Adeline Street, chapter 5
I tossed my suitcase on the bed and flopped down, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't believe he was gone. He was the kind of person you would expect to live 100 years. He worked every day of his life since he was 9 years old. Even the strong falter once in a while, but when they do, it hits hard.
I went downstairs and got something to drink. I grabbed a Smirnoff Wild Grape out of the fridge and plopped down on the couch next to Adrienne. "You ok, hun?" she asked me. I nodded and took a huge gulp of my drink.
"It will get better once you guys get back working again. Time will fly by," she smiled. I smiled back. Like I said before, Adie's smiles are contagious. Some stupid show came on the channel we were watching so Adrienne flipped through the channels. I heard a familiar name and asked her to go back.
"The shooting occurred just 2 hours ago. The worst of it occurred in Mrs. Pamela Burns' 10th grade Algebra class. The shooter, who until further notice shall be unnamed, apperantly went on a rampage, killing at least 14 students, a vice principal, and 3 teachers. Known as one of the state's worst shootings, Mississippi will suddenly relive the horror of the Pearl High School shooting of 1999."
I sat in shock. Mrs. Burns was my algebra teacher. That was my school.
"Among the dead students are 16 year old Mollie Crocker, 15 year old Christopher Williams, 15 year old Julie Rodgers, and 15 year old Casey Slayton. More names will be called after police have identified more bodies."
All three of my best friends and my boyfriend. Dead. Just like that. I felt my head begin to spin. Adie had her hand over her mouth when she looked over at me. I felt my muscles give out and heard her call Billie's name. Then, silence.
I woke up in my bed with Joey sitting in the chair next to the door. He jumped up.
"Dad! She's up!!" He walked over to me. "What happened, are you ok?" he asked.
"I don't know... and yeah I'm ok," I said. Truth be told, I wanted to just go back to sleep and never wake up. Billie came in with Mike and Tre.
"Hey, Joey, you mind beatin it for a sec?" Billie asked, placing a hand on his son's shoulder.
"Well if you wanna be blunt about it..." Joey rolled his eyes and left the room.
"Your mom just called. Turns out they want you to play at the school."
I closed my eyes and gulped hard. I don't think I could take playing another funeral.
"You want us to go back with you?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I need to do this alone."
He nodded and patted my hand. "I'm sorry about your friends. I wrote down the rest of the names, if you wanna look it over." He handed me a piece of paper with names on it. I looked it over. I knew every person on that list- including Kade's best friend, Jody. I just saw him last night. My head started spinning again but I took a deep breath to stop it. Also on the list was my favorite teacher, Mrs. Perkins. She was the only teacher who ever understood my punk-esque views and my style of writing.
I placed the list on the bed next to me and looked up at Billie Joe. "Thanks, man."
"No problem," he smiled and kissed my forehead. "Come downstairs when you feel better and I'll get you a flight out for Thursday. The memorial is gonna be Friday in your auditorium." He, Mike and Tre left the room, leaving me alone again. Today is Tuesday. I didn't think I could wait two days. I felt like I wanted to die, just to be with my friends and tell them goodbye. I had just seen them all the day before at Grandaddy's funeral. I felt horribly sick all of a sudden. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and began vomiting what lunch I had eaten, which wasn't much. I lay down on the floor, feeling the cool tile against my forehead. I unloaded all the pain and frustration inside of me by banging my head against the tile floor and beating my hands against it till I bled. Jakob walked past and saw me.
"Daddy!! Help!!" he cried. I got up and ran down the stairs toward the back door. Billie grabbed me by the arms.
"Oh my god, what happened!"
"Get out of my way, Billie!" I pushed him. I ran through the garage door and jumped in his car.
"Kayla, what are you doing!" he screamed through the window of the BMW.
"I've gotta go somewhere! Just leave me alone!" I cranked the car and zipped backwards out of the driveway. I sped down the busy streets of Oakland, looking for somewhere to just sit for a while. I drove down a deserted road and stopped on the side, blood still trickling from my hands and forehead. I cradled my head in my hands and bawled my eyes. Why did this happen to me!? Everything was looking up, but now it was slowly falling into Hell.
