Waiting To Exhale, chapter 2

The illuminating light seeped through the blinds, like memories from veins, painting the canvas of the room with soft oils of yellow and orange. The shadows crept up the walls like vines as I curl my fingertips in the soft sea of bedsheets. The aura of the vicinity was interrupted my a soft shake of the sheets, then a shift, and a yawn.

I look to my left to see a lump hidden under the billowing cloud of sheets.

What did I do?

The aurora danced gracefully along the large glass window in the bedroom, which didn't belong to me. My face fell will peril when I see him flash me a devistating smile. I evade speaking and pretend to be ecstatic by smiling. It's not convincing.

"Morning," he says. I hear his voice crack like a falling tree whilst he sits up in his place and looks around the room. With painstaking effort, I turn over and check the alarm clock to see that it's 8:31am.

I feel an enormous amount of regret take over when I see him walk across the room, totally bare. He closes the bathroom door blissfully as I lift the sheets up.

I was naked.

Damnit! Why did this have to happen?!

I wrap the blankets around me and stand up. Goosebumps rise in my moist skin when a cold, fleeting breeze swirls around my body. I christened my face with a frown when I look into the mirror. My lipstick was terribly smudged and my eyeliner faded down my cheekbone, giving me a ghostly vampire appearance.

I walk into the bathroom quietly, tiptoeing as I went, to find the hot shower on full blast, garnering a cloud of steam. The mirror fogged up like a rainy day and the atmosphere felt like a sauna.

I catch a glimpse of his vague outline behind the glass shower door as I leaned against the counter and pull the sheets up to my chin.

"Hey." He sticks his head out of the shower and flashes me an infectious grin. From the moment I woke up all I felt was that scathing ripple effect that I did something wrong, but now...now I felt good. I wanted to fall asleep in those eyes of his. I wanted to find a paradise in them and dangle on a hammock beneath palm trees, a place where I could breath.

I jump out of my hypnotic asphyxia and cuddle the sheets deeper, resetting my gaze upon the man's face.

"Hey...morning," I say with a smile on my face. All the memories of his rehab disaster, to our break up, to last night faded away into the dark caverns of my mind as I spoke to him. His incadenscent grin played across his face whilst the bead of water rolled down the tips of his hair.

"You wanna hop in?" He asks.

"O-h-oh, well...I don't know..." I stutter, then trail off. I can't stay here and take another risk as I did last night. That would be dangerous. His smile breaks into a frown as he mumbles a few bitter words. "Do you have any filming to do today?"

"Yeah. I don't want to though. I can't handle dealing with those, those ignorant assholes that don't give a damn about what I want. They make me want to pour Clorox in their drinks...maybe rat posion."

I didn't want him to think I didn't enjoy last night, because I most certainly did. I walk towards him as his face coils into a smile and meet him halfway, kissing him hard on the lips.



"You coming?" For a brief moment, I register the thought of what I was about to do and feel an urge to flee the scene, yet my feet stay firmly planted on the bathroom floor. I slowly unravel the seam of my robe, the fabric ruffling my soft skin as my legs dawned out from the sheets. The abrupt rush of air that swarmed my body as I stood there made me shiver. I step into the shower, tip toeing daintily, and feel the warmth of the steam blunder my face and body.

Without hesitation, he says, "You look great, Autumn." The slight sound of his voice faded under the howl of the water. Being so inclined as his for the taking, I smiled.

I feel his hands runs down my shoulders, little bursts of bubbles rising between his fingers and dwindling down my spine. He slips his hands on my elbow and outstretches my arm, only to fondle it teasingly as he trailed kisses up and down my neck.

He rests one hand on my hip and one on my shoulder whilst he stood behind me, his breath falling down my shoulder blade. My long locks of hair were wet, tickling my neck and trailing down my back. A angry, grumbling thunderstorm of thoughts drifted through my mind, yet were shoved into the dark valley of my carelessness as he kissed my jawline and traipsing up to my earlobe.


Breathless.


I snap out of my flashback and emerge from my pool of tender memories, their footprints leaving impression in my memory, never to be forced out or peacefully step aside. I said, "I have to go meet Anna somewhere." I pick at the annoying sore on my chin and lick my lips. He smiles that devistating smile and says, "Okay."

