Wicked Wishes: until the end. (2nd ending.), chapter 10
Ron came up and the next week. He wanted to go to Rudy's...but I didnt want to because I was trying to avoid Baliey at all costs. So we ended up going to this Mexican restaurant with the crapiest food I've ever had in my life.
"I've got a date with Bayzer tonight," Ron told me.
"Bayzer?" I asked. He nodded. "She's not too fond of me right now," I told him.
"Why?" He asked. I shrugged.
Ron was busy smiling at this girl that was sitting in the corner. I looked over at her.
"She's not your type," I told him. She had gone to school with me. She had once refused to let me borrow a pen because she said I was a freak.
"Every girl," Ron said, leaning back in his chair. "Is my type."
"Oh you're so full of shit," I said angrily pushing my food away. "You know that? You're so full of Shit Ron."
"What the fuck is your problem?"
"You don't care about anyone but yourself," I told him. "All the girls you are with you fuck and that's it. You don't give a damn Ron, and you know that."
"HEY! Listen to me...I've never been in a real relationship, I've never fallen in love. Because UNLIKE YOU I HAVENT FOUND SOME ONE LIKE CHADD. AND YOU WERE JUST LIKE ME BEFORE YOU MET HER! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP RIOT!"
We didn't say anything. He stopped smiling at the girl. He started picking at his food.
"Chadd was pregnant," I said sighing and running my fingers through my hair. I hadn't told him that before. His fork clanked against his plate as he dropped it.
"I...you...she..." He said confused. "Did you do that?" He asked as if it was like I had broken a window or something. I nodded.
"Wow."
We didn't say anything to each other for awhile.
"I bought you something for your birthday," Ron said, reaching into the pocket of his leather jacket. He pushed a small package wrapped in a paper bag across the table to me. I unwrapped it.
"I found it in a record store a week ago." It was Wicked's first Demo/single. Inside was the name of it. I flipped the CD over and over again.
"Thanks," I said, barely thinking about what I was saying. My brain wasn't connecting with the words coming out of my mouth. I looked at the front cover. Chadd was sitting on a couch, her hair was hanging in her face and she was smiling. Bayzer was jumping on her back. Mark and Sony were sitting on the back of the couch. I set the CD down. I couldn't even look at the damn thing anymore. I looked at Ron.
"I'm sorry Riot. Shouldn't have bought it should I?"
I shook my head. "It's fine really. Thanks."
"You don't have to listen to it if you don't want. I don't care what you do with it," he said a little unsure.
"It's fine Ron," I said again.
***
Me and Ron started to walk back home. We crossed a bridge over the high way. I leaned over the edge.
"What would you do if I did that?" I asked him.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" He said, lighting his cigarette.
"I'm not joking! What would you do if I killed myself?" He just looked at me.
"Why the fuck are we talking about THIS?" he asked.
"Because I want to know," I asked him.
"Riot, I know how you are. I've watched you destroy your self inside and out. I've watch you drug your self to the verge of death, and I know that you cut. I've helped you through a lot of that bullshit. And I'll do it again and again."
We didn't say anything the rest of the way home. He left later that day.
***
I was sitting up in my room holding the CD. Debating weather or not I should play it. I finally just put it in the stereo. I sat back down on my bed and started to gnaw at my fingers as the music started to play. It's funny to say, but I have to admit it...I'd never really, really listened to Wicked. I'd seen them play Live and all but never just sat down and listen to the music. In a way I guess I was listening to them for the first time...
After I had listened to the songs on the CD over and over again some one knocked on my bed room door.
"Come in," I said turning off the stereo. It was Bayzer. She came and sat down next to me on the bed.
"Listen Riot, I think I over reacted the other day. I'm really sorry," she said and hugged me.
"It's fine." It felt good to hug her. I squeezed her tighter.
"I'm Sorry."
"Mmhhmm." I nodded, still hugging her.
She kissed me. At first I was afraid but after a little bit I was ok. It didn't hurt to kiss her the way it had killed me inside when I kissed Bailey. It didn't leave me with this horrible feeling of guilt. It felt good. She started to cry. It wasn't really tears, just a stream a water coming from her eyes. I think I started to cry too. So there we were sitting on my bed crying and kissing. She pulled away from me and I wiped the tears off her face.