I felt myself going weak again. I tried to stay conscious, but it was taking me over. I heard a car door slam behind me and footsteps running toward the car. The driver's door flew open and Mike took me into his strong arms.
"Billie, something's wrong!" he called behind him.
"I know, man, get her in your car! I'll take this one."
Mike scooped me up and carry me back to his car and place me in the back seat.
"What's wrong with her, man?" Tre asked.
"Not sure, but make sure she stays awake. She might have a concussion."
My head suddenly gave a hard throb and nausea swept over me.
"Pull over," I choked out. Mike pulled over fast and opened the door. I vomited very little, considering I hadn't eaten much and what I did eat was gone earlier. Billie pulled over behind us. He got out of the car and came over to me. He hugged me close and I cried uncontrollably. Mike and Tre came over and joined the hug.
"Everything will be ok, Kayla. It will all be over soon," Billie said softly, stroking my long black hair. After a moment or two, Mike spoke up.
"We need to get her to a hospital, man, she doesn't look too good."
Billie nodded and they helped me back over to Mike's car.
I came home late that night and fell straight to sleep. The next day, I hardly left my room, save for meals and bathroom breaks. I woke up on Thursday and packed my clothes for the trip BACK to Winona. Billie knocked on my door. "Time to go. You ready?"
I nodded and got my suitcase and guitar. He drove me to the airport and hugged me.
"We'll watch the memorial tomorrow night. It's gonna be on MSNBC."
"Well, that makes me feel a hell of a lot better," I rolled my eyes. Billie smiled.
"It will be fine," he said. He kissed me on the forehead and I got out.
The flight sucked, again. I got home and the first thing I did was go to Julie's house. There were so many people there. Julie lived right next to the school. I stared at it menacingly, almost as though it were the cause of my friend's death. I walked up to the door and knocked. Joy, Julie's mom, opened the door and threw herself on me. I felt like crying, but I couldn't. I talked to everyone then decided it was time to go. I drove around for a while. I passed Casey's house then something hit me- Casey was dead, too. I felt nauseous again, but fought against it. I went up to his door and knocked. His little sister, Erika, answered the door and gasped. "Kayla! What are you doing here?"
"Just came to see how you guys are. I'm playing a song at the memorial. How was the funeral?"
"Horrible. I can't believe he's dead," she said, a tear escaping her eye. I nodded. I felt dead inside. I couldn't cry. I just couldn't. I looked back up.
"Is your mom home?" I asked. She nodded and showed me in. Casey's mom and grandmother were sitting on the couch. She saw me and her eyes lit up. I came over and hugged her tight. "I'm so sorry, Lattra."
"I know, baby. I'm sorry for you too. He had just talked about writing to you Tuesday morning. He missed you so bad," she sobbed.
I visited for a long time, talking about Casey and my other friends. I finally couldn't stand it anymore and told them I would see them tomorrow night at the memorial. I drove home, feeling like I was gonna collapse inside myself. I got home and went to bed, dreading the next day and wishing it would have never happened.
***
I reluctantly got up the next day and got dressed. I told mom I was gonna go to the school and walk the halls a little. I called the Principal Taylor and told him I was coming and he agreed to it. I drove to the school and stood outside the building, looking up toward the large stone W carved into the arch over the main door. Principal Taylor walked over and shook my hand.
"I'm so happy you came back for this," he smiled.
"I wouldn't miss it. All my best friends are apart of this," I said.
He and I walked the halls and visited classrooms for a while before heading to Mrs. Burns' room, which wasn't being used at the moment due to blood being cleaned off the walls. I looked around in awe of the destruction.
"Who all was in here?" I asked.
"Of your crew, it was Christopher Williams, David Logan and Elaina Goss."
I immediately looked over to each of their desks. I knew where they were. They were in the same period as me before I left. I wanted to cry again, but still, I couldn't.
"So, what will you be performing tonight? We need to know for the service," he asked as we headed back outside.
I hadn't really thought about it. But one song that came to mind was one that made me think of how all my friends would want me to sing.
"When I Get To Where I'm Going."
