Bleeding Hearts, chapter 3
I walked to school with Jack, Daisy and a boy called Owen who was 16. All the other kids at the home were younger than us and didn't go to our school. All the way there I had my hand stuffed in my pocket so that I could feel the photo. My mind was buzzing. Who was this man? I didn't tell anyone about the letter. I didn't want them to get caught up in it too.
I feel I will take the opportunity to tell you a bit about Jack, Daisy, Owen and Gavin.
I will start with Gavin. I believe I mentioned him earlier. He is the boy in my class whose dad drove the ambulance. He is my best friend. He is emo and a really cute emo at that. I don't like to label people but that was the only way to describe him and he calls him self it. He was slightly over obsessed with My Chemical Romance. So yeah. That is Gavin. My bestest mate in the whole wide world.
Owen had lived at the home for longer than I had. He was abandoned on the doorstep as a baby. People guess that his mother was young and couldn't look after him but we didn't know. He was a bit of a jock. But he was a nice jock. He had gone out with so many preppy girls and they all fell for him but as soon as he took them to the home they would go off him. I sort of felt sorry for him.
When he was hanging around with all his friends terrorising the lives of the minorities he would always distract them as me, anyone from the home, or any of my friends walked passed. So he wasn't all bad. But he could be so up his own ass sometimes it was unbelievable.
Daisy was horrid. I really didn't like her. Well I did when she was at home but in school she was such a bitch. I can give you an idea of what she is like by telling you what she was wearing on the particular day in question. She had bleached blonde hair, which was straightened, and had ringlets put in at fixed intervals around her head. She was carrying a bag on her shoulder that was pink and fluffy and came down to her elbow. She had a pink spaghetti top, a denim mini skirt and black stiletto boots. On her face she had bright pink lipstick that was covered in about a gallon of gloss and her eyes were framed with sparkly blue eye shadow.
When she was with her friends in school she had no mercy what so ever. Her and her preppy or teenie, or what ever you want to call it friends, would parade around the corridors, chatting up boys, making fun of the minorities but as soon as a teacher came along it was instantly pretty smiles and eyelids batting. She actually made me physically sick when she was in school. Outside school though she couldn't be nicer. Ok I admit her looks were still pretty revolting but I don't judge books by their covers. Her mum left her at the home about a year ago. Her dad had died and her mum 'couldn't cope' any more. But we all know that she just didn't want Daisy around. Her mum still sent Daisy $100 a week and she will go and spend that on more hideous clothes. She is 15 and she is such a whore. I'm going to stop talking about her because it is making me angry. The fact that she can just change. With a click of the fingers, from nice girl who I walk to school with, to a total bitch who ridicules every one.
And last we come to Jack. Sweet little Jack. He is my best friend in the home and if Gavin weren't around he would be my best friend everywhere else. He is so kind and thoughtful. And you heard what happened earlier that day. I fancied him and he fancied me but neither of us would admit it. He was about the same height as me (which is average height) and wasn't fat or thin. He was just sort of normal but there was something about the shape of his face and the way he acted that made you just want to snog his face off. He was 12, almost 13, and arrived at the home only about a month of so before I arrived. His mum and dad had died in a car crash on their way back from a night out. Jack had been at his grans house. After they were gone he lived with his Nan for a while but she died soon from falling down the stairs. It must have been hard for Jack but he pulled through and it probably made him stronger for later in life.
"Virginia Was A Lot Lizard From F.L.A.
She Had A Compund Fracture In The Trunk
It Started When She Ran Away
Thumbs Out On The Interstate
She Hitched A Ride To Misery
Mr. Whirly Had A Catastrophic Incident
He Fell Into The City By The Bay
He Liquidated His Estate
Now He Sleeps Up On The Haight
Panhandling Misery" I sang along to Misery as we walked along the street. Daisy laughed.
"You can't sing for shit," She said.
She would throw insults at me even out of school but when her friends weren't around we could laugh about them. "Oh. You're gunna regret that." I walked over to her and hit her on the head.
She screamed jokingly. "Oh no. It burns," She fell to the floor shouting, "I'm melting." Like the witch, from The Wizard of Oz.
I laughed. Owen gave her his hand so she could stand up and she elbowed me in the rib. I made shifty eyes and elbowed her back. We did this for about a minute, each time getting increasingly giggly. She hit me on the back and I went falling into Jack's arms.
"Hey," He said.
I smiled "Hey."
Daisy looked at us. We were both staring intently into each other's eyes. "Are you two done now?"
My mind suddenly cleared and I stood up. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry."
Daisy smiled. "You two go well together." Then she ran off as she saw all her preppy friends.
