And Like A Blade You'll Stain, chapter 13
Will you, defeat them, your demons, and all the non-believers, the plans that they have made.....
Somehow, through all of this, this depression, this anger, this longing for death then longing for life, I'd forgotten something.....
The fans.
All those loyal followers we had gained over the years, I'd forgotten about them. And as the next month passed, I realised I was becoming weaker and needed to do something for them.
It was the least they deserved.
* * *
"Are you sure about this, Billie?"
I looked out over the edge. People were going about shopping, laughing, joking, leading normal lives, having fun, not worrying about tomorrow. And here I was, on the roof of the mall, waiting for the electronics people to finish wiring up the amps.
Yeah....we were performing on top of the mall, Green Day's last performance. My last performance.....
I know it wouldn't go down in history quite like The Beatles, or even U2, but at least I could tell them while doing something I loved.
Playing music.
"Bill? You there?"
I looked up. Tony was looking at me, waving his hand in front of my face.
"Yeah?" I said distractedly.
"You're on. it's time....." He looked at me. "Knock 'em dead, dude," He said.
I nodded and looked over to where Mike and Tre were waiting. I closed my eyes for a second, then opened them again, and walked over to join them.
It was about eight o'clock, but dark already. The stars were out and the moon was shining brightly.
Like a beacon of despair.
Sighing, I stepped up to the mic.
"Hello, California," I said.
I heard gasps below and mutters and a few whoops, as I began to speak again.
"You're probably wondering why we're up here...."
I looked down at them. Hundreds of people started appearing out of nowhere, and pointing up at us. Most of them were kids, teenagers and whatever; all the adults just wandered across pretending to be shocked that we would be so immature as to play on the roof.
"Well...Green Day won't be performing ever again, after tonight," I said. I felt tears in my eyes but I held them back furiously. There were murmers and "awwws," and alot of people looking genuinely upset - and then they started a chant. Just two words.
"GREEN DAY."
The chanted it loud and they chanted it clear, all of them, everyone, I heard them, it was ringing in my ears.
I stepped up to the mic once again and spoke.
"Please....it's not our choice, believe me....it's me."
There were a few more murmers, then silence.
They were waiting.
"I...I have cancer," I said finally. "I have barely two months to live and after this performance, it's over."
I could see people crying. Crying, just because some out-of-date rokstar was dying.
I picked up Blue and looked over at Mike and Tre.
"This song is called Good Riddance," I said softly. There were cheers from below, and claps. Then we started to play.
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Wiping my eyes, I looked at the crowd. I saw lights; from lighters, people were holding up their lighters and waving them. Peolpe were crying, like me. Crying for me........
* * *
It's almost over.
The weeks were passing too quickly, yet too slowly. Ever since the performance I've been too weak to even move. The doctors were surprised I even managed to do that, perform, with two months to live.
I guess I just get those strokes of luck at the worst times, huh?
I wasn't in the hospital. I didn't want to die there, I wanted to die at home.
Die.
I was dying; it was finally hitting home. I was dying and there was nothing I could do. I was losing strength, losing hope, losing life.
I could hear people around me but I couldn't see them; I was too weak to open my eyes. I was so near to the end and yet I couldn't see the faces of the ones I loved just one last time. I couldn't tell them that I would never leave their hearts, that I would never, ever go.
Someones hand was in mine...Tre's...
He told me to stay who I was...he told me he'd never forget me, he told me I was one of a kind and he loved me.
Then Mike. Mike came and held me for the longest time, I wanted to see him, see his beautiful face before I left but I couldn't. I was too weak.
My mom...I heard her voice but I didn't understand the words...It killed me.
Literally.
Leigh came...she said goodbye. When she hugged me I felt something.
I felt Mike.
I still didn't understand her....but it was too late for that. Adie was by my side holding me, telling me she loved me.
Oh, Adie, I love you too.
I can hear her voice...I can hear Ashley. Even thought she's not talking, I can hear her. I can. I always will; she's not just Adie's daughter.
She's someone else.
But I'll never get to know her.
I'll never see Jake's first day of High School, I'll never see my boys go to college, or get married, or have kids of thier own. I was leaving them the way my father left me and I didn't want to.
I didn't want to leave.
Joey and Jake...they came. They told me they loved me.
And now...now they're all gone. All gone because they can't stand to watch me die.
And it was then I opened my eyes. When everyone was gone - but they weren't.
They weren't gone, they were right there, in front of me, my family, crowded around my bed. Smiling, but crying.
I took one last look at the ones I loved and then closed my eyes for the last time.
