You can't take her with you., chapter 4
With tears in my eyes I folded the paper and put it in my jacket. I couldn't believe it.
"We called her family. They will send you information about the funeral. I'm sorry." The police officer said.
"Okay. And thank you." I mumbled and got into the car. All I felt was rage. How could she do this to Marissa? Marissa needed a mother. And I even promised Marissa everything will be okay. How should I tell her that her mother killed herself?! I beat with my fists on the steering. A tear ran down my cheek. I hadn't cried for a long time but I couldn't stand it all in this situation. My cell phone rang and got me into reality again.
"Baby? I'm worried, are you okay?" Adie asked.
"Yeah I'm okay, don't worry. I'm driving home."
When I opened the front door Adie sat in the kitchen and cried. "Baby don't cry." I said softly.
"What are we doing now, I mean what will you tell Marissa?" She asked sobbing.
"I don't know. The truth. It would be the biggest mistake to lie to her."
I walked to the bar and picked up a bottle of whiskey. "Please don't drink Billie." Adie said and looked at me. I placed the bottle on the table and sat down on a chair.
"She can't do that. What should happen with Marissa. She needs a mother."
"Billie ... I thought about it since you told me you have a daughter. She can stay here with us, I will treat here like my own daughter. I really love her."
"I can't expect that from you."
"You don't have to expect it. I wanna do it Billie. I love you and will always love you. I want that she stays here." Adie said and grabbed my hand.
"Really?"
"Yes." She said and smiled.
"I don't know what I would do without you. I love you."
Adie still smiled and kissed me. "We'll manage it. I'm sure."
In the morning everybody was pretty quiet. Adie drove Joey and Jakob to school and I sat with Marissa at the kitchen table. "Daddy are we playing something?" Marissa asked and smiled at me with her innocent smile.
"I have to tell you something. Maybe you're too young to understand but I want that you know the truth." I said.
"Okay Daddy." Marissa sat on my lap and looked at me.
"Mommy is not here anymore. She .. is dead." These words were so hard to say.
"What's "dead"?" Marissa asked curiously.
"Well .. Everybody has to die someday. It means .. her body is not here anymore but her soul is still alive." I said. I couldn't say that she killed herself.
Marissa looked at me. Her smile disappeared. "I want to go to Mommy" She said and started to cry.
"Mommy's not here anymore" I said and my voice cracked up.
"Bring Mommy back!" Marissa yelled and tried to get off my lap. "I wanna go to Mommy!"
"Baby .. .shh..." I calmed her down. "I know it's hard."
"No! You're lying! I wanna see Mommy!" Marissa kept on yelling and crying.
"Baby ..."
"You promised me Mommy will be okay! You're a liar!" Marissa yelled. Her little green eyes looked at me. I couldn't stand this look.
"Come here Baby. I know it's hard but we'll manage it." I tried to calm her down.
"I'm scared." She sobbed and hugged me.
"You don't have to be scared. Daddy's here." I said softly and held her tight in my arms.
"Just sleep a little bit." I said when I picked her up and let her down on her bed.
"If you are scared or if you wanna talk just call, okay?"
"Okay." She said softly and kept looking at me with her tears filled eyes...
"We called her family. They will send you information about the funeral. I'm sorry." The police officer said.
"Okay. And thank you." I mumbled and got into the car. All I felt was rage. How could she do this to Marissa? Marissa needed a mother. And I even promised Marissa everything will be okay. How should I tell her that her mother killed herself?! I beat with my fists on the steering. A tear ran down my cheek. I hadn't cried for a long time but I couldn't stand it all in this situation. My cell phone rang and got me into reality again.
"Baby? I'm worried, are you okay?" Adie asked.
"Yeah I'm okay, don't worry. I'm driving home."
When I opened the front door Adie sat in the kitchen and cried. "Baby don't cry." I said softly.
"What are we doing now, I mean what will you tell Marissa?" She asked sobbing.
"I don't know. The truth. It would be the biggest mistake to lie to her."
I walked to the bar and picked up a bottle of whiskey. "Please don't drink Billie." Adie said and looked at me. I placed the bottle on the table and sat down on a chair.
"She can't do that. What should happen with Marissa. She needs a mother."
"Billie ... I thought about it since you told me you have a daughter. She can stay here with us, I will treat here like my own daughter. I really love her."
"I can't expect that from you."
"You don't have to expect it. I wanna do it Billie. I love you and will always love you. I want that she stays here." Adie said and grabbed my hand.
"Really?"
"Yes." She said and smiled.
"I don't know what I would do without you. I love you."
Adie still smiled and kissed me. "We'll manage it. I'm sure."
In the morning everybody was pretty quiet. Adie drove Joey and Jakob to school and I sat with Marissa at the kitchen table. "Daddy are we playing something?" Marissa asked and smiled at me with her innocent smile.
"I have to tell you something. Maybe you're too young to understand but I want that you know the truth." I said.
"Okay Daddy." Marissa sat on my lap and looked at me.
"Mommy is not here anymore. She .. is dead." These words were so hard to say.
"What's "dead"?" Marissa asked curiously.
"Well .. Everybody has to die someday. It means .. her body is not here anymore but her soul is still alive." I said. I couldn't say that she killed herself.
Marissa looked at me. Her smile disappeared. "I want to go to Mommy" She said and started to cry.
"Mommy's not here anymore" I said and my voice cracked up.
"Bring Mommy back!" Marissa yelled and tried to get off my lap. "I wanna go to Mommy!"
"Baby .. .shh..." I calmed her down. "I know it's hard."
"No! You're lying! I wanna see Mommy!" Marissa kept on yelling and crying.
"Baby ..."
"You promised me Mommy will be okay! You're a liar!" Marissa yelled. Her little green eyes looked at me. I couldn't stand this look.
"Come here Baby. I know it's hard but we'll manage it." I tried to calm her down.
"I'm scared." She sobbed and hugged me.
"You don't have to be scared. Daddy's here." I said softly and held her tight in my arms.
"Just sleep a little bit." I said when I picked her up and let her down on her bed.
"If you are scared or if you wanna talk just call, okay?"
"Okay." She said softly and kept looking at me with her tears filled eyes...