This left us feeling very uncomfortable. We loved each other so much. But it was a sort of love you can't describe. I didn't know if I loved him as a friend or a family member or more than that. It was twice now today that we had been that close to each other. But when I wasn't around him I didn't think about him like this. Was I really falling for my friend? No. Of course not. It is probably just the shock of finding out about my dad. No. That doesn't work. I almost kissed him when we were in the kitchen and I had no idea about my dad at that point. But maybe I could sense that something was going to happen. Ahhhhhhh. What is happening? I didn't love Jack. Did I?
"Jan? Jan?" I suddenly noticed that Jack was in front of me. He was waving his hand about in front of my face. "Anyone in there?"
I shook my head. "Sorry. I was thinking."
He smiled at me. God his smile was nice. Ahhhhhhh. Shut up brain. "Come on then." He held out his hand for me. I didn't know what to do. Should I take it or pretend I didn't see him hold it. No that isn't gunna work. I was staring right at it. Of course I had fucking seen it. I reached out my hand and our fingers laced together. We held hands quite a lot but it never felt like this before.
He led me through the school gates and into the big courtyard. Daisy was hanging around but the fountain with all her friends. She saw Jack and me coming, and instantly pointed something out in the other direction to us, so that all her friends didn't see us, and pick on us. I gave her a quick smile and hurried off with Jack still holding my hand.
Me and Jack often walked down the corridor holding hands but this time it felt more intimate and it obviously looked it to because people were giving us looks and saying stuff like "look at the little punks together" and wolf whistling. BUT JACK WASN'T A PUNK!
We walked into the classroom. No one was in there except Gavin. He looked up and I quickly shook Jacks hand off. "Hey Gav," I said lazily as I walked over to him.
"Hey Jan." He stood up and gave me a quick hug. "Happy birthday."
I smiled. "Thanks."
He threw his head forwards to get his hair in his face and sat back down. He put his headphones from his iPod in and started moshing slightly in his seat.
"What ya listenin' to?" I asked.
He held the screen up to show me. It said. 'My Chemical Romance, Give 'Em Hell Kid.'
I sighed. "You've got an unhealthy obsession with them." I sat down in a chair opposite him and Jack sat next to me.
Gavin took a headphone out and laughed. "What about you and Green Day. You can't call that healthy."
I shook my head. "I've got an excuse."
"What is that then?"
I raised my eyebrows. "You really do fall into these things don't you?"
"Into what? Why have you got an excuse? I'm confused."
Jack sighed. "Her mum was into them. You really need to be more careful if you hang around with two orphans Gav."
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
"What's wrong Jan?" Gavin asked.
I looked at Jack. Maybe I should tell him about the letter. Tell him that I wasn't an orphan really. But it might hurt him. He might get angry that I didn't tell him earlier. I bit my lip. SHIT! I shouldn't have done that. Us three had known each other for so long that we had picked up on certain things that each of us did when we felt certain emotions. For example. If Jack was happy he would move his knee up and down and if he was standing up he would wiggle his fingers around. If Gavin was scared he held his wrists. And if I were nervous or holding back a secret or something I would bite my lip. And of course they picked up on this.
"What aren't you telling us?" Gavin asked.
I figured it would be best just to show them. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the photo. Gavin read it first. He had a look of shock on his face then he passed it to Jack. Jack took longer to Gavin to read it but I just expected he was reading it more than once. He turned it over to look at the photo. I could see tears welling in the corner of his eyes. He stood up and gave me the photo back. "I'm going to go take a walk." And with that he left Gavin and me in the room together.
Gavin rubbed his wrist with his thumb.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
He looked down. "What if he is really angry at you? If he is only slightly angry he will just shout then all will be forgiven. I know. I have been on the receiving end of his frustration more than once. But I have never seen him do that before. Apart from that on time when all the preps made a pass at his mum and dad. He was upset about that for days."
I smiled. "You really know how to be encouraging, don't you Gav."
He smiled. "Yeah. It is a hidden talent of mine." He stopped for a while. "But seriously. Do you think he is ok?"
I shrugged. "I honestly don't know." We sat in silence for about a minuet. Neither of us dared say anything. Then the silence was broken. All the preps came walking into the classroom. They instantly saw the photo that was still in my hand. The 'leader' of them walked over. She was the bitchiest girl ever. She snatched it off me with out a single sign of remorse.
"Who is that old hag?" She asked with a look of disgust on her face.
I stood up. "That is my mother. Now give me that back."
She laughed. "Your mother? Isn't she dead? Oh yes. She is. I remember now. She died of cancer didn't she? And she left you with nothing but smelly old guitar and a load of crap posters."
