Stripped of Innocence, chapter 2
Adie opened the creaky door and stepped inside. She flagged me in behind her. The cream colored walls had cracks and leaking stains scattered across on them like art, or a story of their life. Again, a remembrance of my own broken home. Believe it or not, but this house was in way better condition then my New York "home".
We walked into a room filled to the brim with smoke and littered with beer bottles. Three men muffled their laughter as their heads turned slowly towards us in the doorway. Adrienne leaned against the doorway, hands shoved deep in her jacket pockets.
"Hey boys," she said casually and breathed in the potent air. I stared down at my shoes afraid to look up, in fear of making eye contact with them. I twiddled my thumbs thinking I must look like a fool right now.
"Hey babe. Whoz yuz friends..."A boy with thick brown hair asked.
"Fuck, you're so wasted. This is Noelle. She's crashing with us for a while."
"Tell her to look up. I wanna see a full body shot!" another voice perked up. Looking up through my eyebrows and my shaggy hair, I noticed the man had green matted hair. Adie leaned over to my ear and told me not to worry and how he was harmless.
"We'll get you cleaned up in a sec," she added at the end. "And that's the one I wanted you to meet," she flicked her head over to the one with green hair.
I looked up with my hair still in my face.
"Hey babe! Don't be shy, I'll fuck you no matter what you look like!" he shouted.
I was furious at that point. I had just met him and he is already making sexual references. My head shot up to look him in the eye. His eyes hit my brown ones, making me feel insignificant to the blueness of his glowing eyes. We just looked in each other's eyes for a moment. Mesmerizing...
He had this captivating smirk on his overly pale face with a 5 o'clock shadow still visible. Then the smirk fell off.
"What happened to your face?" I brought my hand to my cheek and returned my stare to the floor.
"Adie beat the shit outta you!" he chuckled.
Adrienne saved me from any explanation by quickly saying, "We're going to clean ourselves up! Later!" She started pushing me down a hall that branched off from the living room. This made me paranoid, getting pushed down a dark hallway, by a stranger that could do exactly what my mother and her boyfriends did. She led me to the bathroom where she told me, "Okay, lets get you in the shower. Then we'll get your pajamas on and your make up off. Towels are there," she pointed to a broken cabinet, "And the soap and shit are in the tub. You alright?"
I nodded and forced a small smile. "Thanks again Adrienne."
"Call me Adie! And you're welcome. Sorry about the guys. Pot addicts if you ask me." With that said, she exited the bathroom and shut the door behind her. I let out a sigh of frustration, pain, and depression.
I turned on the shower and stripped slowly from my clothes, trying not to put pressure on my throbbing hip.
I counted 23 bruises on my fragile body, not counting the ones on my face. I didn't even want to start counting all the bleeding cuts or the dried ones. The pain seemed to worsen as I stepped into the shower, only to be hit with a strong pressure of streaming water making me wince. I quickly turned down the pressure and just stood they're, marveling on how bad everything hurt. I filled my cracked dried hand with water and gently rubbed it over my face. I repeated this step several times before starting to clean my brittle, shaken body.
Adie stepped in the living room where Mike and Billie had passed out. Adie walked to a semi- conscious Tre and bent down to meet him face to face. Grabbing his face, she slapped him lightly until he woke up more. "Tre wake up! This is important."
"Goobogader," he groaned loudly.
"Okay, listen. Don't be a dick to Noelle. She's been through a lot. Make her laugh. You with me?" Adie whispered harshly, not to wake up the surrounding men.
"Right!" he shouted punching the air, then falling limply back to his laying position.
She rolled her eyes and began cleaning up their mess.
I rinsed the rest of the conditioner out of my hair, making it feel soft and clean, apposed to the rats nest it was earlier that night. This shower was longer then any shower I've probably ever taken; trying to get all the gravel out of my skin clean all the cuts, but still trying not to hurt it anymore then it already was. I ran my fingers through my hair one more time before turning off the comforting heated water. I shook some of the water off my body and gingerly wrapped the towel around my now cold body. I looked at my face in the mirror and wanted to burst into tears. The little, and I mean little; amount of eyeliner I had pressed to my eyes had run streaks down my face, giving off a dead look. My dark yet pale face reminded me of one person I tried to break free from.
Mother. I cried staring at the bruises that cascaded on the once tanned skin, the busted lip bleeding into my mouth, my dead but still vivid past and the look on my face of a hung-over coke addict. Just some of the things on my face that reminded me of her wretched existence. I loosened the towel, letting it rest above my butt, but also covered my chest. I turned towards the mirror to check out the damage I hadn't seen yet.
A loud sob escaped my lips as I saw not a back that was once clear and smooth; but a cut up, newly bleeding and bruised back. Gashes patterned on my back, letting blood flow over other cuts, and the curves of my back left the blood making traces of my life, like a road.
All of a sudden, someone burst through the door and heaved themselves to the toilet that was open. As soon as I heard vomit splashing into the toilet water, I turned my back, being revolted and wanting to give them privacy. Maybe they wouldn't notice me and just leave. I turned my head to catch a glimpse of a bright green matt of hair. Tre, was it? I turned back around to face the wall as he flushed down the mess he made and groaned.
"Holy Fuck!" I heard him scream. I whipped around quickly, hoping he didn't wake anybody up.
"What?" I said to him in a harsh whisper.
"You're back dude. It's all bloody. And...fucking everywh-" he was cut off from his rant by puke spewing through his lips as he quickly turned his head back into the bowl. "Fuck me...I think I drank some rotten...Or not right beer. My puke smells weird..." he trailed spitting into the toilet. I gave him a weird look, not trying to be rude, but it was quite gross.
