I Never Expected This, But Now Its All I Want., chapter 4
As I was walking down the street, I started to feel bad. I mean, I am living his Tre's house, and he is looking after me and doing everything for me, while here I am pissed off at me because he hasn't told me one thing about his life?
God I'm a bitch.
Then another thought came into my head.
Maybe I should leave. And when I say leave, I don't mean go back to my house half and hour away, I mean leave leave. Leave the country leave, or at least out of California. It only just occurred to me how much of a burden I must be to Tre. He can't go out and do things with his life because he thinks he needs to take care of me.
As these thought were going through my head, I was forcefully knocked to the ground.
"Oh my god miss are you okay?" The person who I was knocked down by asked.
"Yeah I'm fine" I replied, grabbing the hand that the person held out.
"Oh okay, sorry about... SAM?" The person yelled, surprised.
I stood up completely, only to be met by a pair of green eyes
"B-Billie?" I stuttered. God, this night is turning out to be a blast.
"Yeah, it's me" He said, looking down at his feet.
"I... I have to go" I said and turned around quickly, trying to run, but getting pulled back by Billie, who was still holding on to my hand.
"Sam, wait" He said. "I really want to talk to you"
"Yeah well I don't really have anything to say to you"
"Well, you don't have to say anything, just listen to what I have to say"
"I can't, I'm sorry" And with that, I turned away, only to get pulled back once again.
"Sam, please, just hear what I have to say"
He pulled me over to a near by park, and sat underneath a big oak tree.
"First I want to say, how sorry I am, and I know that might not mean a lot to you, and you probably will never forgive me, but I am sorry Sam, more sorry than you will ever think, I took away the one thing that was going to make you happy and just thinking about that makes me want to hurt myself."
He took a deep breath and continued.
"I also want to apologise for what happened on that night. It was mostly my fault, I knew I shouldn't have done it but I did, even though I was drunk and can't remember anything, I knew in my head it was a mistake."
There was a long, awkward silence. I pulled my knee's up and wrapped my arms around then, burring my head into them and letting my tears flow.
"Sam, please don't cry" He said, getting up and kneeling down in front of me. "Sam, look at me"
I lifted my head from my arms, but still didn't look at him. I didn't want to, I knew if I looked at him, kneeling in front of me, it would bring back the feelings I had for him, and I couldn't do that, knowing that I would get hurt again, because he has a wife to go home to at night, who he loves
He loves her, not me you idiot! Don't even get that thought in your head.
He put his hand under my chin and lifted my head up so I was now looking at him. Then he leant down and kissed me. WAIT, HE KISSED ME??
What the fuck was he doing? He shouldn't be doing this, wait, I shouldn't be doing this! But why can't I pull away?
As the kiss got deeper, I finally found the strength to pull away.
"Billie, what the fuck?" I said, out of breath.
"I-I don't know" He said, looking ashamed about what he just did. "Oh my god, I can't believe I just did that" He said, falling back so he was sitting down properly.
"I have to go now" I said, standing up.
"No wait Sam" he said, also standing up.
"No Billie, I'm tired of waiting, waiting for you to realise what mistakes you are making, and who you are hurting in the process. I'm tired of trying to make you realise how I feel about you, but you just don't get it! I've been in love with you since before I met you, and knowing I can never be with you hurts so much I want to die. And know, your sitting here kissing me, making me feel like you might actually feel something for me, but no, its just another stupid mistake, just like that night at Tre's party!"
I took a deep breath and looked at Billie, who looked a bit taken back for what I just said.
"You- you love me?" He questioned, wide eyed.
I covered my mouth, realising what I just said. He was walking towards me, about to touch my arm when I turned around and ran. While I was running, I made up my mind.
I was definantly moving.
God I'm a bitch.
Then another thought came into my head.
Maybe I should leave. And when I say leave, I don't mean go back to my house half and hour away, I mean leave leave. Leave the country leave, or at least out of California. It only just occurred to me how much of a burden I must be to Tre. He can't go out and do things with his life because he thinks he needs to take care of me.
As these thought were going through my head, I was forcefully knocked to the ground.
"Oh my god miss are you okay?" The person who I was knocked down by asked.
"Yeah I'm fine" I replied, grabbing the hand that the person held out.
"Oh okay, sorry about... SAM?" The person yelled, surprised.
I stood up completely, only to be met by a pair of green eyes
"B-Billie?" I stuttered. God, this night is turning out to be a blast.
"Yeah, it's me" He said, looking down at his feet.
"I... I have to go" I said and turned around quickly, trying to run, but getting pulled back by Billie, who was still holding on to my hand.
"Sam, wait" He said. "I really want to talk to you"
"Yeah well I don't really have anything to say to you"
"Well, you don't have to say anything, just listen to what I have to say"
"I can't, I'm sorry" And with that, I turned away, only to get pulled back once again.
"Sam, please, just hear what I have to say"
He pulled me over to a near by park, and sat underneath a big oak tree.
"First I want to say, how sorry I am, and I know that might not mean a lot to you, and you probably will never forgive me, but I am sorry Sam, more sorry than you will ever think, I took away the one thing that was going to make you happy and just thinking about that makes me want to hurt myself."
He took a deep breath and continued.
"I also want to apologise for what happened on that night. It was mostly my fault, I knew I shouldn't have done it but I did, even though I was drunk and can't remember anything, I knew in my head it was a mistake."
There was a long, awkward silence. I pulled my knee's up and wrapped my arms around then, burring my head into them and letting my tears flow.
"Sam, please don't cry" He said, getting up and kneeling down in front of me. "Sam, look at me"
I lifted my head from my arms, but still didn't look at him. I didn't want to, I knew if I looked at him, kneeling in front of me, it would bring back the feelings I had for him, and I couldn't do that, knowing that I would get hurt again, because he has a wife to go home to at night, who he loves
He loves her, not me you idiot! Don't even get that thought in your head.
He put his hand under my chin and lifted my head up so I was now looking at him. Then he leant down and kissed me. WAIT, HE KISSED ME??
What the fuck was he doing? He shouldn't be doing this, wait, I shouldn't be doing this! But why can't I pull away?
As the kiss got deeper, I finally found the strength to pull away.
"Billie, what the fuck?" I said, out of breath.
"I-I don't know" He said, looking ashamed about what he just did. "Oh my god, I can't believe I just did that" He said, falling back so he was sitting down properly.
"I have to go now" I said, standing up.
"No wait Sam" he said, also standing up.
"No Billie, I'm tired of waiting, waiting for you to realise what mistakes you are making, and who you are hurting in the process. I'm tired of trying to make you realise how I feel about you, but you just don't get it! I've been in love with you since before I met you, and knowing I can never be with you hurts so much I want to die. And know, your sitting here kissing me, making me feel like you might actually feel something for me, but no, its just another stupid mistake, just like that night at Tre's party!"
I took a deep breath and looked at Billie, who looked a bit taken back for what I just said.
"You- you love me?" He questioned, wide eyed.
I covered my mouth, realising what I just said. He was walking towards me, about to touch my arm when I turned around and ran. While I was running, I made up my mind.
I was definantly moving.
