A Student / Teacher Relationship, chapter 8
My POV:
That was fucking horrible. I thought I was going to die when Ben left me for Jen ,but this...This is real pain. Ben. Damn him. Fucking bastard. He's the only reason why I did what I did. If Ben had no problem beating the shit out of me, who knows what he would do to Billie Joe. Might sound lame, but I had to protect him from that. Still sick to my stomache though. I told Billie I didn't love him. Liar. He's the only person I truly care about. I fucking hate this! I want Billie! I love him!...Where am I going? Home? Not looking like this. Keep going to nowhere? No, call me a nerd but I want to finish high school and go to college and I can't do that if I'm out here. That settles it. I have to go home, but if I walk through the front door looking like a punching bag, questions are going to be asked. What's the best answer? Ben did it? Yeah right like anyone would believe me. Everyone adores Ben. They would think I hurt myself out of bitterness and revenge. Pssh new answer. I'll say that...someone broke into the house...attacked me (that explains the bruises and blood) and I woke up in an alley in downtown Bartlett. Sure that leaves a lot of unanswered questions, but that's the best I can do for right now. I'll embellish more along the way.
Sauntering on the sidewalk toward my house, I saw my mom's car sitting in the driveway. I walked up to the door. Last chance, can turn back right now. I shook my head "no" and put my key in the lock.
"Here goes," I sighed and walked inside.
Later at night...
Everyone finally left me alone. As soon as I walked in, I was swarmed by my entire family, save Rachel who was on the phone. I had to tell my false tale over and over again. To my family, twice to the police, once to the family doctor that inspected me, and again to my mom just in case I wanted to tell her something I might be embarrassed to say in front of anyone else. Right, like I'd tell her anything.
Due to my "current situation," mom wants me to stay home til Monday to get myself together and give me enough time for my bruises to heal.
What am I going to do to solve all of this? How am I possibly going to face Billie Joe Monday or for the rest of the year without breaking down and crying. Am I just going to let Ben get away with it? Fuck, I'm not a virgin anymore. I could be carrying his baby! Please, that can't happen. I'm so confused! I hate this.
***
"You're back!" Nick nearly yelled as I walked into English class Monday morning. I nodded and sat down when the bell rang. The bruises had faded somewhat, but still very noticeable. To cover them up, I chose to wear jeans and a giant hoody. If I wore any cover up or foundation, I would only look very fake or a crossdresser trying way too hard so all my hair is in my face to suffice. I just returned from visiting my guidance counselor in hopes to change classes so I wouldn't have to see Billie Joe, but alas. It's too late in the year to switch. Damn.
All the way up to 5th period was a nauseous haze. The staring, the whispers, the expected "what happened to you?" question you receive from that one person who can't mind their own business as soon as you walk into class. You know that one S.O.B. that points and gasps at whatever's ailing you so naturally everyone shifts their attention to you and the only thing you can do is shrug and walk to your seat all the while thinking "please just shoot me now."
I'm standing against the row of lockers across from Billie's, no, Mr. Armstrong's classroom, debating on whether or not to go in. I can see him at his desk writing when the door opened so my fellow classmates can enter. Each time my stomache curled and my head spun.
"Fuck this," I whispered and walked to the cafeteria. I'll have 2 lunch periods today. I scanned the crowed tables in the lunchroom to see if I knew anyone and sit with them. Nope.
"Becky! Over hear!" I whipped around to Rachel standing in the doorway of the annex. The annex is a smaller, windowed lunch room for upperclassmen.
"Eh, what the hell," I walked over.
"Skipping class?" Rachel smiled.
"Yep. Shhh! Don't tell!" I winked.
"I won't, not unless you piss me off. Come sit with us." She dragged me to her table. Corey and Nicole were there and greeted my arrival. Rachel must have told them what "happened," because they were being unusually nice to me.
"Becky, want me to buy ya some lunch?" Corey offered.
