A Tre Cool Story with lots of Tre Things in it, chapter 7
Tre's POV
I woke up the next morning to Sam sleeping next to me. The TV was still on. I shut it off. I lay back down and looked at Sam. God. She's still gorgeous. She woke up.
"You're fucking weird," she said.
"How am I weird?" I asked.
"Because you stare at me while I'm sleeping."
"Well you're mine so I can."
"I'm not anybody's. You sound like a pimp and I'm you're ho you sell."
I laughed.
"Hahahahaha. Fuckin faggot."
"Hey! Watch it!"
We got out of bed and I went downstairs to the kitchen and made coffee and pancakes. I put on an apron I bought that said Kiss the Cook and I made a hat out of the newspaper and put it on my head. Sam walked downstairs and stopped when she saw me.
"What the hell?" she asked.
"What? I'm making you pancakes?!"
"So you have to wear an apron and a paper hat in the process?"
"Why not?"
"Because you look like a fucking sailor," she said grabbing the paper hat off my head and putting it on her's.
"You should become a queen. Dress in women's clothes," she said eating a pancake that was already done, chopping off a slice of butter with a butter knife, and dropping it in her mouth, then pouring syrup into her mouth before she chewed it all up.
"That's how you eat pancakes these days?"
"Why not?" she asked, then repeating the same process.
"Try it," she said tearing off some pancake. She made me open my mouth, then put butter and syrup in my mouth then I ate it.
"Okay. I see your point," I said.
"Let's watch the religious channel," she suggested.
We went into the living room with the pancakes, butter, syrup and some coffee then turned on the religious channel. There was priest pushing over people and then there was a number and it said if you called it they would send you a green prosperity prayer cloth. Sam and I decided to call it. We turned it on speaker phone so we could both hear. They said something about god and then they screamed Halleluiah a few times. We have them my address and we watched some more of the channel. After a while we both took showers and got dressed. We decided we'd go visit everybody. Mike kept jumping on Sam and kissing her cheeks and so did Billie. Adrienne was excited to see her too. I introduced her to everybody else and then we decided to go mini golfing. We got our stuff and stopped at the first hole. I hit my ball in perfectly. Some lady apparently gave Sam a bad look because of her tattoos and blue streaked hair. When it was Sam's turn the lady was close to us. She hit the ball as hard as she could at the lady and it smacked her hard in the back. The lady turned around and her whole face was red down to her neck. Sam just swung the golf club up on her shoulder and flipped her off. We went to the next hole. Sam and I kept fighting about who was going first. We had the ball ready and we kept pushing each other out of the way We pushed each other so hard that I fell backwards and smashed the fourth hole that looked like a clown, and Sam fell backwards and smashed the 8th hole that looked like a fish. The people who owned the place saw us and told us to leave.
"IT WAS A WASTE OF MONEY!" Sam shouted as we were headed toward my car in the parking lot. We got in the car and decided to go to the mall. We were at the mall and we saw a mechanical horse you could ride for little kids. Sam and I decided we'd go on it together. We both got on and she put 25 cents into the slot of the side. It started rocking back and forth and we were laughing. Suddenly we heard a snap and the horse dropped down a little bit but kept going. We were too big for it and we were breaking it. We got off and walked away from it fast like we didn't do anything. We decided to go to Victoria's secret. I went in a dressing room and put on a thong that was see-through in the front and was lacey. I grabbed a black bra and went in the dressing room. Sam sat in a chair outside and waited. Although the signs said to try on all underwear items with underwear on, I got naked and put it on. I came out. My shit was too big for the front of it so my dick was hanging out. I walked out and Sam busted out laughing. Everyone in the store could see. The cashiers were wide eyed and so were the other customers.
"Holy jebus!" Sam yelled laughing still.
"Sir! Get back in the dressing room, take the clothes off and buy them!" a woman with dark hair yelled.
"Okay!" I said jumping up and down to make my shit jiggle.
Sam laughed even harder. I heard a few gasps.
I went in the dressing room and changed back into my clothes. I grabbed the bra and thong and took Sam's hand. We walked up to the counter and stopped. We both stared at the clerk.
"Okay. Um what does the price tag say on the thong?" she asked.
I just looked at her and smiled.
"Tre? You have to pay for em," Sam said.
"No I don't!" I said. I picked up Sam bridal style and threw the thong and Bra in the clerks face. The thong got her in the face and the part where the string goes up you're ass was right by her nose. I ran off with the chick screaming at me that I was a bastard and I had to come back and I had to pay. I just ran with Sam in my arms. She was laughing like crazy. Finally we got away from her I stopped. Sam was still laughing. She wrapped her arms around me when I set her down and hugged me.
