Billie the Zombie, chapter 1

One day, Green Day was walking through a park on a warm, sunny day, while discussing Barbie dolls and Sesame Street.

"Guys, I have bad news," Billie Joe told Mike and Tré.

"What is it?" They demanded.

"I...I..." Billie stuttered before he started crying.

"What? WHAT?!" Tré and Mike yelled.

"I...lost my favourite Ken doll!" Billie sobbed.

Mike gasped and Tré let out a high-pitched scream. "Oh, Billie! How could you?"

"I don't know!"

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Mike yelled at him.

"Yeah, what he said!" Tré added after not being able to think of an insult of his own.

"I'm sorry! But I thought you guys would understand! I thought you were my friends!" Billie cried.

"Does Adie know yet?" Mike asked, ignoring Billie's guilt trip.

"No, but do you think I should tell her? What if she wants a divorce or something?!" Billie started hyperventilating. He fell over and started sucking his thumb while rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

"Billie! Snap out of it!" Tré said, clapping his hands to get Billie's attention.

Billie didn't listen, so Tré went over and slapped him in the face.

"Ow! Mommy! Tré hurt me!" He started crying even harder.

"Well, that didn't seem to work," Tré said.

"Of course not, dumbass! You need to hit him harder than that!" Mike lectured. "Watch the expert." Mike cracked his knuckles and did a weird little dance.

Tre looked at him wondering why Mike had just done that.

"I...uh...needed to get the blood pumping..." he muttered after seeing his friend's look of confusion. He blushed and walked up to Billie and slapped him across the face.

"Ow! Mommy! Mikey hurt me!" Billie wailed. The other people in the park stared at him and backed away slowly. Suddenly, Mike hit Billie again and knocked him out.

Tré screamed again. "Mike! You killed Billie!"

"Uh...sorry Bill..." Mike muttered. "Well, at least he shut up."

"You're a mad man! Stay away from me!" Tré's eyes shifted and he picked up a stick off the ground. "I'm warning you! Don't come any closer or I'll...I'll...uh..."

Mike looked at him strangely. "Stab me?"

"Yes! Those are the words I was looking for! Thanks!"

"No problem, Tré!" He was about to hug his friend when suddenly Tre said, "Hey, wait a minute...were enemies, remember?"

"Oh, yeah..." Mike scratched his head and glared evil at Tré, who held the stick threateningly at Mike.

"Where was I?" Tré asked.

"At the part when you threaten to stab me," Mike told him.

"Right. Okay, here goes," He cleared his throat and in a deep voice said, " Stay back you evil...uh..."

"Person?" Mike suggested.

"Okay, sure. Person. Stay back, or I'll...uh..."

"We aren't getting anywhere with this, are we?" Mike said.

"That's for sure," Tré agreed, dropping the stick. "Friends?"

"Friends."

They hugged each other until they heard something.

"Ow...my face!"

"Mike, did you say something?" Tré asked while he pulled away from him.

"No...I thought you...didn't you say something?"

Tre shook his head as they heard another noise.

"Mike...Tré..."

They gulped and tuned toward Billie who was no longer sprawled lifelessly on the ground. "Do you have any asprin?" He asked them.

Mike and Tre looked at each other, glued to the spot in fear. Both of them screamed.

"Zombie!" They turned and ran from Billie, who stood there thinking, "What the hell?".

"Oh my god, a zombie? Where?" He spun around to see. "Oh no...where is it? It's gonna kill me! Wait for me, guys!" He ran after them screaming.

Tré looked back over his shoulder and saw Billie chasing after them. "Mike, he's after us! He wants revenge because you killed him!"

"Me?! I didn't kill him! You started it! If you hadn't tortured him for losing his Ken doll, then this never would've happend!"

"Me?! You started it!" They kept bickering as they ran.

"Okay, we have to stop fighting and think," Mike finally said.

"I know! Let's go in different directions! Then he won't know which one of us to chase!"

"Tre, you know that never works! He pick one of us, eat their brain and then go after the other one!"

"Sorry..." he muttered.

"I have an idea," Mike started. "One of us can be used for bait while the other one catches him in a net."

"Good idea," Tré said.

"Thank you," Mike said, pulling a rope out from behind his back. He smiled evilly.

"Hey...where'd you get that?" Tre asked, pointing to the rope.

"Uh...I...um...good question..." Mike said, looking at the rope in his hand. He shugged and moved closer to Tre and tied the rope around him.

"What are you doing?!" He yelled.

"You're the bait."

"Me?! I never agreed to those conditions!"

"So? Does it look like I care?"

"Uh..."

"Exactly," Mike lead Tre over to a large tree and tied him to it. "There we go," Mike said. "Now you wait here. I need to find a net."

"Okay, dude, two things: One, I have to go to the bathroom and two, can't you just pull a net out from behind your back like what you did with the rope?"

"Okay, in response to your inquires-"

"What the fu-"

Mike shushed him as a little boy walked past. The boy stared at them for a while, then ran home crying.

"I mean what the heck does inquirthingy mean?"

Mike sighed. "I don't know. Anyway, one, I don't care that you have to go to the bathroom and two, it's more dramatic if I go away to find a net and come back right before he eats your brain."

Mike left and Tré gulped. "Okay. Don't be too long though, 'cause I really need to go potty!"

A man who was walking by heard him say that and burst out laughing.

"I can explain!" Tré yelled at him, but the man walked around the park telling everyone what Tre had just said. Suddenly, Billie ran into the laughing dude and knocked him over. "Yay! Go Billie!" Tré yelled. But then he remembered that Billie was a zombie. "Oh, shi-"

"Shh!" Billie hissed at him as a little girl walked past. She glared at Tré then screamed and ran into a tree.

"Uh...I mean, 'Oh no!'"

"Holy shi- I mean, 'Holy Cow' dude, watch your language! There are kids around here!"