And Like A Blade You'll Stain, chapter 3
I nodded slowly.
"So....you don't like it here?" Adie said quietly. Ashley nodded silently.
"No. It sucks. There is nothing to do, and no one to hang around with, 'cause everyone hates me, except," she froze.
"Leigh," she whispered. She looked up at me, then at Adie, then at her feet.
"Who- who is Leigh?" Adie asked gently.
"My best friend," she mumbled. She looked back up at us. "I can't leave her," she whispered. I looked at Adie. She looked so upset.
"Well....she could visit?" Adie suggested. I guessed she was trying to make the best of a bad situation.
"But....she's my best friend..." Ashley said quietly. She had tears in her eyes.
"'Jeez," I thought, 'No need to cry over it..."
I immediatley felt guilty and inwardly stabbed myself. She was a kid; a teenager, when I was that age I loved Mike more than ever, as far as I can remember. Of course she wants to stay, what am I thinking?
"I- thats ok," Adie said, in a fake bright voice. "So...so you don't want to come?" she added, her voice losing the bright touch.
"I- I do," Ashley said quickly. "More than anything, I do, I swear. But Leigh is my best friend- trust me, if you'd been around these past few years then you'd know why."
I felt so sorry for Adie- without knowing it Ashley had just stabbed a million deadly knives in her skull, peircing painfully. I shuffled over and squashed up beside Adie, putting my arm around her waist. She smiled weakly. I heard Ashley sigh.
"I'm sorry," Adie said. "I know that you have a life here."
"That I hate," Ashley interrupted. There was still tears in her eyes.
"I want to come with you so much, you don't understand, I want it more than anything- but I can't risk this friendship, Leigh's the only true friend I've ever had," she explained.
"What if she came out to stay with us- after you'd settled in a bit?" Adie asked. Ashley looked at me.
"She could come stay for a while? In the same house, yeah?" she asked, her voice quivering. Adie smiled.
"Yes, she could, I can see that she's your best friend and I don't expect you to leave just like that, but of course, she can come, you can call her anytime after you've settled in."
Ashley's eyes lit up. She looked at her feet, for some reason, then back at Adie and me.
"Are you sure you want me to come? I mean, I'm just-"
"Just my daughter," Adie said, "Therefore, I want to spend every minute of my life with you."
Ashley sniffed and looked down at her odd shoes.
"Thank you," she whispered. Adie held out her arms and Ashley smiled for the first time.They hugged tight for a while and then broke apart.
"Ok, we'll leave you to pack, and say goodbye and stuff, and we'll come back in a week or two."
"That long?" Ashley said. Adie smiled.
"Well- we could come back tomorrow," I said. Ashley smiled.
"Yes, please," She said. Adie laughed slightly.
"Ok. Well...bye," she said awkwardly. Ashley stood up and hugged her, then glanced at me. I stood up and shrugged, then pulled her into a hug as well. I could see Adie smiling out of the corner of my eye, she knew how much I wanted a daughter.
We stayed overnight at the hotel again. Scottish hotels were really clean compared to America's. I know everyone thinks its all fancy shmancy but it's not, even the five-stars suck most of the time.
Adie went to bed early but I stayed up. I couldn't sleep, the day had been so overwhelming, and I didn't need any more emotions piled on top of what I already had. I needed to clear my head.
I got up and pulled on my black converse. I laced them up then remembered Ashleys shoes, her odd ones. I smiled slightly to myself. She was....she seemed...so different. There was a bit of Adie in her, but I could tell she was pretty much an individual, her own person, a misfit even.
I walked quietly into the large hotel bedroom and kissed Adie's forhead lightly. She rolled over and mumbled something in her sleep. I gazed at her for a second, stealing the looks of my beautiful wife whilst I could. I knew only too well that love didn't last, just look at my dad.
I loved him more than my life, he WAS my life. He taught me guitar, he taught me everything, me taught me how to be who I was and no one else. He taught me that individuality wasn't a bad thing, no matter how many people put you down over it.
I walked out of the hotel, glancing at my watch as I did.
11:37 pm.
