The Hand Behind This Pen Relives A Failure EveryDay (everything has a dark side), chapter 2
I resisted the urge to laugh as my new dad, if that's what you can call him, seemed surprised at how light my coal black luggage was when he lifted it, without struggle from the edge of the trunk.
"Is that all you've got?"
I smirked at the shocked face of Fireman (I can't remember his name for the life of me!!) and simply answered:
"Unfortunately," I said, "unfortunately the president didn't deem me as important as his other family members so, yes, that is 'all I've got.'"
"Well in that case," said the guy in a really exaggerated girly voice with, it looked like a whole gob of green snot on his hair... , "It's time to go SHOPPING!!!"
"No thank you, I'm quite fine wit-why not? Sure."
This'll just be a hoot, especially with Fireman, Green Snot, and of course, Moody Blue Hair, who, was, at that particular moment, sulking for some unapparent reason.
***
"So, I'm in a little band called Green Day and I play bass," Said Fireman.
"Green Bay?" I politely inquired while walking in between all 3 of the 'queers'.
"Green DAY you fucking nimrod, with a DDDD!!!!!" Well, Moody Blue Hair has certainly earned his name... he is just a Mr. Pissy Pants...
I sighed; this situation is hopeless... just like all the others... and... just like me. Oh God, I was getting in that 'place' again, where I think everything is hopeless... A thought came in my head, a quote that I had heard before but was misplaced in my mind over time : If you aren't a bit depressed, then you aren't paying attention to life or the world around you Life has no meaning, since we all die. Why waste your time finding love or hope?? All you ever find is death...just death...and only death...
"Excuse me Fireman; I have to go to the restroom." An on note, I stalked off, leaving Green Snot, Fireman, and Moody Blue Hair/Mr. Pissy Pants staring in my wake.
Do I have the scissors in my messenger bag?? Yes, yes I think so... Good.
***
I leaned against the washroom stall door, from the inside, preparing myself for a final goodbye.
On my own, here we go.
As I placed the scissors against the skin on my lower wrist I remembered my life, reliving every thought, feeling, and expression that I have felt and worn.
On my own, here we go.
I dug the tip of the 'paper cutter' into my vein letting a gasp pass through my lips; memorizing the pain.
On my own, here we go.
Ahhhhh, it felt good to finally let go of life. It had dragged on and on, stretching me farther than I wanted to be stretched. A wave of relief washed over me... along with a single surprising emotion: regret.
On my own, here we go.
I closed my eyes, forcing the regret and doubt to the back of my mind, focusing on the other part of my time here on Earth. The terrible time. The miserable time.
It would have been fun to live with Fireman, Green Snot, and of course, Moody Blue Pissy Pants; who has a permanent case of PMS
But, obviously, I'm On my own...here we go.
The blood ran, like a red river; the image of torture. I kind of collapsed on the toilet, heaving, gasping for air, as I had forgotten to breathe in all the 'chaos'.
On my own, here we go.
I tried speaking, but I couldn't find the words I knew I didn't want to say. I scrambled through all the memoirs, but the only ones that appealed to me were of my time with Green Bay...even if it was for a short while.
On my own, here we go...I don't want to be on my own...
But, of course, I am. I glanced at my surroundings, all the while thinking:
So this is where it ends. In the shopping mall washroom with, it seemed, the Holy Scriptures scribbled on the wall...This is where it ends for Abigail Cadence Riley. This is where the daughter of Chloe Mackenzie Riley and Connor Ethan Riley, millionaires, chooses to end here life; in a shopping mall washroom. Well, nobody really gets what they want, now do they??
If ignorance is bliss,
Then eradicate my knowledge of my history
Now meaningless, left on my own
I looked for a long time,
Crossed paths with your kind
But some things are better left alone.
Well, I finally get my bliss, right?? I should get my perfect happiness now, by rights. I'm willing to erase all memory from my brain to find happiness... even if for a short while. But, I paused my train of thoughts to shake my head softly, but now I will get eternal joy, that has nothing to do with life.
How anxious I am to sleep. I don't see any purpose in waking if we always sleep in the end. In The End. This is The End. The. End.
I let the scissors drop with a clang, ignoring the noise it made. I closed my eyes and slept, with the blood from my wrist dropping down my fingertips, adding to the little puddle forming from under the hanging hand that hung by the side of a 15 year old who does not even know who, or what, she is... but she slept... losing blood every second...
And slept...
And slept...
And slept...
