A Student / Teacher Relationship, chapter 7
Still My POV:
Hours later, I drifted back to consciousness in pitch black and silence, fuzzy on the reason why I was on the floor. I sat up giving myself a head rush.
"Sonova bitch!" I hissed, cradling my head in my hands. My temples were throbbing. I withdrew my hands to see red on them. My eyes flew open in shock and like a movie, my question had been answered.
"Ben..." I whispered in disbelief. Ben was here...oh my god. I gasped, placing my hands over my mouth smothering the scream that would soon erupt from it. The tears returned. He didn't do what I hope he didn't do. My pants were undone, my shirt up to my chin, but he couldn't have. He would never...right? I have to get out of here. With rubbery legs and sharp pains everywhere, I tried to get up but nearly collapsed. I hesitantly crept up the stairs that I ran for before on my hands and knees. I kept thinking that at any moment Ben would jump out of the darkness and kick me back down. I made it to the top untouched. I gripped and pushed against the wall and eased up on my feet.
In my room, I got dressed in the same clothes I changed out of earlier. I did my best to not look in any mirrors. I don't think I can take what I would see. My muscles ached, but I gained more control over my limbs. Stuffing some money in my pocket, I went downstairs, and left. I can't be here right now.
***
BJ's POV:
I slammed my cell phone shut for the 5th time since I called Becky's house today. Adie and the boys went to go run some errands. It's Sunday, she should be home or at least someone. I'll give it one more try... The machine again! Beep.
"Hi Becky this is Billie Joe again. It's a little after noon and you're worrying me. Pick up the phone." I made a nervous giggle. "Ha ha well you're probably sleeping or something so call me back alright? Bye." I sunk into the chair next to the kitchen counter and reached for my half smoked cigarette. She's fine, everything's fine. I'll see her tomorrow anyways.
***
Still BJ's POV:
It's Wednesday and still no sign of her. Sick maybe? No, I know her she would have called. Afterschool I decided to call her house. After a few rings the phone clicked. Finally!
"Hello?" a woman's voice answered, Becky's mom.
"Hi, is Becky there?" I unlocked my car and got in.
"Who is this? Is this Billie?"
"Yeah?"
"Where's my daugher?!" she practically yelled.
"What?"
"You know where she is! Where did you take her?!"
"Hold on, Ms. Perdomo I have no idea what you're talking about. Where is she?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" she choked up. "We came home Sunday and she wasn't here! She hasn't been here! And the blood was everywhere!" A sinking feeling formed in my stomache as I stared out into space and listended to her sobbing.
"It'll be fine-"
"YOU DON'T KNOW!" she shrieked and the line went dead.
My POV:
After I left the house, I felt like had been walking for ages with no idea to where I was going. I couldn't stay in that house after knowing what took place there. It's a stupid idea to run away from your problems, but after that, it felt right.
Almost subconsciously, I ended up at the old train tracks Billie Joe had taken me to weeks before. I hid out in the same car Billie and I sat in. I think it's Wednesday or still Tuesday, I don't know. I haven't really been keeping track, too many other things on my mind. My head still hurts. At least the bleeding stopped. My memory of Saturday night was still foggy, but I focused and tried to remember as best I could. Big mistake. Now I truly know the meaning of "ignorance is bliss." I'm pretty sure Ben did...rape me. Still trying to cope with that. Could I be pregnant? Damn I hope not. I wonder if Ben remembers and if he does, does he even regret it or feel bad?
I brought the money in case I got hungry or something, but food is out of the question. Just the slightest notion of eating makes me want to vomit. I did buy a water bottle and use the restroom at the nearby Amoco. The gas station attendent stared at me with a frightened look and I didn't hold it against him. I saw what he was seeing in the bathroom mirror.
Under the flourescent lighting, I saw a hideous stranger. Dried blood, a black eye, bruises, a swollen lip. "This isn't me." I thought and ran out of the bathroom. Everything still badly ached so I investigated the rest of my body. Ben must have kept beating me after I passed out, because these was large welts and dark bruises only inches apart on my back, legs, arms, and stomache. Bastard...
Huddled inside this car for days just thinking, I don't know what to do. I'm done crying that isn't going to help anything. This whole scenario reminds me of a quote by Stephen King.
