Whatshername?, chapter 6
Six months later
Billie's P.O.V.
I look up at the clock...it's just gone 2am. I replace my head back in my hands. Everything's spinning. My ears are still ringing with the sound of metal crunching, tyres screeching...Adie screaming. As people walk past me in the corridor I receive strange looks. I have bruises and grazes all over my face and arms. I must stink of alcohol. I feel so sick...
I stumble out of Tre's towards the car with my arm around Adie. We're laughing. She offers to drive but I insist that I will. She doesn't argue even though she hasn't been drinking. I have. She laughs at me as I attempt to start the car. I finally start it and pull out of the driveway and out onto the main road.
"Andy," says Adie.
"What?"
"If it's a boy, y'know, after your dad?" She indicates to her ever growing stomach.
"Andy," I repeat to myself, "it's a good name." I turn to her and smile "I love you, Adie."
Then that's it. Before she can reply I see her face flood with terror. I turn and look out the windscreen. Headlights burning my eyes. Metal crunching. Tyres screeching. Adie screaming.
I open my eyes and find my hands together as if I'm in some sort of silent prayer.
"Mr. Armstrong?"
I look up and see some doctor looking down at me. "Y-yeah, that's me," I stand up, a little too quickly.
"I'm your wife's doctor, would you like to come this way?"
He leads me through a maze of corridors and double doors. "S-so," I begin, "How's Adie? She's...okay, isn't she?"
"Adrienne's condition is stable, but we'd like to keep her in overnight, just so we can be sure."
Thank God. I can't help but smile with relief. She's ok, she's alive. I thought I'd lost her. My stupid fucking drinking would have ruined everything...again. But the important thing is that she's alive and so is the ba-...a thought suddenly hits me...
"Unfortunately," the doctor continues, "There was a complication. Your wife has requested that she informs you herself."
Oh God. No. Please. We stop outside a door. I look through the window. I see Adie lying in the bed, cuts and bruises all over her. Tears running down her face. She looks like the definition of pain. I turn and look at the doctor. I can't speak. His eyes are dark and solemn. I shake my head.
"No..."
"Be with your wife, she needs you." He then turns and walks off down the corridor. His shoes echoing on the cold, white floor.
I turn and push open the door. Please, no. Anything but...
Adie looks up at me as I walk over to the bed. She shakes her head. No.
"Adie?...the b-baby?"
She's shaking. The tears continue to stream down her face...We lost our baby...Oh God. I suddenly feel so sick. I can't breathe...I killed our baby.
Three days later
I fainted apparently. We pull up to the house in silence. Just me and Adie. There should be three of us. We should be happy and smiling. The baby seat's in the trunk. I moved it there before I picked Adie up this morning, she doesn't need to see it. I'm really worried about her. She can't eat. She can't sleep. I stop the car and glance at her out of the corner of my eye. She looks cold, skeletal...dead. She's only spoken when it's been necessary and when she's been unable to respond in any other way. Most of the time she either nods or shakes her head. We sit there for a few minutes, now without the sound of the engine to fill the dead silence. I phoned everyone who needed to know this morning. I got kind of sick of their sympathy after the first few calls. I look up and see two faces at the window. Joey and Jakob. I tried to explain the situation to them earlier but I don't think they really understood.
"Honey, look," I point at the boys. Hoping it will cheer her up slightly. I get no response. She looks up but not at the house. Through it. Like she's seeing something else. Something that's not real.
"So," I begin, "Er...do you wanna go in?"
There's a long pause.
She slowly nods.
I get out of the car and walk round to the passenger seat, helping her out the car. Why won't she show any emotion?
We walk up to the house. I open the door.
"Mom!" Joey and Jakob run to greet us, smiles splitting their faces. "Hey, where's the baby?"
One week later
Adie's P.O.V.
I feel so cold. I feel so alone. I feel so lost...
Billie's P.O.V.
I stumble down the stairs. It's 4am...Jesus, not again. I walk in and find Adie sitting on the couch, muted cartoons flashing in front of her on the TV screen. This has been happening all week. She sits there rocking herself, her hair hanging limply round her skeletal face. She won't sleep. She won't eat. She won't speak. This isn't the Adie I love. I don't know her anymore, she's a stranger.
"Come on, honey, time to go to bed," I say, taking her hand and lifting her up off the couch. I put my arm round her and take her up the stairs, making sure that we don't wake Joey and Jakob; they don't deserve to see their mother like this.
I help her into bed and stroke her hair until her eyes close. I sit there, watching her until the morning, making sure that she doesn't get up again. She needs to sleep.
The next morning
It's 7:15. I get up and go downstairs to make some breakfast, leaving Adie dreaming peacefully. I don't know how much longer we can go on like this. She needs help, but I don't want her to think that I think she's crazy...God, what do I do? Why the fuck did I drive?! If I hadn't been driving, this wouldn't have happened. I've lost my appetite. I killed our baby! What sort of father am I?! Suddenly the phone rings, causing me to drop the cereal box, sending the contents flying over the kitchen floor. Shit. I run to the phone, eager to answer it so that the sound doesn't wake Adie.
"Hello?" What the hell am I supposed to do?! I don't know how much more I ca-
"Billie?"
I freeze. It's then that I remember. It's then I wish I hadn't picked up the phone.