"Anyways, you're bleeding all over the towel, so lets get you all cleaned up, eh? Is you back on its fucking period or what!" I let out a small laugh at the joke.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood from his sitting position. He wiped his 'vomit hand' on his pants and walked towards me. He gave off a wonderful smirk and said, "Excuse me, lady. I need to get the first aid next to you." He gently rested his hands on my hips and moved me away from the counter where I had moved a few seconds prior. I suppressed a scream as he touched my bad hip. Still holding my towel tight in front of me, I grasped onto the wall with the other hand to keep from falling. From all the rough happenings in my life, you guessed it; I developed a very bad hip problem.
"Whoa, You alright?" he said grabbing my arm to steady me. I met his worried gaze and nearly melted inside. The way his eyes morphed from one blue and turned to another shade as it got closer to the inside meeting the deep black of his pupil. I turned my head a little, dropping my stare from his eye.
"Yeah, Just dandy," I said shakily.
"Okay. Hold tight. I don't want you passin' out or anything. I might have to have my way with you if that happens," he said with a warm smile. I hushed my laughter.
In my opinion, this boy was being very sweet, but it was probably because he was still pissed from his late night drinking.
He bent down, his butt centimeters away from my body. It took all my strength not to stare. I never really checked out guys, but I couldn't help. Everything about him seemed for captivating.
"What? Can't resist my sexy ass? I see how it is. Haven't seen your ass yet, but I can't wait." He retrieved the first aid kit as I smiled at his pervertedness. Resting the box on the counter, he directed me to turn around.
"Lets see the damage, shall we?"
My private parts, including my butt still not visible to him, I obliged and turned.
"Fuck man," he said sighing," That is pretty damn bad. Okay, might sting a little so sorry."
And with that he started cleaning my back with cleanser. It stung in pain and the cotton he was using was putting too much pressure on my bruises and cuts. He rested his hand that was not cleaning, just above my butt, on the scrunched up towel above it. I felt so uncomfortable at a mans touch because I knew what all men wanted and hoped for. I stiffened immediately, but he noticed.
"It's okay. I'm not gonna do anything. Not gonna hurt you," he soothed. I relaxed a little, still keeping up my guard just in case he was lying.
Was he just being so nice because he pitied me?
I liked the fact of being taken care of by two people who seemed like they cared about me. Tre and Adie. I was truly blessed to have her take me in like this, unannounced, and for Billie Joe allowing it. I felt Tre start to put gauze and medical tape over my wounds. When the last one was put on, he leaned to the top of my back and gave me a soft kiss. I could of died. My knees weakened and I almost fell, but Tre grabbed onto me.
With my back still towards him, he leaned over to my ear and whispered softly, "Checked it out. You have a really nice ass." And with that, he walked out of the bathroom and down the hall. I stood there.
Dumbfounded. Finally coming to my senses, I carefully got dressed in my original gray hoodie and 3/4 length jeans. I stepped out of the bathroom slowly and quietly patted down the landing toward the living room. I smiled at the two sleeping bodies in the room. Carefree men.
I set my bag by the door and slowly opened the door. It creaked making me cringe. I stepped into the cold night air and shut the door with a click behind me. I hugged my jacket closer to me as I sat down on the steps that led to the house. I ran my fingers through my hair like a brush, trying to get it dry in the salty night air.
I exhaled loudly and shut my eyes to rid the past memories that would haunt me forever it seemed. 'Think,' I told myself.
I'll take my time to adjust to you.
The little things you tend to do.
Make me lose the life I never deserved.
I hate writers block. Right when you need to get everything off your chest, you can't even form a single line that sounds decent. God, kill me. I was hoping this writer's block wouldn't last for long. I put my head in my hands and groaned loudly out of frustration and pain.
"So, couldn't get enough of this ass? Or is it the hair and my good fucking charm?" a familiar voice asked. I jumped up from my seat on the stairs and twirled around to meet the voices caller.
"Pardon?" I asked Tre, a cigarette dangling from his perfect lips.
"I knew it. You fell for my charm, my ass, and my perfect hair. Damn, Why do I have to be so god damn irresistible!?" he shouted raising his hands up as if yelling at god.
I grinned at him as he took a deep drag. He made it look so sexy, he could make a group of people go out and start smoking.
"Then why are you out here? Going to go screeching?" I laughed loudly then quickly covered my mouth to muffle the sound. He smiled making smoke spill from his mouth.
"Actually I was thinking of something. And no. It's not your butt or your charm or your perfect hair. It was you in general," I blurted out. I quickly shut my eyes and cursed my big mouth. First time being outspoken in my entire life really. What is he going to say?
"Well, fuck me! I feel special now. I actually just came out for a smoke, but then your FINE ass popped into my head. I could probably get a hardo-" I cut him off by gasping slightly. He looked at me devilishly, his eyes seeping with mischief. I just shook my head, rolling my eyes and returned to my seat on the porch steps. I heard his smoke blow out quickly before I heard soft footsteps patting towards me.
"Beautiful, eh?" he asked.
"Gorgeous. You guys can see a lot of stars out here," I said admiring the night sky that was soaked with stars.
"I meant you," he said softly, but loud enough for my to hear. I blushed wildly before he sat behind me, legs on either side of mine, our bodies pressed closely. I felt his breath on my damp hair, sending messages of his lips on mine through my mind. I mentally kicked myself, as I stiffened feeling his hands rest on my thighs.
I shifted and sat up straight as a board.
"Relax babe. I'm not going to hurt you. You're just so fucking hot," he breathed into my ear.
The nerve of this guy! Lying straight to my face, or ear or whatever. I had bruises and cuts everywhere, I didn't dress sexy nor hot and I was nothing nice to look at. I laughed out loud.
"That's a laugh! And all the guys line up just to get a crack at me," I replied sarcastically.
"I want every crack of you babe." He started massaging my thighs lightly making me livid.
"Uhh...Tre. I'm not completely comfortable around people after..." I trailed off trying to push out visions of every man my mother made rape me. My voice got quiet and slightly inaudible as I finished, "I've just been through a lot." Please, don't ask for details I begged in my head.
