Fragments Of Yesterday, chapter 28
The light peaked through the curtains, a light breeze blowing and causing Katie to wake. She felt like shit, but due to the clouds of sleep still hovering in her mind, she couldn't rightly remember why. Her head buzzed pleasantly--that kind of minute feeling that reminds you some kind of small victory was won.
Katie yawned as she opened her closet door and pulled out some clothes, slipping them on mechanically like she were in some sort of daze. She wasn't tired, but for some reason she still wanted to sleep. She wracked her brain half-heartedly as she combed out her ratty red hair, throwing it up into a pony tail. The dullness in her mind lifted completely around the time she was brushing her teeth. She stopped, mid-brush, and gaped at herself in the mirror.
Joey had kissed her. Something that she had entertained as a humorous delusion had actually happened. With his kiss, it had made his feelings concrete. They were there, and they were real.
And Katie felt the same way.
Katie came to the conclusion this might make things a little awkward between them. I have to let him know that I feel the same way, Katie resolved. Before one part of her subconscious could even finish that thought, the other part of her subconscious started in with its plethora of 'what-ifs' and 'buts'. That doubting, skeptical part of herself had finally made an appearance, hindering any kind of progress Katie had made with herself and what to do.
What if he was just messing with me? What if he is just using me for some sort of experience or experiment? What if he really isn't that serious about it, or if he regrets it? And if we did go for it, what would people think? We would be happy, sure, but what about Billie? Or Adie?
One question after another presented itself, driving Katie crazy as she walked downstairs. She had silently decided that regardless of what she would do she wouldn't let things get awkward between them. She couldn't stand to do that to herself or Joey, and it would probably make Billie and Adrienne wonder. Besides, her friendship with him that she had worked so hard to make right was more important than something she was so unsure of.
When Katie walked into the kitchen, she saw Joey sitting on a bar stool at the small island in the middle of the kitchen. His hair was tousled and he still had a half sleepy look on his face, not to mention a red mark on the side of his face where he had probably slept. Adrienne turned and set a plate of pancakes* on the island beside Joey and smiled at Katie. "Sleep well?" she asked. Katie grinned and nodded, slowly settling herself in the seat next to Joey. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.
He had been expecting some sort of reaction--anything--from her. She didn't so much as glance over at him, or even give any recognition that he was in the same room, causing his heart to sink sufficiently. She's pretending that it never happened, Joey observed sadly. I knew I shouldn't have done it. He sighed and took another bite of bacon before abandoning his breakfast completely and walking out of the room. Katie watched him go, frowning slightly.
"Something wrong with Joey?" Katie asked as casually as she could muster. Adrienne turned and looked at Katie, also batting at casual. In actuality, Joey had been fine until Katie came in. After that, his demeanor had changed entirely.
"I guess not," Adrienne answered, adding a small shrug for good measure. "I didn't really notice." Katie only nodded and eventually abandoned her own breakfast as well, walking through the sliding glass doors and outside.
Essentially, everyone who knew about the situation was playing a very elaborate game of pretend. Katie had managed to convince herself that she could keep this charade up for as long as need be. Joey, on the other hand, was sure that Katie was only ignoring him so as to not make him feel bad that she didn't share the same feelings. Adrienne knew that something major had gone on, but she said nothing, because she refused to intervene.
Billie sat in his studio, completely oblivious to the goings-on of all this, plucking his guitar strings lightly as he worked on an acoustic entrance to a new track that he and the guys were finishing up for the new record.
***
For the next two weeks, it had been scarily easy for Joey and Katie to avoid each other. For the first week of this, Katie had stayed with Mike, taking more bass lessons and keeping him company. Brittney had been through the house, moving out and in temporarily with a friend--a GUY friend. Katie had no idea what the entire situation was, but she had shamelessly constructed a silent hate for that woman. After seeing the sadness that had been instilled into Mike's eyes after the initial breakup, it had been hard for her not to.
On the second week, Joey had pretty much spent the better parts of the days hanging out with various friends. At night, he would just retreat to his bedroom and completely shun contact with anyone. Billie worried about this, but Adrienne assured him that Joey was just getting more into the teenage phase. Billie couldn't help but notice that Adrienne told him these things with an air that said she knew more than what she was telling. He really didn't have much time to invest into this thought, however, so he just shrugged it off.
