Dancing On Thorns, chapter 4
The phone rang its yelling tone, just a foot from my ear. I jumped slightly and woke up from my mental rest. As quiet as possible, I cursed and grabbed the receiver.
"Hello?" I said with a tone meaning, "I'm-not-in-a-talking-mood."
"Good afternoon. This is James Stevens, from your daughter's school," rattled a perfectionized voice. At first, I wondered if it was just recorded.
I forced myself to not laugh. "Um, I'm afraid I am Tina."
"Oh, sorry. How do you do?"
"How do you do?" I replied politely. The headmaster was a complete dork. And I found his call hilarious.
"Well, I heard you weren't in school today. Is there any reason?"
I swallowed, and the fun in it was as blown away. Mom had probably forgotten to call him. "You know Nikki, right? Nikki Stenberg?"
"Yes, I do. Why?"
I felt the stone in my heart punch my inside again, as I replied, "She...she has got cancer...I don't know if you knew...or...I visited her and..." Stevens was just silent. I heard as he browsed in a file or something.
"I see", he began, "It's alright. Just remember to inform us the next time."
"Okay. And um, I'm probably going to be gone all week." Quickly, I hung up on him and unplugged the phone. I just wanted to die. What was the meaning of life if things like this happen? If your friends are dying, what was it meant for? Nothing happens for a reason.
Nothing.
If Nikki would die...I couldn't think of it. A black hole in my head, I just couldn't. I stretched out my hand after a pen and picked up a notebook. All absent, I chewed on the small rubber on the top of the pen.
iIf you die, Nikki, I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going to commit suicide.
If you die, I'll die.
I bit my lip as reading it a few times. Suddenly, I had just made that promise.
It was written, cut into a heart and decided. A promise, sworn by a beloved person's death. Or life? Or lifelessness? I didn't know.
Knock, knock.
I immediately closed the book. "Come in!" I stressedly yelled and hid the book behind the first I could grab, a red pillow. The door opened, and Moose stuck his head around the corner.
"Hey," he smiled with only one corner of the mouth. "Can I..?"
"Sure," I found myself replying. Most of all, I just wanted to be alone.
"Oh...uh, nice, um..." he looked for the words, "I mean, it's a nice shirt you've got there." I looked down on the plain, white t-shirt. It was old and Moose had definitely seen it before.
"Thanks." I couldn't bother recalling all the thoughts in my head.
Moose started sifting me from up and down. "You seem down. Mom told me about...yeah, about Nikki. I'm sorry." I leaned my head onto Moose's shoulder. Five seconds later, I burst into tears. Usually, I would have felt pathetic. Like a small child. It was different now. All I wanted was to be little again. I wanted to experience the old days with Nikki again. His warm hand stoked my hair, protective and brotherly.
"I don't want to live anymore," I heard myself say. My voice, shouts and yells sounded torn as though I weree sobbing. I looked into Moose's eyes. "I don't want to, Steven..."
"Yesm you will. Yes. You. Will." He stressed every single word. "Don't worry, Tina. Whatever happens, we'll go ahead. You're gonna make it." He hugged me again. Maybe because he couldn't look into my wet eyes any longer-- "Trust me." Moose rubbed my back. "She's going to." He repeated the words over and over again.
But what really messed around in my head was why he couldn't say that Nikki would make it too. All he said was, that "whatever happens, you're gonna make it." I would make it. But what about her? Would we get split up? Fall into two different worlds? I would never let her go. Never. I would go through death for her.
"Hello?" I said with a tone meaning, "I'm-not-in-a-talking-mood."
"Good afternoon. This is James Stevens, from your daughter's school," rattled a perfectionized voice. At first, I wondered if it was just recorded.
I forced myself to not laugh. "Um, I'm afraid I am Tina."
"Oh, sorry. How do you do?"
"How do you do?" I replied politely. The headmaster was a complete dork. And I found his call hilarious.
"Well, I heard you weren't in school today. Is there any reason?"
I swallowed, and the fun in it was as blown away. Mom had probably forgotten to call him. "You know Nikki, right? Nikki Stenberg?"
"Yes, I do. Why?"
I felt the stone in my heart punch my inside again, as I replied, "She...she has got cancer...I don't know if you knew...or...I visited her and..." Stevens was just silent. I heard as he browsed in a file or something.
"I see", he began, "It's alright. Just remember to inform us the next time."
"Okay. And um, I'm probably going to be gone all week." Quickly, I hung up on him and unplugged the phone. I just wanted to die. What was the meaning of life if things like this happen? If your friends are dying, what was it meant for? Nothing happens for a reason.
Nothing.
If Nikki would die...I couldn't think of it. A black hole in my head, I just couldn't. I stretched out my hand after a pen and picked up a notebook. All absent, I chewed on the small rubber on the top of the pen.
iIf you die, Nikki, I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going to commit suicide.
If you die, I'll die.
I bit my lip as reading it a few times. Suddenly, I had just made that promise.
It was written, cut into a heart and decided. A promise, sworn by a beloved person's death. Or life? Or lifelessness? I didn't know.
Knock, knock.
I immediately closed the book. "Come in!" I stressedly yelled and hid the book behind the first I could grab, a red pillow. The door opened, and Moose stuck his head around the corner.
"Hey," he smiled with only one corner of the mouth. "Can I..?"
"Sure," I found myself replying. Most of all, I just wanted to be alone.
"Oh...uh, nice, um..." he looked for the words, "I mean, it's a nice shirt you've got there." I looked down on the plain, white t-shirt. It was old and Moose had definitely seen it before.
"Thanks." I couldn't bother recalling all the thoughts in my head.
Moose started sifting me from up and down. "You seem down. Mom told me about...yeah, about Nikki. I'm sorry." I leaned my head onto Moose's shoulder. Five seconds later, I burst into tears. Usually, I would have felt pathetic. Like a small child. It was different now. All I wanted was to be little again. I wanted to experience the old days with Nikki again. His warm hand stoked my hair, protective and brotherly.
"I don't want to live anymore," I heard myself say. My voice, shouts and yells sounded torn as though I weree sobbing. I looked into Moose's eyes. "I don't want to, Steven..."
"Yesm you will. Yes. You. Will." He stressed every single word. "Don't worry, Tina. Whatever happens, we'll go ahead. You're gonna make it." He hugged me again. Maybe because he couldn't look into my wet eyes any longer-- "Trust me." Moose rubbed my back. "She's going to." He repeated the words over and over again.
But what really messed around in my head was why he couldn't say that Nikki would make it too. All he said was, that "whatever happens, you're gonna make it." I would make it. But what about her? Would we get split up? Fall into two different worlds? I would never let her go. Never. I would go through death for her.