"What happened?" he snapped sharply, sounding concerned.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I said and stood up, making my way down the stairs. I didn't hear him follow my thankfully as I walked down the drive, out of sight.
I sat Indian style in the middle of the driveway, placing my hands on each respected knee. I sat up straight, releasing everything from my mind. I wasn't Buddhist or anything; I just learned in a class that you could draw natural energy from the earth to heal emotionally and physically. I cleared my mind, slowly closing my tired eyes.
I took deep slow breaths and focused on a blank spot in my mind. Blocking out the sound of the crickets and the leaves blowing in the wind, I found my healing spot. Focus, I told myself.
I felt a gust of wind hit my nose, and my nose only. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I opened my eyes to see these two blue orbs smiling at me. I clutched my heart, as if that would stop it from beating so fast and hard.
"Hiya!" Tre yelled a little too loud for my liking.
"Hiii..." I said shakily.
"Whatcha doin'?" He said bouncing in place with a hyper look on his face.
"Meditating," I replied shyly.
He tilted his head sideways like a dog, confused and dazed, causing me to crinkle a smile through one side of my mouth.
"Cool. I was wondering 'cause I've been staring at you for the past 30 minutes and you didn't even notice until I blew in your face," he said stopping the bouncing and smiling.
"Oh that's not creepy at all," I retorted. He laughed huskily. I closed my eyes again, returning to my original position.
"What do you do when you meditate?" he asked. My eyes flung open in frustration. I was getting a headache from this slightly annoying boy trapped in a mans body.
"Well the kind I'm doing is taking natural energy from the earth to heal."
He nodded his green haired head and asked, "Can you get energy from people?" I thought for a moment.
"I don't know. I've never thought of that before," I closed my eyes once again in hope of getting more meditation done. After about a minute, I had my brain clear and my thoughts drained. I felt someone grab my hands that were rested on my knees. I peeped through my lashes to see Tre sitting with his eyes closed.
"Clear your mind of everything and anything," I instructed.
"You've been the only thing on my mind all night," he said in a low voice. I smiled keeping my eyes shut. I heard him exhale loudly after I did.
My body was hit with a huge about of butterflies. Nervousness hit me like a ton of bricks as I sat there, my forehead creasing with panic. My stomach flopped and my nerves surged hard through my spine. Then it all stopped.
My eyes shot open to a grinning Tre.
"What were you thinking about, Tre?" I asked. He smiled even bigger.
"My mind wandered back to my dream date with Gladdy Webster. I like took her over to the slide. And we like held hands for a few minutes. Then I took her over to the gazebo, where I kissed her in front of Heith Pierceson...Who also liked her."
I busted out in laughter, unable to contain it as it echoed in the driveway. I feel backwards gently clutching my sides as tears of sheer laughter fell into my hairline. When I finally stopped laughing, I sat up to meet a smirking Tre.
"It wasn't funny. It was my dream date, with Gladdy Webster," he protested.
"That had to be the funniest thing I've ever heard. I haven't laughed that hard in my entire life," I said still giggling slightly.
"So tell me about yourself! I'm like dying to know!" he said in a valley girl accent.
"Well, there's nothing interesting about my life at all. It's basically plain," I said holding back on my childhood and the life I left behind.
He thought for a moment more. "Tell me everything!" he said a little too excited.
I searched his face to see if he could possibly be serious about be so interested in my past life that didn't include him. Dead serious.
"Ok. Well, my name is Noelle but I haven't been called that in years. I'm 17. And I hitchhiked here from New York...Umm. And that's it."
He looked disappointed. "Fuck...You aren't legal," he said in a mopey voice.
I gave a challenging crooked smile. Stop smiling Noelle. "So, your turn. What's your story?"
He immediately started talking a mile a minute about his life. "Well, my name is Frank Edwin Wright the third. Very nerdy, but I still rock. My first band mate and singer dubbed me Tre Cool, on account of...Well, just look at me. I'm cooler then hell. I'm currently living with Mike, BJ, Adie and now you. I'm 21 and in the best band EVER, with the two assholes in the house. Together we take form in a super group called Green Day. OH! And punk music is my life."
he smiled a cheesy smile, obviously being proud of his life, that didn't seem all that dull in my head.
I just nodded. "Very nice to know, Tre."
"What kind of music do you listen to?" he questioned, obviously we hit a spark of interest that would make a very different conversation.
"Don't laugh but I've never heard any punk. But I absolutely love the singers from the era's 20's to about the 50's. The really old music no one seems to appreciate anymore. Black and white days. Bing Crosby, Fred Astair. I used to be able to sing like Judy Garland, but those days are long gone on account of my voice going hay-wire," I rambled, spilling more then necessary.
"What happened to your voice?" he inquired.
"Nothing big. I had an eating disorder for a long time and the acid from your stomach burns up your esophagus on the way up. But I stopped a long time ago.
"Good 'cause you're perfect the way you are and pudge is healthy," he said patting his stomach. "But I must scold you for never hearing punk music. I mean the Ramones, New York Dolls. Both from New York. The Velvet Underground in New York! What the fuck is wrong with your soul?!" he shouted in rage I was hoping was fake.
"Maybe you can get me into it?" I suggested shyly.
"Of course. But what're you gonna give me in return of my awesome music skills," he said wagging his eyebrows.
"What do you have in mind?" I said, flirtation in my voice, something I didn't know I could produce.
"Oh I don't know. Lap dance, kinky wild steamy sex. Your choice sweetie. We just need to find out how bad you want punk in your veins."
"I said teach me, not inject it into my veins like heroine. But I want it so bad. I want soo bad, I can feel it," I said throwing my head back in fake ecstasy. I had no idea where any of this stuff was coming from, it was like I knew he wanted it, so I played on it. But it felt so right.