I could feel my blood boiling inside of me. "She left me with more than that."
The girl laughed again. "Really? And what else did she leave you? Love?"
I nodded calmly.
All her friends laughed their evil laughs.
She glared at me. "Oh. Brilliant brilliant last thing to give to your own daughter. She was probably a bad mother too."
I rolled my eyes. "She was a brilliant mother," I said firmly.
She snorted. "Fat chance. Look at her. She is an emo. No emo's are good parents."
I shook my head at her ignorance. "She wasn't an emo. Gavin is an emo. My mum was a punk if anything. But I think it is so stupid for you to say that someone can't do something just because of the way they dress."
The girl took a couple of steps towards me. I could smell her perfume and could see the slight blemishes on her skin. "Don't call me stupid. I have better grades than you. Your dad was probably brain dead or something. That is why he didn't look after you all this time. He was to busy in the mental hos... "
She didn't get to finish her sentence because I slapped her around the cheek.
"Don't you DARE say that EVER again. My dad wasn't there because my mum didn't want him to be."
She opened her mouth and put her hand on her cheek that had been slapped. "Your dad was probably a male whore. He ran off with some other woman because you mum got knocked up and he didn't want you. You were probably a mistake."
That was it. My mind had gone past caring about the consequences. I was ready to attack. My hands clenched.
"Jan," Gavin said warningly. But I didn't listen to him. I jumped at the girl and she fell to the floor with a thud. I fell on top of her. I sat on her stomach and whacked her around the face. I grabbed her blonde hair and lifted her head up. I smacked her skull against the floor and a bit of hair came out in the process. She was screaming and it was getting the attention of teachers. On of them came in and saw me. She was shouting at me to stop but I didn't.
"BITCH!" I yelled as I punched her hard on the nose and caused it to bleed. Blood was literally pouring out but I just found that it gave me an adrenalin rush and I kept hitting her. I clawed at her neck and the scratches turned red instantly. I grabbed each of her ears in each of my hands. I lifted her head up and sent it smacking against the floor. I saw blood soaking into the carpet but I didn't care. No one insulted my mum. And no one insulted my dad. I didn't even know who he was but it still hurt. Her legs were kicking around wildly but I didn't care. The teacher was still shouting at me and it had attracted lots of attention. I got off her chest and walked over to her head. I grabbed all her hideous blonde hair in my hands and dragged her across the floor. I pulled her over to one of the tables and with all my force I pulled her head back and then bought it crashing into the table leg. She was crying at me to stop and her friends were freaking out. Her face had blood all over it and I then I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Gavin. "Jan," He said calmingly. "Let go of her," He said. I dropped her hair and fell into Gavin's arms. He stroked my hair as I sobbed. "Come on Jan. It's okay."
"No it is not. You're coming to see the head master." The teacher came over to me and pulled me away from Gavin.
I turned to face the teacher. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" I yelled.
She stared at me. Her eyes looked as if they were about to set on fire. "Come with me."
I rolled my eyes. "Look you old hag. I said no. That bitch on the floor down there fucking deserved what she got and what she said to me hurt. The only ones who can really cheer me up when I am this angry and upset is either Gavin or Jack. But Jack has run off so I only had Gavin. If you take me away from him you will end up the same as her." I pointed to the prep that was still crying on the floor.
"You will not do that to me," She said.
I walked towards her. I wasn't all that tall but I made myself tower above the teacher. "Try and stop me."
The teacher backed up slightly. "Go to the head master's office."
I laughed. "You really think that I'm scared of you don't you?"
The teacher said nothing. I slapped her on the head. "I'm going to take the rest of the day off." I said and left. I walked down the corridor and through the courtyard. All the jocks and preps were giving me evil looks and all the punks and minorities were clapping. I saw Jack sitting on a bench. He had tears on his face. I court his eye and gestured for him to follow me. He stood up and started heading in the same direction as me. I couldn't stop walking yet. I hadn't got out of the school. Eventually I was out and had got far enough away to be able to stop walking. I sat down on a bench and saw that Jack was still following. He sat down next to me.
I looked at him. "Are you ok?" I asked.
He didn't answer. He looked at me. Our eyes looked into each other and we couldn't stop looking. Before I knew what was happening our lips had crashed together. His tongue danced around my lips trying to get in. I opened my mouth and he stuck his tongue in. he felt around the top of my mouth and my teeth. Everywhere. It felt to so good. I lifted my hands up and wound my fingers into his brown hair. He did the same and pulled me onto his lap. It felt so good.