"Alone. Yes, that's the key word. The most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym."
***
Nick's POV:
"What's up dumbass?" I called to Ben at his car in the student parking lot afterschool. When I finally reached him, he paid little attention to my presense. "You still giving me a ride?"
"If you want it." He opened up his door and got in. I scurried around the other side and did the same.
"Where have you been? Haven't seen you since Saturday night."
"I was just wondering that myself lately. What happened?"
"You don't remember?!" I laughed. "Dude you got so fucked up! You got really pissed and started throwing shit everywhere!"
"I got pissed? Why?"
"You were mostly bitching about the Cubs losing and Becky. I can't believe you don't remember all that. I mean you were a fucking psycho!"
"I remember hanging out and drinking with you and Scott... And then waking up on my lawn."
"Yeah I saw that...where'd you go?"
"I left? We were at my house."
"You still left. You asked me if Becky was still seeing that guy, I said yes, you got ticked off, hopped in your car, and left. You didn't go to her house did you?"
"No...I don't think so." He shook his head, looking like he was still debating his answer.
"You wouldn't have. I know you're not that stupid."
"Where is Becky? I haven't seen you walking with her in awhile."
"She's mad at me for asking so many questions about her boyfriend. She has a short fuse on that subject... But anyways she's been absent all week. I asked Rachel is she was sick. Guess Becky's been missing since Sunday. The whole family thinks she ran off with her boyfriend." I explained with a cool attitude, but the reality of it is that I'm scared shitless. Rachel told me about the blood. I stared at Ben's non existent response to the news. Was he apart of it? One side of me erased Ben off the list of suspects and the other side found him guilty.
BJ's POV:
I looked everywhere I could think of, but no luck. It's not like I can ask around. I turned off my cell awhile ago. Adrienne kept calling probably wondering why I wasn't home for dinner. My car raced down Army Trail Road when the comfort of the tracks popped in my head. I turned around and went there.
Sure these tracks weren't the same as the ones at Christie Road and were rarely used, but they still did the trick. While dragging my feet and kicking up gravel, I drew closer to my favorite car. As I approached the large, side door I saw a dark figure laying amongst the shadows. I couldn't really make out who it was. From the light of the almost set sun I saw a limp, denim leg connected to the motionless body. At the end of the leg was a black, raggedy converse with "A7X" scribbled on the side. Hey I know that shoe!
"Becky?" I asked. "Is that you?" Nothing. Fuck she can't be dead! I jumped inside the car and tugged at her leg. "Becky wake up!"
"What?" she groaned.
"You're alive!"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" she yawned. Sounds like she's still half asleep. She withdrew her leg and shifted herself in a sitting position. In the darkness, it looked like she jumped in almost shock. "Billie?! What are you doing here?!"
"Looking for you. Why are you here?" I came towards her. I had to see her. I had to hold her again.
"Don't, don't come any closer!" She scrambled backwards to the back corner of the car, holding her arms out to block my advances.
"Why? Becky it's me." I raised my hands up as if I was surrendering.
"Please just go away!" Her voice trembled from the dark.
"Why? I can barely see you. Come on out. There's nothing to be afraid of. Come on girl, come on." I gestured for her to come.
"Billie don't treat me like I'm some basket case!"
"I'm sorry. You've been missing for days. I want to see you."
"You can't."
"Why can't I?"
"I don't want you to. I don't want anyone to look at me." I saw her figure bury her head in her hands.
"You're being ridiculous! I love you!" I smiled.
"No, you don't get it. I want to be alone."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Please don't do this."
"What? Care about you?" A spark of anger surged through me and left faster than it came. "I want to see you right now."
"Fine, you really want to see me?" She snapped, lifting herself off the ground. "Here I am." She stepped before me into the light. I nearly jumped at the sight of her. I just stared and scrutinized her horribly beaten face. Dark bruises, a black eye, runny eyeliner, dried blood. Doesn't even look like her. Her angry expression crumpled into teary eyes and her nervously biting her already bloody lip.
"Now you see I'm ugly so now will you go?"
"What happened to you?" I took her face in my hands, studying her bruises.
"Would you believe me if I said I fell?" she grimaced.
"No, I would like to know the truth."
"Yeah I've been thinking about that a lot these past couple days."