"I could fuck you right here in the driveway. If you want to that is?" he suggested.
"Oh of course. I would love to have sex with a perfect stranger, that probably caries many venereal diseases with his bluntness of screwing girls that gets him sluts who have a bad case of crabs," I rolled my eyes playfully, not knowing if what I just said made any since.
"Lets play choose. Get to know you better," he said randomly, adding a wink to go along with his flirting that was making my stomach turn.
"Ok, you first," I ordered.
"Vanilla or chocolate?"
"Vanilla," I answer right away. "Vodka or beer?" I asked.
He hesitated. "Vodka. Gnomes or leprechauns?"
I just laughed and said," Gnomes. Meat or veggies?"
"Meat. Sex or romance?"
"Romance. Blowjob or hand job?" I said raising an eyebrow.
"Both if they're coming from you, baby," he winked once more.
"That's not answering the choose," I retorted my face going cold.
"That game was lame anyways." I rolled my eyes at how quickly he gets bored.
"Tell me what kind of guys you would fuck?" he pleaded.
"Tre, I'm not giving out details to you, of all people, about who I would like to have sex with."
"C'mon Noelle. I won't hold it against you. Scouts Honor!" he said making a scout sign. I just laughed at his weird facial expressions.
"Okay. Well, I don't want a guy who is just in it for sex. I would want him to make me forget all the bad things men can do you a woman. He doesn't have to be gorgeous because lets face it; I'm not winning any beauty pageants. But I don't want a macho dip that has no sensitive bone in his body. He has to be romantic also. But the most important thing, is he has to make me laugh," I said emphasizing the last part, making sure I caught his eye.
"What do you like in a girl?" I asked hoping he would somehow describe me, so I could have hope.
"Well, she has to have a nice body. Usually blonde big tits, nice ass. Kinky dominatrix style that's hot but she would also kick your ass if you were a dick to her. Good in the sack of course. And funny. Has to laugh at my jokes so I can feel some sense of pride. So basically a fucking knock out."
I rolled my eyes. Just caring on looks, all looks that I didn't posses. I was just being a jealous hag, and what did I expect? Him to confess his love to me for only knowing I existed for an hour.
I stood up and said, "I'm going to bed." I walked quickly up to the house, limping like a fool with my head down. I slowly opened the door and stepped inside silently. Then I realized I have no idea where my room was, if I even had one.
Geez, this night just keeps getting better and better as it gets later. Can't sleep in the bathroom nor the living room, the only two rooms I knew of. '4:02' No use even sleeping now since I'd be up in a couple of hours. But I was so exhausted; I had barely slept while driving all over the country. You don't blame me when you are in a truck with a smelly guy who hasn't touched a woman in months, do you?
I walked back out of the house, avoiding Tre if he was still there. Dew sprinkled my ankles that had been barely exposed. Tucking my hands in my sweatshirt pockets, I tried to think of potential poems.
I shivered wildly as a huge gust of sea wind passed my stiff body. I started humming a Peggy Lee song that always got my creative juices flowing. I stopped in my tracks checking out my surroundings, realizing it was stupid of me to go wandering down a street I have no sense of.
Exhaling deeply, I sat down, my legs thanking me as they relaxed spread out in front of me. I leaned back on my palms and just melted into the cold concrete.
God, Think. Don't think about anything else but a poem.
I had no such luck as I watched the sun ease up past what I knew was the Mendocino Mountains.
Why do I feel like I am missing something entirely?
When the thing I lost was the best decision.
I can't be happy until I know they suffer,
Burning the books of any sort of exposure.
Well, that was a craptastic one. I heard pounding footsteps came to a slow pace as they got near me. I was too deep in thought to even move a muscle as I saw out of the corner of my eye. I shifted my eyes back to the mountains in the distance.
Hearing his voice made my ears bleed with irritation.
"Thought you were going to sleep?" he inquired looking down at my tensing body. I shrugged pathetically and focused on the mountains. Well tried anyways because his voice kept popping in my head, as an angelic sound, unlike how it was right now.
"Wanna go do the nasty?"
I didn't react to his crude comments towards me. I was fuming though. My irritation level was rising and easily triggered these last few weeks.
I closed my eyes and took a deep calming breath.
Don't listen to him Noelle. And stop talking to yourself.
I heard his feet scuff the ground as he joined me on the floor. He craned his neck to meet my now open eyes, his deep eyes once again calling for my attention. His eyes trailed from my eyes, to my mouth, to my chest, to my privates, then my legs before traveling back up. He took closer looks at the places he wanted to.
His eyes were filled with the same look that my boyfriend had in his eyes that night when he tried to get me to...The same night I ran away.
He rested a hand on my knee, making me bite my lip hard in utter pain. I felt my lip start to bleed again.
"Tre, don't. You don't know what I've been through...Ever," I said sitting up and glaring only at the floor with low self esteem. I was weak, making me feel I could not stand up to such a dominant male.
"C'mon. I'm all horny and you're the only girl out here," he whispered gliding his hand up my leg some more. I was seeing fire as he squeezed my bruised leg.
"Why don't you shove your dick up your ass and go fuck yourself that way," I said stand up, his hand getting brushed off my leg.
As I walked away from a dumbfounded Tre for the second time that night, I was shocked. I felt power but not the over baring macho kind. Not only did I never know I knew that comment. I also never cussed. It felt great. Then of course, my confidence level drops as I realize my limp is terrible, worse then earlier. My gaze fell to the ground as the grass and sidewalks blurred into one.
Not Again
I stopped walking as I noticed I was walking all wobbly. Placing my hand to my head, I tried to stop from seeing two of everything. I felt the now rising sun warm my body as I fell to the ground on my hands and knee, not bothering to hold back a small scream of pain. I rolled over on my back when I heard footsteps run towards me and slow down as they got near. I coughed lightly, choking on any air I breathed in. My throat closed along with my eyes. Water spilled out as I opened them again, so all I saw was bright green before it went black.