"Nah, I'm-"
"Hey you!" Nicole waved violently. In succession, a round of "hi"s and other forms of "hello" sounded from the table. I turned around to do the same and my heart sunk.
Ben was towering over me giving everyone a wave in response. The night I was desperately trying to forget flooded my mind and all I could see was him with blood smeared across his smiling mouth and a raised fist. Even though I'm in a room full of people, I still feel like the night was going to relive itself.
"Please not again.=," I cowarded under his confused look and ran out. I didn't care who saw me running down the hall, stumbling almost falling head first into a water fountain but caught myself. I have to get away.
I ran inside the only sanctuary I have during school, the girl's bathroom. Pushing past a group of girls leaving, I flung myself into an open stall and locked the door. Some banging and yelling came from behind the door.
"Watch the hell where you're going you stupid bitch!"
"Fucking retard!"
When they didn't receive a response, they left. My shaking hands scanned over my head almost yanking my hair out and landing tightly, cupping my ears so I can hear my own thoughts.
No, not now! I launched into a full on panic attack. Tears blurred my vision making this all seem unreal as if I was in some alternate reality where none of this could be happening. Like I got so bored with my life that I made this all up. Twilight Zone moment maybe? Breathing in and out should help...No, not helping, light headedness. Why did I think I could just forget that night and move on? Or making things better by breaking up with Billie Joe?
"Don't be stupid," I whispered. "It's for the best."
Well staying in this stall hiding like a coward isn't very productive. I have to talk to someone, but who? Billie Joe? I don't know. After the tracks, I seriously doubt he'd want to see me.Fucking Ben!...It's not all his fault though, I am partly to blame. I kissed back without realizing the consequences. Of course forseeing me get the shit kicked out of me and being ummm... violated by my ex boyfriend wasn't considered a possible outcome, but I still should have thought everything out. Fuck this, I'm not prepared to sort out my frickin' life in a bathroom stall. Focus on my number 1 priority: Am I pregnant?
I peeked out behind the door and saw no one, I only heard the laughing and talking of far off conversations flowing out of the cafeteria down the hall. Leaving the unstable security of the bathroom, I saw 6th period is going to start in 15 minutes. 3 options: 1. Go to lunch with my friends and be interrogated. 2. Play hookie for the rest of the day and sort out my number 1 priority. Or 3. Turn around and make the bathroom my new hiding place. Just thinking these choices out made it obvious to choose 2. More will get done that way.
I ducked out of a side door by the gym. The mid-day sun stung my eyes, making me fumble to get my sunglasses in the pocket of my hoody. Some days I wish the sun wouldn't come up just to match the mood I'm in.
BJ's POV:
6th period is my lunch break. Yay...fun. If things were oddly normal, I would be with Becky right now. I don't understand any of this. What happened to her that made her say what she said? I love her so much. To kill time in her absence, maybe going out for my break might speed things up.
Doing 45 on Schick, someone walking on the side walk caught my eye. Driving past, I turned to look out my back window. Holy shit that's Becky! It was a little tough to tell with the hoody and sunglasses, but yep that's her. It has to be. I pulled off the road in to a drugstore parking lot until she passed. Why is she out here?
5 some minutes later, I saw her coming. She crossed into the parking lot towards the store. Out of panic of being seen, I quickly ducked down. In the process, slamming my head into the steering wheel causing my horn to sound.
"Dumb fuck!" I cursed at my clumsiness. I peeked my head up to see where she was. Apparently, whatever she is thinking about had her full attention, because she didn't flinch or look around at the honk.
Once the double doors swished closed behind her, I got out of my car and ran to the store, but not in a sprint, olympic triathlon sort of way. When I arrived inside, she was nowhere to be seen. I slowly scanned each aisle til I found her staring at a wall of boxes in "Health Care." Is this stalking? Yes, but when was I one to be called "stable"? For a short while, she studied each box, reading the labels, putting them back, and finally settling on 3 different boxes. She sighed and began to walk down the aisle, heading straight for me. Running and then hiding in the next aisle, I waited for her to get in line. Once she took her place behind 2 other people, I crept into the spot she had been to see what she was buying...Oh my god... My eyes widened along with my mouth gaping and an invisible kick in the gut...Pregnancy tests?
