and in walked Billie Joe. "You two done yet?" He said bored sitting down on my bed next to piled clothes that hadn't been packed yet. The pile tipped as the bed where he sat went down and covered his lap. He let out a deep sigh as he started to take the articles of clothing off of him and putting them back into a pile. I laughed a little as I threw the last bit of my clothes into my case and slamming it shut locking it tightly. All that lay out now was my hoody, the ring, the journal and the locket in my pocket. I pulled it out. I hadn't seen it in so long and all this time it had been possibly in another pocket of mine or in my suitcase. I opened it up to show two small pictures. One of me and Key and the other of Jake when he was only a year old. Not much had changed since then. Well, actually a lot has that I really wanted to forget. I closed it up again and put the thin chain around my neck so the tiny photos in the heart shaped frame would dangle on me over my heart. I smiled as I put my suitcase and some other small things on the floor and I took a seat in its place next to Billie Joe. "As much as I hate it here I'm really going to miss this place." I said quietly looking around leaning back my arms supporting me up. Tre looked to me teary-eyes then looked back around in the direction he was facing into the now empty closet. I noticed him lean forward as if bowing into the closet in his sitting position and then sit back up. I took a quick glance to see him put something into his front pocket. I was positive that the closet was empty, what had he found? He didn't want me to see it anyway, even if it probably did belong to me. Was he stealing from me? No he wouldn't do that. Not Tre. Not from me. He was hiding so many secrets from me and I was beginning to surprise myself at the fact that our small relationship had not yet fallen apart, at least not that I know of. I looked away as he turned around again trying to act as if I hadn't noticed him. I stood up and then got on my hands and knees crawling over to him. I sat next to him my arm around his back and my head softly resting on his chest as he held me close to him making me unable to move. Billie Joe rolled his eyes at this as if saying 'grow up.' Or 'get a life.' We weren't going to grow up though. I would be 70 years old and still reading teen magazines and watching reality shows on TV as I lay back on the couch my feet up on the table drinking pop. I was never going to grow up. I pressed my lips to his for a second then fell backwards as he jabbed his fingers into my sides. "Tre!" I laughed kicking at him putting my heel into his stomach making him coke and collapse. I let out a small gasp trying to catch my own breath from laughing. "Oops... sorry Tre." I said a little embarrassed. I pulled him up and he looked at me sadly. "Never try to tickle you when you are wearing high heels. "He coughed in a small giggle trying to ignore the pain still in him from that forceful kick. Billie Joe laughed at all this and I gave him a cold look but then joined in the laughter putting my arms around Tre and swaying back and forth bringing him with me. I stopped a moment later when I no longer found any of this funny. I let go of Tre and stood up to walk over to the door. "Let's get Mike and go out." I said smiling. Billie Joe stood up and walked over behind me and we left the room with Tre chasing behind us.

