Another Fivtive Romance, chapter 3
Almost all of the class went to London to see Access All Areas with all kinds of new artists from England and Sweden showing what they got. I was exited to get to see the leadsinger of Iron Maiden talk about who the music industy has changed during the last few years. It was one of the rare happy moments for me there though. It became a really horrible three days spent up there.
Tom and I were actually sleeping at the same place. This I didn't find out until the evening when we all were going out. He was sitting at a bench; where you are suppose to take on and off your shoes, waiting for a friend. He was intensely looking at me. I couldn't help but be hurt by the words he had said to me so I was ignoring him, I did so for the entire evening, almost, at the rock club the Anchor in Stockholm where we all went. I met a singer from one of the bands at Access All Areas and before I could stop myself we were kissing and talking happily.
All the happiness from my face was whipped of when I saw Tom making out with a girl from our class, Eve. A small, sweet girl with brown stylish hair and blue eyes. Cathy had before that day told me that she had seen Tom making out with her on one of the parties she had been to. I got depressed and left the British guy disappointed. Tom looked really drunk that night and he looked unhappy.
One of the few gifts that I have is to see peoples emotions in there eyes, some are harder to read then others, but this was quite obvious. It didn't take long until I bumped into another guy ready to flirt with me, some nights you are just lucky I guess. He wanted to be called the Ghost and he immediately asked for my number after he had seen my Green Day tee and bag. He showed me a tattoo of the Kerplunk flower on his wrist and he was really just what I needed, happy, enthusiastic and plus he looked a lot like Billie Joe in Green Day with his black hair and make up.
When he came back after a little walkabout I sat across of Tom and the Ghost sat down at the side of the table and we started talking Green Day stuff. After a while Tom reached out for my hand across the table and I grabbed it. He asked if I had listened to My Chemical Romance in a while. Everyday was my answer to that and I do have to mention that during the time the Ghost sat there he wasn't talking to Eve who was sitting beside him but he did talk to the Ghost a bit.
Cathy got really drunk that night and just when I was starting to feel better it all came crashing down on me again...
When me and Cathy came back after being close to not finding home Tom and Eve was laying in MY bed holding each other. Me and Tom locked eyes but I just walked away without a word. I don't know if they had had sex but Tom sure wasn't wearing his black pants because I heard him walking to his friend, Dan's bed later that night, putting his pants back on. I could here them talking some fragment that said "It's her that I want". I don't know if he said it and who "she" was suppose to be. Or it was just my mind playing tricks on me. All I knew was that my stomach was filled with butterflies of some kind of hope...
The next day I had really forgotten all about hope, Tom was gone and I was out partying with my friends for the second night in-a-row. First time for me to do that, maybe I'm a bit behind on that but believe me it's not nice to wake up early with a big hangover just to know that you have to sit on a train for hours to get home. I put on MCR just so I would stay awake but believe me or not I was so tired that I slept though all of the Three Cheers record on high volume...
***
It became Christmas and I was more depressed then any other Christmas before that. The class had a party and Tom came out to talk to me after he had witnessed me being depressed again, talking to a few of the girls in my class. We didn't mention the Halloween party, just talked about music but at least we talked then.
I borrowed him some magazines and he borrowed me some in return. After that we didn't talk much and I just came in contact with him through the lyrics of My Chemical Romance which I was constantly listening to. That spring I wrote a poem directed to him while sitting by the lake in Hultsfred, the only place were I could feel peace. I often wanted him to come down there telling me that he loved me as much as I did with him. I know now that the poem isn't very good but the words just had to come out!
Why can't you see me?
Have the guts to walk up to me
As I have done to you
As you did before
Why can't I stop thinking about you?
Together with me
Your smile
Your blue eyes
Your perfect mouth
Why am I torturing myself?
Why can't I just forget?
It will soon be over anyways
It will never be any "us"
Has never been
If I just knew that you felt the same way
Why this unsureness?
So much has happened
But at the same time nothing has happened
Why must I be so emotional?
And shy together with you?
About you
Always when it comes to the subject of you
Why did you lie?
Or did you?
How can I find out when
You don't come up to me
When I did the mistake
The mistake to give you up for someone else
How should I know that what you said wasn't' true?
Or was it?
I was unhappy and lonely
Just in the shape that you left me in
I haven't changed
My words are true, stands steady
I'm still here
Waiting
Waiting for you
Now, today, always
I can't leave
But I have to
It has nothing to do with you
I just can't stay here...
But I'll wait for you
Now, today, always
How can I be so cold?
Seem so emotionless
Against him
Now I'll never know...