My POV:
My heart was racing while I slid the boxes onto the counter before the cashier. In a last minute thought to look casual, I grabbed a pack of gum and a magazine and placed them all together.
"Find everything alright?" the cashier asked, scanning the items. I looked up and gave him a small smile out of common courtesy.
"Yeah, fine."
"Your total is $34.50," he said, putting everything in a plastic bag. I shuffled around in my purse and handed him the money. "Here's your change and have a nice day."
"Thanks, you too." I took the 50 cents and walked out. At least that part's over with.
I was half way through the parking lot when I heard the scuffling of foot steps behind me.
"What's going on?" I turned around to Billie Joe looking shocked and pissed off.
"Billie?"
"Tell me that's not what I think it is in the bag."
"Wait, are you following me?"
"What's in the bag?"
"None of your business," I swung the bag behind me. "What are you doing here?"
"I'd ask you the same thing, but I doubt you'd tell me the truth."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know exactly what that means," he pointed, his face scrunched in anger.
"No, I don't. Could you please explain it to me?" He stared up at the sky, frequently chewing on his lip, and punching his palm. I have never seen him like this and frankly, it was scaring me more than the sight of Ben.
"Becky you could have told me you were seeing someone else, more importantly that you were fucking him!"
"Why would you say that?"
"Pregnancy tests? Come one I'm not a fucking idiot!"
"You don't understand-"
"What's there to understand? You were dating me, said you loved me, then disappeared for days, finally found you, said you don't love me, all the while you were fucking some other guy, and here you are buying pregnancy tests. Yeah it's crystal clear." I was hurt. He made me sound like a heartless slut.
"Billie, it wasn't my choice."
"Not your choice? You were there!"
"Yeah doesn't mean I was conscious at the time!" Shit that slipped out, but he got me so aggravated. The whole thought of telling Billie Joe everything in a parking lot, if at all, was frightening and tragically pathetic. It's hard to hold back tears.
"What?" he asked, seeming more surprised than mad. I wanted to tell him about Ben, and why I was buying these damn tests, and how I've always loved him and the only reason I ended it just so he wouldn't get hurt.
"It's nothing, forget it."
"Don't say it's nothing. Becky tell me," I looked about the lot to see if anyone was around to hear what I was about to say. He must have noticed my skeptism and ushered me to his car. He always knew what to do to help. He eased me inside onto the back seat and then got in himself.
"Ok, now tell me what happened," he said in a serious tone. I bit my lip, reviewing my options on how to go about this. "Please?" He gave my hands a gentle squeeze.
"Ok..." I attempted to swallow the lump in the back of my throat. "I lied to you. I told you I didn't love you. I do. I love you a lot."
"I love you too," a small grin formed upon his face. "What about these?" His hand brushed against my cheek pushing the hair out of my face, and slipping it behind my ear.
"After you left that night, the door bell rang and I answered it because I thought it was you..." Once again replaying the night in my mind was becoming more and more difficult. "He kept yelling and screaming and he wouldn't stop hitting me." Billie Joe pulled me closer to him to keep me from getting more hysterical, and shushed me to muffled cries against his chest.
"Shhhh shhhh I understand. It's ok, everything's going to be O.K. Shhhh." He gently rocked me back and forth.
After a while of heavy sobbing, I calmed down.
"You have to be at school." I realized.
"No, I'm taking the rest of the day off. I have more important things to do." He smiled and gave me a warm hug.
"I love you." I snuggled up to him.
"Love you too. Does this mean we're back together?" He lifted my chin with his finger to look up to him. I gave him a soft kiss.
"If you'll have me."
"I wouldn't want it any other way," he said and we settled into each others arms.