I watch his eyes traipse over me, their astonishing color on fire, warm as ever. The soft beat of my heart matched his breathing pattern, slow and vibrant. Like the little tendrils hanging pleasantly from my updo, the moment danlged from a string, spinning around and around, until suddenly, it stopped and all reality check in.

"Bye."

The sound of his voice alone made me feel like I had the butterflies. I linger back towards the bathroom door casually and slip into his bedroom, digging for the clothes I wore yesterday.



I always thought of myself as a lover. It was always what I loved. It didn't need to be charming, or even beautiful. It just needed to be my ain true love. I became what I was meant to be.

I discovered myself a lover.

I discovered myself a life.


* * *



Good morning New York! It's a great morning and we've got a great, commercial free wake up playlist coming up in a few, but first we've got two tickets to a Modern English concert and you can win by calling in as the twelfth caller. These guys are fresh on tour and have some new beats so get your asses on the phone and give us a call!



"You did what?!"

I hear Anna's voice furl into a scathing scratching as I steer to the left, the wheels of my car kicking up the leaves in the neighborhood whilst they gentley tumbled by. It had been a few days since my provocative night with Tom and I didn't plan on returning to his home to confront him of the situation.

"I just spent the night, okay?" I look into the rearveiw mirror to fix my lipstick and trace my fingers on the edges. The illuminating light of the dawn reflected in the mirror and irradiated my profile. I couldn't help but notice a speckle of gold and brown swimming around in those green eyes of mine.

"You slept with him!" I roll my eyes, resisting the urge to reach through the phone and choke her. I know she's worried about me and she's entitled to, she's my best friend, but she just doesn't know when to shut up.

"It was unintentional," I say rather sheepishly. I hear her breathing on the other end and attempt to say something, but she speaks first.

"That doesn't justify it."

The vibration of the car threatened to lull me to sleep as I lean back into my seat and slow to a halt at a red light. The putrid scent of gas invades my nostrils, causing me to feel nauseous.

"I couldn't help it, okay?" I whisper. "You don't know what it's like." All my resistance will never be distance enough to evade the subject. I bring my dainty fingers to my forehead and massage my temples as the sound of her breathing scratched me like nails on a chalkboard.

I see the crisp and frail clouds frolicking in the sky, twisting, dancing, floating, and genuflecting the monstrous sun. I abrade my chin with my fingertips gently as I watch the sky teem with early birds and butterflies. The softs rays of light magnified the speckles of dust in the atmosphere, making them seem like small bits of snow and silver. It wasn't until then, until that fraction of a second, that I grasped the notion that it was Autumn in New York.

"If he had an ounce of dignity left, he'd tell me he's sorry for everything and he'd mean it."

"You said he was a son of a bitch that needed to clean his act up."

"He's a good man, okay? He's not exactly in order, but he's well balanced. He's got a chip on both shoulders," I say, biting lip. I fondle my eyelids gently, attempting to break the cobwebs from my eyes.

"You specfically said you didn't want anything to do with him or any other man--"

"IN KNOW WHAT I SAID!" I shout, cutting her off. I feel my pulse running high and my heartbeat violently pounding closer together with each passing moment. I feel an insurmountable rush of rage come over me and feel tears in my eyes and my fists clench, garnering white knuckles. "Did it ever occur to you," I pause to clear my throat, "Did it ever occur to you that I might want him? That maybe breaking up with him was a mistake? That I can't stop thinking about him and that I figure if I can't get him out of my head, he's supposed to be there?"

"Tum Tum," she whispers. I detect a hurt attitude in the tone of her voice and hear the echo of a honk. I pull forward, under the vague impression that all systems were go and I could make a turn.

Suddenly, a sharp, unbearable pain abraded my left side. I hear a high pitched screaching unbelievably close to me. I feel a blow to my jawbone, then a deep, scathing pressure to the back of my head and forehead. I feel an odd shift in my seat, then tumble dangerously to the passenger's seat, a unbearable migrain about to take place.

Then I felt nothing.