Whatshername?, chapter 7
Adie's P.O.V.
My eyes flick open. I'm alone. The phone rings. I hear a smash of china. The ringing stops. I hear a murmur of Billie's voice . . . then silence. Not a pause. Just silence . . . I slide out of bed. I miss the large bump that used to make it difficult to stand up. I shuffle towards the open bedroom door. My limbs ache under the strain of movement. I attempt to make my way down the stairs. I reach out and clutch onto the banister . . . my hands. They've become so pale and thin. My knuckles seem to burst through my skin. I wince. I remember the cuts on my palm . . . I tried to shield myself in the crash . . . I take each step one at a time. I can hear Billie's voice more clearly now. I smile. I think . . . I think I'm getting better. Getting over the loss of . . . getting over the loss. He's the one that's helping me through it . . . it was his fault though . . . I mean, he killed my baby . . . my baby . . . I bite my lip as a tear escapes and rolls down my face . . . but I've forgiven him . . . because he's my husband . . . a-and we love each other and nothing is stronger than th-
"Pregnant?!"
Billie's words stop me halfway down the stairs. I feel winded.
"You can't be fucking pregnant!" he hisses down the phone.
I look down from the stairs where I'm now sitting. I see him pacing around the hallway. He runs a hand through his already messed up hair. He looks as sick as I feel.
"Look, you're not keeping it . . . how do you even know it's mine?!"
I bite my lip. This time it has no effect. The tears continue to roll down my face.
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm suggesting . . . look, I'll . . . I'll pay you to . . ."
Pay her?! What is she, some sort of whore?! . . .
"Too far gone?! How about . . . I pay you for your silence?"
I can't listen to any more of this. I run back to the bedroom, not caring how much it hurts to move.
Two weeks later
Billie's P.O.V.
We're moving. All this shit over the past month has been fucking hell. I've had to pay her . . . I don't want to think about how much, but I think she's going to want more money and I cant afford to lose everything . . . Adie's much better, I think she's come to terms with what happened. She doesn't know about her but she agrees; we need to move on and start again . . . maybe we try again for a baby, who knows? Finally things are starting to look up.
Moving day
She screams in silence
A sullen riot penetrating
Through her mind
Waiting for a sign to smash the silence
With the brick of self-control
"Adie! What the fuck are you doing?!" I shout as my bags are thrown out of the car and at my feet.
"Unpacking." She slams the car door shut. I'm speechless. "Like I said, Billie, it's time to move on and that's exactly what I'm doing: moving on from you." She turns to open the car door.
"Adie . . ." I reach out for her arm.
"Don't touch me, Billie!" she pulls her arm away, "Th-they," she stammers as tears well up in her eyes, "they deserve a real father, okay? Someone who will be there for them!" She indicates to the back seat of the car where Joey and Jakob are sitting, sobbing with their heads hung. "Not someone," she continues, lowering her voice, "who will screw the first fucking whore who crosses his path and knock her up."
Oh God. She knows?! No . . . please, no . . . I see what's about to happen, I'm about to lose the three most important things in my world . . . and I can't stop it.
"Adie . . ." I shake my head helplessly, "don't leave me, don't take my boys away from me, I lo-"
"If you take them from me then your secret's out, Billie . . . you're pathetic," she lifts her hand from her side, I flinch slightly, thinking she's about to hit me . . . she doesn't, what she does is a thousand times worse. "It's too late, Billie," she sighs, sliding her ring off her finger, "It's over." She drops the ring . . . I just stand there. She turns, gets in the car and starts it. I suddenly snap back to reality and run towards the car and bang on the window.
"Adie! Adie, please just let me say something! Adie!"
She continues to looks straight ahead, her hands clasped tightly on the steering wheel . . . then she winds down her window and slowly turns her head to face me.
"You'll be a great memory," she says, suddenly changing gear and slamming on the accelerator, reversing away before I can say a word. I feel long awaited tears pour from my eyes as I hear Joey and Jakobs' cries from the open window. Adie turns and changes gear, ready to pull out of the driveway.
"You know what?" Adie calls between sobs, "I hope it's a girl." I shake my head in pain; each of her words hit me like bullets to my throat.
The last thing I hear are the screech of tyres. The last thing I see are the hands of my sons slamming against the car window. The last thing I feel is my world collapsing and myself longing for death.