"Woooow." I pulled off of Jack and turned to see Gavin standing there. "D-do you guys want me to come back later?"
"Yeah," Jack said flatly.
I gave Jack a piercing stare. I got off his lap and took my fingers out of his hair. "No. You can stay."
"If you're gunna be doing that then I choose not to."
I smiled. "We wont. Don't worry."
Cautiously he sat down. "Here. I got the photo back." He passed me the photo.
"Oh. Thank you, thank you, thank you." I flung my arms around him and hugged him warmly.
I felt Jack's hand on my shoulder. He pulled he away gently and shook his head at me.
Shit. He wont let me hug Gavin. I always hug Gavin and Owen and some other guys that I know too. I kiss Gavin good-bye and stuff. If he wont let me have a life then maybe I don't want to be doing this with him. No. I told myself. He is probably just a bit cautious because we only had one kiss and he doesn't want to loose me. He'll relax over time. Wait one second. Who said he had me. He never asked me out. It was one kiss. He can't tell me what to do. I wasn't going to let him do this.
Gavin looked disappointed when I stepped away. I looked over at Jack who was still giving me funny looks. "No," He said quietly. I could hear him but Gavin couldn't.
"Well. I gotta get going back to school," Gavin said. I wasn't going to let Jack push me around like that.
I looked at Gavin with puppy dog eyes. "Do you have to?" I stroked his chest with my finger. I could see Jack's eyes flame with rage as I did this.
Gavin giggled. I smiled and showed all my teeth. I did have good teeth. My mum always had them. I remember her smile. It was so beautiful. She could sheer me up just by... Wait one second... Did I just say that Gavin giggled? What the fuck? He did. Why the hell did he giggle? Gavin doesn't' giggle. It just isn't something he tends to do. I shrugged slightly and turned my attention back to Gavin.
"I don't have to go back to school if you don't want me to."
I smiled and grabbed his hand. "I don't want you to. Ditching school would be no fun with out you. Would it Jack?" I jumped around and faced Jack. I was acting as if I wasn't doing anything strange. Which, I wasn't. I always kind of half flirted with Gavin. But I could see Jack going red with anger. I didn't know why I was doing this anymore. It had clicked in my mind that Jack was just being protective. But I was getting so worked up about it. Oh well. Hopefully he wont get to stressed. I'll steer clear from doing that with Gav for the rest of the day. Then hopefully Jack will calm down. Yes. That is the best plan.
The rest of the day ran slightly smoother. Jack and me kind of had a row but we made up. Gavin stopped for about half an hour in front of a shop selling knives. He was a series self-harmer. He carried a knife with him everywhere he went in he pocket. He had made him self bleed so much before that I almost fainted. And I don't tend to get freaked out by the sight of blood. Just seeing his wrist like that. It was literally all blood. You couldn't see any skin underneath. There probably wasn't any left. Anyways. The rest of the day went well. We hung out at Gilman Street for a while. That was so cool. I went there quite a lot. When Jack and me got back to the home with Gavin we got so told off by the care workers for skipping school. But it was worth it. Gavin's mum and dad probably had a go at him, when he got home to. The day wore on. Jack and me just went out side for a while. We sat in a tree and talked (and kissed). But eventually I had to go to Rudy's Can't Fail to meet my dad. I told Jack he could come if he wanted to but he decided it would be best if he didn't.
On my way there I was so nervous. I didn't know what to expect. What if he was really nasty? Or really goody goody? My mind was buzzing with thought. I turned the corner onto the street, which the café was on. I was nearly tripping over my own feet every three steps. My heart seemed to skip a jump as I saw the lights inside. I looked through the big glass windows. Everyone just looked normal. How was I supposed to know who it was? I stood by the door. I took a big breath and stepped in. I looked around. No one looked at all like me. Which one was he? I figured he wasn't there yet. I walked over to the counter.
"Hey. Can I have a cappuccino?" I asked. The woman nodded and walked over to the coffee machine and started making one. I turned around and rested my back on the counter. I looked around. STILL NO ONE! My mind started to go into panic mode. It was 9 years ago since my mum told him to meet me here. He has probably forgotten. Or died. That would just be great. If both of my parents were dead and I didn't even know it.
"One black coffee," I heard someone says next to me. I looked over. He was wearing a black hoodie with 'Adeline' written on the front in big letters. He had a baseball cap which also said 'Adeline' on and his black hair was poking out the front. He had baggy black trousers on with chains dangling from his hips and he had deep blue converse on. He turned his head to look at me. I couldn't see his face because his hoodie and a baseball cap poking out shadowed it. But I could tell he was slightly shocked because he jumped and stepped back. He was way taller than me but my mum had been fairly short so that was proably why. I was about half way between their heights He walked forward and pulled me into a hug.
