Pâle Septembre, chapter 2
She didn't wake days later with that suspicious ideal that maybe she had been raped. She woke 2 hours later fully aware that she had been raped vigorously several times by the two men. Every fiber of her being ached in distress--soreness streaming its way through her stiff muscles.
Her car clock read 8 o'clock.
It was just now bed time for her children; and she was laying on the bottom of her car whimpering slightly. The night wind found its way through the cracks of the door and wrapped itself around her naked body mercilessly. She felt utterly disgusting. All she wanted was to crawl out of her skin and clean every inch of her body.
Near by her cell phone rang. At least they left her purse.
She begged herself to move as she reached for the phone, her body retaliating as it fell short of reach. She gathered the will to sit up on her knees, her thighs burning with every breath.
'Just reach the phone, and get Billie to get you,' She thought meekly, dragging her purse towards her subtly. Though once she lifted the phone to her ear, her finger posed on the talk button, she paused. She placed herself instantly in Billie Joe's position. Him finding out his wife had been raped, violated, hurt, and beaten. The tears started forming in her eyes once more as she imagined Billie sitting on the corner of the bed unable to make himself touch her, look at her, be near her. She could already see the loss of respect in his eyes. The lack of purity and replacement of filth radiating from her skin.
'He can't see me like this. My kids can't see me like this. I can hardly stand to see me like this,' she thought bitterly, putting the ringing phone down slowly. She decided then and there that none of the above would see her in such a disgusting state. She sobbed weakly when she willed her legs to stand up, the pain shooting up her spine. She had to get dressed, she had to get home to her family, she had to keep living.
So 30 minutes later Adrienne sat in the driveway to the house fully clothed, her hair put back to perfection and everything. She smelt of sex and blood, she knew, but at least she looked completely ordinary.
She let herself in the house, walking in small steps to ease her own pain. The welcoming warmness of the house embraced her almost too willingly, causing her to sigh deeply in relief.
"No one can hurt me now. Not again."
The lights in her sons' rooms were off, replaced by the night light she had placed to ease Jacob's fear of liver eating bugs (Thanks to Tre).
She eased herself up the stairs slowly, tip toeing around the discarded toys littering the ground and made her way slowly to her bedroom. Unfortunately the light was on, the glow illuminating under the door way. Her breath caught in her throat. She felt like an unfaithful wife sneaking around her husband and that was the most numbing feeling she could muster. She turned from the bedroom and decided to shower in the guest room.
It seemed that hours of just sitting on the bathtub floor, the shower rolling off her distilled body, her bath cloth rubbing vigorously up and down her skin, the blood slowly draining. She felt the need to rub off her skin; every inch of peach laid across her bones. It needed to come off, so she could be pure again. She suffocated herself in bath scents and finished scrubbing her skin when it was bright pink and irritated. When she had finished her task, she slipped out of the shower into the bathrobe they always left hanging on the hook. She glanced in the mirror hesitantly to gaze upon what was left of her weary body.
There where horrible bruises lining her thighs, blotches of black spreading steadily up, even smearing upon her waist. They stung in irritation to even the draft of the air-condition running across it.
Billie can't see them. She covered herself in the robe, disgusted by her own image. At least she looked normal; however she felt like dying.
She slipped into the guest bedroom where she put on one of Billie Joe's old shirts he left in the drawer in case the never existing guest showed up one night. She slipped on one of his sweat pants as well and prepared herself to be seen by another human being. Not just a human being, but her own loving husband who predicted when Adrienne was pregnant with Jacob before she even suspected pregnancy. He could see anything.
She slowly pushed upon the door to the bedroom, the light spilling into her eyes causing her to squint slightly. And there he was, sitting on his side of the bed, his vibrant smile greeting her as she stood awkwardly in the doorway, her wet hair dripping down her large shirt.
She grinned back. She forced her muscles to move to the right place, using every happy thought to force that grin to look convincing.
"You coming in?" He asked jauntily, patting the spot next to him on the bed.
Adrienne simply nodded, trying her hardest to walk upright and confident. She slipped under the covers cautiously, feeling the rawness of her skin against the cotton sheets. Every inch of her ached and she yearned for sleep; once she was completely laid down sleep tugged at the corner of her eyes. The exhaustion caught up with her and she let out a breathe of awe. Her body was ready to shut off.
Billie turned the lights off and turned back to his wife.
"I was a bit concerned," He whispered, leaning into Adrienne's ear soothingly, his fingers running through her wet hair.
She couldn't help but remember who had just done that same deed earlier. She had to remind herself that Billie loved her, he wasn't going to use her--he wasn't going to hurt her.
"I tried calling you, but you didn't answer."
Adrienne opened her mouth to reply but found she couldn't. To make up for her loss of voice she turned towards him and kissed his lips gently. What if the filth of the man came off upon him? What if she was just spreading this feeling of disgust?
It was evident she wasn't as he wrapped his arms around her and cuddled her head into his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. She felt so warm, so protected.
"You feeling alright?" He asked in that concern tone he always took on when she was too silent.
"I'm fine," She managed to whisper, pressing her body closer to his--absorbing the feeling of protection and love. "Just a little cold."
He smiled and kissed the top of her head sweetly, believing every word she said. Little did he know his oh so precious wife was stiffening in pain every time he moved slightly--bringing pain to her thighs.
Billie whispered a "I love you" like he did every night, not knowing Adrienne blinked back tears at the pronouncement. Adrienne responded with a "I love you too" weakly, before snuggling her face into his chest, not caring if it prohibited her breathing the slightest bit. She just wanted to inhale his scent and only his scent. She wanted to breathe in his exhale and only his exhale. She wanted to lay in his arms and his arms only. She just wanted to melt in him so that nothing could touch her.