* * *
Rest In Peace, Billie Joe Armstrong.
Somehow, through all of this, this depression, this anger, this longing for death then longing for life, I'd forgotten something.....
The fans.
All those loyal followers we had gained over the years, I'd forgotten about them. And as the next month passed, I realised I was becoming weaker and needed to do something for them.
It was the least they deserved.
* * *
"Are you sure about this, Billie?"
I looked out over the edge. People were going about shopping, laughing, joking, leading normal lives, having fun, not worrying about tomorrow. And here I was, on the roof of the mall, waiting for the electronics people to finish wiring up the amps.
Yeah....we were performing on top of the mall, Green Day's last performance. My last performance.....
I know it wouldn't go down in history quite like The Beatles, or even U2, but at least I could tell them while doing something I loved.
Playing music.
"Bill? You there?"
I looked up. Tony was looking at me, waving his hand in front of my face.
"Yeah?" I said distractedly.
"You're on. it's time....." He looked at me. "Knock 'em dead, dude," He said.
I nodded and looked over to where Mike and Tre were waiting. I closed my eyes for a second, then opened them again, and walked over to join them.
It was about eight o'clock, but dark already. The stars were out and the moon was shining brightly.
Like a beacon of despair.
Sighing, I stepped up to the mic.
"Hello, California," I said.
I heard gasps below and mutters and a few whoops, as I began to speak again.
"You're probably wondering why we're up here...."
I looked down at them. Hundreds of people started appearing out of nowhere, and pointing up at us. Most of them were kids, teenagers and whatever; all the adults just wandered across pretending to be shocked that we would be so immature as to play on the roof.
"Well...Green Day won't be performing ever again, after tonight," I said. I felt tears in my eyes but I held them back furiously. There were murmers and "awwws," and alot of people looking genuinely upset - and then they started a chant. Just two words.
"GREEN DAY."
The chanted it loud and they chanted it clear, all of them, everyone, I heard them, it was ringing in my ears.
I stepped up to the mic once again and spoke.
"Please....it's not our choice, believe me....it's me."
There were a few more murmers, then silence.
They were waiting.
"I...I have cancer," I said finally. "I have barely two months to live and after this performance, it's over."
I could see people crying. Crying, just because some out-of-date rokstar was dying.
I picked up Blue and looked over at Mike and Tre.
"This song is called Good Riddance," I said softly. There were cheers from below, and claps. Then we started to play.
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Wiping my eyes, I looked at the crowd. I saw lights; from lighters, people were holding up their lighters and waving them. Peolpe were crying, like me. Crying for me........
* * *
It's almost over.
The weeks were passing too quickly, yet too slowly. Ever since the performance I've been too weak to even move. The doctors were surprised I even managed to do that, perform, with two months to live.
I guess I just get those strokes of luck at the worst times, huh?
I wasn't in the hospital. I didn't want to die there, I wanted to die at home.
Die.
I was dying; it was finally hitting home. I was dying and there was nothing I could do. I was losing strength, losing hope, losing life.
I could hear people around me but I couldn't see them; I was too weak to open my eyes. I was so near to the end and yet I couldn't see the faces of the ones I loved just one last time. I couldn't tell them that I would never leave their hearts, that I would never, ever go.
Someones hand was in mine...Tre's...
He told me to stay who I was...he told me he'd never forget me, he told me I was one of a kind and he loved me.
Then Mike. Mike came and held me for the longest time, I wanted to see him, see his beautiful face before I left but I couldn't. I was too weak.
My mom...I heard her voice but I didn't understand the words...It killed me.
Literally.
Leigh came...she said goodbye. When she hugged me I felt something.
I felt Mike.
I still didn't understand her....but it was too late for that. Adie was by my side holding me, telling me she loved me.
Oh, Adie, I love you too.
I can hear her voice...I can hear Ashley. Even thought she's not talking, I can hear her. I can. I always will; she's not just Adie's daughter.
She's someone else.
But I'll never get to know her.
I'll never see Jake's first day of High School, I'll never see my boys go to college, or get married, or have kids of thier own. I was leaving them the way my father left me and I didn't want to.
I didn't want to leave.
Joey and Jake...they came. They told me they loved me.
And now...now they're all gone. All gone because they can't stand to watch me die.
And it was then I opened my eyes. When everyone was gone - but they weren't.
They weren't gone, they were right there, in front of me, my family, crowded around my bed. Smiling, but crying.
I took one last look at the ones I loved and then closed my eyes for the last time.
* * *
Rest In Peace, Billie Joe Armstrong.
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