What the Hell Are You Doing?, chapter 3
"What the hell are you doing?" Billie asked for the third time that evening, his arms crossed, leaning against the dining room table.
Adrienne was obviously tired of being asked what the hell she was doing and sighed in aggravation. "I don't know, Billie Joe!" She threw her hands in the air to express her confusion "You said 'Meet me in the dinning room around 9' and it's 9! And here I am! And here you are asking me 'what the hell I'm doing' when I'm doing exactly as requested!"
"Woman!" Billie shouted holding his hand up to halt her constant spilling of meaningless words so he could replace the silence with his equally meaningless thoughts "I said around 9 not at 9"
"9 is around 9," Adrienne snapped pointing at the clock "look, it's 9:03 now! That's around 9!"
"Adie, every educated person on this god damn earth knows that around 9 means show up 30 minutes late! You're going to give a hostess a heart attack when you saunter to their door when they haven't even started preparing for your presence!"
"You were just standing there doing nothing!" Adrienne pointed out.
"That's completely besides the point!"
"Since when, Billie Joe Armstrong, did you become such the woman. If you want me here at 9:30 then you should have said 'meet me here at 9:30'."
"Because!" Billie shouted "I falsely assumed that you were a well groomed, knowledgeable, classy woman who understood the 30 minute rule! I couldn't have you arriving at 10! That'd be too late!"
Adrienne was clearly at a loss of words as she studied her husband warily. "Are you pregnant?"
"Maybe," Billie said silently considering his odd behavior deliberately, nodding to his own thoughts.
Adrienne joined in the nodding and they persisted to nod at each other silently until Jakob opened the dinning room door cautiously.
"Mom? Dad?" He asked vigilantly, his eyes shifting between the couple who had continued nodding. "Mike is here. He said Dad recruited him or something..."
Adrienne closed her eyes circumspectly as Mike appeared behind Jakob staring at the two with a sly expression on. "Geeze, I could sense the sexual tension from 4 miles down the road."
Jakob rolled his eyes and quickly excused himself from their presence, not particularly in the mood to witness such life altering events that could follow.
"Mike! Just in time!" Billie said happily, pulling his best friend into a half hug.
"Wait...what? It's 9:06," Adrienne said dismally, obviously offended that Mike could get away with such frolics but she could not.
"Well I told Mike to be here at 9," Billie explained like it was the most obvious explanation in the world.
"but it's not 9. he's 6 minutes late!" She thrust her hands at the clock to prove her point.
"When one says 'be there at 9' the invitee automatically assume the guest would show up 6 minutes late. Seriously, Adie...don't women have to learn this to begin their menstrual cycle?"
Adie opened and closed her mouth, giving Mike a warning look as he tried his hardest to hide the amusement in his face. "Why is he here anyway?"
"Because every first date has the best friend who sits around mauling over reasons why he'd befriend such an insecure imbecile in the first place who is placed there to clear up awkward situations and occasionally throw in how manly his friend is."
"Doesn't that make the whole thing more awkward then how it was to start off with?"
"Ultimately so. But that's not the point. The point is, Mike is here...so we should start our date."
"It's not 9:30," Adie said cagily.
Billie and Mike nodded in acknowledgement giving her credit for being able to tell time.
"This is true" Billie mumbled slumping down to a chair, his face falling slightly as he turned his entire attention to the clock like if he stared at it long enough, time would just speed forward.
Mike shrugged and suggested "You could go have sex and then it would be about time."
Billie glanced at Mike in fake hurt "Mike. I'm offended that you'd suggest such a thing."
"Yea" Adrienne added in proud of her husband and his current chastity, how ever she spoke too soon.
"You know that I'm an expert in bed and please my partner for at least 45 minutes. 15 minutes my ass." He muttered the last part, slightly shamed that his friend would think such a thing.
Adrienne arched her eyebrows in indifference. "45 minutes, Billie Joe?"
"Just shut up before attempt to prove something."
Silence settled uncomfortably around them till Mike mustered the most serious tone he could, turning to Billie Joe. "Are you pregnant?"
