And Like A Blade You'll Stain, chapter 12
....Oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone.....
When Adie and I got home, Jake and Joey were in the games room. Ashley and Leigh were upstairs, doing god knows what.
I walked up to our room and collapsed onto the bed. I curled up into a ball and rubbed my red watery eyes. I started to cry steadily, hating myself. Hating everyone. Hating life; hating death. Hating the whole world. Hating how I hated everything. I was hating every thought that came into my head, and then hating myself for hating those thoughts.....
.....I guess this is where being an emotionally challenged git gets you.
It kills me to see my reflection killing you, so maybe I should kill myself and then we'll all be through....
"Billie? Mike and Tré are downstairs....."
I looked up to see the worried yet gorgeous face of my wife.
"I...I'm coming. I'll be down in a minute," I muttered.
She paused for a second, before leaving me to dry my pain-drenched eyes.
When I walked downstairs Tré and Mike were there; sitting on my couch and drinking coffee.
"Hey, Bill, Adie said you have something to tell us?" Tré said, sipping his coffee. I looked at my two best friends and a single tear slipped down my cheek.
I went and sat in between them and I felt Mike's hand on my back.
"Billie? Whats wrong?" He asked. I shook my head slowly as tears started over flowing down my cheeks.
Mike rubbed my back gently, his fingertips carressing my spine softly. I wiped my eyes and sniffed.
"Tré...Mike...I'm sorry....I haven't....I'm...I've got...."
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make myself say it.
"Come on, Billie, spit it out, your killing us here," Tré said worriedly. Tré is never worried....
"Guys...I just...I have.....c-cance-...I have c-cancer," I said finally.
Mike's hand removed itself from my back.
"W-what?" Tré said.
"Cancer," I nodded slowly.
"But....but we can- we can....you can fight it, yeah? I mean....you can...we..."
He didn't need to finish his sentence. He saw the look on my face.
"But we.....Billie....I....we...."
"I'm sorry, Tré," I said, starting to cry.
"Fuck, don't be sorry," Tré said, tears in his eyes. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged back tightly.
When we broke apart I turned to look at Mike.
But he wasn't there.
"I better go find him," I said to Tré. He nodded.
"Billie..." He said tentively.
"Yeah?"
"I....I'll miss you," He said in a small voice. I hugged him again and tried not to cry.
"I'll miss you too, Tré....I'll miss you too.
* * *
After looking around half of the city, I gave up. I couldn't find my childhood best friend anywhere.
I sighed and decided to take a trip down memory lane. I walked through the familiar forest and up the hill, seeing those surroundings I'd seen so many times before. But when I got to the top there was something different waiting for me.
Mike.
I walked over to him slowly and sat next to him on a mossy rock.
"Mike, I'm sorry, I really am-"
"Don't, Billie- just.....just don't."
I turned to look at him. His eyes were red and sore-looking, and there were tears falling down his cheeks. I reached out to wipe them away and he turned to face me.
I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He cupped my face in his hands and rested his forehead on mine.
"I love you, Billie," He murmered.
"I- I love you t-too, Mike," I replied quietly.
He leaned in and kissed my lips gently. We stayed like that for a few seconds before he broke away.
Confused, I searched his eyes for an answer. I saw nothing but loneliness and longing.
"I'll always love you, Billie, no matter what," He said softly. He kissed me again, shorter this time, then hugged me tightly.
I hugged back, understandment flowing through me finally. He squeezed my shoulders tightly then kissed my neck.
"How long?" He murmered.
I paused.
"Three months," I said into his warm chest. I felt him nod.
I sat up straighter and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled neatly into his chest and together we watched the city of Berkely fall asleep for the last time.
When Adie and I got home, Jake and Joey were in the games room. Ashley and Leigh were upstairs, doing god knows what.
I walked up to our room and collapsed onto the bed. I curled up into a ball and rubbed my red watery eyes. I started to cry steadily, hating myself. Hating everyone. Hating life; hating death. Hating the whole world. Hating how I hated everything. I was hating every thought that came into my head, and then hating myself for hating those thoughts.....
.....I guess this is where being an emotionally challenged git gets you.
It kills me to see my reflection killing you, so maybe I should kill myself and then we'll all be through....
"Billie? Mike and Tré are downstairs....."
I looked up to see the worried yet gorgeous face of my wife.
"I...I'm coming. I'll be down in a minute," I muttered.
She paused for a second, before leaving me to dry my pain-drenched eyes.
When I walked downstairs Tré and Mike were there; sitting on my couch and drinking coffee.
"Hey, Bill, Adie said you have something to tell us?" Tré said, sipping his coffee. I looked at my two best friends and a single tear slipped down my cheek.
I went and sat in between them and I felt Mike's hand on my back.
"Billie? Whats wrong?" He asked. I shook my head slowly as tears started over flowing down my cheeks.
Mike rubbed my back gently, his fingertips carressing my spine softly. I wiped my eyes and sniffed.
"Tré...Mike...I'm sorry....I haven't....I'm...I've got...."
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make myself say it.
"Come on, Billie, spit it out, your killing us here," Tré said worriedly. Tré is never worried....
"Guys...I just...I have.....c-cance-...I have c-cancer," I said finally.
Mike's hand removed itself from my back.
"W-what?" Tré said.
"Cancer," I nodded slowly.
"But....but we can- we can....you can fight it, yeah? I mean....you can...we..."
He didn't need to finish his sentence. He saw the look on my face.
"But we.....Billie....I....we...."
"I'm sorry, Tré," I said, starting to cry.
"Fuck, don't be sorry," Tré said, tears in his eyes. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged back tightly.
When we broke apart I turned to look at Mike.
But he wasn't there.
"I better go find him," I said to Tré. He nodded.
"Billie..." He said tentively.
"Yeah?"
"I....I'll miss you," He said in a small voice. I hugged him again and tried not to cry.
"I'll miss you too, Tré....I'll miss you too.
* * *
After looking around half of the city, I gave up. I couldn't find my childhood best friend anywhere.
I sighed and decided to take a trip down memory lane. I walked through the familiar forest and up the hill, seeing those surroundings I'd seen so many times before. But when I got to the top there was something different waiting for me.
Mike.
I walked over to him slowly and sat next to him on a mossy rock.
"Mike, I'm sorry, I really am-"
"Don't, Billie- just.....just don't."
I turned to look at him. His eyes were red and sore-looking, and there were tears falling down his cheeks. I reached out to wipe them away and he turned to face me.
I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He cupped my face in his hands and rested his forehead on mine.
"I love you, Billie," He murmered.
"I- I love you t-too, Mike," I replied quietly.
He leaned in and kissed my lips gently. We stayed like that for a few seconds before he broke away.
Confused, I searched his eyes for an answer. I saw nothing but loneliness and longing.
"I'll always love you, Billie, no matter what," He said softly. He kissed me again, shorter this time, then hugged me tightly.
I hugged back, understandment flowing through me finally. He squeezed my shoulders tightly then kissed my neck.
"How long?" He murmered.
I paused.
"Three months," I said into his warm chest. I felt him nod.
I sat up straighter and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled neatly into his chest and together we watched the city of Berkely fall asleep for the last time.