"Riot, I can't. You're looking for some one to replace Chadd. I just can't do that."
She got up and left. Leaving me on my bed with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness.
"I've got a date with Bayzer tonight," Ron told me.
"Bayzer?" I asked. He nodded. "She's not too fond of me right now," I told him.
"Why?" He asked. I shrugged.
Ron was busy smiling at this girl that was sitting in the corner. I looked over at her.
"She's not your type," I told him. She had gone to school with me. She had once refused to let me borrow a pen because she said I was a freak.
"Every girl," Ron said, leaning back in his chair. "Is my type."
"Oh you're so full of shit," I said angrily pushing my food away. "You know that? You're so full of Shit Ron."
"What the fuck is your problem?"
"You don't care about anyone but yourself," I told him. "All the girls you are with you fuck and that's it. You don't give a damn Ron, and you know that."
"HEY! Listen to me...I've never been in a real relationship, I've never fallen in love. Because UNLIKE YOU I HAVENT FOUND SOME ONE LIKE CHADD. AND YOU WERE JUST LIKE ME BEFORE YOU MET HER! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP RIOT!"
We didn't say anything. He stopped smiling at the girl. He started picking at his food.
"Chadd was pregnant," I said sighing and running my fingers through my hair. I hadn't told him that before. His fork clanked against his plate as he dropped it.
"I...you...she..." He said confused. "Did you do that?" He asked as if it was like I had broken a window or something. I nodded.
"Wow."
We didn't say anything to each other for awhile.
"I bought you something for your birthday," Ron said, reaching into the pocket of his leather jacket. He pushed a small package wrapped in a paper bag across the table to me. I unwrapped it.
"I found it in a record store a week ago." It was Wicked's first Demo/single. Inside was the name of it. I flipped the CD over and over again.
"Thanks," I said, barely thinking about what I was saying. My brain wasn't connecting with the words coming out of my mouth. I looked at the front cover. Chadd was sitting on a couch, her hair was hanging in her face and she was smiling. Bayzer was jumping on her back. Mark and Sony were sitting on the back of the couch. I set the CD down. I couldn't even look at the damn thing anymore. I looked at Ron.
"I'm sorry Riot. Shouldn't have bought it should I?"
I shook my head. "It's fine really. Thanks."
"You don't have to listen to it if you don't want. I don't care what you do with it," he said a little unsure.
"It's fine Ron," I said again.
***
Me and Ron started to walk back home. We crossed a bridge over the high way. I leaned over the edge.
"What would you do if I did that?" I asked him.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" He said, lighting his cigarette.
"I'm not joking! What would you do if I killed myself?" He just looked at me.
"Why the fuck are we talking about THIS?" he asked.
"Because I want to know," I asked him.
"Riot, I know how you are. I've watched you destroy your self inside and out. I've watch you drug your self to the verge of death, and I know that you cut. I've helped you through a lot of that bullshit. And I'll do it again and again."
We didn't say anything the rest of the way home. He left later that day.
***
I was sitting up in my room holding the CD. Debating weather or not I should play it. I finally just put it in the stereo. I sat back down on my bed and started to gnaw at my fingers as the music started to play. It's funny to say, but I have to admit it...I'd never really, really listened to Wicked. I'd seen them play Live and all but never just sat down and listen to the music. In a way I guess I was listening to them for the first time...
After I had listened to the songs on the CD over and over again some one knocked on my bed room door.
"Come in," I said turning off the stereo. It was Bayzer. She came and sat down next to me on the bed.
"Listen Riot, I think I over reacted the other day. I'm really sorry," she said and hugged me.
"It's fine." It felt good to hug her. I squeezed her tighter.
"I'm Sorry."
"Mmhhmm." I nodded, still hugging her.
She kissed me. At first I was afraid but after a little bit I was ok. It didn't hurt to kiss her the way it had killed me inside when I kissed Bailey. It didn't leave me with this horrible feeling of guilt. It felt good. She started to cry. It wasn't really tears, just a stream a water coming from her eyes. I think I started to cry too. So there we were sitting on my bed crying and kissing. She pulled away from me and I wiped the tears off her face.
"Riot, I can't. You're looking for some one to replace Chadd. I just can't do that."
She got up and left. Leaving me on my bed with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness.
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