Without ever waking, even when strange, strong arms wrapped themselves around her frail torso area, lifting up the limp, but faintly alive body of me, Abigail Cadence Riley.
"Is that all you've got?"
I smirked at the shocked face of Fireman (I can't remember his name for the life of me!!) and simply answered:
"Unfortunately," I said, "unfortunately the president didn't deem me as important as his other family members so, yes, that is 'all I've got.'"
"Well in that case," said the guy in a really exaggerated girly voice with, it looked like a whole gob of green snot on his hair... , "It's time to go SHOPPING!!!"
"No thank you, I'm quite fine wit-why not? Sure."
This'll just be a hoot, especially with Fireman, Green Snot, and of course, Moody Blue Hair, who, was, at that particular moment, sulking for some unapparent reason.
***
"So, I'm in a little band called Green Day and I play bass," Said Fireman.
"Green Bay?" I politely inquired while walking in between all 3 of the 'queers'.
"Green DAY you fucking nimrod, with a DDDD!!!!!" Well, Moody Blue Hair has certainly earned his name... he is just a Mr. Pissy Pants...
I sighed; this situation is hopeless... just like all the others... and... just like me. Oh God, I was getting in that 'place' again, where I think everything is hopeless... A thought came in my head, a quote that I had heard before but was misplaced in my mind over time : If you aren't a bit depressed, then you aren't paying attention to life or the world around you Life has no meaning, since we all die. Why waste your time finding love or hope?? All you ever find is death...just death...and only death...
"Excuse me Fireman; I have to go to the restroom." An on note, I stalked off, leaving Green Snot, Fireman, and Moody Blue Hair/Mr. Pissy Pants staring in my wake.
Do I have the scissors in my messenger bag?? Yes, yes I think so... Good.
***
I leaned against the washroom stall door, from the inside, preparing myself for a final goodbye.
On my own, here we go.
As I placed the scissors against the skin on my lower wrist I remembered my life, reliving every thought, feeling, and expression that I have felt and worn.
On my own, here we go.
I dug the tip of the 'paper cutter' into my vein letting a gasp pass through my lips; memorizing the pain.
On my own, here we go.
Ahhhhh, it felt good to finally let go of life. It had dragged on and on, stretching me farther than I wanted to be stretched. A wave of relief washed over me... along with a single surprising emotion: regret.
On my own, here we go.
I closed my eyes, forcing the regret and doubt to the back of my mind, focusing on the other part of my time here on Earth. The terrible time. The miserable time.
It would have been fun to live with Fireman, Green Snot, and of course, Moody Blue Pissy Pants; who has a permanent case of PMS
But, obviously, I'm On my own...here we go.
The blood ran, like a red river; the image of torture. I kind of collapsed on the toilet, heaving, gasping for air, as I had forgotten to breathe in all the 'chaos'.
On my own, here we go.
I tried speaking, but I couldn't find the words I knew I didn't want to say. I scrambled through all the memoirs, but the only ones that appealed to me were of my time with Green Bay...even if it was for a short while.
On my own, here we go...I don't want to be on my own...
But, of course, I am. I glanced at my surroundings, all the while thinking:
So this is where it ends. In the shopping mall washroom with, it seemed, the Holy Scriptures scribbled on the wall...This is where it ends for Abigail Cadence Riley. This is where the daughter of Chloe Mackenzie Riley and Connor Ethan Riley, millionaires, chooses to end here life; in a shopping mall washroom. Well, nobody really gets what they want, now do they??
If ignorance is bliss,
Then eradicate my knowledge of my history
Now meaningless, left on my own
I looked for a long time,
Crossed paths with your kind
But some things are better left alone.
Well, I finally get my bliss, right?? I should get my perfect happiness now, by rights. I'm willing to erase all memory from my brain to find happiness... even if for a short while. But, I paused my train of thoughts to shake my head softly, but now I will get eternal joy, that has nothing to do with life.
How anxious I am to sleep. I don't see any purpose in waking if we always sleep in the end. In The End. This is The End. The. End.
I let the scissors drop with a clang, ignoring the noise it made. I closed my eyes and slept, with the blood from my wrist dropping down my fingertips, adding to the little puddle forming from under the hanging hand that hung by the side of a 15 year old who does not even know who, or what, she is... but she slept... losing blood every second...
And slept...
And slept...
And slept...
Without ever waking, even when strange, strong arms wrapped themselves around her frail torso area, lifting up the limp, but faintly alive body of me, Abigail Cadence Riley.
