Pâle Septembre, chapter 5
What seems like years of goodbyes passed before Billie Joe reluctantly released his grip on her waist, replacing his gentle caressing with the tight hold on his suitcase handle. However, Billie has only been gone for a week and already Adrienne's need for him had edged at her daily routine. Adrienne was gripping the steering wheel tightly driving to Jakob's school where he supposedly had fallen ill when she allowed her self to indulge in thoughts she caved into when she was completely lonely. The first time they met, the first time they kissed, when she first heard 80, her head resting softly against his as he strummed the cords in mind consuming concentration.
She had sneaked her way out of sex the last few weeks with complaints of menstrual unfairness and the exceptional shouting of "Well, Billie, you try surviving excruciating stomach cramps and abnormal bloating and then we'll have sex."
Secretly she hoped Billie would read too much into her refusal and question her motives, but being the modestly convenient husband that he was- he respected her wishes and resolved his arousal elsewhere.
It being on two weeks since he's left, she still had the lingering remains of deep bruises; not to mention her taste of sexual activity was sour and turned bitter due to obvious events. She didn't want her rape to hold her back from her daily life--but some feeling you can't help but feel.
Even kissing became a chore--a mind work of internal compression. She shut herself away in her mind when she kissed Billie, closing her eyes tightly and repeating constantly the thought that Billie was kissing her out of love--not power. She longed to remember a time when she could kiss Billie impulsively without the straining feeling of deep dread looming over her mind. And she hated it. She hated that she couldn't look at her own husband without feeling deep hatred for any man who dare think with a lustful hand.
However; she was getting better, despite faire arguments debuting so. For one, she went to the grocery store. It may have been a totally different store, 30 minutes out of the way of her travels home--but it was a start. She felt pathetic and overdramatic and cursed the impulsive ways she avoided aid from any grocer or any man innocently hinting to an attraction or edging at the possibility to converse with her.
But she was pleased with her convincing act. No one expected a thing. No one noticed a difference. In everyone else's eyes, she was going through her routine mourning process when Billie left for tour.
She halted her thoughts when she parked outside the preschool's gates, grabbing her purse and hurrying into the office. Jakob always was ill tempered when he was sick which probably left him crying indifferently in an unknown nurse's worried arms. She was quick to relieve the poor soul who had to comfort him for the few minutes it took Adrienne to get there.
She was correct about the ill tempered wave Jakob was relieving. She rounded a corner to see a very unhappy nurse try and cradle an even more unhappy Jakob who was jerking violently, trying to break free of her grasp.
"Jakob," Adrienne said calmly, rushing over and relieving the nurse who gave Adrienne an exasperated look. "Jakob, calm down I'm here," she crooned into his ear, causing his shrieks to surrender to sniffs of discomfort.
"What hurts?" she asked, picking the bundle of tears up in her arms and signing the sign out sheet that the nurse had thrust at her.
Jakob sniffed and pointed to his stomach with a small pout gracing his chubby cheeks.
"Well," Adrienne said, touching her nose to Jakob's, "Nothing jello and Winnie the Pooh can't fix."
Jakob smiled and wrapped his arms around Adie's neck, his persistent sniffling carrying down the hall as they walked back to the car.
"I'll fix you a nice hot bath," Adie continued, stroking Jakob's hair in a comforting manor, "let you take a nice long nap, and then we'll see how this tummy feels."
Jakob nodded, his chin resting on her shoulder--his tiny hands grasping at the back of the material on Adrienne's shirt.
"Mommy?' He hiccupped as Adrienne kicked open the exit of the school. "I love you."
Adrienne smiled and was about to return the favor before she was caught of guard by a flash of light soon followed by several flashes of light. Both Adrienne and Jakob looked up to see two or three people standing in a huddle near Adrienne's car flashing them with cameras and shouting "Adrienne, look over here! Smile for us?"
Adrienne frowned in confusion as Jakob's sniffling developed to full fledged sobbing again as he was confused by the gathering of people. Usually no one tried to take her pictures, or even recognized who she was.
