Adeline Street, chapter 11
I was standing backstage before my performance. I wasn't even this nervous at my first concert. Of course, I didn't have people like Keith Richards, Bono, Elvis Costello, and Paul McCartney watching me at my first concert. I hadn't eaten that entire day. I wasn't hungry, but I think it was beginning to catch up with me. I was warming up when all of a sudden, my guitar felt heavier than it ever had before. I collapsed under its weight and fell to my knees. I looked around to see no one was around and they didn't see me. I lifted myself into my seat and took a few deep breaths and drank some more of my Smirnoff. I got enough strength to get back up and walk out to the back curtain.
"Ready?" Mike asked me. I nodded.
"Woah! You look terrible. You okay?" Tre' asked.
"I'm just really nervous," I said, my voice shaking.
"No need to be. Just focus," Billie said, not buying my 'nervous' jive for a second.
I nodded and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to keep the dizziness from completely taking me over. I only had to play for 3 minutes. Just 3 little minutes.
It was almost unbearable. I finally couldn't take anymore.
"Kayla?" I heard Billie call my name from far away. Well, it sounded far away, but from what I could see, he was so close. It was almost like I was on the other side of the stage, looking at the chaos on the other side. He took my guitar off and lifted me up and carried me over to a stack of amps. He lay me on top of them and fished through his pockets for his phone. Mike came over a minute later.
"He went to go ask an audience member for their cell phone. Can you hear me?"
I nodded. Nodding made the dizziness worse. I began to lose consciousness. Billie came back a moment later and was talking to Mike. It was like someone was adjusting the volume on a TV. Sound was fading in and out. Mike left and Billie picked me up again and took me back to the dressing room. He lay me on the couch.
"I knew this would happen," He said, almost to himself, as he got a bottle of water and poured it in a glass.
He came over and I tried my hardest to pull myself up to an almost sitting position. Billie helped me get a gulp of water. "Slowly, now," He said. I choked but got over it quickly. I lay back down. Mike came in and said they were announcing she wasn't gonna play.
"I'm fine now. I can play."
"No fuckin way you're going out there," Billie said.
"Look, I don't care what people think very often, but tonight I do. My heros are sitting in that theater right now and I'm not gonna sit back and let an opportunity like this slide."
"There's limitations, Kayla. You have to know when enough is too much," Billie said.
I sighed and closed my eyes. It didn't stop the empty feeling in my stomach. I began to feel a bit hungry. Billie let the paramedics in when they got there and they checked me out. I weighed 92 pounds. 92 pounds...I weighed 117 when I got back from my break. I was freaking out.
"I'm not gonna die am I?" I asked the sexy paramedic who was checking my pulse.
He smiled. "No. You're just malnourished. You'll have to come with us."
They got me on the ambulance and Billie rode with me in the back. He didn't say a word the whole time.
"I'm sorry. I should have listened," I finally said. I hated it when he got mad. I think I would rather him yell at me. He didn't say anything.
"Billie, I apologized, what more do you want?"
"Why do you keep doing this?" He asked.
"Doing what?"
"Do you just want to die!? Does life suck that bad?"
"Billie!" He was unbelievable. "Don't even think that! I was unstable when I tried to kill myself. This was purely just lack of hunger. I don't wanna die!"
"Then why do you keep doing this to me!? Playing with my head like this!" He ran his hand through his hair.
I looked at him. "I'm not doing anything to you."
"I worry about you all the time, Kayla. Yes, you are doing something to me. You're making me a nervous wreck!"
"Then don't worry about me so much! I'm not you're daughter, Billie!"
"Trust me; I'm well aware of that fact!" He looked away from me. What's that supposed to mean? He was really acting weird.
I was about to answer when I was taken over by a cold sweat. I was freezing all of a sudden, but sweating.
Billie looked frightened. I saw him get up and speak to the sexy paramedic in the front of the ambulance. I began to feel like someone was choking me. He started checking my pulse but I could hardly hear him. The blood was rushing through my body and my ears were ringing. I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head then I didn't feel anything.
"Ready?" Mike asked me. I nodded.
"Woah! You look terrible. You okay?" Tre' asked.
"I'm just really nervous," I said, my voice shaking.
"No need to be. Just focus," Billie said, not buying my 'nervous' jive for a second.
I nodded and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to keep the dizziness from completely taking me over. I only had to play for 3 minutes. Just 3 little minutes.
It was almost unbearable. I finally couldn't take anymore.
"Kayla?" I heard Billie call my name from far away. Well, it sounded far away, but from what I could see, he was so close. It was almost like I was on the other side of the stage, looking at the chaos on the other side. He took my guitar off and lifted me up and carried me over to a stack of amps. He lay me on top of them and fished through his pockets for his phone. Mike came over a minute later.
"He went to go ask an audience member for their cell phone. Can you hear me?"
I nodded. Nodding made the dizziness worse. I began to lose consciousness. Billie came back a moment later and was talking to Mike. It was like someone was adjusting the volume on a TV. Sound was fading in and out. Mike left and Billie picked me up again and took me back to the dressing room. He lay me on the couch.
"I knew this would happen," He said, almost to himself, as he got a bottle of water and poured it in a glass.
He came over and I tried my hardest to pull myself up to an almost sitting position. Billie helped me get a gulp of water. "Slowly, now," He said. I choked but got over it quickly. I lay back down. Mike came in and said they were announcing she wasn't gonna play.
"I'm fine now. I can play."
"No fuckin way you're going out there," Billie said.
"Look, I don't care what people think very often, but tonight I do. My heros are sitting in that theater right now and I'm not gonna sit back and let an opportunity like this slide."
"There's limitations, Kayla. You have to know when enough is too much," Billie said.
I sighed and closed my eyes. It didn't stop the empty feeling in my stomach. I began to feel a bit hungry. Billie let the paramedics in when they got there and they checked me out. I weighed 92 pounds. 92 pounds...I weighed 117 when I got back from my break. I was freaking out.
"I'm not gonna die am I?" I asked the sexy paramedic who was checking my pulse.
He smiled. "No. You're just malnourished. You'll have to come with us."
They got me on the ambulance and Billie rode with me in the back. He didn't say a word the whole time.
"I'm sorry. I should have listened," I finally said. I hated it when he got mad. I think I would rather him yell at me. He didn't say anything.
"Billie, I apologized, what more do you want?"
"Why do you keep doing this?" He asked.
"Doing what?"
"Do you just want to die!? Does life suck that bad?"
"Billie!" He was unbelievable. "Don't even think that! I was unstable when I tried to kill myself. This was purely just lack of hunger. I don't wanna die!"
"Then why do you keep doing this to me!? Playing with my head like this!" He ran his hand through his hair.
I looked at him. "I'm not doing anything to you."
"I worry about you all the time, Kayla. Yes, you are doing something to me. You're making me a nervous wreck!"
"Then don't worry about me so much! I'm not you're daughter, Billie!"
"Trust me; I'm well aware of that fact!" He looked away from me. What's that supposed to mean? He was really acting weird.
I was about to answer when I was taken over by a cold sweat. I was freezing all of a sudden, but sweating.
Billie looked frightened. I saw him get up and speak to the sexy paramedic in the front of the ambulance. I began to feel like someone was choking me. He started checking my pulse but I could hardly hear him. The blood was rushing through my body and my ears were ringing. I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head then I didn't feel anything.