That was fucking horrible. I thought I was going to die when Ben left me for Jen ,but this...This is real pain. Ben. Damn him. Fucking bastard. He's the only reason why I did what I did. If Ben had no problem beating the shit out of me, who knows what he would do to Billie Joe. Might sound lame, but I had to protect him from that. Still sick to my stomache though. I told Billie I didn't love him. Liar. He's the only person I truly care about. I fucking hate this! I want Billie! I love him!...Where am I going? Home? Not looking like this. Keep going to nowhere? No, call me a nerd but I want to finish high school and go to college and I can't do that if I'm out here. That settles it. I have to go home, but if I walk through the front door looking like a punching bag, questions are going to be asked. What's the best answer? Ben did it? Yeah right like anyone would believe me. Everyone adores Ben. They would think I hurt myself out of bitterness and revenge. Pssh new answer. I'll say that...someone broke into the house...attacked me (that explains the bruises and blood) and I woke up in an alley in downtown Bartlett. Sure that leaves a lot of unanswered questions, but that's the best I can do for right now. I'll embellish more along the way.
Sauntering on the sidewalk toward my house, I saw my mom's car sitting in the driveway. I walked up to the door. Last chance, can turn back right now. I shook my head "no" and put my key in the lock.
"Here goes," I sighed and walked inside.
Later at night...
Everyone finally left me alone. As soon as I walked in, I was swarmed by my entire family, save Rachel who was on the phone. I had to tell my false tale over and over again. To my family, twice to the police, once to the family doctor that inspected me, and again to my mom just in case I wanted to tell her something I might be embarrassed to say in front of anyone else. Right, like I'd tell her anything.
Due to my "current situation," mom wants me to stay home til Monday to get myself together and give me enough time for my bruises to heal.
What am I going to do to solve all of this? How am I possibly going to face Billie Joe Monday or for the rest of the year without breaking down and crying. Am I just going to let Ben get away with it? Fuck, I'm not a virgin anymore. I could be carrying his baby! Please, that can't happen. I'm so confused! I hate this.
***
"You're back!" Nick nearly yelled as I walked into English class Monday morning. I nodded and sat down when the bell rang. The bruises had faded somewhat, but still very noticeable. To cover them up, I chose to wear jeans and a giant hoody. If I wore any cover up or foundation, I would only look very fake or a crossdresser trying way too hard so all my hair is in my face to suffice. I just returned from visiting my guidance counselor in hopes to change classes so I wouldn't have to see Billie Joe, but alas. It's too late in the year to switch. Damn.
All the way up to 5th period was a nauseous haze. The staring, the whispers, the expected "what happened to you?" question you receive from that one person who can't mind their own business as soon as you walk into class. You know that one S.O.B. that points and gasps at whatever's ailing you so naturally everyone shifts their attention to you and the only thing you can do is shrug and walk to your seat all the while thinking "please just shoot me now."
I'm standing against the row of lockers across from Billie's, no, Mr. Armstrong's classroom, debating on whether or not to go in. I can see him at his desk writing when the door opened so my fellow classmates can enter. Each time my stomache curled and my head spun.
"Fuck this," I whispered and walked to the cafeteria. I'll have 2 lunch periods today. I scanned the crowed tables in the lunchroom to see if I knew anyone and sit with them. Nope.
"Becky! Over hear!" I whipped around to Rachel standing in the doorway of the annex. The annex is a smaller, windowed lunch room for upperclassmen.
"Eh, what the hell," I walked over.
"Skipping class?" Rachel smiled.
"Yep. Shhh! Don't tell!" I winked.
"I won't, not unless you piss me off. Come sit with us." She dragged me to her table. Corey and Nicole were there and greeted my arrival. Rachel must have told them what "happened," because they were being unusually nice to me.
"Becky, want me to buy ya some lunch?" Corey offered.