When the third week hit, things really began to get weird. Adrienne had told all the kids that Billie would be leaving soon, and they all needed to stay at home and spend some time with him. This put Katie and Joey under the same roof 24/7, and it seemed that both of them went through great pains to ensure that A) things weren't awkward, and B) they were never in the same room together for a prolonged period of time.
Halfway through the week, these little games began to play on Katie's nerves. Joey wouldn't even look her in the eyes anymore, and she couldn't deny that things hadn't gotten completely awkward. All this ignoring each other was getting neither of them anywhere, and she knew that she would have to be the one to put forth some initiative. She felt that if she let things go on like this any longer, she would have to become a lesbian.
For now, both of them were in their respective rooms. Katie could hear My Chemical Romance blaring through the walls of Joey's room, and she was so annoyed with it that she felt like she could go Emo herself and slit her own wrists open. She tried to ignore it as much as she could, tension with everything just mounting all at once. Finally, she threw down the book she was trying to read, got up and flung the door open to her room, and flung the door open to Joey's room, shutting it behind her.
She slammed her hand down on the stop button of his stereo, startling the piss out of Joey, who had been sorting through his CDs. "What?" he asked dumbly, feeling very uneasy at the look on Katie's face.
"How can you stand to listen to this shit?" Katie asked, gesturing at the stereo. "They fucking suck!"
"Uh--" Joey stammered, wondering why her voice was getting louder and more perturbed by the second. "You could have just asked me to turn it dow--"
"It's not about the damn music, Joey," Katie finally said, spitting it out vehemently and causing Joey to wince. She walked over and slid al of his CDs out of the way so she could sit down on the floor beside him.
"Then what is it?" Joey asked, his stomach churning maddeningly. Katie frowned and rubbed her face in frustration.
"Please don't do this to me," Katie whispered exasperated. "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Me--you--kiss?" Joey's face fell a little as he looked down at the ground. He was afraid that it would come to this--the straight rejection.
"Yeah," Joey acknowledged softly. Katie looked over, searching his face.
"Tell me this much," she pressed, "did you mean it?" Joey looked up at her with a large amount of incredulity.
"Of course I did!" he exclaimed. Katie was a little alarmed at this, but nodded all the same.
"Then why the hell have you been avoiding me?" she spat questioningly, causing Joey's own temper to flare up as well.
"Me avoiding yo--you've been avoiding me!" he growled back. Katie shook her head in complete and firm disagreement.
"I was trying to keep things from getting awkward," Katie protested forcefully. Joey let out an exasperated breath.
"How was avoiding me keeping things from getting awkward Katie?" Joey asked. "The fact that we can't even... " Joey trailed off, wondering why the hell they were arguing in the first place. "Oh goddamnit... " he whispered before leaning forward, kissing Katie forcefully on the mouth. Katie didn't waste any time in retaliation, kissing him back just as fervently as he was kissing her. He leaned forward more, Katie falling down onto the floor and Joey landing on top of her.
Joey broke away to look at Katie's face, which was a mixture of satisfaction, and, oh God help him, relief. It was the exact same way that he was feeling at the moment, his heart thudding out of his chest adding to the mixture. Katie leaned up, wondering what the hold up was, and kissed him more gently on the lips, earning a more sensual and less feral kiss. Eventually they stopped the make-out session, Katie sitting in Joey's arms on the floor. They had made sure that the door was locked before they resumed this position, just incase Adrienne or Billie had decided to walk in.
"I've liked you for a long time," Joey admitted in afterthought, looking over at Katie. Katie smiled, making him feel more at ease with his feelings. "Admittedly, I didn't want you to get adopted," he confessed, looking down. He had expected a certain amount of anger from her at this statement, but instead he received a warm kiss on the cheek.
"Me either," Katie admitted also. Joey stared at her in shock. "I mean, I love Billie to death, but... I liked you before, and I thought that it would just be weird to like a legal brother, blood or not." Joey smiled at this, almost in disbelief that they had both been going through the exact same thing. Katie moved to look at him full in the face. "What are we going to do, Joey?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," she sighed. "Your parents would flip out, I know it." She stared past him for a moment before returning to his gaze. "But I don't think I can resist you," she said with a smirk. Joey laughed a little under his breath.
"We could always just hide it from them," Joey suggested. Katie nodded in complete agreement.
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," Katie said. "Of course, we would tell them eventually, provided things got that far."