***

For our last day together we climbed into Mike's BMW and drove off into town. I sat in the seat in the back next to Tre gazing out the window at the passing city as I listened to the music Mike was blaring on the radio. "You have to say it some time Tre or you'll never be able to." I heard Billie Joe whisper turning around in his seat. At that time Mike turned up the volume again and I lost the ability to ease drop on them. They stopped talking and the volume went down and now it left me in confusion. All three of these guys were in on it and it had something to do with me but what were they talking about? We pulled up in front of some building. The awning on it prevented me from seeing the name of the store but it didn't look like any place I would be caught dead in by looking through the window. I only hoped we were just parking here to walk to wherever these guys were planning to take me. I stepped out of the car shutting the door behind me and walking around to the sidewalk where Billie Joe and Tre waited for me and Mike to come around. We started to walk down the sidewalk. Thank god we just passed that one place we had parked in front of. Instead we walked right on through to a long dirt path that seemed highly unusual in this city. We started down it though my sneakers scuffing on the pebbles I walked on and were instantly matted with powdery reddish dirt. It seemed like clay had been used to pave the way. "Where are we going?" I asked confused. "You'll see." Tre said calmly grabbing hold of my hand and smiling at me. "Trust me." He said before looking back forward and I followed without a struggle down the path that went through the alley and out in back of the tall apartments and shops. We turned a corner where the path seemed to be more rock than the dust and as I walked stones rolled around on the ground where my feet dragged. I looked behind us and could perfectly see where the path turned from red sand to these small silver stones. "Come on." Tre said tugging on my hand when he realized me looking back. When you watch behind you, you tend to lose your pace easily without knowing it. I looked forward to realize how far we were behind Mike and Billie Joe. They had gone a great distance than before I turned around. Instead of directly in front of me they were about 30 feet away and now heading up over a bend that disappeared into the trees and out of sight. "Now I was pulling Tre to catch up but he dragged his feet holding me back. "It's okay. Let them go ahead." He said laughing a little now holding my hand with both of his pulling back with all his strength as I tried to pull forward and continued to drag him with me. I stopped at what he had said and started at my normal walk again. Now I'm really confused. What was he doing? Where was he taking me and what the hell are these guys talking about?!? We were now entering the forest where it all seemed to grow much darker as the tall trees gave us shade from the sun. I could see Mike far up ahead on the now straight path. He stopped and looked back at us and broke out into a run and just seemed to disappear into thin air as he headed down a hill. I squeezed Tre's hand tightly a little nervous and worried about what they had planned for me. I walked with him still too afraid to turn back but still scared out of my wits to continue. I looked around trying to enjoy the scenery while I was here. Everything seemed so green. When you see trees they are just a dull leafy green but this was beautiful. The path ahead was covered once again in sand and small pebbles as well as leaves and twigs that had fallen. The tree leaves were a very bright green and the bark a bright brown color. Everything was just so different. I had no idea where I was at the moment. My best guess would have to be out back of the park. Way out back on a trial that hikers take. How long were we going to walk? If I knew we would be hiking I would have worn my sneakers instead of these black high heeled boots. "You wanna rest?" He asked noticing my pace slow down as my feet began to get sore. "No I'm fine." I lied. I could take the pain. If I could take all this emotional pain I had suffered for so long no doubt could I take on sore feet. Just because I had had a break for a while on the misery and fighting didn't mean I was going soft. We reached the point where the path no longer was flat and where I had seen Mike disappear. As we went down over the hill I could see so much more. There were no signs of human life and the trees had cleared leaving an open meadow where the path turned a corner on the bottom and went in the opposite direction but as we reached the bottom of the hill we didn't take the corner and took a path that was nearly invisible. It was flattened grass for a while then it kept a path as it lead through some tall knee high grass and weeds. "Where are we going?" I whined my feet really hurting now. "You'll see. I told you just trust me." He smiled going off the path again and trudging through the thick weeds. He went over to a large boulder about 5 feet tall in the center about 7 feet in diameter. He climbed up on it and sat on top. I followed right behind sitting next to him on the cool rough surface. A tree behind us gave us shade from the hot sun. I pulled off my shoes for a moment rubbing my feet to relieve the small pain then putting them back on. I took the hair tie around my wrist and put my hair once again up so I wouldn't be so hot as we walked a while more. "This better be worth it." I said a little annoyed that he wouldn't tell me anything. "Don't worry it is." He giggled kissing my cheek and sliding back off the rock. I did the same after landing on the ground I kicked over some of the weeds that had stuck up my pant legs pricking my skin. I followed back through the grass onto the path and once again we headed back into the woods where the grass was a bit shorter and easier to walk in. In the middle of the woods was a large clearing a huge hole it seemed like in the middle. It looked like a giant rabbit hole. All around it dirt was piled up high. It had to be at least 20 feet in diameter and looked down after climbing on the pile bottomless. The pit was so dark below I couldn't see anything except the walls but even they faded from view a ways down. "Here." Tre smiled simply and sitting down on the edge of the hole. I held onto his hand tight. What was he doing? He would die if he fell in there and now he has no fear whatsoever sitting on the edge of this hole on a mound of loose dirt. He could fall easily and I just didn't want to be the one to witness it. "Um... Tre what are you doing?" I asked a little scared. "Come on." He said letting go of my hand and turning around to scale down the wall on some planks that had been nailed into the walls of the drop. He must have been here before to know that those were there. Sitting on the edge you couldn't possibly see them. When did he come here though? I mean, he had been with me almost this whole trip. Had Billie Joe or Mike found it on one of their outings when they had lied to me? Had Tre come here a long time ago and find it and just happen to remember it from so long ago? So many possibilities that all seemed unlikely to my mind. I watched over the ledge afraid to climb down with him. He vanished into the darkness and then I knew I had to go down. I turned myself around as I sat on the dirt and stuck one leg down into the hole as far as I could reach and felt a board on the wall about three feet down. I rested my foot on it and then put down the other one. I gripped tightly to the edge of the hole as I lowered myself down. Once again a bad situation for me to be wearing my heels in. I carefully and slowly climbed down the ladder. I still couldn't see the bottom and looking up at where I had come all there was, was a bright patch of light that looked about the size of my fist. I could only think that there better be a shortcut back up because I would never be able to climb up this. Going down was hard enough. "You better be happy for yourself Tre, dragging me all the way down here." I mumbled to myself as I gripped tighter to a board, as the one below me was loose. I let out a small yelp as my foot slipped off the hanging board and I felt myself drop a little. I dug my feet into the hard dirt walls getting my support and clutching with all my strength onto the board above me. I set my foot onto the thin space there was of the hanging board and climbed down again. I gripped onto the broken board as it swung by a nail. "I hate this." I whined as I started once again down at my slow and steady pace. The light above me was gone and there was no sign of life. Tre was far below me and the opening so high it looked like someone had covered it completely and it was no longer there. The darkness scared me as I went down. I couldn't see the steps I was using and nothing else around me. I wondered how long I had been climbing. It felt like forever and the watch on my wrist I couldn't read in such darkness. I didn't dare let go of the wall to press the small button on it to give me light. "Kiki!" I heard a loud voice echo through the cave. "What?" I asked not quite shouting but my voice still was really loud as it bounced off the walls around me. I felt claustrophobic at the moment. I had never felt this way before. As I went down I could feel cold earth brush against my back. The tunnel was getting smaller. "You're almost there!" I heard Tre laugh. I tried to look down but the tunnel was just too thin now. I hugged to the wall as I pretty much let myself slide down. I grabbed a board quickly as I fell and the small squeeze I had spread out once again out into a cave. My feet hit bottom finally and I was able to let go of the ladder my hands red and sore. Well sore anyway. They felt red though I couldn't tell if they were or not. "Finally." I said walking forward a few steps. "It only took ten minutes." Tre laughed from somewhere near me. "Where are you?" I asked outstretching my hands to see if I could bump into him. That and to keep myself from running into a wall. I felt someone grab my hand tight and start to pull me. I was thrown off balance and dragged around down through the tunnel. No one spoke but I was sure it was Tre. I wouldn't think of Billie Joe or Mike dragging me along after they had ran away from us and the feeling of his hands on my wrist told me he was a little excited but not tired at all. As we ran through the cave I could see a light up ahead and the brightness let me see the shadow of who was dragging me along. It was of course Tre. "Tre! Haven't you heard that you are supposed to run AWAY from the light at the end of the tunnel!?!" I shouted laughing a little as he pulled me out into the open where the bright sun blinded me after such darkness.