"Ha hahahahahahahahaha. Tre! That was so funny," she said laughing into my chest.
We decided we'd go to a toy store after that. There was a little train going that little five year olds could ride in. The male cashier looked too stoned to care, so Sam and I got in it and rode it. I leaned over the right side and the whole mini train flipped over. We both got up and there were little mini mechanical pigs and dogs on pink leashes. Sam and I picked up the leashes and tried walking the dogs. They were pretty slow and every four steps they'd stop, bark, and take another four steps and bark again they were too slow, so I started running with mine. I was running too fast and the mechanical dog hit a wall and broke. Its legs were moving still but the barks were low and devilish sounding.
"AH! IT'S THE OMEN!" I yelled and ran over to a big shelf full of giant teddy bears and dogs. I jumped into the shelf somehow and it broke and all the stuffed animals fell out with me in them. I was about to get up when I heard metal pop. I looked up and the five other shelves that were stacked to the ceiling with art sets, stuffed animals, little mini pianos for babies and other toys came crashing down. The whole entire back wall of the store was destroyed and there were toys everywhere. Sam saw a brown teddy bear with out a nose, black eyes, with red and green plaid patches on its ears, palms, and bottom of it's feet, and a red and green plaid bowtie around its neck. Even though Sam was my age she still loved stuffed animals.
"Tre! It's so CUTE!" she said squeezing it to her chest and looking at it. I got out my wallet and we went to go pay for it. The cashier with long, blonde, curly greasy hair was asleep. I slammed my fist down. He snored loudly and woke up.
"Oh um. Hi. Can I take you're order? Um, fuck, I mean let me ring that up for you," he said.
Sam just handed him the teddy bear and tried not to laugh. I paid for the bear and handed it to Sam. She hugged it. Then hugged me.
"THANK YOU!" she said kissing my cheek.
We walked out of the store. Sam still was hugging the teddy bear and started laughing.
"Who the fuck says can I take you're order at a toy store? They say that at drive thru's!" she said still laughing.
Just then I saw two Rent-A-Cops and the chick from Victoria's secret walking toward us. They didn't notice us. She had the bra and thong clenched in her dry bony hand. I told Sam to run. She asked why and I told her to look to the right. She saw them and we started running. We heard her yell, "THERE THEY ARE!" We started running even faster. We heard the rent-a-cops running after us. We looked back and on of the rent-a-cop's nightsticks fell off his belt. He stayed behind to pick it up. The other just kept running. We were out in the parking lot with the cops still going after us. I unlocked my car and we quickly got in. I started it and he came up to the car knocking on my window furiously. I quickly put the car in reverse, back out of the parking spot, and took off. I looked in the rear view mirror and the cop was standing there looking after us. The other cops and Victoria's secret women came out of the entrance and started talking to him. I looked over to Sam in her seat and she was hugging her new teddy bear.
"Thank you. He's really cute!" she said.
"You're welcome," I replied.
We decided after a while to get some lunch. We stopped at a restaurant and went inside. We sat down and a waitress took our drink order. We sat and talked for a while. Then the waitress came back and took our food order. Sam ordered a chicken ceasar salad and she made me order one too.
"There's something wrong with you. All you ever eat is chicken ceasar salads," I said chewing a mouth full.
"They're good," she replied stabbing some salad and taking a bite.
When we finished I paid and we left, although Sam insisted on paying since I bought her the bear. We decided we'd go back to my house and go swimming since it was getting pretty hot out. We got back and Sam called up Mike because she wanted to visit with him. She called Billie and Adie but they decided not to come because they were taking the kids to a movie. So Mike came over. He jumped in the pool and started wrestling me. Sam sat on the diving board and kept bouncing on it. We decided to have a contest on who could do cooler tricks in the water. Mike was better, so he won. Around midnights the three of us were still in the pool. Mike was drunk, I was a little buzzed, and Sam had only had one beer. Mike peeled off his swimming trunks so he was completely naked. There were lights in the pool since it was in ground and four lights around the edges of the pool.
"Oh shit," Sam said turning her head. She was sitting on the diving board and she bounced on her butt, and then landed in the pool. Mike dropped his beer bottle and did a belly flop in. He resurfaced and his stomach was completely red from hitting the water too hard. He started swimming toward me.
"Oh shit!" I said swimming over to the nine foot where Sam was.
"No! Get away from me! Cuz he's following you and then he'll come after me!" she yelled trying to swim away from me.
Mike just came after me. Sam got out of the pool and back on the diving board. I was turned around and I was yelling for her to get back in when I felt Mike's arms wrap around me.
"Oh god!" I yelled.
I quickly got away from him and got out of the pool. Around one Mike passed out and we drug him inside on the couch. We ended up watching some off beat horror movie on HBO and feel asleep.