"Yeah," Joey agreed. He was happy with the prospect of actually getting something he had wanted for so long, and he would have probably gone to any lengths to get her. "Kind of like a test run. If things didn't work out, it would be better that we wouldn't have caused any kind of trouble with Mom and Dad beforehand, right?"
"Right," Katie smiled, settling herself against Joey once again, contentedly. "It's settled then." They both sat there for a long time, both thinking that they were content, but both deep down inside being anything but.
***
Billie stood in the airport with the guys and his family, not wanting to go but itching to go all the same. He would miss them all like crazy, but he knew that he would miss touring when he got back home. It was a double edged sword, and it never got any easier with the years. Tre and Mike were going through the same thing with their families, but they had said goodbye the night before.
"It's only four months, right?" Katie asked, breaking the silence. Billie smiled at her sadly.
"Yeah," he answered, four months sounding like an awful long time once he thought about it. He glanced at Adrienne, who was wearing that look on her face that he had always dreaded seeing when he left. It was that sadness masked with fake enthusiasm that he was grateful for, but at the same time, hated.
"That's not so bad," Katie assessed. "I lived without you for eleven years, I can go four months." This little bit of bluntness made Billie smile as he gave her a hug. Katie moved on to Mike to say goodbyes as Billie looked back to the rest of his family.
"Yeah," Joey agreed with Katie, hoping to make the situation easier. "Besides," he kept on, "you've been away longer before."
"He can't do that anymore," Jakob said, a mischievous grin forming on his chubby face, "he's getting too old."
"Hey!" Billie protested, tickling Jakob as he hugged him. "You've been listening to Tre too damn much."
"Alright little man!" Tre said enthusiastically, pumping his fist into the air and making them all laugh. Over the intercom, their flight number was being called. Billie turned to Adrienne, having so much to say and yet have nothing to say. She smiled at him weakly and moved into his embrace, hugging him warmly before pulling away slightly.
"Have a good trip," she said, her grip around his neck tightening. He pulled her into a long kiss, everyone in the vicinity averting their eyes respectfully--or in some cases, out of disgust.
"I love you," Billie whispered into her ear. His heart fluttered when he heard a small sniffle from his wife.
"I love you too," she responded, giving him another peck on the cheek. She pulled away from him and nudged him towards the guys. "You better go, or you'll miss your flight." Billie nodded and leaned forward to give her one last peck on the cheek. He gathered his bags and waved to his family before walking towards the gate.
Katie yawned as she opened her closet door and pulled out some clothes, slipping them on mechanically like she were in some sort of daze. She wasn't tired, but for some reason she still wanted to sleep. She wracked her brain half-heartedly as she combed out her ratty red hair, throwing it up into a pony tail. The dullness in her mind lifted completely around the time she was brushing her teeth. She stopped, mid-brush, and gaped at herself in the mirror.
Joey had kissed her. Something that she had entertained as a humorous delusion had actually happened. With his kiss, it had made his feelings concrete. They were there, and they were real.
And Katie felt the same way.
Katie came to the conclusion this might make things a little awkward between them. I have to let him know that I feel the same way, Katie resolved. Before one part of her subconscious could even finish that thought, the other part of her subconscious started in with its plethora of 'what-ifs' and 'buts'. That doubting, skeptical part of herself had finally made an appearance, hindering any kind of progress Katie had made with herself and what to do.
What if he was just messing with me? What if he is just using me for some sort of experience or experiment? What if he really isn't that serious about it, or if he regrets it? And if we did go for it, what would people think? We would be happy, sure, but what about Billie? Or Adie?
One question after another presented itself, driving Katie crazy as she walked downstairs. She had silently decided that regardless of what she would do she wouldn't let things get awkward between them. She couldn't stand to do that to herself or Joey, and it would probably make Billie and Adrienne wonder. Besides, her friendship with him that she had worked so hard to make right was more important than something she was so unsure of.
When Katie walked into the kitchen, she saw Joey sitting on a bar stool at the small island in the middle of the kitchen. His hair was tousled and he still had a half sleepy look on his face, not to mention a red mark on the side of his face where he had probably slept. Adrienne turned and set a plate of pancakes* on the island beside Joey and smiled at Katie. "Sleep well?" she asked. Katie grinned and nodded, slowly settling herself in the seat next to Joey. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.