***

As my eyes adjusted to the sunlight I could see more trees. More?!? I wanted out of this place. Tre walked slowly out into the trees and I watched him go up over a hill. I followed slowly behind him. When I made it over the hill I was greeted by the site of a huge cliff. I stopped dead in my tracks behind Tre who smiled at me brightly. He took a seat in the grass and looked out at the view. I sat down next to him then lay in the grass looking over the edge of the pit. On the canyon floor a long river flowed through the rapids swirling below. "Wow." I said quietly letting my glance go to the side. The two ledges, the one we were on and the one straight across met down in the other direction at a huge waterfall. I never knew this was here. I had always known that you could never sail down this river at least not the whole length before but I had never known why except the rapids were bad or the water got too shallow. I didn't know there was a huge waterfall about halfway through. I couldn't help but feel excited to see this. I wondered if Tre and the guys as well as me were the only ones that knew. Someone must know about it other than us. Otherwise how would they find it? They had only been here a month. Someone must have told them about it otherwise I'm sure they would never just climb down that hole on purpose. I pulled myself off the grass and fell back with Tre combing my hands through my hair. I never wanted the month to end. When I got home I would have to wake up early every day to go to work and have to deal with paying for all the bills and stuff. Now though I could just be so carefree. All I had to worry about was how much of my money I spend. I closed my eyes letting the sun beat down on me. Wait... "Where are Mike and Billie?" I asked a little concerned. We saw them go over the hill and that was it. I didn't see them anywhere around when we went down that hole and I didn't see them here now. Where had they gone off? "I don't know. I don't really care right now though." Tre said his eyes closed as well. I looked over at him. I saw one eye open and glance at me. "Stop worrying their fine." He smiled rolling over putting his arm around my waist pulling me over to him. If Tre said they were fine all I could do is trust that he was right. I looked around before actually pulling into Tre. They had to be around here somewhere and I didn't really want them to see me with Tre like this. I didn't even catch so much as a glimpse of anyone or anything and I nuzzled into Tre closing my eyes comfortably.