"Brad Paisley? Not very punk," he smiled.
I nodded. "Yeah. Punk's not known for memorial songs."
He opened my car door and shook my hand again. "Thank you so muc,." he said. I gave a soft smile and got in my car, ready for the night to be over with.
That night I stood backstage in the auditorium. More people were there than there were in Jackson when I met Billie. Everyone had a candle and all the lights were out, save for the ones lighting the stage. There were screens set up all around the room, flashing pictures of the deceased. I heard sobs and sniffles from every direction. Principal Taylor came back on stage and the room quieted.
"In light of this terrible tragedy, we've invited a fellow student to come back home from her career in California to help us remember these poor souls. Please welcome our friend and student, Kayla Stevens."
I walked out on the stage and sat on the stool. I picked up my guitar and looked back out into the crowd. I spoke into the mike.
"What's happened here is sickening. One day you're all together laughing about the good things about life and the next everyone's gone. But look at those guys." I said, indicating the pictures flashing on the screens. "They wouldn't want us to suffer over them. They would laugh at us for doing that." I saw many nod and a few smile.
"This song is the closest thing I could think of my friends saying about their death. So this goes out to all the families and friends of these 14 students, vice principal and 3 teachers who are gone."
I placed my fingers and began to play.
When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly
I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here
The images of my friends were scrolling as I was playing, making a huge lump appear in my throat. I swallowed hard and continued.
I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here
My cousin Kade broke down as Jody's face appeared on the screen. The huge lump came back but I ushered it back down. You're almost done, just keep playing! I told myself.
So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do
But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going
I finished and everyone clapped and stood up. I lay my guitar back on the stand and sighed in relief. It was over. I shook the principal's hand and walked off the stage. I walked down the ramp out to the courtyard and collapsed onto the stone bench by the walk way. I was shaking with relief. All I wanted to go back to California and get on with my career. I walked out to the parking lot, hopped in my car, and drove back to the house. Mom wanted to talk but I went straight to my room and called the airline to schedule a flight out for midnight that night. Like I said, all I wanted to do was get back. Mom wasn't happy when I told her, but she understood. I kissed her goodbye and drove to Jackson and boarded the plane, ready to get on with life.
I went downstairs and got something to drink. I grabbed a Smirnoff Wild Grape out of the fridge and plopped down on the couch next to Adrienne. "You ok, hun?" she asked me. I nodded and took a huge gulp of my drink.
"It will get better once you guys get back working again. Time will fly by," she smiled. I smiled back. Like I said before, Adie's smiles are contagious. Some stupid show came on the channel we were watching so Adrienne flipped through the channels. I heard a familiar name and asked her to go back.
"The shooting occurred just 2 hours ago. The worst of it occurred in Mrs. Pamela Burns' 10th grade Algebra class. The shooter, who until further notice shall be unnamed, apperantly went on a rampage, killing at least 14 students, a vice principal, and 3 teachers. Known as one of the state's worst shootings, Mississippi will suddenly relive the horror of the Pearl High School shooting of 1999."
I sat in shock. Mrs. Burns was my algebra teacher. That was my school.
"Among the dead students are 16 year old Mollie Crocker, 15 year old Christopher Williams, 15 year old Julie Rodgers, and 15 year old Casey Slayton. More names will be called after police have identified more bodies."
All three of my best friends and my boyfriend. Dead. Just like that. I felt my head begin to spin. Adie had her hand over her mouth when she looked over at me. I felt my muscles give out and heard her call Billie's name. Then, silence.
I woke up in my bed with Joey sitting in the chair next to the door. He jumped up.
"Dad! She's up!!" He walked over to me. "What happened, are you ok?" he asked.
"I don't know... and yeah I'm ok," I said. Truth be told, I wanted to just go back to sleep and never wake up. Billie came in with Mike and Tre.
"Hey, Joey, you mind beatin it for a sec?" Billie asked, placing a hand on his son's shoulder.
"Well if you wanna be blunt about it..." Joey rolled his eyes and left the room.
"Your mom just called. Turns out they want you to play at the school."
I closed my eyes and gulped hard. I don't think I could take playing another funeral.