We walked into a room filled to the brim with smoke and littered with beer bottles. Three men muffled their laughter as their heads turned slowly towards us in the doorway. Adrienne leaned against the doorway, hands shoved deep in her jacket pockets.
"Hey boys," she said casually and breathed in the potent air. I stared down at my shoes afraid to look up, in fear of making eye contact with them. I twiddled my thumbs thinking I must look like a fool right now.
"Hey babe. Whoz yuz friends..."A boy with thick brown hair asked.
"Fuck, you're so wasted. This is Noelle. She's crashing with us for a while."
"Tell her to look up. I wanna see a full body shot!" another voice perked up. Looking up through my eyebrows and my shaggy hair, I noticed the man had green matted hair. Adie leaned over to my ear and told me not to worry and how he was harmless.
"We'll get you cleaned up in a sec," she added at the end. "And that's the one I wanted you to meet," she flicked her head over to the one with green hair.
I looked up with my hair still in my face.
"Hey babe! Don't be shy, I'll fuck you no matter what you look like!" he shouted.
I was furious at that point. I had just met him and he is already making sexual references. My head shot up to look him in the eye. His eyes hit my brown ones, making me feel insignificant to the blueness of his glowing eyes. We just looked in each other's eyes for a moment. Mesmerizing...
He had this captivating smirk on his overly pale face with a 5 o'clock shadow still visible. Then the smirk fell off.
"What happened to your face?" I brought my hand to my cheek and returned my stare to the floor.
"Adie beat the shit outta you!" he chuckled.
Adrienne saved me from any explanation by quickly saying, "We're going to clean ourselves up! Later!" She started pushing me down a hall that branched off from the living room. This made me paranoid, getting pushed down a dark hallway, by a stranger that could do exactly what my mother and her boyfriends did. She led me to the bathroom where she told me, "Okay, lets get you in the shower. Then we'll get your pajamas on and your make up off. Towels are there," she pointed to a broken cabinet, "And the soap and shit are in the tub. You alright?"
I nodded and forced a small smile. "Thanks again Adrienne."
"Call me Adie! And you're welcome. Sorry about the guys. Pot addicts if you ask me." With that said, she exited the bathroom and shut the door behind her. I let out a sigh of frustration, pain, and depression.
I turned on the shower and stripped slowly from my clothes, trying not to put pressure on my throbbing hip.
I counted 23 bruises on my fragile body, not counting the ones on my face. I didn't even want to start counting all the bleeding cuts or the dried ones. The pain seemed to worsen as I stepped into the shower, only to be hit with a strong pressure of streaming water making me wince. I quickly turned down the pressure and just stood they're, marveling on how bad everything hurt. I filled my cracked dried hand with water and gently rubbed it over my face. I repeated this step several times before starting to clean my brittle, shaken body.
Adie stepped in the living room where Mike and Billie had passed out. Adie walked to a semi- conscious Tre and bent down to meet him face to face. Grabbing his face, she slapped him lightly until he woke up more. "Tre wake up! This is important."
"Goobogader," he groaned loudly.
"Okay, listen. Don't be a dick to Noelle. She's been through a lot. Make her laugh. You with me?" Adie whispered harshly, not to wake up the surrounding men.
"Right!" he shouted punching the air, then falling limply back to his laying position.
She rolled her eyes and began cleaning up their mess.
I rinsed the rest of the conditioner out of my hair, making it feel soft and clean, apposed to the rats nest it was earlier that night. This shower was longer then any shower I've probably ever taken; trying to get all the gravel out of my skin clean all the cuts, but still trying not to hurt it anymore then it already was. I ran my fingers through my hair one more time before turning off the comforting heated water. I shook some of the water off my body and gingerly wrapped the towel around my now cold body. I looked at my face in the mirror and wanted to burst into tears. The little, and I mean little; amount of eyeliner I had pressed to my eyes had run streaks down my face, giving off a dead look. My dark yet pale face reminded me of one person I tried to break free from.
Mother. I cried staring at the bruises that cascaded on the once tanned skin, the busted lip bleeding into my mouth, my dead but still vivid past and the look on my face of a hung-over coke addict. Just some of the things on my face that reminded me of her wretched existence. I loosened the towel, letting it rest above my butt, but also covered my chest. I turned towards the mirror to check out the damage I hadn't seen yet.
A loud sob escaped my lips as I saw not a back that was once clear and smooth; but a cut up, newly bleeding and bruised back. Gashes patterned on my back, letting blood flow over other cuts, and the curves of my back left the blood making traces of my life, like a road.
All of a sudden, someone burst through the door and heaved themselves to the toilet that was open. As soon as I heard vomit splashing into the toilet water, I turned my back, being revolted and wanting to give them privacy. Maybe they wouldn't notice me and just leave. I turned my head to catch a glimpse of a bright green matt of hair. Tre, was it? I turned back around to face the wall as he flushed down the mess he made and groaned.
"Holy Fuck!" I heard him scream. I whipped around quickly, hoping he didn't wake anybody up.
"What?" I said to him in a harsh whisper.
"You're back dude. It's all bloody. And...fucking everywh-" he was cut off from his rant by puke spewing through his lips as he quickly turned his head back into the bowl. "Fuck me...I think I drank some rotten...Or not right beer. My puke smells weird..." he trailed spitting into the toilet. I gave him a weird look, not trying to be rude, but it was quite gross.
"Anyways, you're bleeding all over the towel, so lets get you all cleaned up, eh? Is you back on its fucking period or what!" I let out a small laugh at the joke.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood from his sitting position. He wiped his 'vomit hand' on his pants and walked towards me. He gave off a wonderful smirk and said, "Excuse me, lady. I need to get the first aid next to you." He gently rested his hands on my hips and moved me away from the counter where I had moved a few seconds prior. I suppressed a scream as he touched my bad hip. Still holding my towel tight in front of me, I grasped onto the wall with the other hand to keep from falling. From all the rough happenings in my life, you guessed it; I developed a very bad hip problem.