"Jan?" He whispered.
I hugged back. "Dad?"
I feel I will take the opportunity to tell you a bit about Jack, Daisy, Owen and Gavin.
I will start with Gavin. I believe I mentioned him earlier. He is the boy in my class whose dad drove the ambulance. He is my best friend. He is emo and a really cute emo at that. I don't like to label people but that was the only way to describe him and he calls him self it. He was slightly over obsessed with My Chemical Romance. So yeah. That is Gavin. My bestest mate in the whole wide world.
Owen had lived at the home for longer than I had. He was abandoned on the doorstep as a baby. People guess that his mother was young and couldn't look after him but we didn't know. He was a bit of a jock. But he was a nice jock. He had gone out with so many preppy girls and they all fell for him but as soon as he took them to the home they would go off him. I sort of felt sorry for him.
When he was hanging around with all his friends terrorising the lives of the minorities he would always distract them as me, anyone from the home, or any of my friends walked passed. So he wasn't all bad. But he could be so up his own ass sometimes it was unbelievable.
Daisy was horrid. I really didn't like her. Well I did when she was at home but in school she was such a bitch. I can give you an idea of what she is like by telling you what she was wearing on the particular day in question. She had bleached blonde hair, which was straightened, and had ringlets put in at fixed intervals around her head. She was carrying a bag on her shoulder that was pink and fluffy and came down to her elbow. She had a pink spaghetti top, a denim mini skirt and black stiletto boots. On her face she had bright pink lipstick that was covered in about a gallon of gloss and her eyes were framed with sparkly blue eye shadow.
When she was with her friends in school she had no mercy what so ever. Her and her preppy or teenie, or what ever you want to call it friends, would parade around the corridors, chatting up boys, making fun of the minorities but as soon as a teacher came along it was instantly pretty smiles and eyelids batting. She actually made me physically sick when she was in school. Outside school though she couldn't be nicer. Ok I admit her looks were still pretty revolting but I don't judge books by their covers. Her mum left her at the home about a year ago. Her dad had died and her mum 'couldn't cope' any more. But we all know that she just didn't want Daisy around. Her mum still sent Daisy $100 a week and she will go and spend that on more hideous clothes. She is 15 and she is such a whore. I'm going to stop talking about her because it is making me angry. The fact that she can just change. With a click of the fingers, from nice girl who I walk to school with, to a total bitch who ridicules every one.
And last we come to Jack. Sweet little Jack. He is my best friend in the home and if Gavin weren't around he would be my best friend everywhere else. He is so kind and thoughtful. And you heard what happened earlier that day. I fancied him and he fancied me but neither of us would admit it. He was about the same height as me (which is average height) and wasn't fat or thin. He was just sort of normal but there was something about the shape of his face and the way he acted that made you just want to snog his face off. He was 12, almost 13, and arrived at the home only about a month of so before I arrived. His mum and dad had died in a car crash on their way back from a night out. Jack had been at his grans house. After they were gone he lived with his Nan for a while but she died soon from falling down the stairs. It must have been hard for Jack but he pulled through and it probably made him stronger for later in life.
"Virginia Was A Lot Lizard From F.L.A.
She Had A Compund Fracture In The Trunk
It Started When She Ran Away
Thumbs Out On The Interstate
She Hitched A Ride To Misery
Mr. Whirly Had A Catastrophic Incident
He Fell Into The City By The Bay
He Liquidated His Estate
Now He Sleeps Up On The Haight
Panhandling Misery" I sang along to Misery as we walked along the street. Daisy laughed.
"You can't sing for shit," She said.
She would throw insults at me even out of school but when her friends weren't around we could laugh about them. "Oh. You're gunna regret that." I walked over to her and hit her on the head.
She screamed jokingly. "Oh no. It burns," She fell to the floor shouting, "I'm melting." Like the witch, from The Wizard of Oz.
I laughed. Owen gave her his hand so she could stand up and she elbowed me in the rib. I made shifty eyes and elbowed her back. We did this for about a minute, each time getting increasingly giggly. She hit me on the back and I went falling into Jack's arms.
"Hey," He said.
I smiled "Hey."
Daisy looked at us. We were both staring intently into each other's eyes. "Are you two done now?"
My mind suddenly cleared and I stood up. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry."
Daisy smiled. "You two go well together." Then she ran off as she saw all her preppy friends.