"You want us to go back with you?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I need to do this alone."
He nodded and patted my hand. "I'm sorry about your friends. I wrote down the rest of the names, if you wanna look it over." He handed me a piece of paper with names on it. I looked it over. I knew every person on that list- including Kade's best friend, Jody. I just saw him last night. My head started spinning again but I took a deep breath to stop it. Also on the list was my favorite teacher, Mrs. Perkins. She was the only teacher who ever understood my punk-esque views and my style of writing.
I placed the list on the bed next to me and looked up at Billie Joe. "Thanks, man."
"No problem," he smiled and kissed my forehead. "Come downstairs when you feel better and I'll get you a flight out for Thursday. The memorial is gonna be Friday in your auditorium." He, Mike and Tre left the room, leaving me alone again. Today is Tuesday. I didn't think I could wait two days. I felt like I wanted to die, just to be with my friends and tell them goodbye. I had just seen them all the day before at Grandaddy's funeral. I felt horribly sick all of a sudden. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and began vomiting what lunch I had eaten, which wasn't much. I lay down on the floor, feeling the cool tile against my forehead. I unloaded all the pain and frustration inside of me by banging my head against the tile floor and beating my hands against it till I bled. Jakob walked past and saw me.
"Daddy!! Help!!" he cried. I got up and ran down the stairs toward the back door. Billie grabbed me by the arms.
"Oh my god, what happened!"
"Get out of my way, Billie!" I pushed him. I ran through the garage door and jumped in his car.
"Kayla, what are you doing!" he screamed through the window of the BMW.
"I've gotta go somewhere! Just leave me alone!" I cranked the car and zipped backwards out of the driveway. I sped down the busy streets of Oakland, looking for somewhere to just sit for a while. I drove down a deserted road and stopped on the side, blood still trickling from my hands and forehead. I cradled my head in my hands and bawled my eyes. Why did this happen to me!? Everything was looking up, but now it was slowly falling into Hell.
I felt myself going weak again. I tried to stay conscious, but it was taking me over. I heard a car door slam behind me and footsteps running toward the car. The driver's door flew open and Mike took me into his strong arms.
"Billie, something's wrong!" he called behind him.
"I know, man, get her in your car! I'll take this one."
Mike scooped me up and carry me back to his car and place me in the back seat.
"What's wrong with her, man?" Tre asked.
"Not sure, but make sure she stays awake. She might have a concussion."
My head suddenly gave a hard throb and nausea swept over me.
"Pull over," I choked out. Mike pulled over fast and opened the door. I vomited very little, considering I hadn't eaten much and what I did eat was gone earlier. Billie pulled over behind us. He got out of the car and came over to me. He hugged me close and I cried uncontrollably. Mike and Tre came over and joined the hug.
"Everything will be ok, Kayla. It will all be over soon," Billie said softly, stroking my long black hair. After a moment or two, Mike spoke up.
"We need to get her to a hospital, man, she doesn't look too good."
Billie nodded and they helped me back over to Mike's car.
I came home late that night and fell straight to sleep. The next day, I hardly left my room, save for meals and bathroom breaks. I woke up on Thursday and packed my clothes for the trip BACK to Winona. Billie knocked on my door. "Time to go. You ready?"
I nodded and got my suitcase and guitar. He drove me to the airport and hugged me.
"We'll watch the memorial tomorrow night. It's gonna be on MSNBC."
"Well, that makes me feel a hell of a lot better," I rolled my eyes. Billie smiled.
"It will be fine," he said. He kissed me on the forehead and I got out.
The flight sucked, again. I got home and the first thing I did was go to Julie's house. There were so many people there. Julie lived right next to the school. I stared at it menacingly, almost as though it were the cause of my friend's death. I walked up to the door and knocked. Joy, Julie's mom, opened the door and threw herself on me. I felt like crying, but I couldn't. I talked to everyone then decided it was time to go. I drove around for a while. I passed Casey's house then something hit me- Casey was dead, too. I felt nauseous again, but fought against it. I went up to his door and knocked. His little sister, Erika, answered the door and gasped. "Kayla! What are you doing here?"