I sighed and walked out into the dark streets. There were a few streetlamps but most of the small town was plunged into an icy darkness.
I walked around to nowhere, thinking about nothing. My head was too filled up that I couldn't even concentrate on concentrating. My mind was so messed up right now- everyone always thought I coped well in September, considering, but...but they had no idea. They never did.
I walked down by a river, mesmorised by the steady ripples of water that were being cast by small, unknown what nots. I sighed and sat down on a nearby bench.
I wished it wasn't September. I wished my dad was still here. I wished I wasn't so depressed. I wished I wasn't so emotional. I wished I could tell my family and friends how I really feel. I wished...I wished wishes always come true.
The next day, we went to pick up Ashley when we knew she'd be back from school. We had waited to long, though; she had gone out with Leigh to explain to her what happened. We sat there for about half an hour, making small talk and glancing nervously at the door.
I had a feeling that Ashleys dad somehow wanted to get rid of her. I don't know what it was but there was something about him I didn't like. He wasn't...he didn't seem like a dad.
A little while later the front door slammed. Two pairs of feet were heard pounding up the stairs. Ashley burst through, with a girl I presumed to be Leigh.
She had short, shoulder length dark blonde hair and was tall and skinny. She was wearing a plain white tshirt and balck pants, and black converse. Her dark, deep, chocolate brown eyes were outlined heavily in black eyeliner.
"Hi," Ashley said quietly to Adie. Adie smiled slightly.
"Hi," she said. "How have you been?"
"Uhm, good," Ashley said, but didn't look Adie in the eye. "This is Leigh," she added. Adie smiled at her.
"Hey, I'm Adie."
"I know. I'm Leigh. I'ts great no finally meet you," Leigh said. I smiled to myself alot of people who weren't blood-sucking teenie boppers loved my wife more than they loved me.
"Nice to meet you too," Leigh said. She seemed nice. She looked at me, and her eyes widened only slightly.
"Hi," I said shortly, and stuck out my hand. She eyed it just as Ashley had done, but shook it gingerly.
"Hi," She said. "I'm Leigh."
"Cool. I'm Billie," I said. She nodded and grinned.
"I know."
I smiled and looked at Adie. She smiled at me then looked at Ashley, who looked at Leigh. Leigh and Ashley sighed and looked at each other.
"Do you want a minute?" Melanie asked gently. Ashley ignored her and Leigh glared at her.
"No," they said together.
"Well, I don't want to rush things, Ashley, but we have to hurry. The flights soon," Adie said. Ashley nodded and tuned to Leigh.
"Walk me to the car?" she said. Leigh grinned and nodded.
Ashley glanced at her dad.
"Goodbye, Ashley," he said tonelessy and pulled her into a rough hug. She let go quickly.
"Goodbye, hunny," Melanie said. She made to give Ashley a hug as well but Ashley dodged her.
"You're not her mum; she doesn't want to hug you," Leigh blurted at the crestfallen expression on Melanie's face. Martin looked taken aback.
"Leigh, thats not really very-"
"Shut up, dad. If I can still call you that. You've had me living a lie and I'm sick of it, so don't have a go at Leigh cause she is the ONLY one," Ashley said, "The only FUCKING ONE who understands me. THE ONLY ONE. So fuck off and die because, as far as I'm concerned, you're abou as important as dog shit on the bottom of my shoe."
Leigh put her hand on Ashleys arm.
"Time to go?" She said.
"Yeah. Lets blow this joint," she said and laughed bitterly. She took one last look at Martin and Melanie and sighed.
"Goodbye, you pair of fucking fakers," she said. Leigh glared at them and then followed Ashley's lead as they left the house she'd grown up in.
Once we'd got outside, Ashley and Leigh were there along with Ashley's small suitcases. They were standing side-by-side, and not saying anything. It remeinded me of something, someone, two people.
I have a picture of Mike and I, taken by my mom, standing side-by-side and looking at our feet. It was the day that Mike was supposed to move, but in the end he stayed in my garage. We had been so miserble, but looking at Ashley, she reminded me of me, and looking at Leigh...
