Takin' Back What's Mine (A Billie Joe Story...), chapter 7
Finally I found it near the bottom, lying next to a pregnancy test. "Whoa," I yelled, and pulled my hand out of the can, jumping away from it.
"What?" Seb asked from where she was lying on the bed, watching me.
"Are you..." I pointed to the bin.
She shook her head. "No."
I stood there for a few seconds, feeling her eyes on my face as though she was trying to gauge my reaction. "Oh," I said finally, and sat down on the edge of the bed.
***Sebi's POV***
I shuffled closer to him cautiously and rested a hand on his leg. "Bill? Are you okay?" He didn't answer, and we sat a few more minutes in silence. "Billie?"
"I'm sorry," he finally mumbled, putting his head down and wiping at his eyes, "I...I don't know..."
"You wanted it too." It wasn't a question; it was a statement.
He blinked up at me. "I...I think I did." I didn't move, my eyes simply traveling over his face and connecting with his eyes. "But...I didn't realize it. I didn't know I wanted it...but I do."
I nodded and shifted a little closer to him. He wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his lips against my shoulder. I rested one hand against the back of his neck and we both sighed. He started kissing my neck and shoulder.
"Bill?"
"Mhm."
"I love you."
"Love you too."
I nodded and sniffed. He wrapped both arms around my waist and pulled me so that our hips were parallel, facing opposite directions. I sniffed again, and he started rocking me gently, back and forth, as tears started dripping from my eyes slowly. We sat like that for a long time, neither of us moving, nor saying anything at all, just feeling the other's presence in our lives. After a while, I noticed his breathing had become even and smooth, and when I pulled back a little to look at him, his head rolled to the side, his eyes closed. I smiled and lay him down on the bed, and then got up and got dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a green tank top. I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and then went into the kitchen and sat on the counter, a mug of coffee cupped in my hands and my knees up by my chest. I looked around the room, feeling the pleasant warmth of the afternoon sunlight in the cool room. A beam of sunlight fell across the counter, dust mites dancing inside it, illuminating the glittery black countertop. I sighed and got up when I heard the mail slot clang, and the soft noise as the mail hit the floor. I went and got the stack of letters and sat down at the table to look through them. They were all fan letters. I tore the first envelope and shook the paper open.
Dear Sebi,
I heard about your accident and I wanted to say that I think it's really sad and I hope you get better soon. The newspapers say you got hurt saving a little kid, and I thought that was really noble and cool. They say you broke your rib, and I hope you get better soon, cuz I love your music and I really admire you.
All the papers say you're dating Billie Joe Armstrong. Is that true? You guys would make a really great couple, if you're not. I hope you are. I photoshopped a picture of you and a picture of him to see what your kids would look like. It's in the envelope.
Your music is so cool. But what happened to your old guitarist? I keep hearing rumours that he got kicked out, but no one ever says why. That's okay, I like the new one better anyway. The old one was crap.
So anyways, I just wanted to send you a get well letter.
From, Anna.
I laughed and set the letter aside. The other letters were basically the same, sending me get well wishes. I stayed in the kitchen and the peace, and drank my coffee slowly. Checking the clock on the microwave and seeing that it was three in the afternoon, I went to wake up Billie Joe, who was lying on his stomach, snoring. I set a hand on his back and shook him gently until he lifted his head slowly and rubbed his eyes.
"Hey," I murmured.
"Mmm, hey."
"Are you feeling okay? It's three and you're still in bed."
He shrugged. "Just a headache."
I nodded and lay down beside him. "I think your phone's still in the garbage."
"I'll get a new one," he grumbled into his pillow as he snuck one arm around my waist. I looked around at the walls and my gaze rested on the poster for Hopelessly Addicted.
"Oh fuck!" I yelled, and sat up.
"Hm...wha?"
"I have a photo shoot. Fuck, fuck, fuck," I muttered, staggering out of the bed and changing quickly into some random clothes.
"You're late," Emma snapped as I rushed into the room.
"Meh, sorry, it was a long night."
"Care to explain?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it's my fucking life, that's why," I snapped, turning my head to look at her.
"And we're part of it," she replied calmly.
"Not this part," I snarled. She went to answer, but I slammed her up against a wall with my forearm pressing over her throat. "I'm not telling you shit about what happened last night, so stop pushing it, cuz pretty soon, I'm leaving." I let her go, and we glared at each other until Matt cut in.
"Okay, hehe, let's get this over with then," he said.
The photographer (smartly) put Emma and me on opposite sides of the picture. We took the photos and then I left, without taking another glance at Emma.
By the time I got back to my apartment, all I wanted to do was wrap myself in a blanket with a teddy bear and hot chocolate and watch crappy daytime soaps for the rest of the day. Even better, when I got there Billie was there, so I could curl up and watch soaps with him. We made hot chocolate and lay on the sofa and watched TV for a while until he shifted. I looked up at him.
"My legs are asleep," he muttered, looking down at me. I nodded and sat up. "No, where are you going? It's warm here."
"I thought you said your legs were asleep."
"They are, but that doesn't mean I want you to move." He pulled me back down onto his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist so I couldn't move.
"You know what I realized the other day?" I mumbled.
"Hm...what?"
"We don't have any pictures of us."
"D'you have a camera?"
"I think so," I said. I sat up and started wandering around the apartment looking for my camera. Finally I found it on top of the fridge and brought it back into the living room.