He had been expecting some sort of reaction--anything--from her. She didn't so much as glance over at him, or even give any recognition that he was in the same room, causing his heart to sink sufficiently. She's pretending that it never happened, Joey observed sadly. I knew I shouldn't have done it. He sighed and took another bite of bacon before abandoning his breakfast completely and walking out of the room. Katie watched him go, frowning slightly.
"Something wrong with Joey?" Katie asked as casually as she could muster. Adrienne turned and looked at Katie, also batting at casual. In actuality, Joey had been fine until Katie came in. After that, his demeanor had changed entirely.
"I guess not," Adrienne answered, adding a small shrug for good measure. "I didn't really notice." Katie only nodded and eventually abandoned her own breakfast as well, walking through the sliding glass doors and outside.
Essentially, everyone who knew about the situation was playing a very elaborate game of pretend. Katie had managed to convince herself that she could keep this charade up for as long as need be. Joey, on the other hand, was sure that Katie was only ignoring him so as to not make him feel bad that she didn't share the same feelings. Adrienne knew that something major had gone on, but she said nothing, because she refused to intervene.
Billie sat in his studio, completely oblivious to the goings-on of all this, plucking his guitar strings lightly as he worked on an acoustic entrance to a new track that he and the guys were finishing up for the new record.
***
For the next two weeks, it had been scarily easy for Joey and Katie to avoid each other. For the first week of this, Katie had stayed with Mike, taking more bass lessons and keeping him company. Brittney had been through the house, moving out and in temporarily with a friend--a GUY friend. Katie had no idea what the entire situation was, but she had shamelessly constructed a silent hate for that woman. After seeing the sadness that had been instilled into Mike's eyes after the initial breakup, it had been hard for her not to.
On the second week, Joey had pretty much spent the better parts of the days hanging out with various friends. At night, he would just retreat to his bedroom and completely shun contact with anyone. Billie worried about this, but Adrienne assured him that Joey was just getting more into the teenage phase. Billie couldn't help but notice that Adrienne told him these things with an air that said she knew more than what she was telling. He really didn't have much time to invest into this thought, however, so he just shrugged it off.
When the third week hit, things really began to get weird. Adrienne had told all the kids that Billie would be leaving soon, and they all needed to stay at home and spend some time with him. This put Katie and Joey under the same roof 24/7, and it seemed that both of them went through great pains to ensure that A) things weren't awkward, and B) they were never in the same room together for a prolonged period of time.
Halfway through the week, these little games began to play on Katie's nerves. Joey wouldn't even look her in the eyes anymore, and she couldn't deny that things hadn't gotten completely awkward. All this ignoring each other was getting neither of them anywhere, and she knew that she would have to be the one to put forth some initiative. She felt that if she let things go on like this any longer, she would have to become a lesbian.
For now, both of them were in their respective rooms. Katie could hear My Chemical Romance blaring through the walls of Joey's room, and she was so annoyed with it that she felt like she could go Emo herself and slit her own wrists open. She tried to ignore it as much as she could, tension with everything just mounting all at once. Finally, she threw down the book she was trying to read, got up and flung the door open to her room, and flung the door open to Joey's room, shutting it behind her.
She slammed her hand down on the stop button of his stereo, startling the piss out of Joey, who had been sorting through his CDs. "What?" he asked dumbly, feeling very uneasy at the look on Katie's face.
"How can you stand to listen to this shit?" Katie asked, gesturing at the stereo. "They fucking suck!"
"Uh--" Joey stammered, wondering why her voice was getting louder and more perturbed by the second. "You could have just asked me to turn it dow--"
"It's not about the damn music, Joey," Katie finally said, spitting it out vehemently and causing Joey to wince. She walked over and slid al of his CDs out of the way so she could sit down on the floor beside him.
"Then what is it?" Joey asked, his stomach churning maddeningly. Katie frowned and rubbed her face in frustration.
"Please don't do this to me," Katie whispered exasperated. "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Me--you--kiss?" Joey's face fell a little as he looked down at the ground. He was afraid that it would come to this--the straight rejection.
"Yeah," Joey acknowledged softly. Katie looked over, searching his face.
"Tell me this much," she pressed, "did you mean it?" Joey looked up at her with a large amount of incredulity.
"Of course I did!" he exclaimed. Katie was a little alarmed at this, but nodded all the same.
"Then why the hell have you been avoiding me?" she spat questioningly, causing Joey's own temper to flare up as well.
"Me avoiding yo--you've been avoiding me!" he growled back. Katie shook her head in complete and firm disagreement.