"You have to think about what the truth is?"
"In a way..." How come she hasn't looked at me once?
"Who did this to you? Tell me."
"And what good is that going to do me? It might happen again."
"Maybe it won't if you tell me." She stared off for a few moments in thought until her hands began to shake in mine.
"Billie I can't this anymore..." she whispered looking down at her shoes.
"Do what?" I tilted my head in confusion.
"This." Becky stepped back out of my reach. "Being here with you. It's wrong." Her voice caught in her throat. "You should only be my teacher."
"Are you serious? You don't really mean that do you?" Any moment now I hoped she would wipe away the make up that created the illusion of her wounds, break out laughing, and yell "gotcha!" but she didn't.
"I do...I don't want to see you anymore than I have to." A stab of hot, white pain pierced my chest.
"Ha ha very funny. Now take off the make up and let me take you home," I laughed. She must be joking. This isn't really happening.
"Billie it's over." She looked far away into the growing shadows, trying to restrain the built up tears on the brim of her eyes. I placed my hand lightly on her cheek, but her face still twinged in pain.
"Hey..." I turned her face to look at me, but her eyes remained focused elsewhere. "Hey look at me." Becky's eyes snapped open wide and she trembled.
"I have to go," she said, side stepping me, and hopped out onto the gravel below. For a second, I didn't do anything. I only stared blankly at where she had been standing. The sound of crunching rocks underneath her footsteps were growing faint and I just stood there.
No! I can't let her go, not like this! I darted out of the railroad car and ran after her several yards ahead. It would be impossible for her to not hear me coming yet she continued walking. I ran up and stopped in front of her, blocking her path.
"Will you please just wait a second?!" I panted.
"There's nothing more to say Billie."
"Can I at least have a reason why you're doing this?"
"Because I don't," she took a deep breath, "love you anymore." There it is. That cold smack in the face that slides into your gut where you're going to be sick and at any time you know you're going to break down. "I'm sorry." She whispered and with out another word, Becky walked away and disappeared behind a rusted engine.
I'm not going to, nope, not going to...aw fuck it. I dropped to my knees and cried. I don't want to believe this is happening. Why is this happening?
Hours later, I drifted back to consciousness in pitch black and silence, fuzzy on the reason why I was on the floor. I sat up giving myself a head rush.
"Sonova bitch!" I hissed, cradling my head in my hands. My temples were throbbing. I withdrew my hands to see red on them. My eyes flew open in shock and like a movie, my question had been answered.
"Ben..." I whispered in disbelief. Ben was here...oh my god. I gasped, placing my hands over my mouth smothering the scream that would soon erupt from it. The tears returned. He didn't do what I hope he didn't do. My pants were undone, my shirt up to my chin, but he couldn't have. He would never...right? I have to get out of here. With rubbery legs and sharp pains everywhere, I tried to get up but nearly collapsed. I hesitantly crept up the stairs that I ran for before on my hands and knees. I kept thinking that at any moment Ben would jump out of the darkness and kick me back down. I made it to the top untouched. I gripped and pushed against the wall and eased up on my feet.
In my room, I got dressed in the same clothes I changed out of earlier. I did my best to not look in any mirrors. I don't think I can take what I would see. My muscles ached, but I gained more control over my limbs. Stuffing some money in my pocket, I went downstairs, and left. I can't be here right now.
***
BJ's POV:
I slammed my cell phone shut for the 5th time since I called Becky's house today. Adie and the boys went to go run some errands. It's Sunday, she should be home or at least someone. I'll give it one more try... The machine again! Beep.
"Hi Becky this is Billie Joe again. It's a little after noon and you're worrying me. Pick up the phone." I made a nervous giggle. "Ha ha well you're probably sleeping or something so call me back alright? Bye." I sunk into the chair next to the kitchen counter and reached for my half smoked cigarette. She's fine, everything's fine. I'll see her tomorrow anyways.
***
Still BJ's POV:
It's Wednesday and still no sign of her. Sick maybe? No, I know her she would have called. Afterschool I decided to call her house. After a few rings the phone clicked. Finally!
"Hello?" a woman's voice answered, Becky's mom.
"Hi, is Becky there?" I unlocked my car and got in.
"Who is this? Is this Billie?"