The thing about me leaving is referring to me quitting school. But while I was standing there at the rocks thinking back at this I wouldn't change a thing. I would stay, not because of him but because of my great classmates apart from him.
Tom and I were actually sleeping at the same place. This I didn't find out until the evening when we all were going out. He was sitting at a bench; where you are suppose to take on and off your shoes, waiting for a friend. He was intensely looking at me. I couldn't help but be hurt by the words he had said to me so I was ignoring him, I did so for the entire evening, almost, at the rock club the Anchor in Stockholm where we all went. I met a singer from one of the bands at Access All Areas and before I could stop myself we were kissing and talking happily.
All the happiness from my face was whipped of when I saw Tom making out with a girl from our class, Eve. A small, sweet girl with brown stylish hair and blue eyes. Cathy had before that day told me that she had seen Tom making out with her on one of the parties she had been to. I got depressed and left the British guy disappointed. Tom looked really drunk that night and he looked unhappy.
One of the few gifts that I have is to see peoples emotions in there eyes, some are harder to read then others, but this was quite obvious. It didn't take long until I bumped into another guy ready to flirt with me, some nights you are just lucky I guess. He wanted to be called the Ghost and he immediately asked for my number after he had seen my Green Day tee and bag. He showed me a tattoo of the Kerplunk flower on his wrist and he was really just what I needed, happy, enthusiastic and plus he looked a lot like Billie Joe in Green Day with his black hair and make up.
When he came back after a little walkabout I sat across of Tom and the Ghost sat down at the side of the table and we started talking Green Day stuff. After a while Tom reached out for my hand across the table and I grabbed it. He asked if I had listened to My Chemical Romance in a while. Everyday was my answer to that and I do have to mention that during the time the Ghost sat there he wasn't talking to Eve who was sitting beside him but he did talk to the Ghost a bit.
Cathy got really drunk that night and just when I was starting to feel better it all came crashing down on me again...
When me and Cathy came back after being close to not finding home Tom and Eve was laying in MY bed holding each other. Me and Tom locked eyes but I just walked away without a word. I don't know if they had had sex but Tom sure wasn't wearing his black pants because I heard him walking to his friend, Dan's bed later that night, putting his pants back on. I could here them talking some fragment that said "It's her that I want". I don't know if he said it and who "she" was suppose to be. Or it was just my mind playing tricks on me. All I knew was that my stomach was filled with butterflies of some kind of hope...
The next day I had really forgotten all about hope, Tom was gone and I was out partying with my friends for the second night in-a-row. First time for me to do that, maybe I'm a bit behind on that but believe me it's not nice to wake up early with a big hangover just to know that you have to sit on a train for hours to get home. I put on MCR just so I would stay awake but believe me or not I was so tired that I slept though all of the Three Cheers record on high volume...
***
It became Christmas and I was more depressed then any other Christmas before that. The class had a party and Tom came out to talk to me after he had witnessed me being depressed again, talking to a few of the girls in my class. We didn't mention the Halloween party, just talked about music but at least we talked then.
I borrowed him some magazines and he borrowed me some in return. After that we didn't talk much and I just came in contact with him through the lyrics of My Chemical Romance which I was constantly listening to. That spring I wrote a poem directed to him while sitting by the lake in Hultsfred, the only place were I could feel peace. I often wanted him to come down there telling me that he loved me as much as I did with him. I know now that the poem isn't very good but the words just had to come out!
Why can't you see me?
Have the guts to walk up to me
As I have done to you
As you did before
Why can't I stop thinking about you?
Together with me
Your smile
Your blue eyes
Your perfect mouth
Why am I torturing myself?
Why can't I just forget?
It will soon be over anyways
It will never be any "us"
Has never been
If I just knew that you felt the same way
Why this unsureness?
So much has happened
But at the same time nothing has happened
Why must I be so emotional?
And shy together with you?
About you
Always when it comes to the subject of you
Why did you lie?
Or did you?
How can I find out when
You don't come up to me
When I did the mistake
The mistake to give you up for someone else
How should I know that what you said wasn't' true?
Or was it?
I was unhappy and lonely
Just in the shape that you left me in
I haven't changed
My words are true, stands steady
I'm still here
Waiting
Waiting for you
Now, today, always
I can't leave
But I have to
It has nothing to do with you
I just can't stay here...
But I'll wait for you
Now, today, always
How can I be so cold?
Seem so emotionless
Against him
Now I'll never know...
The thing about me leaving is referring to me quitting school. But while I was standing there at the rocks thinking back at this I wouldn't change a thing. I would stay, not because of him but because of my great classmates apart from him.