April 24, 2007
I was driving home from another photo shoot when my phone buzzed. I flipped it open to find a new text message.
From Billie Joe: Pull over.
"What?" Seb asked from where she was lying on the bed, watching me.
"Are you..." I pointed to the bin.
She shook her head. "No."
I stood there for a few seconds, feeling her eyes on my face as though she was trying to gauge my reaction. "Oh," I said finally, and sat down on the edge of the bed.
***Sebi's POV***
I shuffled closer to him cautiously and rested a hand on his leg. "Bill? Are you okay?" He didn't answer, and we sat a few more minutes in silence. "Billie?"
"I'm sorry," he finally mumbled, putting his head down and wiping at his eyes, "I...I don't know..."
"You wanted it too." It wasn't a question; it was a statement.
He blinked up at me. "I...I think I did." I didn't move, my eyes simply traveling over his face and connecting with his eyes. "But...I didn't realize it. I didn't know I wanted it...but I do."
I nodded and shifted a little closer to him. He wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his lips against my shoulder. I rested one hand against the back of his neck and we both sighed. He started kissing my neck and shoulder.
"Bill?"
"Mhm."
"I love you."
"Love you too."
I nodded and sniffed. He wrapped both arms around my waist and pulled me so that our hips were parallel, facing opposite directions. I sniffed again, and he started rocking me gently, back and forth, as tears started dripping from my eyes slowly. We sat like that for a long time, neither of us moving, nor saying anything at all, just feeling the other's presence in our lives. After a while, I noticed his breathing had become even and smooth, and when I pulled back a little to look at him, his head rolled to the side, his eyes closed. I smiled and lay him down on the bed, and then got up and got dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a green tank top. I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and then went into the kitchen and sat on the counter, a mug of coffee cupped in my hands and my knees up by my chest. I looked around the room, feeling the pleasant warmth of the afternoon sunlight in the cool room. A beam of sunlight fell across the counter, dust mites dancing inside it, illuminating the glittery black countertop. I sighed and got up when I heard the mail slot clang, and the soft noise as the mail hit the floor. I went and got the stack of letters and sat down at the table to look through them. They were all fan letters. I tore the first envelope and shook the paper open.
Dear Sebi,
I heard about your accident and I wanted to say that I think it's really sad and I hope you get better soon. The newspapers say you got hurt saving a little kid, and I thought that was really noble and cool. They say you broke your rib, and I hope you get better soon, cuz I love your music and I really admire you.
All the papers say you're dating Billie Joe Armstrong. Is that true? You guys would make a really great couple, if you're not. I hope you are. I photoshopped a picture of you and a picture of him to see what your kids would look like. It's in the envelope.
Your music is so cool. But what happened to your old guitarist? I keep hearing rumours that he got kicked out, but no one ever says why. That's okay, I like the new one better anyway. The old one was crap.
So anyways, I just wanted to send you a get well letter.
From, Anna.
I laughed and set the letter aside. The other letters were basically the same, sending me get well wishes. I stayed in the kitchen and the peace, and drank my coffee slowly. Checking the clock on the microwave and seeing that it was three in the afternoon, I went to wake up Billie Joe, who was lying on his stomach, snoring. I set a hand on his back and shook him gently until he lifted his head slowly and rubbed his eyes.
"Hey," I murmured.
"Mmm, hey."
"Are you feeling okay? It's three and you're still in bed."
He shrugged. "Just a headache."
I nodded and lay down beside him. "I think your phone's still in the garbage."
"I'll get a new one," he grumbled into his pillow as he snuck one arm around my waist. I looked around at the walls and my gaze rested on the poster for Hopelessly Addicted.
"Oh fuck!" I yelled, and sat up.
"Hm...wha?"
"I have a photo shoot. Fuck, fuck, fuck," I muttered, staggering out of the bed and changing quickly into some random clothes.
"You're late," Emma snapped as I rushed into the room.
"Meh, sorry, it was a long night."
"Care to explain?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it's my fucking life, that's why," I snapped, turning my head to look at her.
"And we're part of it," she replied calmly.
"Not this part," I snarled. She went to answer, but I slammed her up against a wall with my forearm pressing over her throat. "I'm not telling you shit about what happened last night, so stop pushing it, cuz pretty soon, I'm leaving." I let her go, and we glared at each other until Matt cut in.
"Okay, hehe, let's get this over with then," he said.
The photographer (smartly) put Emma and me on opposite sides of the picture. We took the photos and then I left, without taking another glance at Emma.
By the time I got back to my apartment, all I wanted to do was wrap myself in a blanket with a teddy bear and hot chocolate and watch crappy daytime soaps for the rest of the day. Even better, when I got there Billie was there, so I could curl up and watch soaps with him. We made hot chocolate and lay on the sofa and watched TV for a while until he shifted. I looked up at him.
"My legs are asleep," he muttered, looking down at me. I nodded and sat up. "No, where are you going? It's warm here."
"I thought you said your legs were asleep."
"They are, but that doesn't mean I want you to move." He pulled me back down onto his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist so I couldn't move.
"You know what I realized the other day?" I mumbled.
"Hm...what?"
"We don't have any pictures of us."
"D'you have a camera?"
"I think so," I said. I sat up and started wandering around the apartment looking for my camera. Finally I found it on top of the fridge and brought it back into the living room.
April 24, 2007
I was driving home from another photo shoot when my phone buzzed. I flipped it open to find a new text message.
From Billie Joe: Pull over.