"I was trying to keep things from getting awkward," Katie protested forcefully. Joey let out an exasperated breath.
"How was avoiding me keeping things from getting awkward Katie?" Joey asked. "The fact that we can't even... " Joey trailed off, wondering why the hell they were arguing in the first place. "Oh goddamnit... " he whispered before leaning forward, kissing Katie forcefully on the mouth. Katie didn't waste any time in retaliation, kissing him back just as fervently as he was kissing her. He leaned forward more, Katie falling down onto the floor and Joey landing on top of her.
Joey broke away to look at Katie's face, which was a mixture of satisfaction, and, oh God help him, relief. It was the exact same way that he was feeling at the moment, his heart thudding out of his chest adding to the mixture. Katie leaned up, wondering what the hold up was, and kissed him more gently on the lips, earning a more sensual and less feral kiss. Eventually they stopped the make-out session, Katie sitting in Joey's arms on the floor. They had made sure that the door was locked before they resumed this position, just incase Adrienne or Billie had decided to walk in.
"I've liked you for a long time," Joey admitted in afterthought, looking over at Katie. Katie smiled, making him feel more at ease with his feelings. "Admittedly, I didn't want you to get adopted," he confessed, looking down. He had expected a certain amount of anger from her at this statement, but instead he received a warm kiss on the cheek.
"Me either," Katie admitted also. Joey stared at her in shock. "I mean, I love Billie to death, but... I liked you before, and I thought that it would just be weird to like a legal brother, blood or not." Joey smiled at this, almost in disbelief that they had both been going through the exact same thing. Katie moved to look at him full in the face. "What are we going to do, Joey?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," she sighed. "Your parents would flip out, I know it." She stared past him for a moment before returning to his gaze. "But I don't think I can resist you," she said with a smirk. Joey laughed a little under his breath.
"We could always just hide it from them," Joey suggested. Katie nodded in complete agreement.
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," Katie said. "Of course, we would tell them eventually, provided things got that far."
"Yeah," Joey agreed. He was happy with the prospect of actually getting something he had wanted for so long, and he would have probably gone to any lengths to get her. "Kind of like a test run. If things didn't work out, it would be better that we wouldn't have caused any kind of trouble with Mom and Dad beforehand, right?"
"Right," Katie smiled, settling herself against Joey once again, contentedly. "It's settled then." They both sat there for a long time, both thinking that they were content, but both deep down inside being anything but.
***
Billie stood in the airport with the guys and his family, not wanting to go but itching to go all the same. He would miss them all like crazy, but he knew that he would miss touring when he got back home. It was a double edged sword, and it never got any easier with the years. Tre and Mike were going through the same thing with their families, but they had said goodbye the night before.
"It's only four months, right?" Katie asked, breaking the silence. Billie smiled at her sadly.
"Yeah," he answered, four months sounding like an awful long time once he thought about it. He glanced at Adrienne, who was wearing that look on her face that he had always dreaded seeing when he left. It was that sadness masked with fake enthusiasm that he was grateful for, but at the same time, hated.
"That's not so bad," Katie assessed. "I lived without you for eleven years, I can go four months." This little bit of bluntness made Billie smile as he gave her a hug. Katie moved on to Mike to say goodbyes as Billie looked back to the rest of his family.
"Yeah," Joey agreed with Katie, hoping to make the situation easier. "Besides," he kept on, "you've been away longer before."
"He can't do that anymore," Jakob said, a mischievous grin forming on his chubby face, "he's getting too old."
"Hey!" Billie protested, tickling Jakob as he hugged him. "You've been listening to Tre too damn much."
"Alright little man!" Tre said enthusiastically, pumping his fist into the air and making them all laugh. Over the intercom, their flight number was being called. Billie turned to Adrienne, having so much to say and yet have nothing to say. She smiled at him weakly and moved into his embrace, hugging him warmly before pulling away slightly.
"Have a good trip," she said, her grip around his neck tightening. He pulled her into a long kiss, everyone in the vicinity averting their eyes respectfully--or in some cases, out of disgust.
"I love you," Billie whispered into her ear. His heart fluttered when he heard a small sniffle from his wife.
"I love you too," she responded, giving him another peck on the cheek. She pulled away from him and nudged him towards the guys. "You better go, or you'll miss your flight." Billie nodded and leaned forward to give her one last peck on the cheek. He gathered his bags and waved to his family before walking towards the gate.