She looked just like my best fucking friend.
"So....you don't like it here?" Adie said quietly. Ashley nodded silently.
"No. It sucks. There is nothing to do, and no one to hang around with, 'cause everyone hates me, except," she froze.
"Leigh," she whispered. She looked up at me, then at Adie, then at her feet.
"Who- who is Leigh?" Adie asked gently.
"My best friend," she mumbled. She looked back up at us. "I can't leave her," she whispered. I looked at Adie. She looked so upset.
"Well....she could visit?" Adie suggested. I guessed she was trying to make the best of a bad situation.
"But....she's my best friend..." Ashley said quietly. She had tears in her eyes.
"'Jeez," I thought, 'No need to cry over it..."
I immediatley felt guilty and inwardly stabbed myself. She was a kid; a teenager, when I was that age I loved Mike more than ever, as far as I can remember. Of course she wants to stay, what am I thinking?
"I- thats ok," Adie said, in a fake bright voice. "So...so you don't want to come?" she added, her voice losing the bright touch.
"I- I do," Ashley said quickly. "More than anything, I do, I swear. But Leigh is my best friend- trust me, if you'd been around these past few years then you'd know why."
I felt so sorry for Adie- without knowing it Ashley had just stabbed a million deadly knives in her skull, peircing painfully. I shuffled over and squashed up beside Adie, putting my arm around her waist. She smiled weakly. I heard Ashley sigh.
"I'm sorry," Adie said. "I know that you have a life here."
"That I hate," Ashley interrupted. There was still tears in her eyes.
"I want to come with you so much, you don't understand, I want it more than anything- but I can't risk this friendship, Leigh's the only true friend I've ever had," she explained.
"What if she came out to stay with us- after you'd settled in a bit?" Adie asked. Ashley looked at me.
"She could come stay for a while? In the same house, yeah?" she asked, her voice quivering. Adie smiled.
"Yes, she could, I can see that she's your best friend and I don't expect you to leave just like that, but of course, she can come, you can call her anytime after you've settled in."
Ashley's eyes lit up. She looked at her feet, for some reason, then back at Adie and me.
"Are you sure you want me to come? I mean, I'm just-"
"Just my daughter," Adie said, "Therefore, I want to spend every minute of my life with you."
Ashley sniffed and looked down at her odd shoes.
"Thank you," she whispered. Adie held out her arms and Ashley smiled for the first time.They hugged tight for a while and then broke apart.
"Ok, we'll leave you to pack, and say goodbye and stuff, and we'll come back in a week or two."
"That long?" Ashley said. Adie smiled.
"Well- we could come back tomorrow," I said. Ashley smiled.
"Yes, please," She said. Adie laughed slightly.
"Ok. Well...bye," she said awkwardly. Ashley stood up and hugged her, then glanced at me. I stood up and shrugged, then pulled her into a hug as well. I could see Adie smiling out of the corner of my eye, she knew how much I wanted a daughter.
We stayed overnight at the hotel again. Scottish hotels were really clean compared to America's. I know everyone thinks its all fancy shmancy but it's not, even the five-stars suck most of the time.
Adie went to bed early but I stayed up. I couldn't sleep, the day had been so overwhelming, and I didn't need any more emotions piled on top of what I already had. I needed to clear my head.
I got up and pulled on my black converse. I laced them up then remembered Ashleys shoes, her odd ones. I smiled slightly to myself. She was....she seemed...so different. There was a bit of Adie in her, but I could tell she was pretty much an individual, her own person, a misfit even.
I walked quietly into the large hotel bedroom and kissed Adie's forhead lightly. She rolled over and mumbled something in her sleep. I gazed at her for a second, stealing the looks of my beautiful wife whilst I could. I knew only too well that love didn't last, just look at my dad.
I loved him more than my life, he WAS my life. He taught me guitar, he taught me everything, me taught me how to be who I was and no one else. He taught me that individuality wasn't a bad thing, no matter how many people put you down over it.
I walked out of the hotel, glancing at my watch as I did.
11:37 pm.