"Whoa, You alright?" he said grabbing my arm to steady me. I met his worried gaze and nearly melted inside. The way his eyes morphed from one blue and turned to another shade as it got closer to the inside meeting the deep black of his pupil. I turned my head a little, dropping my stare from his eye.
"Yeah, Just dandy," I said shakily.
"Okay. Hold tight. I don't want you passin' out or anything. I might have to have my way with you if that happens," he said with a warm smile. I hushed my laughter.
In my opinion, this boy was being very sweet, but it was probably because he was still pissed from his late night drinking.
He bent down, his butt centimeters away from my body. It took all my strength not to stare. I never really checked out guys, but I couldn't help. Everything about him seemed for captivating.
"What? Can't resist my sexy ass? I see how it is. Haven't seen your ass yet, but I can't wait." He retrieved the first aid kit as I smiled at his pervertedness. Resting the box on the counter, he directed me to turn around.
"Lets see the damage, shall we?"
My private parts, including my butt still not visible to him, I obliged and turned.
"Fuck man," he said sighing," That is pretty damn bad. Okay, might sting a little so sorry."
And with that he started cleaning my back with cleanser. It stung in pain and the cotton he was using was putting too much pressure on my bruises and cuts. He rested his hand that was not cleaning, just above my butt, on the scrunched up towel above it. I felt so uncomfortable at a mans touch because I knew what all men wanted and hoped for. I stiffened immediately, but he noticed.
"It's okay. I'm not gonna do anything. Not gonna hurt you," he soothed. I relaxed a little, still keeping up my guard just in case he was lying.
Was he just being so nice because he pitied me?
I liked the fact of being taken care of by two people who seemed like they cared about me. Tre and Adie. I was truly blessed to have her take me in like this, unannounced, and for Billie Joe allowing it. I felt Tre start to put gauze and medical tape over my wounds. When the last one was put on, he leaned to the top of my back and gave me a soft kiss. I could of died. My knees weakened and I almost fell, but Tre grabbed onto me.
With my back still towards him, he leaned over to my ear and whispered softly, "Checked it out. You have a really nice ass." And with that, he walked out of the bathroom and down the hall. I stood there.
Dumbfounded. Finally coming to my senses, I carefully got dressed in my original gray hoodie and 3/4 length jeans. I stepped out of the bathroom slowly and quietly patted down the landing toward the living room. I smiled at the two sleeping bodies in the room. Carefree men.
I set my bag by the door and slowly opened the door. It creaked making me cringe. I stepped into the cold night air and shut the door with a click behind me. I hugged my jacket closer to me as I sat down on the steps that led to the house. I ran my fingers through my hair like a brush, trying to get it dry in the salty night air.
I exhaled loudly and shut my eyes to rid the past memories that would haunt me forever it seemed. 'Think,' I told myself.
I'll take my time to adjust to you.
The little things you tend to do.
Make me lose the life I never deserved.
I hate writers block. Right when you need to get everything off your chest, you can't even form a single line that sounds decent. God, kill me. I was hoping this writer's block wouldn't last for long. I put my head in my hands and groaned loudly out of frustration and pain.
"So, couldn't get enough of this ass? Or is it the hair and my good fucking charm?" a familiar voice asked. I jumped up from my seat on the stairs and twirled around to meet the voices caller.
"Pardon?" I asked Tre, a cigarette dangling from his perfect lips.
"I knew it. You fell for my charm, my ass, and my perfect hair. Damn, Why do I have to be so god damn irresistible!?" he shouted raising his hands up as if yelling at god.
I grinned at him as he took a deep drag. He made it look so sexy, he could make a group of people go out and start smoking.
"Then why are you out here? Going to go screeching?" I laughed loudly then quickly covered my mouth to muffle the sound. He smiled making smoke spill from his mouth.
"Actually I was thinking of something. And no. It's not your butt or your charm or your perfect hair. It was you in general," I blurted out. I quickly shut my eyes and cursed my big mouth. First time being outspoken in my entire life really. What is he going to say?
"Well, fuck me! I feel special now. I actually just came out for a smoke, but then your FINE ass popped into my head. I could probably get a hardo-" I cut him off by gasping slightly. He looked at me devilishly, his eyes seeping with mischief. I just shook my head, rolling my eyes and returned to my seat on the porch steps. I heard his smoke blow out quickly before I heard soft footsteps patting towards me.
"Beautiful, eh?" he asked.
"Gorgeous. You guys can see a lot of stars out here," I said admiring the night sky that was soaked with stars.
"I meant you," he said softly, but loud enough for my to hear. I blushed wildly before he sat behind me, legs on either side of mine, our bodies pressed closely. I felt his breath on my damp hair, sending messages of his lips on mine through my mind. I mentally kicked myself, as I stiffened feeling his hands rest on my thighs.
I shifted and sat up straight as a board.
"Relax babe. I'm not going to hurt you. You're just so fucking hot," he breathed into my ear.
The nerve of this guy! Lying straight to my face, or ear or whatever. I had bruises and cuts everywhere, I didn't dress sexy nor hot and I was nothing nice to look at. I laughed out loud.
"That's a laugh! And all the guys line up just to get a crack at me," I replied sarcastically.
"I want every crack of you babe." He started massaging my thighs lightly making me livid.
"Uhh...Tre. I'm not completely comfortable around people after..." I trailed off trying to push out visions of every man my mother made rape me. My voice got quiet and slightly inaudible as I finished, "I've just been through a lot." Please, don't ask for details I begged in my head.