This left us feeling very uncomfortable. We loved each other so much. But it was a sort of love you can't describe. I didn't know if I loved him as a friend or a family member or more than that. It was twice now today that we had been that close to each other. But when I wasn't around him I didn't think about him like this. Was I really falling for my friend? No. Of course not. It is probably just the shock of finding out about my dad. No. That doesn't work. I almost kissed him when we were in the kitchen and I had no idea about my dad at that point. But maybe I could sense that something was going to happen. Ahhhhhhh. What is happening? I didn't love Jack. Did I?
"Jan? Jan?" I suddenly noticed that Jack was in front of me. He was waving his hand about in front of my face. "Anyone in there?"
I shook my head. "Sorry. I was thinking."
He smiled at me. God his smile was nice. Ahhhhhhh. Shut up brain. "Come on then." He held out his hand for me. I didn't know what to do. Should I take it or pretend I didn't see him hold it. No that isn't gunna work. I was staring right at it. Of course I had fucking seen it. I reached out my hand and our fingers laced together. We held hands quite a lot but it never felt like this before.
He led me through the school gates and into the big courtyard. Daisy was hanging around but the fountain with all her friends. She saw Jack and me coming, and instantly pointed something out in the other direction to us, so that all her friends didn't see us, and pick on us. I gave her a quick smile and hurried off with Jack still holding my hand.
Me and Jack often walked down the corridor holding hands but this time it felt more intimate and it obviously looked it to because people were giving us looks and saying stuff like "look at the little punks together" and wolf whistling. BUT JACK WASN'T A PUNK!
We walked into the classroom. No one was in there except Gavin. He looked up and I quickly shook Jacks hand off. "Hey Gav," I said lazily as I walked over to him.
"Hey Jan." He stood up and gave me a quick hug. "Happy birthday."
I smiled. "Thanks."
He threw his head forwards to get his hair in his face and sat back down. He put his headphones from his iPod in and started moshing slightly in his seat.
"What ya listenin' to?" I asked.
He held the screen up to show me. It said. 'My Chemical Romance, Give 'Em Hell Kid.'
I sighed. "You've got an unhealthy obsession with them." I sat down in a chair opposite him and Jack sat next to me.
Gavin took a headphone out and laughed. "What about you and Green Day. You can't call that healthy."
I shook my head. "I've got an excuse."
"What is that then?"
I raised my eyebrows. "You really do fall into these things don't you?"
"Into what? Why have you got an excuse? I'm confused."
Jack sighed. "Her mum was into them. You really need to be more careful if you hang around with two orphans Gav."
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
"What's wrong Jan?" Gavin asked.
I looked at Jack. Maybe I should tell him about the letter. Tell him that I wasn't an orphan really. But it might hurt him. He might get angry that I didn't tell him earlier. I bit my lip. SHIT! I shouldn't have done that. Us three had known each other for so long that we had picked up on certain things that each of us did when we felt certain emotions. For example. If Jack was happy he would move his knee up and down and if he was standing up he would wiggle his fingers around. If Gavin was scared he held his wrists. And if I were nervous or holding back a secret or something I would bite my lip. And of course they picked up on this.
"What aren't you telling us?" Gavin asked.
I figured it would be best just to show them. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the photo. Gavin read it first. He had a look of shock on his face then he passed it to Jack. Jack took longer to Gavin to read it but I just expected he was reading it more than once. He turned it over to look at the photo. I could see tears welling in the corner of his eyes. He stood up and gave me the photo back. "I'm going to go take a walk." And with that he left Gavin and me in the room together.
Gavin rubbed his wrist with his thumb.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
He looked down. "What if he is really angry at you? If he is only slightly angry he will just shout then all will be forgiven. I know. I have been on the receiving end of his frustration more than once. But I have never seen him do that before. Apart from that on time when all the preps made a pass at his mum and dad. He was upset about that for days."
I smiled. "You really know how to be encouraging, don't you Gav."
He smiled. "Yeah. It is a hidden talent of mine." He stopped for a while. "But seriously. Do you think he is ok?"
I shrugged. "I honestly don't know." We sat in silence for about a minuet. Neither of us dared say anything. Then the silence was broken. All the preps came walking into the classroom. They instantly saw the photo that was still in my hand. The 'leader' of them walked over. She was the bitchiest girl ever. She snatched it off me with out a single sign of remorse.
"Who is that old hag?" She asked with a look of disgust on her face.
I stood up. "That is my mother. Now give me that back."
She laughed. "Your mother? Isn't she dead? Oh yes. She is. I remember now. She died of cancer didn't she? And she left you with nothing but smelly old guitar and a load of crap posters."
I could feel my blood boiling inside of me. "She left me with more than that."
The girl laughed again. "Really? And what else did she leave you? Love?"
