We've Made It So Far, chapter 3
I was so excited to see the boys face when I told them we would be visiting they're dad this week end. A whole month of nothing but blur once my head hit the pillow the night I had gotten home. I had been so busy with the boys and all my normal things that I just lost my grip and seemed to fall through everyday. I hadn't been so happy without Billie there but his letter just made everything seem all right again.
"Mommy guess what!" I looked up to see Jake come running out the door of his school. I smiled at his enthusiasm.
"What?"
"No guess!"
"Um your turning purple?"
"No I beat Mitchell at soccer during recess!"
"Really? Were you a good sport?"
"Uh huh I said he did good... . But he didn't he was actually really bad!"
"Well as long as you were nice about it. Where is your brother?"
"His teacher wanted to talk to him." Just then Joey walked out with a gloomy expression.
"You okay Joe?"
"No my teacher said the next time I get in trouble I'll have to stay after!"
"What did you do?"
"Nothin' pulled Dominic's chair out from under him 'cause he was being a jerk."
"Now you know your not supposed to do that! Joey that's just mean, did you apologize?"
"Yeah." he mumbled something after that.
"Your teacher is right next time something happens like that you'll stay after school and you know if you get in trouble you'll be in trouble at home too."
"I know." he crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at his feet.
"Well I have some good news for both of you!"
"What?" Jake said happily.
"We're leaving tonight to go on a short vacation." I saw Joe lift his head and smirk like his father does.
"We're going to Germany to visit your father." Joey and Jake both showed million dollar smiles and all trouble and soccer games were forgotten.
I feel the rain on my back as Mike pulls me up from the ground. I pull my arm away from him and start sobbing. He kneels next to me and I look into his eyes , they aren't focused all though he's looking straight at me. He takes off his jacket and places in around my shoulders and looks up at the sky. I hear thunder then a scream, I look around and see Tre pounding on the ground and screaming at nothing or himself which I'm not sure. I stare at my hands which are white and shaky I trace the edge of my wedding ring and sob. I look up to see his casket and loose my breathe. 'No, no not Billie! You said you wouldn't leave me! Your liar!' I hold my arms and shake even more. I can't stop shaking, I bite my cheek until I taste blood and sob even harder.
I woke up next to Billie in our hotel room. I gasp for air and see Billie staring at me. I just stare back. 'What do I say to him he thinks I've gone crazy' I gulp and try to stop shaking. He wraps his arms around me and whispers "What's wrong, and don't tell me nothing! There is something wrong!" I look into his troubled eyes and start to cry.
"I... keep... having... dreams... . About you... " I sob in between every word and can't finish my thought.
"What dreams do you keep having about me?"
"You... you... you keep... dying." I gasp my last word. He squeezes me tighter and puts his face into my neck.
"Shhh everything is going to be okay. I'm right here, and I'm not leaving."
We just sit there for what seemed like hours, me sobbing and him trying to comfort. I finally stop and look him in the eyes again. I see the same look he gives the boys when they are scared a neutral tone with a crooked smile. I wrap my arms around him and relax in his warmth. 'you're here and there is nothing to worry about.'
After my episode we spent time with the boys as much as possible and just stayed in family mode. Once again though everything went way too fast and I lost control and before I knew it my weekend was gone. We had all cried when we were leaving and I tried to stay in Billie's arms until the last possible second and kissed him and long and lovingly as possible. "Ew mom, dad not right here wait till we turn around!" Joe said in shock. I laughed and the kids gave him one more hug good bye and we left for the plane.
I was just about to get into the shower when the phone rang. "Hello?"
"Mrs. Armstrong?" a familiar voice questioned.
"Uh huh, how can I help you?"
"Well first tell me how much you love me."
"I love you lots."
"Close enough, so anyway how was your flight?"
"Boring as usual."
"Man wish I was there, that sounds exciting!"
"It would have been if you would have been there."
"Yeah I know. Did you have any more of those dreams?" I knew he was hesitant but he wanted to know really bad.
"Nope thank god too."
"It'll be okay babe just don't think about it. I'll be home soon and everything will be great."
"I know."
"Well I gotta go get ready. I love you babe tell the kids I love 'em too."
"Okay bye Billie. I love you too." I melt when I put the phone down. I'll never be tired of his voice it's irresistible. I fall into a deep, undisturbed, sleep.
A couple more weeks go bye and I'm missing Billie more than ever. He's coming home tonight, so I sit in the living room and watch TV it's 11:47. He should be home around one. I quickly doze off and look at the clock. 1:56. Hmm I wonder if he is up stairs? I look out the window and see his car isn't there. I settle back into my seat. Ring. That just scared the shit out of me. I run to it and grab for it. "Hello?"