"What happened?" he snapped sharply, sounding concerned.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I said and stood up, making my way down the stairs. I didn't hear him follow my thankfully as I walked down the drive, out of sight.
I sat Indian style in the middle of the driveway, placing my hands on each respected knee. I sat up straight, releasing everything from my mind. I wasn't Buddhist or anything; I just learned in a class that you could draw natural energy from the earth to heal emotionally and physically. I cleared my mind, slowly closing my tired eyes.
I took deep slow breaths and focused on a blank spot in my mind. Blocking out the sound of the crickets and the leaves blowing in the wind, I found my healing spot. Focus, I told myself.
I felt a gust of wind hit my nose, and my nose only. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I opened my eyes to see these two blue orbs smiling at me. I clutched my heart, as if that would stop it from beating so fast and hard.
"Hiya!" Tre yelled a little too loud for my liking.
"Hiii..." I said shakily.
"Whatcha doin'?" He said bouncing in place with a hyper look on his face.
"Meditating," I replied shyly.
He tilted his head sideways like a dog, confused and dazed, causing me to crinkle a smile through one side of my mouth.
"Cool. I was wondering 'cause I've been staring at you for the past 30 minutes and you didn't even notice until I blew in your face," he said stopping the bouncing and smiling.
"Oh that's not creepy at all," I retorted. He laughed huskily. I closed my eyes again, returning to my original position.
"What do you do when you meditate?" he asked. My eyes flung open in frustration. I was getting a headache from this slightly annoying boy trapped in a mans body.
"Well the kind I'm doing is taking natural energy from the earth to heal."
He nodded his green haired head and asked, "Can you get energy from people?" I thought for a moment.
"I don't know. I've never thought of that before," I closed my eyes once again in hope of getting more meditation done. After about a minute, I had my brain clear and my thoughts drained. I felt someone grab my hands that were rested on my knees. I peeped through my lashes to see Tre sitting with his eyes closed.
"Clear your mind of everything and anything," I instructed.
"You've been the only thing on my mind all night," he said in a low voice. I smiled keeping my eyes shut. I heard him exhale loudly after I did.
My body was hit with a huge about of butterflies. Nervousness hit me like a ton of bricks as I sat there, my forehead creasing with panic. My stomach flopped and my nerves surged hard through my spine. Then it all stopped.
My eyes shot open to a grinning Tre.
"What were you thinking about, Tre?" I asked. He smiled even bigger.
"My mind wandered back to my dream date with Gladdy Webster. I like took her over to the slide. And we like held hands for a few minutes. Then I took her over to the gazebo, where I kissed her in front of Heith Pierceson...Who also liked her."
I busted out in laughter, unable to contain it as it echoed in the driveway. I feel backwards gently clutching my sides as tears of sheer laughter fell into my hairline. When I finally stopped laughing, I sat up to meet a smirking Tre.
"It wasn't funny. It was my dream date, with Gladdy Webster," he protested.
"That had to be the funniest thing I've ever heard. I haven't laughed that hard in my entire life," I said still giggling slightly.
"So tell me about yourself! I'm like dying to know!" he said in a valley girl accent.
"Well, there's nothing interesting about my life at all. It's basically plain," I said holding back on my childhood and the life I left behind.
He thought for a moment more. "Tell me everything!" he said a little too excited.
I searched his face to see if he could possibly be serious about be so interested in my past life that didn't include him. Dead serious.
"Ok. Well, my name is Noelle but I haven't been called that in years. I'm 17. And I hitchhiked here from New York...Umm. And that's it."
He looked disappointed. "Fuck...You aren't legal," he said in a mopey voice.
I gave a challenging crooked smile. Stop smiling Noelle. "So, your turn. What's your story?"
He immediately started talking a mile a minute about his life. "Well, my name is Frank Edwin Wright the third. Very nerdy, but I still rock. My first band mate and singer dubbed me Tre Cool, on account of...Well, just look at me. I'm cooler then hell. I'm currently living with Mike, BJ, Adie and now you. I'm 21 and in the best band EVER, with the two assholes in the house. Together we take form in a super group called Green Day. OH! And punk music is my life."
he smiled a cheesy smile, obviously being proud of his life, that didn't seem all that dull in my head.
I just nodded. "Very nice to know, Tre."
"What kind of music do you listen to?" he questioned, obviously we hit a spark of interest that would make a very different conversation.
"Don't laugh but I've never heard any punk. But I absolutely love the singers from the era's 20's to about the 50's. The really old music no one seems to appreciate anymore. Black and white days. Bing Crosby, Fred Astair. I used to be able to sing like Judy Garland, but those days are long gone on account of my voice going hay-wire," I rambled, spilling more then necessary.
"What happened to your voice?" he inquired.
"Nothing big. I had an eating disorder for a long time and the acid from your stomach burns up your esophagus on the way up. But I stopped a long time ago.
"Good 'cause you're perfect the way you are and pudge is healthy," he said patting his stomach. "But I must scold you for never hearing punk music. I mean the Ramones, New York Dolls. Both from New York. The Velvet Underground in New York! What the fuck is wrong with your soul?!" he shouted in rage I was hoping was fake.
"Maybe you can get me into it?" I suggested shyly.
"Of course. But what're you gonna give me in return of my awesome music skills," he said wagging his eyebrows.
"What do you have in mind?" I said, flirtation in my voice, something I didn't know I could produce.
"Oh I don't know. Lap dance, kinky wild steamy sex. Your choice sweetie. We just need to find out how bad you want punk in your veins."
"I said teach me, not inject it into my veins like heroine. But I want it so bad. I want soo bad, I can feel it," I said throwing my head back in fake ecstasy. I had no idea where any of this stuff was coming from, it was like I knew he wanted it, so I played on it. But it felt so right.
"I could fuck you right here in the driveway. If you want to that is?" he suggested.