I woke up the next morning to Sam sleeping next to me. The TV was still on. I shut it off. I lay back down and looked at Sam. God. She's still gorgeous. She woke up.
"You're fucking weird," she said.
"How am I weird?" I asked.
"Because you stare at me while I'm sleeping."
"Well you're mine so I can."
"I'm not anybody's. You sound like a pimp and I'm you're ho you sell."
I laughed.
"Hahahahaha. Fuckin faggot."
"Hey! Watch it!"
We got out of bed and I went downstairs to the kitchen and made coffee and pancakes. I put on an apron I bought that said Kiss the Cook and I made a hat out of the newspaper and put it on my head. Sam walked downstairs and stopped when she saw me.
"What the hell?" she asked.
"What? I'm making you pancakes?!"
"So you have to wear an apron and a paper hat in the process?"
"Why not?"
"Because you look like a fucking sailor," she said grabbing the paper hat off my head and putting it on her's.
"You should become a queen. Dress in women's clothes," she said eating a pancake that was already done, chopping off a slice of butter with a butter knife, and dropping it in her mouth, then pouring syrup into her mouth before she chewed it all up.
"That's how you eat pancakes these days?"
"Why not?" she asked, then repeating the same process.
"Try it," she said tearing off some pancake. She made me open my mouth, then put butter and syrup in my mouth then I ate it.
"Okay. I see your point," I said.
"Let's watch the religious channel," she suggested.
We went into the living room with the pancakes, butter, syrup and some coffee then turned on the religious channel. There was priest pushing over people and then there was a number and it said if you called it they would send you a green prosperity prayer cloth. Sam and I decided to call it. We turned it on speaker phone so we could both hear. They said something about god and then they screamed Halleluiah a few times. We have them my address and we watched some more of the channel. After a while we both took showers and got dressed. We decided we'd go visit everybody. Mike kept jumping on Sam and kissing her cheeks and so did Billie. Adrienne was excited to see her too. I introduced her to everybody else and then we decided to go mini golfing. We got our stuff and stopped at the first hole. I hit my ball in perfectly. Some lady apparently gave Sam a bad look because of her tattoos and blue streaked hair. When it was Sam's turn the lady was close to us. She hit the ball as hard as she could at the lady and it smacked her hard in the back. The lady turned around and her whole face was red down to her neck. Sam just swung the golf club up on her shoulder and flipped her off. We went to the next hole. Sam and I kept fighting about who was going first. We had the ball ready and we kept pushing each other out of the way We pushed each other so hard that I fell backwards and smashed the fourth hole that looked like a clown, and Sam fell backwards and smashed the 8th hole that looked like a fish. The people who owned the place saw us and told us to leave.
"IT WAS A WASTE OF MONEY!" Sam shouted as we were headed toward my car in the parking lot. We got in the car and decided to go to the mall. We were at the mall and we saw a mechanical horse you could ride for little kids. Sam and I decided we'd go on it together. We both got on and she put 25 cents into the slot of the side. It started rocking back and forth and we were laughing. Suddenly we heard a snap and the horse dropped down a little bit but kept going. We were too big for it and we were breaking it. We got off and walked away from it fast like we didn't do anything. We decided to go to Victoria's secret. I went in a dressing room and put on a thong that was see-through in the front and was lacey. I grabbed a black bra and went in the dressing room. Sam sat in a chair outside and waited. Although the signs said to try on all underwear items with underwear on, I got naked and put it on. I came out. My shit was too big for the front of it so my dick was hanging out. I walked out and Sam busted out laughing. Everyone in the store could see. The cashiers were wide eyed and so were the other customers.
"Holy jebus!" Sam yelled laughing still.
"Sir! Get back in the dressing room, take the clothes off and buy them!" a woman with dark hair yelled.
"Okay!" I said jumping up and down to make my shit jiggle.
Sam laughed even harder. I heard a few gasps.
I went in the dressing room and changed back into my clothes. I grabbed the bra and thong and took Sam's hand. We walked up to the counter and stopped. We both stared at the clerk.
"Okay. Um what does the price tag say on the thong?" she asked.
I just looked at her and smiled.
"Tre? You have to pay for em," Sam said.
"No I don't!" I said. I picked up Sam bridal style and threw the thong and Bra in the clerks face. The thong got her in the face and the part where the string goes up you're ass was right by her nose. I ran off with the chick screaming at me that I was a bastard and I had to come back and I had to pay. I just ran with Sam in my arms. She was laughing like crazy. Finally we got away from her I stopped. Sam was still laughing. She wrapped her arms around me when I set her down and hugged me.
"Ha hahahahahahahahaha. Tre! That was so funny," she said laughing into my chest.