"Yeah?"
"Where's my daugher?!" she practically yelled.
"What?"
"You know where she is! Where did you take her?!"
"Hold on, Ms. Perdomo I have no idea what you're talking about. Where is she?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" she choked up. "We came home Sunday and she wasn't here! She hasn't been here! And the blood was everywhere!" A sinking feeling formed in my stomache as I stared out into space and listended to her sobbing.
"It'll be fine-"
"YOU DON'T KNOW!" she shrieked and the line went dead.
My POV:
After I left the house, I felt like had been walking for ages with no idea to where I was going. I couldn't stay in that house after knowing what took place there. It's a stupid idea to run away from your problems, but after that, it felt right.
Almost subconsciously, I ended up at the old train tracks Billie Joe had taken me to weeks before. I hid out in the same car Billie and I sat in. I think it's Wednesday or still Tuesday, I don't know. I haven't really been keeping track, too many other things on my mind. My head still hurts. At least the bleeding stopped. My memory of Saturday night was still foggy, but I focused and tried to remember as best I could. Big mistake. Now I truly know the meaning of "ignorance is bliss." I'm pretty sure Ben did...rape me. Still trying to cope with that. Could I be pregnant? Damn I hope not. I wonder if Ben remembers and if he does, does he even regret it or feel bad?
I brought the money in case I got hungry or something, but food is out of the question. Just the slightest notion of eating makes me want to vomit. I did buy a water bottle and use the restroom at the nearby Amoco. The gas station attendent stared at me with a frightened look and I didn't hold it against him. I saw what he was seeing in the bathroom mirror.
Under the flourescent lighting, I saw a hideous stranger. Dried blood, a black eye, bruises, a swollen lip. "This isn't me." I thought and ran out of the bathroom. Everything still badly ached so I investigated the rest of my body. Ben must have kept beating me after I passed out, because these was large welts and dark bruises only inches apart on my back, legs, arms, and stomache. Bastard...
Huddled inside this car for days just thinking, I don't know what to do. I'm done crying that isn't going to help anything. This whole scenario reminds me of a quote by Stephen King.
"Alone. Yes, that's the key word. The most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym."
***
Nick's POV:
"What's up dumbass?" I called to Ben at his car in the student parking lot afterschool. When I finally reached him, he paid little attention to my presense. "You still giving me a ride?"
"If you want it." He opened up his door and got in. I scurried around the other side and did the same.
"Where have you been? Haven't seen you since Saturday night."
"I was just wondering that myself lately. What happened?"
"You don't remember?!" I laughed. "Dude you got so fucked up! You got really pissed and started throwing shit everywhere!"
"I got pissed? Why?"
"You were mostly bitching about the Cubs losing and Becky. I can't believe you don't remember all that. I mean you were a fucking psycho!"
"I remember hanging out and drinking with you and Scott... And then waking up on my lawn."
"Yeah I saw that...where'd you go?"
"I left? We were at my house."
"You still left. You asked me if Becky was still seeing that guy, I said yes, you got ticked off, hopped in your car, and left. You didn't go to her house did you?"
"No...I don't think so." He shook his head, looking like he was still debating his answer.
"You wouldn't have. I know you're not that stupid."
"Where is Becky? I haven't seen you walking with her in awhile."
"She's mad at me for asking so many questions about her boyfriend. She has a short fuse on that subject... But anyways she's been absent all week. I asked Rachel is she was sick. Guess Becky's been missing since Sunday. The whole family thinks she ran off with her boyfriend." I explained with a cool attitude, but the reality of it is that I'm scared shitless. Rachel told me about the blood. I stared at Ben's non existent response to the news. Was he apart of it? One side of me erased Ben off the list of suspects and the other side found him guilty.
BJ's POV:
I looked everywhere I could think of, but no luck. It's not like I can ask around. I turned off my cell awhile ago. Adrienne kept calling probably wondering why I wasn't home for dinner. My car raced down Army Trail Road when the comfort of the tracks popped in my head. I turned around and went there.
Sure these tracks weren't the same as the ones at Christie Road and were rarely used, but they still did the trick. While dragging my feet and kicking up gravel, I drew closer to my favorite car. As I approached the large, side door I saw a dark figure laying amongst the shadows. I couldn't really make out who it was. From the light of the almost set sun I saw a limp, denim leg connected to the motionless body. At the end of the leg was a black, raggedy converse with "A7X" scribbled on the side. Hey I know that shoe!