Billie's P.O.V.
I look up at the clock...it's just gone 2am. I replace my head back in my hands. Everything's spinning. My ears are still ringing with the sound of metal crunching, tyres screeching...Adie screaming. As people walk past me in the corridor I receive strange looks. I have bruises and grazes all over my face and arms. I must stink of alcohol. I feel so sick...
I stumble out of Tre's towards the car with my arm around Adie. We're laughing. She offers to drive but I insist that I will. She doesn't argue even though she hasn't been drinking. I have. She laughs at me as I attempt to start the car. I finally start it and pull out of the driveway and out onto the main road.
"Andy," says Adie.
"What?"
"If it's a boy, y'know, after your dad?" She indicates to her ever growing stomach.
"Andy," I repeat to myself, "it's a good name." I turn to her and smile "I love you, Adie."
Then that's it. Before she can reply I see her face flood with terror. I turn and look out the windscreen. Headlights burning my eyes. Metal crunching. Tyres screeching. Adie screaming.
I open my eyes and find my hands together as if I'm in some sort of silent prayer.
"Mr. Armstrong?"
I look up and see some doctor looking down at me. "Y-yeah, that's me," I stand up, a little too quickly.
"I'm your wife's doctor, would you like to come this way?"
He leads me through a maze of corridors and double doors. "S-so," I begin, "How's Adie? She's...okay, isn't she?"
"Adrienne's condition is stable, but we'd like to keep her in overnight, just so we can be sure."
Thank God. I can't help but smile with relief. She's ok, she's alive. I thought I'd lost her. My stupid fucking drinking would have ruined everything...again. But the important thing is that she's alive and so is the ba-...a thought suddenly hits me...
"Unfortunately," the doctor continues, "There was a complication. Your wife has requested that she informs you herself."
Oh God. No. Please. We stop outside a door. I look through the window. I see Adie lying in the bed, cuts and bruises all over her. Tears running down her face. She looks like the definition of pain. I turn and look at the doctor. I can't speak. His eyes are dark and solemn. I shake my head.
"No..."
"Be with your wife, she needs you." He then turns and walks off down the corridor. His shoes echoing on the cold, white floor.
I turn and push open the door. Please, no. Anything but...
Adie looks up at me as I walk over to the bed. She shakes her head. No.
"Adie?...the b-baby?"
She's shaking. The tears continue to stream down her face...We lost our baby...Oh God. I suddenly feel so sick. I can't breathe...I killed our baby.
Three days later
I fainted apparently. We pull up to the house in silence. Just me and Adie. There should be three of us. We should be happy and smiling. The baby seat's in the trunk. I moved it there before I picked Adie up this morning, she doesn't need to see it. I'm really worried about her. She can't eat. She can't sleep. I stop the car and glance at her out of the corner of my eye. She looks cold, skeletal...dead. She's only spoken when it's been necessary and when she's been unable to respond in any other way. Most of the time she either nods or shakes her head. We sit there for a few minutes, now without the sound of the engine to fill the dead silence. I phoned everyone who needed to know this morning. I got kind of sick of their sympathy after the first few calls. I look up and see two faces at the window. Joey and Jakob. I tried to explain the situation to them earlier but I don't think they really understood.
"Honey, look," I point at the boys. Hoping it will cheer her up slightly. I get no response. She looks up but not at the house. Through it. Like she's seeing something else. Something that's not real.
"So," I begin, "Er...do you wanna go in?"
There's a long pause.
She slowly nods.
I get out of the car and walk round to the passenger seat, helping her out the car. Why won't she show any emotion?
We walk up to the house. I open the door.
"Mom!" Joey and Jakob run to greet us, smiles splitting their faces. "Hey, where's the baby?"
One week later
Adie's P.O.V.
I feel so cold. I feel so alone. I feel so lost...
Billie's P.O.V.
I stumble down the stairs. It's 4am...Jesus, not again. I walk in and find Adie sitting on the couch, muted cartoons flashing in front of her on the TV screen. This has been happening all week. She sits there rocking herself, her hair hanging limply round her skeletal face. She won't sleep. She won't eat. She won't speak. This isn't the Adie I love. I don't know her anymore, she's a stranger.
"Come on, honey, time to go to bed," I say, taking her hand and lifting her up off the couch. I put my arm round her and take her up the stairs, making sure that we don't wake Joey and Jakob; they don't deserve to see their mother like this.
I help her into bed and stroke her hair until her eyes close. I sit there, watching her until the morning, making sure that she doesn't get up again. She needs to sleep.
The next morning
It's 7:15. I get up and go downstairs to make some breakfast, leaving Adie dreaming peacefully. I don't know how much longer we can go on like this. She needs help, but I don't want her to think that I think she's crazy...God, what do I do? Why the fuck did I drive?! If I hadn't been driving, this wouldn't have happened. I've lost my appetite. I killed our baby! What sort of father am I?! Suddenly the phone rings, causing me to drop the cereal box, sending the contents flying over the kitchen floor. Shit. I run to the phone, eager to answer it so that the sound doesn't wake Adie.
"Hello?" What the hell am I supposed to do?! I don't know how much more I ca-
"Billie?"
I freeze. It's then that I remember. It's then I wish I hadn't picked up the phone.