We decided we'd go to a toy store after that. There was a little train going that little five year olds could ride in. The male cashier looked too stoned to care, so Sam and I got in it and rode it. I leaned over the right side and the whole mini train flipped over. We both got up and there were little mini mechanical pigs and dogs on pink leashes. Sam and I picked up the leashes and tried walking the dogs. They were pretty slow and every four steps they'd stop, bark, and take another four steps and bark again they were too slow, so I started running with mine. I was running too fast and the mechanical dog hit a wall and broke. Its legs were moving still but the barks were low and devilish sounding.
"AH! IT'S THE OMEN!" I yelled and ran over to a big shelf full of giant teddy bears and dogs. I jumped into the shelf somehow and it broke and all the stuffed animals fell out with me in them. I was about to get up when I heard metal pop. I looked up and the five other shelves that were stacked to the ceiling with art sets, stuffed animals, little mini pianos for babies and other toys came crashing down. The whole entire back wall of the store was destroyed and there were toys everywhere. Sam saw a brown teddy bear with out a nose, black eyes, with red and green plaid patches on its ears, palms, and bottom of it's feet, and a red and green plaid bowtie around its neck. Even though Sam was my age she still loved stuffed animals.
"Tre! It's so CUTE!" she said squeezing it to her chest and looking at it. I got out my wallet and we went to go pay for it. The cashier with long, blonde, curly greasy hair was asleep. I slammed my fist down. He snored loudly and woke up.
"Oh um. Hi. Can I take you're order? Um, fuck, I mean let me ring that up for you," he said.
Sam just handed him the teddy bear and tried not to laugh. I paid for the bear and handed it to Sam. She hugged it. Then hugged me.
"THANK YOU!" she said kissing my cheek.
We walked out of the store. Sam still was hugging the teddy bear and started laughing.
"Who the fuck says can I take you're order at a toy store? They say that at drive thru's!" she said still laughing.
Just then I saw two Rent-A-Cops and the chick from Victoria's secret walking toward us. They didn't notice us. She had the bra and thong clenched in her dry bony hand. I told Sam to run. She asked why and I told her to look to the right. She saw them and we started running. We heard her yell, "THERE THEY ARE!" We started running even faster. We heard the rent-a-cops running after us. We looked back and on of the rent-a-cop's nightsticks fell off his belt. He stayed behind to pick it up. The other just kept running. We were out in the parking lot with the cops still going after us. I unlocked my car and we quickly got in. I started it and he came up to the car knocking on my window furiously. I quickly put the car in reverse, back out of the parking spot, and took off. I looked in the rear view mirror and the cop was standing there looking after us. The other cops and Victoria's secret women came out of the entrance and started talking to him. I looked over to Sam in her seat and she was hugging her new teddy bear.
"Thank you. He's really cute!" she said.
"You're welcome," I replied.
We decided after a while to get some lunch. We stopped at a restaurant and went inside. We sat down and a waitress took our drink order. We sat and talked for a while. Then the waitress came back and took our food order. Sam ordered a chicken ceasar salad and she made me order one too.
"There's something wrong with you. All you ever eat is chicken ceasar salads," I said chewing a mouth full.
"They're good," she replied stabbing some salad and taking a bite.
When we finished I paid and we left, although Sam insisted on paying since I bought her the bear. We decided we'd go back to my house and go swimming since it was getting pretty hot out. We got back and Sam called up Mike because she wanted to visit with him. She called Billie and Adie but they decided not to come because they were taking the kids to a movie. So Mike came over. He jumped in the pool and started wrestling me. Sam sat on the diving board and kept bouncing on it. We decided to have a contest on who could do cooler tricks in the water. Mike was better, so he won. Around midnights the three of us were still in the pool. Mike was drunk, I was a little buzzed, and Sam had only had one beer. Mike peeled off his swimming trunks so he was completely naked. There were lights in the pool since it was in ground and four lights around the edges of the pool.
"Oh shit," Sam said turning her head. She was sitting on the diving board and she bounced on her butt, and then landed in the pool. Mike dropped his beer bottle and did a belly flop in. He resurfaced and his stomach was completely red from hitting the water too hard. He started swimming toward me.
"Oh shit!" I said swimming over to the nine foot where Sam was.
"No! Get away from me! Cuz he's following you and then he'll come after me!" she yelled trying to swim away from me.
Mike just came after me. Sam got out of the pool and back on the diving board. I was turned around and I was yelling for her to get back in when I felt Mike's arms wrap around me.
"Oh god!" I yelled.
I quickly got away from him and got out of the pool. Around one Mike passed out and we drug him inside on the couch. We ended up watching some off beat horror movie on HBO and feel asleep.
