What the Hell Are You Doing?, chapter 1
"Adrienne..." Billie appeared in the threshold, his hands snapping to his hips in an almost instinctive motive. "What the hell do you think your doing?"
Adrienne looked up, a bit surprised, from her fussing over Joey's hair. She shrugged innocently and looked back down at Joey, dismissing Billie's anger for PMSing.
"This is his first date" Billie continued, dropping his hands and waltzing into the room, grabbing Adie's wrists and holding them together in front of her own eyes. "And these things" he shook her wrists for a second "are destroying his vague and almost nonexistent chance of him ever getting a second one of these"
"What are you talking about" Adrienne scolded, snatching her wrists from Billie's hold.
"I'm talking about this!" Billie responded grabbing Joey's ironed tie and yanking it so that it was under her nose, Joey being reluctantly dragged along.
"This" she said grabbing the tie from Billie's hands and smoothing it flat fondly, "Is the key to a woman's heart."
Billie opened his mouth to say something erotic again but was quickly silenced by Adie's hand.
"You wear them all the time" Adie said seductively pulling at his own tie until Billie had no choice but to stumble closer to her, his frown lightning a bit.
"Mom" Joey groaned staring at the couple in disgust.
"Well" Billie coughed pulling away from Adie abruptly turning to Joey to whisper "This is how women get what they want"
"Well it works" Adie winked at Joey.
"Not this time" Billie shouted. "Look at him, Adie, he's not going to the King of Canada's tea party--"
"There is no King of Canada, Dad." Joey said smugly
Billie did a double take at Joey before flashing him a "Shut up, smartass" look.
"As I was saying... he's just going to a girls house to watch a few movies and maybe make out for an hour or so.."
Adrienne gasped and turned accusing eyes to her son "Don't you dare think about making out with a girl on your first date..."
"Adrienne!" Billie held up a hand, closing is eyes in annoyance "Please, don't interrupt my torrent of points"
Adie crossed her arms and looked expectantly at Billie. "By all means, please continue"
"Now as I was saying, he needs to wear something casual. Something that says 'Hi there chick, I'm not desperate, and you're definitely not my only selection--but I'm taking time out of my life to watch a chick flick or two with you, so I might as well look like sex while doing so'"
Adrienne scoffed.
Billie dubbed her useless and turned to Joey, "Got anything like that?"
Joey simply stared at his dad in disbelief, besides the fact he was freaking out about Joey's apparel he had just said the word sex.
Adrienne sighed defiantly, throwing her hands up in the air "Fine, I'll loose the tie, but he has to keep the dress shirt, it looks good on him" Billie smiled triumphantly and watched as Adrienne took off Joey's tie.
Billie inspected Joey with one hand on his chin, the other on his hip as he circled him evaluating. "Hmm... I approve"
Joey sighed exasperatedly as they heard a car horn honk from outside.
"That's her parents" He said nervously, glancing out the window slightly.
Adrienne covered her mouth suddenly, bring her other hand to her chest as she looked Joey up and down dotingly.
"Mom...what?" Joey said self consciously. Billie staring at Adie as if she was about to have a heart attack.
"My little boy is growing up and going on dates" She said in an unusually high voice, her eyes watering as she dragged Joey into an affectionate hug.
Both Billie Joe and Joey rolled their eyes simultaneously. Billie saved Joey from sudden death by suffocation and dragged him to the door and shoving him out, giving a little half wave as he started to close the door.
Adrienne put her foot in the door's way so she could holler out "Have good manners! Don't put your feet on the furniture! Don't..."
She was interrupted by Billie's hand clapping on top of her mouth. "Have fun, son" Billie smiled slyly as his offspring shyly slipped into the back of a car.
Only then did Billie remove his hand from Adie's mouth, closing the door and turning to look at her accusingly.
"Have ever actually gone on a first date?" He asked skeptically grabbing the tie from her hand and holding it out from him with two fingers as if the thought of it was repulsive.
"Billie, don't be silly. You have to go on a first date in order to have a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh" She said dismissingly, taking the tie back and folding it carefully. "oh" she said in an afterthought "Only after the eighth date and only after confirming he is completely in love with her is our son allowed to have any sexual activity. And you may not tell him differently"
Billie grabbed Adie's shoulders, turning her to face him completely "You've never been on a first date." He repeated, completely ignoring all she has said previously.
"Billie, of course I have" She scolded. "We went on a first date, you know"
"No, no, no, I mean like a first, first date" Billie said. He growled when Adrienne put on a confused expression.
"How, Billie, would it make since that I went on a first date with you but not on a first first date?"
"I mean, you going to some dudes house for the first time and just sitting there watching some corny movie for an hour or so, occasionally sharing an awkward glance or two, and chickening out of a kiss at the end" Billie explained.
"Oh Billie" Adrienne smiled mysteriously , running a finger down his cheek. "I never chicken out of a kiss."
Billie closed his eyes and pulled her closer to his chest, burying his nose in her hair before opening his eyes abruptly. He moved away from the seductive Adie, holding her arms length away.
"Not again, your female mind tricks won't work"
Adrienne pouted but ultimately gave in.
"Fine" she said as if this was killing her pride "I never did that before...ever."
Billie simply blinked at her for a moment before shouting "Holy shit, YOU'RE A FIRST DATE VIRGIN"
Adrienne crossed her arms "And what if I am, what is an awkward first dater champ going to do about it?"
