Billie's Goldfish, chapter 5
* 8:37 the next morning * Joe's POV (or as we now know him, GWB)
I have less than a half hour to execute my plan. Mike is now in the shower, and I have been watching him these past few days. He gets up at 8:30, and takes a half hour shower. He comes out at approximately 9 am, and gets his coffee. This happens every morning, the same exact routine.
I transforned into my human form and went to the garage to retrieve the rat poisoning and anti-freeze. Poring them into the coffee maker, I add the coffee and water. The coffee that was being brewed looked ligitiamate, and it smelled like coffee. Technically, it was, but you get my point. Or do you?
Anyway, I had less than five minutes to get the coffee brewed judt right for Mike. That democrat was going to die in less than 6 minutes from now.
*Mike's POV*
I yawned loudly as I walked out of the bathroom. I waslked slowly towards the kitchen. But there was another man there. WITH MY FUCKIN COFFEE! "Who the fuckin hell are you?" I yelled, putting my fingers around the little gun in my pocket. These days, a gun is good to carry around. The mystery man turned around, holding a bottle of antifreeze and rat poison.
"Holy fuck...Bush...you bastard!" I yelled, pulling out my gun.
"No, no, no, we don't need to go there do we? You want some coffee?" Bush said, with his usual, 'I'm high and I can't believe I'm still the pez of the U.S.' smile.
"I ain't touchin any of that coffee. Especially since a Republican touched it," I said.
"Come on, can't we sort this out? I got some pot at the White House!" He said, still with that goofy smile that I despised.
"Well, I have every damn legal right to kill you, you bastard. Breaking and entering. I could just say it was self defense. You broke in here. And there's plenty of evidence that you tried to kill me."
"Tried? Tried? I am," he said, his smile changing to a mischevious one.
"What the fuck are you trying to pull Bush?" I asked, my gun still pointed at him.
He pulled a larger gun on me.
"The trigger. Thats what I'm going to pull."
I shot my gun at his head. He went down with a slam on the tile floor, his skull I could hear shattering on impact.
"I killed the president. I killed the president that was trying to kill me. And he broke into my home..." I stuttered to myself.
Billie and Tre came running, they had heard the gunshot.
"Is that Bush? You fuckin killed Bush?" Billie asked me wide eyed.
"Yeah. He broke into here... and he was trying to kill me..." I said, still in shock. I pointed at the anti-freeze, the rat poison, the coffee, and Bush's gun.
"I FUCKIN LOVE YOU!!! WE'RE FUCKIN SAVED!!!! WE'RE GONNA LIVE! I FUCKIN LOVE AMERICA! BUSH IS DEAD BUSH IS DEAD!!!!!!" Tre and Billie yelled in unison, holding on to eachother's shoulder's and jumping up and down.
I started to join them, but before we could do anymore celebrating, we had to notify the police.
Later, they came and took the body of the bastard away. I was questioned, and they took my story. It just so happened that a plan was put out to kill ALL democrats. And we were his first targets. The plans were found in the White House. And we also found out that Joe was bush. More plans were in his dog house. And now Billie, Tre and I are all afraid to get another dog. It could be another wierd republican in disguise. Our asses were saved.
*Later at Bush's funeral, a few days later.* Billie's POV
Ah, this was the day I've been waiting for.
Mike, Tre and I ran up to the stage in the middle of the funeral, when all these prayers were being made and shit. I pushed the priest off the stage, thew the flowers off, and slung my guitar on. Tre took the drum set, and Mike had his bass all ready. We were out to ruin a funeral for the person we hated the most.
I spoke into the mike, "Hi everyone, we're Green Day, as you know, and you all know how much we hated this guy," I pointed at the open casket. "This song is dedicated to that bastard," I yelled. Tre started the beat of 'Ha, ha you're dead!' and we started to play.
"How do you get your sleep at night?
How did you get your noose so tight?
Like chewing on tinfoil, it's so much fun
Gonna be dead before your gone
Cause look how things have gotten
And I'll be happy so I won't pretend
And I'll be cheering that you're going down
And I'll be laughing, I'll be laughing
How many feelings can you steal?
Gotta be part of your appeal
I can see through you cause you're wearing thin
Like chewing on tinfoil once again
Ha Ha you're dead
And I'm so happy
In loving memory
Of your demise
When your ship is going down
I'll go out and paint the town
Ha Ha you're dead
Ha Ha you're dead
Ha Ha you're dead
(ha ha ha)
Ha Ha you're dead
The joke is over
You were an asshole
And now you're gone
As your ship is going down
I'll stand by and watch you drown
Ha Ha you're dead
You're gonna be dead
Just remember what I said
Ha Ha you're dead
Ha Ha you're dead
Ha Ha you're dead"
I never loved that song anymore than that day.
We ran off the stage, laughing like lunatics, while people stared and Tre mooned them as we ran off the stage. We started a food fight with the buffet food, turned pews upside down, chased people out of the church. Mike's gun accidently went off, putting a bullet in a bible. I yelled over all the commotion "Remind me to name a CD that one day, Bullet in A bible!" (hence it was 2004 and it hadn't come out yet.)
"Will do!" Mike yelled. He was smashing food in Bush's face. "Hope you like that shrimp scampi you bastard!" he yelled as he stuffed a breadstick in the hole in Bush's head. I laughed, watching Tre hump the casket, and seeing the preist watch in few from behind a pew.
"Also remind me, we gotta go to the pet store tomorrow!" I yelled out to tre, who nodded as he continued humping the casket.