"Nah, I'm-"
"Hey you!" Nicole waved violently. In succession, a round of "hi"s and other forms of "hello" sounded from the table. I turned around to do the same and my heart sunk.
Ben was towering over me giving everyone a wave in response. The night I was desperately trying to forget flooded my mind and all I could see was him with blood smeared across his smiling mouth and a raised fist. Even though I'm in a room full of people, I still feel like the night was going to relive itself.
"Please not again.=," I cowarded under his confused look and ran out. I didn't care who saw me running down the hall, stumbling almost falling head first into a water fountain but caught myself. I have to get away.
I ran inside the only sanctuary I have during school, the girl's bathroom. Pushing past a group of girls leaving, I flung myself into an open stall and locked the door. Some banging and yelling came from behind the door.
"Watch the hell where you're going you stupid bitch!"
"Fucking retard!"
When they didn't receive a response, they left. My shaking hands scanned over my head almost yanking my hair out and landing tightly, cupping my ears so I can hear my own thoughts.
No, not now! I launched into a full on panic attack. Tears blurred my vision making this all seem unreal as if I was in some alternate reality where none of this could be happening. Like I got so bored with my life that I made this all up. Twilight Zone moment maybe? Breathing in and out should help...No, not helping, light headedness. Why did I think I could just forget that night and move on? Or making things better by breaking up with Billie Joe?
"Don't be stupid," I whispered. "It's for the best."
Well staying in this stall hiding like a coward isn't very productive. I have to talk to someone, but who? Billie Joe? I don't know. After the tracks, I seriously doubt he'd want to see me.Fucking Ben!...It's not all his fault though, I am partly to blame. I kissed back without realizing the consequences. Of course forseeing me get the shit kicked out of me and being ummm... violated by my ex boyfriend wasn't considered a possible outcome, but I still should have thought everything out. Fuck this, I'm not prepared to sort out my frickin' life in a bathroom stall. Focus on my number 1 priority: Am I pregnant?
I peeked out behind the door and saw no one, I only heard the laughing and talking of far off conversations flowing out of the cafeteria down the hall. Leaving the unstable security of the bathroom, I saw 6th period is going to start in 15 minutes. 3 options: 1. Go to lunch with my friends and be interrogated. 2. Play hookie for the rest of the day and sort out my number 1 priority. Or 3. Turn around and make the bathroom my new hiding place. Just thinking these choices out made it obvious to choose 2. More will get done that way.
I ducked out of a side door by the gym. The mid-day sun stung my eyes, making me fumble to get my sunglasses in the pocket of my hoody. Some days I wish the sun wouldn't come up just to match the mood I'm in.
BJ's POV:
6th period is my lunch break. Yay...fun. If things were oddly normal, I would be with Becky right now. I don't understand any of this. What happened to her that made her say what she said? I love her so much. To kill time in her absence, maybe going out for my break might speed things up.
Doing 45 on Schick, someone walking on the side walk caught my eye. Driving past, I turned to look out my back window. Holy shit that's Becky! It was a little tough to tell with the hoody and sunglasses, but yep that's her. It has to be. I pulled off the road in to a drugstore parking lot until she passed. Why is she out here?
5 some minutes later, I saw her coming. She crossed into the parking lot towards the store. Out of panic of being seen, I quickly ducked down. In the process, slamming my head into the steering wheel causing my horn to sound.
"Dumb fuck!" I cursed at my clumsiness. I peeked my head up to see where she was. Apparently, whatever she is thinking about had her full attention, because she didn't flinch or look around at the honk.
Once the double doors swished closed behind her, I got out of my car and ran to the store, but not in a sprint, olympic triathlon sort of way. When I arrived inside, she was nowhere to be seen. I slowly scanned each aisle til I found her staring at a wall of boxes in "Health Care." Is this stalking? Yes, but when was I one to be called "stable"? For a short while, she studied each box, reading the labels, putting them back, and finally settling on 3 different boxes. She sighed and began to walk down the aisle, heading straight for me. Running and then hiding in the next aisle, I waited for her to get in line. Once she took her place behind 2 other people, I crept into the spot she had been to see what she was buying...Oh my god... My eyes widened along with my mouth gaping and an invisible kick in the gut...Pregnancy tests?