Billie and Adrienne shrugged and continued staring at the clock for the rest of the 10 minutes.
Adrienne was obviously tired of being asked what the hell she was doing and sighed in aggravation. "I don't know, Billie Joe!" She threw her hands in the air to express her confusion "You said 'Meet me in the dinning room around 9' and it's 9! And here I am! And here you are asking me 'what the hell I'm doing' when I'm doing exactly as requested!"
"Woman!" Billie shouted holding his hand up to halt her constant spilling of meaningless words so he could replace the silence with his equally meaningless thoughts "I said around 9 not at 9"
"9 is around 9," Adrienne snapped pointing at the clock "look, it's 9:03 now! That's around 9!"
"Adie, every educated person on this god damn earth knows that around 9 means show up 30 minutes late! You're going to give a hostess a heart attack when you saunter to their door when they haven't even started preparing for your presence!"
"You were just standing there doing nothing!" Adrienne pointed out.
"That's completely besides the point!"
"Since when, Billie Joe Armstrong, did you become such the woman. If you want me here at 9:30 then you should have said 'meet me here at 9:30'."
"Because!" Billie shouted "I falsely assumed that you were a well groomed, knowledgeable, classy woman who understood the 30 minute rule! I couldn't have you arriving at 10! That'd be too late!"
Adrienne was clearly at a loss of words as she studied her husband warily. "Are you pregnant?"
"Maybe," Billie said silently considering his odd behavior deliberately, nodding to his own thoughts.
Adrienne joined in the nodding and they persisted to nod at each other silently until Jakob opened the dinning room door cautiously.
"Mom? Dad?" He asked vigilantly, his eyes shifting between the couple who had continued nodding. "Mike is here. He said Dad recruited him or something..."
Adrienne closed her eyes circumspectly as Mike appeared behind Jakob staring at the two with a sly expression on. "Geeze, I could sense the sexual tension from 4 miles down the road."
Jakob rolled his eyes and quickly excused himself from their presence, not particularly in the mood to witness such life altering events that could follow.
"Mike! Just in time!" Billie said happily, pulling his best friend into a half hug.
"Wait...what? It's 9:06," Adrienne said dismally, obviously offended that Mike could get away with such frolics but she could not.
"Well I told Mike to be here at 9," Billie explained like it was the most obvious explanation in the world.
"but it's not 9. he's 6 minutes late!" She thrust her hands at the clock to prove her point.
"When one says 'be there at 9' the invitee automatically assume the guest would show up 6 minutes late. Seriously, Adie...don't women have to learn this to begin their menstrual cycle?"
Adie opened and closed her mouth, giving Mike a warning look as he tried his hardest to hide the amusement in his face. "Why is he here anyway?"
"Because every first date has the best friend who sits around mauling over reasons why he'd befriend such an insecure imbecile in the first place who is placed there to clear up awkward situations and occasionally throw in how manly his friend is."
"Doesn't that make the whole thing more awkward then how it was to start off with?"
"Ultimately so. But that's not the point. The point is, Mike is here...so we should start our date."
"It's not 9:30," Adie said cagily.
Billie and Mike nodded in acknowledgement giving her credit for being able to tell time.
"This is true" Billie mumbled slumping down to a chair, his face falling slightly as he turned his entire attention to the clock like if he stared at it long enough, time would just speed forward.
Mike shrugged and suggested "You could go have sex and then it would be about time."
Billie glanced at Mike in fake hurt "Mike. I'm offended that you'd suggest such a thing."
"Yea" Adrienne added in proud of her husband and his current chastity, how ever she spoke too soon.
"You know that I'm an expert in bed and please my partner for at least 45 minutes. 15 minutes my ass." He muttered the last part, slightly shamed that his friend would think such a thing.
Adrienne arched her eyebrows in indifference. "45 minutes, Billie Joe?"
"Just shut up before attempt to prove something."
Silence settled uncomfortably around them till Mike mustered the most serious tone he could, turning to Billie Joe. "Are you pregnant?"
Billie and Adrienne shrugged and continued staring at the clock for the rest of the 10 minutes.
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