"Becky?" I asked. "Is that you?" Nothing. Fuck she can't be dead! I jumped inside the car and tugged at her leg. "Becky wake up!"
"What?" she groaned.
"You're alive!"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" she yawned. Sounds like she's still half asleep. She withdrew her leg and shifted herself in a sitting position. In the darkness, it looked like she jumped in almost shock. "Billie?! What are you doing here?!"
"Looking for you. Why are you here?" I came towards her. I had to see her. I had to hold her again.
"Don't, don't come any closer!" She scrambled backwards to the back corner of the car, holding her arms out to block my advances.
"Why? Becky it's me." I raised my hands up as if I was surrendering.
"Please just go away!" Her voice trembled from the dark.
"Why? I can barely see you. Come on out. There's nothing to be afraid of. Come on girl, come on." I gestured for her to come.
"Billie don't treat me like I'm some basket case!"
"I'm sorry. You've been missing for days. I want to see you."
"You can't."
"Why can't I?"
"I don't want you to. I don't want anyone to look at me." I saw her figure bury her head in her hands.
"You're being ridiculous! I love you!" I smiled.
"No, you don't get it. I want to be alone."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Please don't do this."
"What? Care about you?" A spark of anger surged through me and left faster than it came. "I want to see you right now."
"Fine, you really want to see me?" She snapped, lifting herself off the ground. "Here I am." She stepped before me into the light. I nearly jumped at the sight of her. I just stared and scrutinized her horribly beaten face. Dark bruises, a black eye, runny eyeliner, dried blood. Doesn't even look like her. Her angry expression crumpled into teary eyes and her nervously biting her already bloody lip.
"Now you see I'm ugly so now will you go?"
"What happened to you?" I took her face in my hands, studying her bruises.
"Would you believe me if I said I fell?" she grimaced.
"No, I would like to know the truth."
"Yeah I've been thinking about that a lot these past couple days."
"You have to think about what the truth is?"
"In a way..." How come she hasn't looked at me once?
"Who did this to you? Tell me."
"And what good is that going to do me? It might happen again."
"Maybe it won't if you tell me." She stared off for a few moments in thought until her hands began to shake in mine.
"Billie I can't this anymore..." she whispered looking down at her shoes.
"Do what?" I tilted my head in confusion.
"This." Becky stepped back out of my reach. "Being here with you. It's wrong." Her voice caught in her throat. "You should only be my teacher."
"Are you serious? You don't really mean that do you?" Any moment now I hoped she would wipe away the make up that created the illusion of her wounds, break out laughing, and yell "gotcha!" but she didn't.
"I do...I don't want to see you anymore than I have to." A stab of hot, white pain pierced my chest.
"Ha ha very funny. Now take off the make up and let me take you home," I laughed. She must be joking. This isn't really happening.
"Billie it's over." She looked far away into the growing shadows, trying to restrain the built up tears on the brim of her eyes. I placed my hand lightly on her cheek, but her face still twinged in pain.
"Hey..." I turned her face to look at me, but her eyes remained focused elsewhere. "Hey look at me." Becky's eyes snapped open wide and she trembled.
"I have to go," she said, side stepping me, and hopped out onto the gravel below. For a second, I didn't do anything. I only stared blankly at where she had been standing. The sound of crunching rocks underneath her footsteps were growing faint and I just stood there.
No! I can't let her go, not like this! I darted out of the railroad car and ran after her several yards ahead. It would be impossible for her to not hear me coming yet she continued walking. I ran up and stopped in front of her, blocking her path.
"Will you please just wait a second?!" I panted.
"There's nothing more to say Billie."
"Can I at least have a reason why you're doing this?"
"Because I don't," she took a deep breath, "love you anymore." There it is. That cold smack in the face that slides into your gut where you're going to be sick and at any time you know you're going to break down. "I'm sorry." She whispered and with out another word, Becky walked away and disappeared behind a rusted engine.
I'm not going to, nope, not going to...aw fuck it. I dropped to my knees and cried. I don't want to believe this is happening. Why is this happening?