I nodded calmly.
All her friends laughed their evil laughs.
She glared at me. "Oh. Brilliant brilliant last thing to give to your own daughter. She was probably a bad mother too."
I rolled my eyes. "She was a brilliant mother," I said firmly.
She snorted. "Fat chance. Look at her. She is an emo. No emo's are good parents."
I shook my head at her ignorance. "She wasn't an emo. Gavin is an emo. My mum was a punk if anything. But I think it is so stupid for you to say that someone can't do something just because of the way they dress."
The girl took a couple of steps towards me. I could smell her perfume and could see the slight blemishes on her skin. "Don't call me stupid. I have better grades than you. Your dad was probably brain dead or something. That is why he didn't look after you all this time. He was to busy in the mental hos... "
She didn't get to finish her sentence because I slapped her around the cheek.
"Don't you DARE say that EVER again. My dad wasn't there because my mum didn't want him to be."
She opened her mouth and put her hand on her cheek that had been slapped. "Your dad was probably a male whore. He ran off with some other woman because you mum got knocked up and he didn't want you. You were probably a mistake."
That was it. My mind had gone past caring about the consequences. I was ready to attack. My hands clenched.
"Jan," Gavin said warningly. But I didn't listen to him. I jumped at the girl and she fell to the floor with a thud. I fell on top of her. I sat on her stomach and whacked her around the face. I grabbed her blonde hair and lifted her head up. I smacked her skull against the floor and a bit of hair came out in the process. She was screaming and it was getting the attention of teachers. On of them came in and saw me. She was shouting at me to stop but I didn't.
"BITCH!" I yelled as I punched her hard on the nose and caused it to bleed. Blood was literally pouring out but I just found that it gave me an adrenalin rush and I kept hitting her. I clawed at her neck and the scratches turned red instantly. I grabbed each of her ears in each of my hands. I lifted her head up and sent it smacking against the floor. I saw blood soaking into the carpet but I didn't care. No one insulted my mum. And no one insulted my dad. I didn't even know who he was but it still hurt. Her legs were kicking around wildly but I didn't care. The teacher was still shouting at me and it had attracted lots of attention. I got off her chest and walked over to her head. I grabbed all her hideous blonde hair in my hands and dragged her across the floor. I pulled her over to one of the tables and with all my force I pulled her head back and then bought it crashing into the table leg. She was crying at me to stop and her friends were freaking out. Her face had blood all over it and I then I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Gavin. "Jan," He said calmingly. "Let go of her," He said. I dropped her hair and fell into Gavin's arms. He stroked my hair as I sobbed. "Come on Jan. It's okay."
"No it is not. You're coming to see the head master." The teacher came over to me and pulled me away from Gavin.
I turned to face the teacher. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" I yelled.
She stared at me. Her eyes looked as if they were about to set on fire. "Come with me."
I rolled my eyes. "Look you old hag. I said no. That bitch on the floor down there fucking deserved what she got and what she said to me hurt. The only ones who can really cheer me up when I am this angry and upset is either Gavin or Jack. But Jack has run off so I only had Gavin. If you take me away from him you will end up the same as her." I pointed to the prep that was still crying on the floor.
"You will not do that to me," She said.
I walked towards her. I wasn't all that tall but I made myself tower above the teacher. "Try and stop me."
The teacher backed up slightly. "Go to the head master's office."
I laughed. "You really think that I'm scared of you don't you?"
The teacher said nothing. I slapped her on the head. "I'm going to take the rest of the day off." I said and left. I walked down the corridor and through the courtyard. All the jocks and preps were giving me evil looks and all the punks and minorities were clapping. I saw Jack sitting on a bench. He had tears on his face. I court his eye and gestured for him to follow me. He stood up and started heading in the same direction as me. I couldn't stop walking yet. I hadn't got out of the school. Eventually I was out and had got far enough away to be able to stop walking. I sat down on a bench and saw that Jack was still following. He sat down next to me.
I looked at him. "Are you ok?" I asked.
He didn't answer. He looked at me. Our eyes looked into each other and we couldn't stop looking. Before I knew what was happening our lips had crashed together. His tongue danced around my lips trying to get in. I opened my mouth and he stuck his tongue in. he felt around the top of my mouth and my teeth. Everywhere. It felt to so good. I lifted my hands up and wound my fingers into his brown hair. He did the same and pulled me onto his lap. It felt so good.
"Woooow." I pulled off of Jack and turned to see Gavin standing there. "D-do you guys want me to come back later?"
"Yeah," Jack said flatly.
I gave Jack a piercing stare. I got off his lap and took my fingers out of his hair. "No. You can stay."