"Just came to see how you guys are. I'm playing a song at the memorial. How was the funeral?"
"Horrible. I can't believe he's dead," she said, a tear escaping her eye. I nodded. I felt dead inside. I couldn't cry. I just couldn't. I looked back up.
"Is your mom home?" I asked. She nodded and showed me in. Casey's mom and grandmother were sitting on the couch. She saw me and her eyes lit up. I came over and hugged her tight. "I'm so sorry, Lattra."
"I know, baby. I'm sorry for you too. He had just talked about writing to you Tuesday morning. He missed you so bad," she sobbed.
I visited for a long time, talking about Casey and my other friends. I finally couldn't stand it anymore and told them I would see them tomorrow night at the memorial. I drove home, feeling like I was gonna collapse inside myself. I got home and went to bed, dreading the next day and wishing it would have never happened.
***
I reluctantly got up the next day and got dressed. I told mom I was gonna go to the school and walk the halls a little. I called the Principal Taylor and told him I was coming and he agreed to it. I drove to the school and stood outside the building, looking up toward the large stone W carved into the arch over the main door. Principal Taylor walked over and shook my hand.
"I'm so happy you came back for this," he smiled.
"I wouldn't miss it. All my best friends are apart of this," I said.
He and I walked the halls and visited classrooms for a while before heading to Mrs. Burns' room, which wasn't being used at the moment due to blood being cleaned off the walls. I looked around in awe of the destruction.
"Who all was in here?" I asked.
"Of your crew, it was Christopher Williams, David Logan and Elaina Goss."
I immediately looked over to each of their desks. I knew where they were. They were in the same period as me before I left. I wanted to cry again, but still, I couldn't.
"So, what will you be performing tonight? We need to know for the service," he asked as we headed back outside.
I hadn't really thought about it. But one song that came to mind was one that made me think of how all my friends would want me to sing.
"When I Get To Where I'm Going."
"Brad Paisley? Not very punk," he smiled.
I nodded. "Yeah. Punk's not known for memorial songs."
He opened my car door and shook my hand again. "Thank you so muc,." he said. I gave a soft smile and got in my car, ready for the night to be over with.
That night I stood backstage in the auditorium. More people were there than there were in Jackson when I met Billie. Everyone had a candle and all the lights were out, save for the ones lighting the stage. There were screens set up all around the room, flashing pictures of the deceased. I heard sobs and sniffles from every direction. Principal Taylor came back on stage and the room quieted.
"In light of this terrible tragedy, we've invited a fellow student to come back home from her career in California to help us remember these poor souls. Please welcome our friend and student, Kayla Stevens."
I walked out on the stage and sat on the stool. I picked up my guitar and looked back out into the crowd. I spoke into the mike.
"What's happened here is sickening. One day you're all together laughing about the good things about life and the next everyone's gone. But look at those guys." I said, indicating the pictures flashing on the screens. "They wouldn't want us to suffer over them. They would laugh at us for doing that." I saw many nod and a few smile.
"This song is the closest thing I could think of my friends saying about their death. So this goes out to all the families and friends of these 14 students, vice principal and 3 teachers who are gone."
I placed my fingers and began to play.
When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly
I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here
The images of my friends were scrolling as I was playing, making a huge lump appear in my throat. I swallowed hard and continued.
I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here
My cousin Kade broke down as Jody's face appeared on the screen. The huge lump came back but I ushered it back down. You're almost done, just keep playing! I told myself.
So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do
But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going
I finished and everyone clapped and stood up. I lay my guitar back on the stand and sighed in relief. It was over. I shook the principal's hand and walked off the stage. I walked down the ramp out to the courtyard and collapsed onto the stone bench by the walk way. I was shaking with relief. All I wanted to go back to California and get on with my career. I walked out to the parking lot, hopped in my car, and drove back to the house. Mom wanted to talk but I went straight to my room and called the airline to schedule a flight out for midnight that night. Like I said, all I wanted to do was get back. Mom wasn't happy when I told her, but she understood. I kissed her goodbye and drove to Jackson and boarded the plane, ready to get on with life.
