Bleeding Hearts, chapter 10
Every one screamed and rushed to the window. They had been in shock to begin with and had just stood there. But it was Tre who first managed to snap out of it. Quickly everyone else piled up behind him and stuck their heads out. "Jan!" Tre yelled at the top of his voice as she hit the floor with a thud. Tears streamed down his face. "Jan," he whispered over and over. Slowly he backed his way out of the mass of people that had formed around the window. He turned on the spot and sprinted out of the hospital into the car park where she lay. "God. Why oh why did you do this Jan?" he asked her lifeless body. Her head was pouring blood out and her leg was sticking out at a funny angle. Her eyes were glazed over with a look of peacefulness.
"Is she ok?" Gavin asked from behind him.
Tre looked up. Loads of people were looking out of windows from all over the surrounding buildings. He put his hand to her chest and couldn't feel a heart beat or breathing. Her pulse was dead and already her skin had discarded its colour.
"No." He whispered gently.
Tears fell onto the tarmac from Gavin's face as he said this. He stuck is hand into his pocket and rubbed his finger along the blade of a knife. "Why did she do it?"
Tre shrugged. "I suppose it's cos she didn't want to suffer a painful death. Didn't want such a low quality of life."
Gavin ran his hand along a long scar that went all the way up his arm and strait up his sleeve. He could already tell that more of them would be appearing tonight. He had loved her. Since he was 5 he had loved her but she never loved him back. Gavin and Tre sat next to her each took one of her feeble hands in one of there's. Emotions were running high from everyone. They looked down at the guitar, which she had had around her chest. The neck had snapped right in two.
They both looked up. Suddenly it had got dark. It was obviously quite late. People were gathering around her body with sad looks on their faces. A couple of doctors rushed in and took her body back into the hospital. Tre looked around the crowd at all the faces. They looked shocked. But there was one person that caught his attention. She had pale skin but vibrant brown eyes with more colour than life itself. It was Jan. She was looking him right in the eyes for the first time ever. She waved and suddenly she was gone without a trace. Tre barged his way into the crowd to where she was. The people soon departed but she wasn't there. He had imagined it.
It was later that night and she was officially dead. No one could quite accept it. Not yet. Perhaps not ever. But she was gone and they would have to live with that no matter how hard it was. They had all gone back to Tre's house. Jack and Gavin were going to be staying there that night and so were the guys from My Chemical Romance. Gavin always thought he would be happy when he met them but he wasn't. He was more miserable than ever. Jack hadn't cried once and it was really starting to annoy Gavin. His girlfriend and best friend had died but he didn't seem to mind. Every one except Tre, Gavin, Billie, Mike and Jack had gone to bed and they were left to talk or what ever they wanted to do.
Everyone seemed to be scared to say anything to anyone else. Even Tre had lost all his humour. It just wasn't a happy day at all.
"A séance," someone whispered. Everyone looked up to see Billie Joe looking back at them. "A séance," he repeated.
Tre looked stunned. "Do you know how?" he asked.
Billie Joe nodded. "Yeah. I did it for my dad before."
Mike nodded as well. "I was there. It scared me shitless... but it was so fucking fun."
Tre thought for a moment. "Ok." He looked at Gavin and Jack who seemed to like the idea. "Let's set it up then."
They got some pieces of paper and a glass. They wrote words, phrases and letters on the paper and put them in a circle around a table. They turned the glass up side down and they sat in a circle around the table. Billie turned the lights off and lit some candles. Each of them placed a finger on the glass and closed their eyes trying to think of her and what might happen. Slowly the glass moved. It reached a letter then seemed to bounce off. It got to another and started moving again slightly faster. Again and again it bounced off. Each time it would travel slightly quicker than before. A faint rumbling came from the walls and all the windows and doors locks clicked shut. The curtains drew themselves and they were left in darkness apart from the candles with their hands shooting all around the place. The words were making no sense. The more you looked at it the less sense they made. The glass in the windows trembled. The glass slowed to a stop and every one was silent. The room was silent. The only noise was a faint gust of wind out side. Without any warning what so ever all the candles went out and two people were standing in front of them.
"Jesus. Can't just let me go to sleep can you. You guys are to fucking needy," the younger of the two said.
The other one put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Jan. They are men. Of course they are needy."
"Mum. You fucked one of those guys. I thought you liked them."
She looked scandalized and hit her playfully on the arm. "Shut up. I do love him." She blew a kiss to Tre. "But he is still an idiot."
Jan laughed. "True. True."
Greta looked at them. "What did you want then?"
Every one was just sitting there with their mouths wide open.
Jan pointed at them and doubled up with laughing. "You guys look like startled fish!" she said in-between laughs. "Oh my God you look funny."
Greta hit her on the arm. "Don't be rude." But before long she was on the floor too. "Your faces are so priceless."
The room was filled with shrieks of laughter. They were both in hysterics.