I sighed and walked out into the dark streets. There were a few streetlamps but most of the small town was plunged into an icy darkness.
I walked around to nowhere, thinking about nothing. My head was too filled up that I couldn't even concentrate on concentrating. My mind was so messed up right now- everyone always thought I coped well in September, considering, but...but they had no idea. They never did.
I walked down by a river, mesmorised by the steady ripples of water that were being cast by small, unknown what nots. I sighed and sat down on a nearby bench.
I wished it wasn't September. I wished my dad was still here. I wished I wasn't so depressed. I wished I wasn't so emotional. I wished I could tell my family and friends how I really feel. I wished...I wished wishes always come true.
The next day, we went to pick up Ashley when we knew she'd be back from school. We had waited to long, though; she had gone out with Leigh to explain to her what happened. We sat there for about half an hour, making small talk and glancing nervously at the door.
I had a feeling that Ashleys dad somehow wanted to get rid of her. I don't know what it was but there was something about him I didn't like. He wasn't...he didn't seem like a dad.
A little while later the front door slammed. Two pairs of feet were heard pounding up the stairs. Ashley burst through, with a girl I presumed to be Leigh.
She had short, shoulder length dark blonde hair and was tall and skinny. She was wearing a plain white tshirt and balck pants, and black converse. Her dark, deep, chocolate brown eyes were outlined heavily in black eyeliner.
"Hi," Ashley said quietly to Adie. Adie smiled slightly.
"Hi," she said. "How have you been?"
"Uhm, good," Ashley said, but didn't look Adie in the eye. "This is Leigh," she added. Adie smiled at her.
"Hey, I'm Adie."
"I know. I'm Leigh. I'ts great no finally meet you," Leigh said. I smiled to myself alot of people who weren't blood-sucking teenie boppers loved my wife more than they loved me.
"Nice to meet you too," Leigh said. She seemed nice. She looked at me, and her eyes widened only slightly.
"Hi," I said shortly, and stuck out my hand. She eyed it just as Ashley had done, but shook it gingerly.
"Hi," She said. "I'm Leigh."
"Cool. I'm Billie," I said. She nodded and grinned.
"I know."
I smiled and looked at Adie. She smiled at me then looked at Ashley, who looked at Leigh. Leigh and Ashley sighed and looked at each other.
"Do you want a minute?" Melanie asked gently. Ashley ignored her and Leigh glared at her.
"No," they said together.
"Well, I don't want to rush things, Ashley, but we have to hurry. The flights soon," Adie said. Ashley nodded and tuned to Leigh.
"Walk me to the car?" she said. Leigh grinned and nodded.
Ashley glanced at her dad.
"Goodbye, Ashley," he said tonelessy and pulled her into a rough hug. She let go quickly.
"Goodbye, hunny," Melanie said. She made to give Ashley a hug as well but Ashley dodged her.
"You're not her mum; she doesn't want to hug you," Leigh blurted at the crestfallen expression on Melanie's face. Martin looked taken aback.
"Leigh, thats not really very-"
"Shut up, dad. If I can still call you that. You've had me living a lie and I'm sick of it, so don't have a go at Leigh cause she is the ONLY one," Ashley said, "The only FUCKING ONE who understands me. THE ONLY ONE. So fuck off and die because, as far as I'm concerned, you're abou as important as dog shit on the bottom of my shoe."
Leigh put her hand on Ashleys arm.
"Time to go?" She said.
"Yeah. Lets blow this joint," she said and laughed bitterly. She took one last look at Martin and Melanie and sighed.
"Goodbye, you pair of fucking fakers," she said. Leigh glared at them and then followed Ashley's lead as they left the house she'd grown up in.
Once we'd got outside, Ashley and Leigh were there along with Ashley's small suitcases. They were standing side-by-side, and not saying anything. It remeinded me of something, someone, two people.
I have a picture of Mike and I, taken by my mom, standing side-by-side and looking at our feet. It was the day that Mike was supposed to move, but in the end he stayed in my garage. We had been so miserble, but looking at Ashley, she reminded me of me, and looking at Leigh...
She looked just like my best fucking friend.