"Is this Adrienne Armstrong?"
"Yes, can I help you?"
"I'm sorry ma'am but there's been an accident." I try and shake myself up but this was not a dream.
"Mommy guess what!" I looked up to see Jake come running out the door of his school. I smiled at his enthusiasm.
"What?"
"No guess!"
"Um your turning purple?"
"No I beat Mitchell at soccer during recess!"
"Really? Were you a good sport?"
"Uh huh I said he did good... . But he didn't he was actually really bad!"
"Well as long as you were nice about it. Where is your brother?"
"His teacher wanted to talk to him." Just then Joey walked out with a gloomy expression.
"You okay Joe?"
"No my teacher said the next time I get in trouble I'll have to stay after!"
"What did you do?"
"Nothin' pulled Dominic's chair out from under him 'cause he was being a jerk."
"Now you know your not supposed to do that! Joey that's just mean, did you apologize?"
"Yeah." he mumbled something after that.
"Your teacher is right next time something happens like that you'll stay after school and you know if you get in trouble you'll be in trouble at home too."
"I know." he crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at his feet.
"Well I have some good news for both of you!"
"What?" Jake said happily.
"We're leaving tonight to go on a short vacation." I saw Joe lift his head and smirk like his father does.
"We're going to Germany to visit your father." Joey and Jake both showed million dollar smiles and all trouble and soccer games were forgotten.
I feel the rain on my back as Mike pulls me up from the ground. I pull my arm away from him and start sobbing. He kneels next to me and I look into his eyes , they aren't focused all though he's looking straight at me. He takes off his jacket and places in around my shoulders and looks up at the sky. I hear thunder then a scream, I look around and see Tre pounding on the ground and screaming at nothing or himself which I'm not sure. I stare at my hands which are white and shaky I trace the edge of my wedding ring and sob. I look up to see his casket and loose my breathe. 'No, no not Billie! You said you wouldn't leave me! Your liar!' I hold my arms and shake even more. I can't stop shaking, I bite my cheek until I taste blood and sob even harder.
I woke up next to Billie in our hotel room. I gasp for air and see Billie staring at me. I just stare back. 'What do I say to him he thinks I've gone crazy' I gulp and try to stop shaking. He wraps his arms around me and whispers "What's wrong, and don't tell me nothing! There is something wrong!" I look into his troubled eyes and start to cry.
"I... keep... having... dreams... . About you... " I sob in between every word and can't finish my thought.
"What dreams do you keep having about me?"
"You... you... you keep... dying." I gasp my last word. He squeezes me tighter and puts his face into my neck.
"Shhh everything is going to be okay. I'm right here, and I'm not leaving."
We just sit there for what seemed like hours, me sobbing and him trying to comfort. I finally stop and look him in the eyes again. I see the same look he gives the boys when they are scared a neutral tone with a crooked smile. I wrap my arms around him and relax in his warmth. 'you're here and there is nothing to worry about.'
After my episode we spent time with the boys as much as possible and just stayed in family mode. Once again though everything went way too fast and I lost control and before I knew it my weekend was gone. We had all cried when we were leaving and I tried to stay in Billie's arms until the last possible second and kissed him and long and lovingly as possible. "Ew mom, dad not right here wait till we turn around!" Joe said in shock. I laughed and the kids gave him one more hug good bye and we left for the plane.
I was just about to get into the shower when the phone rang. "Hello?"
"Mrs. Armstrong?" a familiar voice questioned.
"Uh huh, how can I help you?"
"Well first tell me how much you love me."
"I love you lots."
"Close enough, so anyway how was your flight?"
"Boring as usual."
"Man wish I was there, that sounds exciting!"
"It would have been if you would have been there."
"Yeah I know. Did you have any more of those dreams?" I knew he was hesitant but he wanted to know really bad.
"Nope thank god too."
"It'll be okay babe just don't think about it. I'll be home soon and everything will be great."
"I know."
"Well I gotta go get ready. I love you babe tell the kids I love 'em too."
"Okay bye Billie. I love you too." I melt when I put the phone down. I'll never be tired of his voice it's irresistible. I fall into a deep, undisturbed, sleep.
A couple more weeks go bye and I'm missing Billie more than ever. He's coming home tonight, so I sit in the living room and watch TV it's 11:47. He should be home around one. I quickly doze off and look at the clock. 1:56. Hmm I wonder if he is up stairs? I look out the window and see his car isn't there. I settle back into my seat. Ring. That just scared the shit out of me. I run to it and grab for it. "Hello?"
"Is this Adrienne Armstrong?"
"Yes, can I help you?"
"I'm sorry ma'am but there's been an accident." I try and shake myself up but this was not a dream.