My POV:
My heart was racing while I slid the boxes onto the counter before the cashier. In a last minute thought to look casual, I grabbed a pack of gum and a magazine and placed them all together.
"Find everything alright?" the cashier asked, scanning the items. I looked up and gave him a small smile out of common courtesy.
"Yeah, fine."
"Your total is $34.50," he said, putting everything in a plastic bag. I shuffled around in my purse and handed him the money. "Here's your change and have a nice day."
"Thanks, you too." I took the 50 cents and walked out. At least that part's over with.
I was half way through the parking lot when I heard the scuffling of foot steps behind me.
"What's going on?" I turned around to Billie Joe looking shocked and pissed off.
"Billie?"
"Tell me that's not what I think it is in the bag."
"Wait, are you following me?"
"What's in the bag?"
"None of your business," I swung the bag behind me. "What are you doing here?"
"I'd ask you the same thing, but I doubt you'd tell me the truth."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know exactly what that means," he pointed, his face scrunched in anger.
"No, I don't. Could you please explain it to me?" He stared up at the sky, frequently chewing on his lip, and punching his palm. I have never seen him like this and frankly, it was scaring me more than the sight of Ben.
"Becky you could have told me you were seeing someone else, more importantly that you were fucking him!"
"Why would you say that?"
"Pregnancy tests? Come one I'm not a fucking idiot!"
"You don't understand-"
"What's there to understand? You were dating me, said you loved me, then disappeared for days, finally found you, said you don't love me, all the while you were fucking some other guy, and here you are buying pregnancy tests. Yeah it's crystal clear." I was hurt. He made me sound like a heartless slut.
"Billie, it wasn't my choice."
"Not your choice? You were there!"
"Yeah doesn't mean I was conscious at the time!" Shit that slipped out, but he got me so aggravated. The whole thought of telling Billie Joe everything in a parking lot, if at all, was frightening and tragically pathetic. It's hard to hold back tears.
"What?" he asked, seeming more surprised than mad. I wanted to tell him about Ben, and why I was buying these damn tests, and how I've always loved him and the only reason I ended it just so he wouldn't get hurt.
"It's nothing, forget it."
"Don't say it's nothing. Becky tell me," I looked about the lot to see if anyone was around to hear what I was about to say. He must have noticed my skeptism and ushered me to his car. He always knew what to do to help. He eased me inside onto the back seat and then got in himself.
"Ok, now tell me what happened," he said in a serious tone. I bit my lip, reviewing my options on how to go about this. "Please?" He gave my hands a gentle squeeze.
"Ok..." I attempted to swallow the lump in the back of my throat. "I lied to you. I told you I didn't love you. I do. I love you a lot."
"I love you too," a small grin formed upon his face. "What about these?" His hand brushed against my cheek pushing the hair out of my face, and slipping it behind my ear.
"After you left that night, the door bell rang and I answered it because I thought it was you..." Once again replaying the night in my mind was becoming more and more difficult. "He kept yelling and screaming and he wouldn't stop hitting me." Billie Joe pulled me closer to him to keep me from getting more hysterical, and shushed me to muffled cries against his chest.
"Shhhh shhhh I understand. It's ok, everything's going to be O.K. Shhhh." He gently rocked me back and forth.
After a while of heavy sobbing, I calmed down.
"You have to be at school." I realized.
"No, I'm taking the rest of the day off. I have more important things to do." He smiled and gave me a warm hug.
"I love you." I snuggled up to him.
"Love you too. Does this mean we're back together?" He lifted my chin with his finger to look up to him. I gave him a soft kiss.
"If you'll have me."
"I wouldn't want it any other way," he said and we settled into each others arms.