Billie covered his face of mild amusement with a seductive grin, grabbing her hand and pulling it to his lips, kissing it sweetly. "I'm going to deflower you"
Adrienne looked up, a bit surprised, from her fussing over Joey's hair. She shrugged innocently and looked back down at Joey, dismissing Billie's anger for PMSing.
"This is his first date" Billie continued, dropping his hands and waltzing into the room, grabbing Adie's wrists and holding them together in front of her own eyes. "And these things" he shook her wrists for a second "are destroying his vague and almost nonexistent chance of him ever getting a second one of these"
"What are you talking about" Adrienne scolded, snatching her wrists from Billie's hold.
"I'm talking about this!" Billie responded grabbing Joey's ironed tie and yanking it so that it was under her nose, Joey being reluctantly dragged along.
"This" she said grabbing the tie from Billie's hands and smoothing it flat fondly, "Is the key to a woman's heart."
Billie opened his mouth to say something erotic again but was quickly silenced by Adie's hand.
"You wear them all the time" Adie said seductively pulling at his own tie until Billie had no choice but to stumble closer to her, his frown lightning a bit.
"Mom" Joey groaned staring at the couple in disgust.
"Well" Billie coughed pulling away from Adie abruptly turning to Joey to whisper "This is how women get what they want"
"Well it works" Adie winked at Joey.
"Not this time" Billie shouted. "Look at him, Adie, he's not going to the King of Canada's tea party--"
"There is no King of Canada, Dad." Joey said smugly
Billie did a double take at Joey before flashing him a "Shut up, smartass" look.
"As I was saying... he's just going to a girls house to watch a few movies and maybe make out for an hour or so.."
Adrienne gasped and turned accusing eyes to her son "Don't you dare think about making out with a girl on your first date..."
"Adrienne!" Billie held up a hand, closing is eyes in annoyance "Please, don't interrupt my torrent of points"
Adie crossed her arms and looked expectantly at Billie. "By all means, please continue"
"Now as I was saying, he needs to wear something casual. Something that says 'Hi there chick, I'm not desperate, and you're definitely not my only selection--but I'm taking time out of my life to watch a chick flick or two with you, so I might as well look like sex while doing so'"
Adrienne scoffed.
Billie dubbed her useless and turned to Joey, "Got anything like that?"
Joey simply stared at his dad in disbelief, besides the fact he was freaking out about Joey's apparel he had just said the word sex.
Adrienne sighed defiantly, throwing her hands up in the air "Fine, I'll loose the tie, but he has to keep the dress shirt, it looks good on him" Billie smiled triumphantly and watched as Adrienne took off Joey's tie.
Billie inspected Joey with one hand on his chin, the other on his hip as he circled him evaluating. "Hmm... I approve"
Joey sighed exasperatedly as they heard a car horn honk from outside.
"That's her parents" He said nervously, glancing out the window slightly.
Adrienne covered her mouth suddenly, bring her other hand to her chest as she looked Joey up and down dotingly.
"Mom...what?" Joey said self consciously. Billie staring at Adie as if she was about to have a heart attack.
"My little boy is growing up and going on dates" She said in an unusually high voice, her eyes watering as she dragged Joey into an affectionate hug.
Both Billie Joe and Joey rolled their eyes simultaneously. Billie saved Joey from sudden death by suffocation and dragged him to the door and shoving him out, giving a little half wave as he started to close the door.
Adrienne put her foot in the door's way so she could holler out "Have good manners! Don't put your feet on the furniture! Don't..."
She was interrupted by Billie's hand clapping on top of her mouth. "Have fun, son" Billie smiled slyly as his offspring shyly slipped into the back of a car.
Only then did Billie remove his hand from Adie's mouth, closing the door and turning to look at her accusingly.
"Have ever actually gone on a first date?" He asked skeptically grabbing the tie from her hand and holding it out from him with two fingers as if the thought of it was repulsive.
"Billie, don't be silly. You have to go on a first date in order to have a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh" She said dismissingly, taking the tie back and folding it carefully. "oh" she said in an afterthought "Only after the eighth date and only after confirming he is completely in love with her is our son allowed to have any sexual activity. And you may not tell him differently"
Billie grabbed Adie's shoulders, turning her to face him completely "You've never been on a first date." He repeated, completely ignoring all she has said previously.
"Billie, of course I have" She scolded. "We went on a first date, you know"
"No, no, no, I mean like a first, first date" Billie said. He growled when Adrienne put on a confused expression.
"How, Billie, would it make since that I went on a first date with you but not on a first first date?"
"I mean, you going to some dudes house for the first time and just sitting there watching some corny movie for an hour or so, occasionally sharing an awkward glance or two, and chickening out of a kiss at the end" Billie explained.
"Oh Billie" Adrienne smiled mysteriously , running a finger down his cheek. "I never chicken out of a kiss."
Billie closed his eyes and pulled her closer to his chest, burying his nose in her hair before opening his eyes abruptly. He moved away from the seductive Adie, holding her arms length away.
"Not again, your female mind tricks won't work"
Adrienne pouted but ultimately gave in.
"Fine" she said as if this was killing her pride "I never did that before...ever."
Billie simply blinked at her for a moment before shouting "Holy shit, YOU'RE A FIRST DATE VIRGIN"
Adrienne crossed her arms "And what if I am, what is an awkward first dater champ going to do about it?"
Billie covered his face of mild amusement with a seductive grin, grabbing her hand and pulling it to his lips, kissing it sweetly. "I'm going to deflower you"
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