She covered Jakob's head and let herself into her car, ignoring the constant commands of, "Adie, look here! Which son is this? Can you tell us about how you met Billie Joe?"
She hastily drove out of the parking lot to head home and tend to her sick son. She was a mother, not a rock star wife, and people needed to learn to respect this.
She had sneaked her way out of sex the last few weeks with complaints of menstrual unfairness and the exceptional shouting of "Well, Billie, you try surviving excruciating stomach cramps and abnormal bloating and then we'll have sex."
Secretly she hoped Billie would read too much into her refusal and question her motives, but being the modestly convenient husband that he was- he respected her wishes and resolved his arousal elsewhere.
It being on two weeks since he's left, she still had the lingering remains of deep bruises; not to mention her taste of sexual activity was sour and turned bitter due to obvious events. She didn't want her rape to hold her back from her daily life--but some feeling you can't help but feel.
Even kissing became a chore--a mind work of internal compression. She shut herself away in her mind when she kissed Billie, closing her eyes tightly and repeating constantly the thought that Billie was kissing her out of love--not power. She longed to remember a time when she could kiss Billie impulsively without the straining feeling of deep dread looming over her mind. And she hated it. She hated that she couldn't look at her own husband without feeling deep hatred for any man who dare think with a lustful hand.
However; she was getting better, despite faire arguments debuting so. For one, she went to the grocery store. It may have been a totally different store, 30 minutes out of the way of her travels home--but it was a start. She felt pathetic and overdramatic and cursed the impulsive ways she avoided aid from any grocer or any man innocently hinting to an attraction or edging at the possibility to converse with her.
But she was pleased with her convincing act. No one expected a thing. No one noticed a difference. In everyone else's eyes, she was going through her routine mourning process when Billie left for tour.
She halted her thoughts when she parked outside the preschool's gates, grabbing her purse and hurrying into the office. Jakob always was ill tempered when he was sick which probably left him crying indifferently in an unknown nurse's worried arms. She was quick to relieve the poor soul who had to comfort him for the few minutes it took Adrienne to get there.
She was correct about the ill tempered wave Jakob was relieving. She rounded a corner to see a very unhappy nurse try and cradle an even more unhappy Jakob who was jerking violently, trying to break free of her grasp.
"Jakob," Adrienne said calmly, rushing over and relieving the nurse who gave Adrienne an exasperated look. "Jakob, calm down I'm here," she crooned into his ear, causing his shrieks to surrender to sniffs of discomfort.
"What hurts?" she asked, picking the bundle of tears up in her arms and signing the sign out sheet that the nurse had thrust at her.
Jakob sniffed and pointed to his stomach with a small pout gracing his chubby cheeks.
"Well," Adrienne said, touching her nose to Jakob's, "Nothing jello and Winnie the Pooh can't fix."
Jakob smiled and wrapped his arms around Adie's neck, his persistent sniffling carrying down the hall as they walked back to the car.
"I'll fix you a nice hot bath," Adie continued, stroking Jakob's hair in a comforting manor, "let you take a nice long nap, and then we'll see how this tummy feels."
Jakob nodded, his chin resting on her shoulder--his tiny hands grasping at the back of the material on Adrienne's shirt.
"Mommy?' He hiccupped as Adrienne kicked open the exit of the school. "I love you."
Adrienne smiled and was about to return the favor before she was caught of guard by a flash of light soon followed by several flashes of light. Both Adrienne and Jakob looked up to see two or three people standing in a huddle near Adrienne's car flashing them with cameras and shouting "Adrienne, look over here! Smile for us?"
Adrienne frowned in confusion as Jakob's sniffling developed to full fledged sobbing again as he was confused by the gathering of people. Usually no one tried to take her pictures, or even recognized who she was.
She covered Jakob's head and let herself into her car, ignoring the constant commands of, "Adie, look here! Which son is this? Can you tell us about how you met Billie Joe?"
She hastily drove out of the parking lot to head home and tend to her sick son. She was a mother, not a rock star wife, and people needed to learn to respect this.