"If you're gunna be doing that then I choose not to."
I smiled. "We wont. Don't worry."
Cautiously he sat down. "Here. I got the photo back." He passed me the photo.
"Oh. Thank you, thank you, thank you." I flung my arms around him and hugged him warmly.
I felt Jack's hand on my shoulder. He pulled he away gently and shook his head at me.
Shit. He wont let me hug Gavin. I always hug Gavin and Owen and some other guys that I know too. I kiss Gavin good-bye and stuff. If he wont let me have a life then maybe I don't want to be doing this with him. No. I told myself. He is probably just a bit cautious because we only had one kiss and he doesn't want to loose me. He'll relax over time. Wait one second. Who said he had me. He never asked me out. It was one kiss. He can't tell me what to do. I wasn't going to let him do this.
Gavin looked disappointed when I stepped away. I looked over at Jack who was still giving me funny looks. "No," He said quietly. I could hear him but Gavin couldn't.
"Well. I gotta get going back to school," Gavin said. I wasn't going to let Jack push me around like that.
I looked at Gavin with puppy dog eyes. "Do you have to?" I stroked his chest with my finger. I could see Jack's eyes flame with rage as I did this.
Gavin giggled. I smiled and showed all my teeth. I did have good teeth. My mum always had them. I remember her smile. It was so beautiful. She could sheer me up just by... Wait one second... Did I just say that Gavin giggled? What the fuck? He did. Why the hell did he giggle? Gavin doesn't' giggle. It just isn't something he tends to do. I shrugged slightly and turned my attention back to Gavin.
"I don't have to go back to school if you don't want me to."
I smiled and grabbed his hand. "I don't want you to. Ditching school would be no fun with out you. Would it Jack?" I jumped around and faced Jack. I was acting as if I wasn't doing anything strange. Which, I wasn't. I always kind of half flirted with Gavin. But I could see Jack going red with anger. I didn't know why I was doing this anymore. It had clicked in my mind that Jack was just being protective. But I was getting so worked up about it. Oh well. Hopefully he wont get to stressed. I'll steer clear from doing that with Gav for the rest of the day. Then hopefully Jack will calm down. Yes. That is the best plan.
The rest of the day ran slightly smoother. Jack and me kind of had a row but we made up. Gavin stopped for about half an hour in front of a shop selling knives. He was a series self-harmer. He carried a knife with him everywhere he went in he pocket. He had made him self bleed so much before that I almost fainted. And I don't tend to get freaked out by the sight of blood. Just seeing his wrist like that. It was literally all blood. You couldn't see any skin underneath. There probably wasn't any left. Anyways. The rest of the day went well. We hung out at Gilman Street for a while. That was so cool. I went there quite a lot. When Jack and me got back to the home with Gavin we got so told off by the care workers for skipping school. But it was worth it. Gavin's mum and dad probably had a go at him, when he got home to. The day wore on. Jack and me just went out side for a while. We sat in a tree and talked (and kissed). But eventually I had to go to Rudy's Can't Fail to meet my dad. I told Jack he could come if he wanted to but he decided it would be best if he didn't.
On my way there I was so nervous. I didn't know what to expect. What if he was really nasty? Or really goody goody? My mind was buzzing with thought. I turned the corner onto the street, which the café was on. I was nearly tripping over my own feet every three steps. My heart seemed to skip a jump as I saw the lights inside. I looked through the big glass windows. Everyone just looked normal. How was I supposed to know who it was? I stood by the door. I took a big breath and stepped in. I looked around. No one looked at all like me. Which one was he? I figured he wasn't there yet. I walked over to the counter.
"Hey. Can I have a cappuccino?" I asked. The woman nodded and walked over to the coffee machine and started making one. I turned around and rested my back on the counter. I looked around. STILL NO ONE! My mind started to go into panic mode. It was 9 years ago since my mum told him to meet me here. He has probably forgotten. Or died. That would just be great. If both of my parents were dead and I didn't even know it.
"One black coffee," I heard someone says next to me. I looked over. He was wearing a black hoodie with 'Adeline' written on the front in big letters. He had a baseball cap which also said 'Adeline' on and his black hair was poking out the front. He had baggy black trousers on with chains dangling from his hips and he had deep blue converse on. He turned his head to look at me. I couldn't see his face because his hoodie and a baseball cap poking out shadowed it. But I could tell he was slightly shocked because he jumped and stepped back. He was way taller than me but my mum had been fairly short so that was proably why. I was about half way between their heights He walked forward and pulled me into a hug.
"Jan?" He whispered.
I hugged back. "Dad?"