"Oh of course. I would love to have sex with a perfect stranger, that probably caries many venereal diseases with his bluntness of screwing girls that gets him sluts who have a bad case of crabs," I rolled my eyes playfully, not knowing if what I just said made any since.
"Lets play choose. Get to know you better," he said randomly, adding a wink to go along with his flirting that was making my stomach turn.
"Ok, you first," I ordered.
"Vanilla or chocolate?"
"Vanilla," I answer right away. "Vodka or beer?" I asked.
He hesitated. "Vodka. Gnomes or leprechauns?"
I just laughed and said," Gnomes. Meat or veggies?"
"Meat. Sex or romance?"
"Romance. Blowjob or hand job?" I said raising an eyebrow.
"Both if they're coming from you, baby," he winked once more.
"That's not answering the choose," I retorted my face going cold.
"That game was lame anyways." I rolled my eyes at how quickly he gets bored.
"Tell me what kind of guys you would fuck?" he pleaded.
"Tre, I'm not giving out details to you, of all people, about who I would like to have sex with."
"C'mon Noelle. I won't hold it against you. Scouts Honor!" he said making a scout sign. I just laughed at his weird facial expressions.
"Okay. Well, I don't want a guy who is just in it for sex. I would want him to make me forget all the bad things men can do you a woman. He doesn't have to be gorgeous because lets face it; I'm not winning any beauty pageants. But I don't want a macho dip that has no sensitive bone in his body. He has to be romantic also. But the most important thing, is he has to make me laugh," I said emphasizing the last part, making sure I caught his eye.
"What do you like in a girl?" I asked hoping he would somehow describe me, so I could have hope.
"Well, she has to have a nice body. Usually blonde big tits, nice ass. Kinky dominatrix style that's hot but she would also kick your ass if you were a dick to her. Good in the sack of course. And funny. Has to laugh at my jokes so I can feel some sense of pride. So basically a fucking knock out."
I rolled my eyes. Just caring on looks, all looks that I didn't posses. I was just being a jealous hag, and what did I expect? Him to confess his love to me for only knowing I existed for an hour.
I stood up and said, "I'm going to bed." I walked quickly up to the house, limping like a fool with my head down. I slowly opened the door and stepped inside silently. Then I realized I have no idea where my room was, if I even had one.
Geez, this night just keeps getting better and better as it gets later. Can't sleep in the bathroom nor the living room, the only two rooms I knew of. '4:02' No use even sleeping now since I'd be up in a couple of hours. But I was so exhausted; I had barely slept while driving all over the country. You don't blame me when you are in a truck with a smelly guy who hasn't touched a woman in months, do you?
I walked back out of the house, avoiding Tre if he was still there. Dew sprinkled my ankles that had been barely exposed. Tucking my hands in my sweatshirt pockets, I tried to think of potential poems.
I shivered wildly as a huge gust of sea wind passed my stiff body. I started humming a Peggy Lee song that always got my creative juices flowing. I stopped in my tracks checking out my surroundings, realizing it was stupid of me to go wandering down a street I have no sense of.
Exhaling deeply, I sat down, my legs thanking me as they relaxed spread out in front of me. I leaned back on my palms and just melted into the cold concrete.
God, Think. Don't think about anything else but a poem.
I had no such luck as I watched the sun ease up past what I knew was the Mendocino Mountains.
Why do I feel like I am missing something entirely?
When the thing I lost was the best decision.
I can't be happy until I know they suffer,
Burning the books of any sort of exposure.
Well, that was a craptastic one. I heard pounding footsteps came to a slow pace as they got near me. I was too deep in thought to even move a muscle as I saw out of the corner of my eye. I shifted my eyes back to the mountains in the distance.
Hearing his voice made my ears bleed with irritation.
"Thought you were going to sleep?" he inquired looking down at my tensing body. I shrugged pathetically and focused on the mountains. Well tried anyways because his voice kept popping in my head, as an angelic sound, unlike how it was right now.
"Wanna go do the nasty?"
I didn't react to his crude comments towards me. I was fuming though. My irritation level was rising and easily triggered these last few weeks.
I closed my eyes and took a deep calming breath.
Don't listen to him Noelle. And stop talking to yourself.
I heard his feet scuff the ground as he joined me on the floor. He craned his neck to meet my now open eyes, his deep eyes once again calling for my attention. His eyes trailed from my eyes, to my mouth, to my chest, to my privates, then my legs before traveling back up. He took closer looks at the places he wanted to.
His eyes were filled with the same look that my boyfriend had in his eyes that night when he tried to get me to...The same night I ran away.
He rested a hand on my knee, making me bite my lip hard in utter pain. I felt my lip start to bleed again.
"Tre, don't. You don't know what I've been through...Ever," I said sitting up and glaring only at the floor with low self esteem. I was weak, making me feel I could not stand up to such a dominant male.
"C'mon. I'm all horny and you're the only girl out here," he whispered gliding his hand up my leg some more. I was seeing fire as he squeezed my bruised leg.
"Why don't you shove your dick up your ass and go fuck yourself that way," I said stand up, his hand getting brushed off my leg.
As I walked away from a dumbfounded Tre for the second time that night, I was shocked. I felt power but not the over baring macho kind. Not only did I never know I knew that comment. I also never cussed. It felt great. Then of course, my confidence level drops as I realize my limp is terrible, worse then earlier. My gaze fell to the ground as the grass and sidewalks blurred into one.
Not Again
I stopped walking as I noticed I was walking all wobbly. Placing my hand to my head, I tried to stop from seeing two of everything. I felt the now rising sun warm my body as I fell to the ground on my hands and knee, not bothering to hold back a small scream of pain. I rolled over on my back when I heard footsteps run towards me and slow down as they got near. I coughed lightly, choking on any air I breathed in. My throat closed along with my eyes. Water spilled out as I opened them again, so all I saw was bright green before it went black.