"Jan?" Gavin asked as he looked at them. "What was it like?"
She looked confused. "What?"
"Dying."
She gave his a serious stare. "Painless. Why?"
He shrugged.
"Don't kill your self Gavin."
"You did."
"Gavin... I hated the thought of these stupid things living inside me slowly making me die and become insane. I am much happier here with my mum knowing she is safe. But it was stupid to leave you guys. It hurt you and I'm sorry."
Gavin gave her a deadly stare. "Maybe I'll be happier there with you."
"Gavin no!" Jan yelled.
He ran his hand through his hair and walked up to Jan's pale body. "You were the one I loved most in this world. You are the reason I didn't kill myself five years ago when I first got depressed. The knowledge that you were out there was what kept me going. The fact that one day I might be able to just get near to you. To feel you close to me. But that isn't possible anymore. However it might be if I die and at least them I wont have to suffer this painful world."
"If you really loved me you wouldn't do this because it is upsetting me and is something I don't want you to do."
"I don't care what you want anymore. It was always about you. I was depressed and you never listened to me." They were shouting at each other now. It was one of the strangest things to see. To have a young boy fighting with his best friend who is now a ghost.
"You always pissed me off with that. You have nothing to be depressed about. You have an amazing life. Your family is loaded you have a mum and dad there to look after you and you have everything I want... But you are still upset. You have had an easy life."
"That is why I'm upset. I have had this easy life but I hated it. It makes me feel so guilty having all this stuff when others have nothing. And then the fact that I take it all for granted hurts even more. Then all the stress of the day builds up then you not wanting me. I hate my life. It has been so fucking shallow that it is unbelievable."
Jan rose to her full height. "My mum died when I was four for fuck sake. She left me with nothing but a guitar. I grew up in a children's home with you permanently around to make me upset. Then to cap it all, the day after I find my dad I find out I could be dying. I just couldn't take it. It was actually for the best because I didn't want to suffer a slow death."
Gavin opened his mouth in disgust. "So it is ok for you to kill yourself but not me. How fucking bigheaded do you get?"
Jan reached her hand forward and slapped him on the face.
"You can touch me."
She nodded. "Yes I can. And I hate you. At the moment you could go do anything you want. Just don't fucking dare go near me. Now my mum and me are going. Good-bye Billie, Mike, Tre and Jack. Good riddance Gavin." With that her and her mum seemed to melt away into the ground and daylight sprung through the window.
Giving fell onto the floor. His body was shaking with sobs. His face went bright red and he scrunched it up as if he was trying not to say something. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh." He screamed and the sound travelled through the entire house. "I hate myself." With that he stood up and ran crying out of the house.
"Gavin come back," Jack called. But Gavin dismissed it with a wave of his hand and kept running into the cold morning mist.
"Is she ok?" Gavin asked from behind him.
Tre looked up. Loads of people were looking out of windows from all over the surrounding buildings. He put his hand to her chest and couldn't feel a heart beat or breathing. Her pulse was dead and already her skin had discarded its colour.
"No." He whispered gently.
Tears fell onto the tarmac from Gavin's face as he said this. He stuck is hand into his pocket and rubbed his finger along the blade of a knife. "Why did she do it?"
Tre shrugged. "I suppose it's cos she didn't want to suffer a painful death. Didn't want such a low quality of life."
Gavin ran his hand along a long scar that went all the way up his arm and strait up his sleeve. He could already tell that more of them would be appearing tonight. He had loved her. Since he was 5 he had loved her but she never loved him back. Gavin and Tre sat next to her each took one of her feeble hands in one of there's. Emotions were running high from everyone. They looked down at the guitar, which she had had around her chest. The neck had snapped right in two.
They both looked up. Suddenly it had got dark. It was obviously quite late. People were gathering around her body with sad looks on their faces. A couple of doctors rushed in and took her body back into the hospital. Tre looked around the crowd at all the faces. They looked shocked. But there was one person that caught his attention. She had pale skin but vibrant brown eyes with more colour than life itself. It was Jan. She was looking him right in the eyes for the first time ever. She waved and suddenly she was gone without a trace. Tre barged his way into the crowd to where she was. The people soon departed but she wasn't there. He had imagined it.
It was later that night and she was officially dead. No one could quite accept it. Not yet. Perhaps not ever. But she was gone and they would have to live with that no matter how hard it was. They had all gone back to Tre's house. Jack and Gavin were going to be staying there that night and so were the guys from My Chemical Romance. Gavin always thought he would be happy when he met them but he wasn't. He was more miserable than ever. Jack hadn't cried once and it was really starting to annoy Gavin. His girlfriend and best friend had died but he didn't seem to mind. Every one except Tre, Gavin, Billie, Mike and Jack had gone to bed and they were left to talk or what ever they wanted to do.
Everyone seemed to be scared to say anything to anyone else. Even Tre had lost all his humour. It just wasn't a happy day at all.