My eyes flick open. I'm alone. The phone rings. I hear a smash of china. The ringing stops. I hear a murmur of Billie's voice . . . then silence. Not a pause. Just silence . . . I slide out of bed. I miss the large bump that used to make it difficult to stand up. I shuffle towards the open bedroom door. My limbs ache under the strain of movement. I attempt to make my way down the stairs. I reach out and clutch onto the banister . . . my hands. They've become so pale and thin. My knuckles seem to burst through my skin. I wince. I remember the cuts on my palm . . . I tried to shield myself in the crash . . . I take each step one at a time. I can hear Billie's voice more clearly now. I smile. I think . . . I think I'm getting better. Getting over the loss of . . . getting over the loss. He's the one that's helping me through it . . . it was his fault though . . . I mean, he killed my baby . . . my baby . . . I bite my lip as a tear escapes and rolls down my face . . . but I've forgiven him . . . because he's my husband . . . a-and we love each other and nothing is stronger than th-
"Pregnant?!"
Billie's words stop me halfway down the stairs. I feel winded.
"You can't be fucking pregnant!" he hisses down the phone.
I look down from the stairs where I'm now sitting. I see him pacing around the hallway. He runs a hand through his already messed up hair. He looks as sick as I feel.
"Look, you're not keeping it . . . how do you even know it's mine?!"
I bite my lip. This time it has no effect. The tears continue to roll down my face.
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm suggesting . . . look, I'll . . . I'll pay you to . . ."
Pay her?! What is she, some sort of whore?! . . .
"Too far gone?! How about . . . I pay you for your silence?"
I can't listen to any more of this. I run back to the bedroom, not caring how much it hurts to move.
Two weeks later
Billie's P.O.V.
We're moving. All this shit over the past month has been fucking hell. I've had to pay her . . . I don't want to think about how much, but I think she's going to want more money and I cant afford to lose everything . . . Adie's much better, I think she's come to terms with what happened. She doesn't know about her but she agrees; we need to move on and start again . . . maybe we try again for a baby, who knows? Finally things are starting to look up.
Moving day
She screams in silence
A sullen riot penetrating
Through her mind
Waiting for a sign to smash the silence
With the brick of self-control
"Adie! What the fuck are you doing?!" I shout as my bags are thrown out of the car and at my feet.
"Unpacking." She slams the car door shut. I'm speechless. "Like I said, Billie, it's time to move on and that's exactly what I'm doing: moving on from you." She turns to open the car door.
"Adie . . ." I reach out for her arm.
"Don't touch me, Billie!" she pulls her arm away, "Th-they," she stammers as tears well up in her eyes, "they deserve a real father, okay? Someone who will be there for them!" She indicates to the back seat of the car where Joey and Jakob are sitting, sobbing with their heads hung. "Not someone," she continues, lowering her voice, "who will screw the first fucking whore who crosses his path and knock her up."
Oh God. She knows?! No . . . please, no . . . I see what's about to happen, I'm about to lose the three most important things in my world . . . and I can't stop it.
"Adie . . ." I shake my head helplessly, "don't leave me, don't take my boys away from me, I lo-"
"If you take them from me then your secret's out, Billie . . . you're pathetic," she lifts her hand from her side, I flinch slightly, thinking she's about to hit me . . . she doesn't, what she does is a thousand times worse. "It's too late, Billie," she sighs, sliding her ring off her finger, "It's over." She drops the ring . . . I just stand there. She turns, gets in the car and starts it. I suddenly snap back to reality and run towards the car and bang on the window.
"Adie! Adie, please just let me say something! Adie!"
She continues to looks straight ahead, her hands clasped tightly on the steering wheel . . . then she winds down her window and slowly turns her head to face me.
"You'll be a great memory," she says, suddenly changing gear and slamming on the accelerator, reversing away before I can say a word. I feel long awaited tears pour from my eyes as I hear Joey and Jakobs' cries from the open window. Adie turns and changes gear, ready to pull out of the driveway.
"You know what?" Adie calls between sobs, "I hope it's a girl." I shake my head in pain; each of her words hit me like bullets to my throat.
The last thing I hear are the screech of tyres. The last thing I see are the hands of my sons slamming against the car window. The last thing I feel is my world collapsing and myself longing for death.
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