Sleep may never come.
Her car clock read 8 o'clock.
It was just now bed time for her children; and she was laying on the bottom of her car whimpering slightly. The night wind found its way through the cracks of the door and wrapped itself around her naked body mercilessly. She felt utterly disgusting. All she wanted was to crawl out of her skin and clean every inch of her body.
Near by her cell phone rang. At least they left her purse.
She begged herself to move as she reached for the phone, her body retaliating as it fell short of reach. She gathered the will to sit up on her knees, her thighs burning with every breath.
'Just reach the phone, and get Billie to get you,' She thought meekly, dragging her purse towards her subtly. Though once she lifted the phone to her ear, her finger posed on the talk button, she paused. She placed herself instantly in Billie Joe's position. Him finding out his wife had been raped, violated, hurt, and beaten. The tears started forming in her eyes once more as she imagined Billie sitting on the corner of the bed unable to make himself touch her, look at her, be near her. She could already see the loss of respect in his eyes. The lack of purity and replacement of filth radiating from her skin.
'He can't see me like this. My kids can't see me like this. I can hardly stand to see me like this,' she thought bitterly, putting the ringing phone down slowly. She decided then and there that none of the above would see her in such a disgusting state. She sobbed weakly when she willed her legs to stand up, the pain shooting up her spine. She had to get dressed, she had to get home to her family, she had to keep living.
So 30 minutes later Adrienne sat in the driveway to the house fully clothed, her hair put back to perfection and everything. She smelt of sex and blood, she knew, but at least she looked completely ordinary.
She let herself in the house, walking in small steps to ease her own pain. The welcoming warmness of the house embraced her almost too willingly, causing her to sigh deeply in relief.
"No one can hurt me now. Not again."
The lights in her sons' rooms were off, replaced by the night light she had placed to ease Jacob's fear of liver eating bugs (Thanks to Tre).
She eased herself up the stairs slowly, tip toeing around the discarded toys littering the ground and made her way slowly to her bedroom. Unfortunately the light was on, the glow illuminating under the door way. Her breath caught in her throat. She felt like an unfaithful wife sneaking around her husband and that was the most numbing feeling she could muster. She turned from the bedroom and decided to shower in the guest room.
It seemed that hours of just sitting on the bathtub floor, the shower rolling off her distilled body, her bath cloth rubbing vigorously up and down her skin, the blood slowly draining. She felt the need to rub off her skin; every inch of peach laid across her bones. It needed to come off, so she could be pure again. She suffocated herself in bath scents and finished scrubbing her skin when it was bright pink and irritated. When she had finished her task, she slipped out of the shower into the bathrobe they always left hanging on the hook. She glanced in the mirror hesitantly to gaze upon what was left of her weary body.
There where horrible bruises lining her thighs, blotches of black spreading steadily up, even smearing upon her waist. They stung in irritation to even the draft of the air-condition running across it.
Billie can't see them. She covered herself in the robe, disgusted by her own image. At least she looked normal; however she felt like dying.
She slipped into the guest bedroom where she put on one of Billie Joe's old shirts he left in the drawer in case the never existing guest showed up one night. She slipped on one of his sweat pants as well and prepared herself to be seen by another human being. Not just a human being, but her own loving husband who predicted when Adrienne was pregnant with Jacob before she even suspected pregnancy. He could see anything.
She slowly pushed upon the door to the bedroom, the light spilling into her eyes causing her to squint slightly. And there he was, sitting on his side of the bed, his vibrant smile greeting her as she stood awkwardly in the doorway, her wet hair dripping down her large shirt.
She grinned back. She forced her muscles to move to the right place, using every happy thought to force that grin to look convincing.
"You coming in?" He asked jauntily, patting the spot next to him on the bed.
Adrienne simply nodded, trying her hardest to walk upright and confident. She slipped under the covers cautiously, feeling the rawness of her skin against the cotton sheets. Every inch of her ached and she yearned for sleep; once she was completely laid down sleep tugged at the corner of her eyes. The exhaustion caught up with her and she let out a breathe of awe. Her body was ready to shut off.
Billie turned the lights off and turned back to his wife.
"I was a bit concerned," He whispered, leaning into Adrienne's ear soothingly, his fingers running through her wet hair.
She couldn't help but remember who had just done that same deed earlier. She had to remind herself that Billie loved her, he wasn't going to use her--he wasn't going to hurt her.
"I tried calling you, but you didn't answer."
Adrienne opened her mouth to reply but found she couldn't. To make up for her loss of voice she turned towards him and kissed his lips gently. What if the filth of the man came off upon him? What if she was just spreading this feeling of disgust?
It was evident she wasn't as he wrapped his arms around her and cuddled her head into his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. She felt so warm, so protected.
"You feeling alright?" He asked in that concern tone he always took on when she was too silent.
"I'm fine," She managed to whisper, pressing her body closer to his--absorbing the feeling of protection and love. "Just a little cold."
He smiled and kissed the top of her head sweetly, believing every word she said. Little did he know his oh so precious wife was stiffening in pain every time he moved slightly--bringing pain to her thighs.
Billie whispered a "I love you" like he did every night, not knowing Adrienne blinked back tears at the pronouncement. Adrienne responded with a "I love you too" weakly, before snuggling her face into his chest, not caring if it prohibited her breathing the slightest bit. She just wanted to inhale his scent and only his scent. She wanted to breathe in his exhale and only his exhale. She wanted to lay in his arms and his arms only. She just wanted to melt in him so that nothing could touch her.
Sleep may never come.