"A séance," someone whispered. Everyone looked up to see Billie Joe looking back at them. "A séance," he repeated.
Tre looked stunned. "Do you know how?" he asked.
Billie Joe nodded. "Yeah. I did it for my dad before."
Mike nodded as well. "I was there. It scared me shitless... but it was so fucking fun."
Tre thought for a moment. "Ok." He looked at Gavin and Jack who seemed to like the idea. "Let's set it up then."
They got some pieces of paper and a glass. They wrote words, phrases and letters on the paper and put them in a circle around a table. They turned the glass up side down and they sat in a circle around the table. Billie turned the lights off and lit some candles. Each of them placed a finger on the glass and closed their eyes trying to think of her and what might happen. Slowly the glass moved. It reached a letter then seemed to bounce off. It got to another and started moving again slightly faster. Again and again it bounced off. Each time it would travel slightly quicker than before. A faint rumbling came from the walls and all the windows and doors locks clicked shut. The curtains drew themselves and they were left in darkness apart from the candles with their hands shooting all around the place. The words were making no sense. The more you looked at it the less sense they made. The glass in the windows trembled. The glass slowed to a stop and every one was silent. The room was silent. The only noise was a faint gust of wind out side. Without any warning what so ever all the candles went out and two people were standing in front of them.
"Jesus. Can't just let me go to sleep can you. You guys are to fucking needy," the younger of the two said.
The other one put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Jan. They are men. Of course they are needy."
"Mum. You fucked one of those guys. I thought you liked them."
She looked scandalized and hit her playfully on the arm. "Shut up. I do love him." She blew a kiss to Tre. "But he is still an idiot."
Jan laughed. "True. True."
Greta looked at them. "What did you want then?"
Every one was just sitting there with their mouths wide open.
Jan pointed at them and doubled up with laughing. "You guys look like startled fish!" she said in-between laughs. "Oh my God you look funny."
Greta hit her on the arm. "Don't be rude." But before long she was on the floor too. "Your faces are so priceless."
The room was filled with shrieks of laughter. They were both in hysterics.
"Jan?" Gavin asked as he looked at them. "What was it like?"
She looked confused. "What?"
"Dying."
She gave his a serious stare. "Painless. Why?"
He shrugged.
"Don't kill your self Gavin."
"You did."
"Gavin... I hated the thought of these stupid things living inside me slowly making me die and become insane. I am much happier here with my mum knowing she is safe. But it was stupid to leave you guys. It hurt you and I'm sorry."
Gavin gave her a deadly stare. "Maybe I'll be happier there with you."
"Gavin no!" Jan yelled.
He ran his hand through his hair and walked up to Jan's pale body. "You were the one I loved most in this world. You are the reason I didn't kill myself five years ago when I first got depressed. The knowledge that you were out there was what kept me going. The fact that one day I might be able to just get near to you. To feel you close to me. But that isn't possible anymore. However it might be if I die and at least them I wont have to suffer this painful world."
"If you really loved me you wouldn't do this because it is upsetting me and is something I don't want you to do."
"I don't care what you want anymore. It was always about you. I was depressed and you never listened to me." They were shouting at each other now. It was one of the strangest things to see. To have a young boy fighting with his best friend who is now a ghost.
"You always pissed me off with that. You have nothing to be depressed about. You have an amazing life. Your family is loaded you have a mum and dad there to look after you and you have everything I want... But you are still upset. You have had an easy life."
"That is why I'm upset. I have had this easy life but I hated it. It makes me feel so guilty having all this stuff when others have nothing. And then the fact that I take it all for granted hurts even more. Then all the stress of the day builds up then you not wanting me. I hate my life. It has been so fucking shallow that it is unbelievable."
Jan rose to her full height. "My mum died when I was four for fuck sake. She left me with nothing but a guitar. I grew up in a children's home with you permanently around to make me upset. Then to cap it all, the day after I find my dad I find out I could be dying. I just couldn't take it. It was actually for the best because I didn't want to suffer a slow death."
Gavin opened his mouth in disgust. "So it is ok for you to kill yourself but not me. How fucking bigheaded do you get?"
Jan reached her hand forward and slapped him on the face.
"You can touch me."
She nodded. "Yes I can. And I hate you. At the moment you could go do anything you want. Just don't fucking dare go near me. Now my mum and me are going. Good-bye Billie, Mike, Tre and Jack. Good riddance Gavin." With that her and her mum seemed to melt away into the ground and daylight sprung through the window.
Giving fell onto the floor. His body was shaking with sobs. His face went bright red and he scrunched it up as if he was trying not to say something. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh." He screamed and the sound travelled through the entire house. "I hate myself." With that he stood up and ran crying out of the house.
"Gavin come back," Jack called. But Gavin dismissed it with a wave of his hand and kept running into the cold morning mist.