I have less than a half hour to execute my plan. Mike is now in the shower, and I have been watching him these past few days. He gets up at 8:30, and takes a half hour shower. He comes out at approximately 9 am, and gets his coffee. This happens every morning, the same exact routine.
I transforned into my human form and went to the garage to retrieve the rat poisoning and anti-freeze. Poring them into the coffee maker, I add the coffee and water. The coffee that was being brewed looked ligitiamate, and it smelled like coffee. Technically, it was, but you get my point. Or do you?
Anyway, I had less than five minutes to get the coffee brewed judt right for Mike. That democrat was going to die in less than 6 minutes from now.
*Mike's POV*
I yawned loudly as I walked out of the bathroom. I waslked slowly towards the kitchen. But there was another man there. WITH MY FUCKIN COFFEE! "Who the fuckin hell are you?" I yelled, putting my fingers around the little gun in my pocket. These days, a gun is good to carry around. The mystery man turned around, holding a bottle of antifreeze and rat poison.
"Holy fuck...Bush...you bastard!" I yelled, pulling out my gun.
"No, no, no, we don't need to go there do we? You want some coffee?" Bush said, with his usual, 'I'm high and I can't believe I'm still the pez of the U.S.' smile.
"I ain't touchin any of that coffee. Especially since a Republican touched it," I said.
"Come on, can't we sort this out? I got some pot at the White House!" He said, still with that goofy smile that I despised.
"Well, I have every damn legal right to kill you, you bastard. Breaking and entering. I could just say it was self defense. You broke in here. And there's plenty of evidence that you tried to kill me."
"Tried? Tried? I am," he said, his smile changing to a mischevious one.
"What the fuck are you trying to pull Bush?" I asked, my gun still pointed at him.
He pulled a larger gun on me.
"The trigger. Thats what I'm going to pull."
I shot my gun at his head. He went down with a slam on the tile floor, his skull I could hear shattering on impact.
"I killed the president. I killed the president that was trying to kill me. And he broke into my home..." I stuttered to myself.
Billie and Tre came running, they had heard the gunshot.
"Is that Bush? You fuckin killed Bush?" Billie asked me wide eyed.
"Yeah. He broke into here... and he was trying to kill me..." I said, still in shock. I pointed at the anti-freeze, the rat poison, the coffee, and Bush's gun.
"I FUCKIN LOVE YOU!!! WE'RE FUCKIN SAVED!!!! WE'RE GONNA LIVE! I FUCKIN LOVE AMERICA! BUSH IS DEAD BUSH IS DEAD!!!!!!" Tre and Billie yelled in unison, holding on to eachother's shoulder's and jumping up and down.
I started to join them, but before we could do anymore celebrating, we had to notify the police.
Later, they came and took the body of the bastard away. I was questioned, and they took my story. It just so happened that a plan was put out to kill ALL democrats. And we were his first targets. The plans were found in the White House. And we also found out that Joe was bush. More plans were in his dog house. And now Billie, Tre and I are all afraid to get another dog. It could be another wierd republican in disguise. Our asses were saved.
*Later at Bush's funeral, a few days later.* Billie's POV
Ah, this was the day I've been waiting for.
Mike, Tre and I ran up to the stage in the middle of the funeral, when all these prayers were being made and shit. I pushed the priest off the stage, thew the flowers off, and slung my guitar on. Tre took the drum set, and Mike had his bass all ready. We were out to ruin a funeral for the person we hated the most.
I spoke into the mike, "Hi everyone, we're Green Day, as you know, and you all know how much we hated this guy," I pointed at the open casket. "This song is dedicated to that bastard," I yelled. Tre started the beat of 'Ha, ha you're dead!' and we started to play.
"How do you get your sleep at night?
How did you get your noose so tight?
Like chewing on tinfoil, it's so much fun
Gonna be dead before your gone
Cause look how things have gotten
And I'll be happy so I won't pretend
And I'll be cheering that you're going down
And I'll be laughing, I'll be laughing
How many feelings can you steal?
Gotta be part of your appeal
I can see through you cause you're wearing thin
Like chewing on tinfoil once again
Ha Ha you're dead
And I'm so happy
In loving memory
Of your demise
When your ship is going down
I'll go out and paint the town
Ha Ha you're dead
Ha Ha you're dead
Ha Ha you're dead
(ha ha ha)
Ha Ha you're dead
The joke is over
You were an asshole
And now you're gone
As your ship is going down
I'll stand by and watch you drown
Ha Ha you're dead
You're gonna be dead
Just remember what I said
Ha Ha you're dead
Ha Ha you're dead
Ha Ha you're dead"
I never loved that song anymore than that day.
We ran off the stage, laughing like lunatics, while people stared and Tre mooned them as we ran off the stage. We started a food fight with the buffet food, turned pews upside down, chased people out of the church. Mike's gun accidently went off, putting a bullet in a bible. I yelled over all the commotion "Remind me to name a CD that one day, Bullet in A bible!" (hence it was 2004 and it hadn't come out yet.)
"Will do!" Mike yelled. He was smashing food in Bush's face. "Hope you like that shrimp scampi you bastard!" he yelled as he stuffed a breadstick in the hole in Bush's head. I laughed, watching Tre hump the casket, and seeing the preist watch in few from behind a pew.
"Also remind me, we gotta go to the pet store tomorrow!" I yelled out to tre, who nodded as he continued humping the casket.