***

I rested against him enjoying this moment alone with Tre. I almost fell asleep for a minute but woke myself up quickly before I could. Me and Tre had sat there in the grass for quite a while with still no sign of Mike or Billie Joe. "I knew you'd like this place." Tre smiled kissing me gently. "Yeah, It's beautiful." I said quietly back letting go of him and crawling to the edge. I put my legs over the edge sitting there. I leaned back holding tightly to the grass clutched in my hand so at least I had a good grip on something that might keep me from falling. Tre came over and sat next to me and looked out but then backed away after looking down. I guess he just didn't have the stomach for heights that I did. I could be up high as long as there was something under my feet to stand or sit on and I wasn't falling. I laughed a little at him for being scared to get too close. I sat there dangling my feet out into the air kicking up against the side of the cliff and looking down at the river, which seemed like miles below me. The waterfall nearby made a low rumble in the distance. The scenery was just so amazing. I hadn't seen anything so wonderful since I lived back in New York so many years ago when I was little. Then I moved down south where it was mostly large cities or big towns. I hadn't been anywhere in so long that didn't have a road nearby. I was loving every minute we were sitting there but it was getting late and I would need to be going home soon. I heard a rustling in the trees behind us and I jumped turning around to see Mike and Billie Joe making their way through the trees. "There you two are." I said as they walked over and sat next to Tre. Both seemed a little nervous to get so close to the edge. I turned around and crawled away from the ledge to them. Billie Joe pulled Tre over close and whispered something in his ear. I crooked my head trying to understand what was being said. "No." Tre said leaning in to whisper something into Billie Joe's ear. I was so confused. What had they been talking about for so long and what had been happening all this time? "You ready to go home?" mike said a little upset or disappointed. "Not really." I sighed. I knew we would be heading back any minute now so they could bring me back to my house and so they could go to their next hotel to stay at for a day and have a concert the next day... then get on a plane for wherever they had their next show. I came in a little closer putting my arms around Mike gently giving him a hug. I squeezed tight for a second and let go completely. "Time to go." Tre said sadly taking hold of my hand and pulling me to my feet with him. We started back down the path but instead of going into the cave we had come out of Tre lead me up over on top of the cave where there was a large cliff. Like the one we had sat on. Okay so... let me try to make this sound better. There was a hole on this cliff... the town and everything is on the cliff kinda and then it went down into a cave, which was more of a ledge. So farther down there would be another waterfall. This is just one big hole in the ground that we are at. That didn't make things much clearer though did they?... It's hard to explain. On the face of the huge ledge we stood in front of on top of the cave ceiling were steep stairs that seemed to spiral on the face of the cliff like an emergency fire escape on the side of apartment buildings. This was man made so therefore this was a public thing but people were probably too scared to make the trip. We started up the stairs. This was so much easier on me than they were going down that ladder.

***

We walked back out of the trees onto the dusty path again. The city buildings were now once again in view. We walked down the alley onto the streets where things looked so much more familiar to me. We got into the car and drove back to the hotel. My last day with them was quickly coming to an end. Back at the hotel I grabbed my things and got into the car one last time. Tre rested his hand on mine for the whole trip. I was torn at this point. I would never see these guys again and my true feelings for them were coming out at last.