Walking Alone, chapter 4
My legs felt like jello. I had to lean against the wall to stand up straight. In the dimly-lit room, I could barely see Jimmy, even though he was only a few feet away. A weird sensation came over me—a mix of a warm happiness and that far-off feeling. Though my vision was hazy, I could tell by his voice that Jimmy was smiling.
"Ecstasy," He said slowly. "You like it?" I nodded and reached for more. Somewhere in the depths of my head, my brain was screaming, "DON'T DO IT!" but I pushed that voice away. I thought about Mike and Al. Where they thought I'd been all this time. I returned to them occasionally, when I wasn't stoned, and I could tell they were worried.
Jimmy accidentally dropped the drugs on the floor, which, for some reason, made me crack up laughing. There were a few other "patients" of St. Jimmy there, none of which I knew. Jimmy leaned in close, suddenly, and whispered, "Hey, kid, I gotta tell you somethin." He started laughing spontaneously. I laughed, too. I felt happier than I'd ever been. All my worries and fears had disappeared somewhere. I wondered briefly if they could fly...
"You're my favorite. You know that? It's like... it's like... you don' give a shit, ya know? And I'm proud of dat," Jimmy snickered. "Thanks, dude." I returned. I tried to stand up without having to rely on the wall for support, which didn't work out. Suddenly I was falling, down, down, and I desperately reached out for something, anything. I grabbed her arm.
It was the first time I saw her. Though my vision was blurred, she was beautiful. "You alright?" She smiled. "Uhh... uh... " I mumbled. Quivering, I attempted to stand, still clinging to her arm. "Man, you are soo high!" She laughed. Her laugh... it was like music to my ears. She said her name but it was like I didn't hear it. I was too busy looking at her face.
"What's your name?" She asked me.
"Uh... uh... " I said again.
Jimmy laughed hysterically. "He's Jesus." I noticed how he didn't mention my full name... just Jesus. The girl laughed. She smiled at me. "Maybe I'll see you around some time, Jesus."
"Uh... yeah... " Then she turned around and left. Right after she exited the building, I collapsed on the hard wood floors. Jimmy fell down beside me. He was cracking up, but I felt sick.
"Man... she's... she's... " I couldn't find the words to describe her. "Dude, you are SO in love! I... I think she's new round here or somethin, cuz I don think I ever seen her here... what's her name again?" Jimmy rambled.
"I... I don't know," I said. The Ecstasy was starting to wear off, but I didn't feel like more.
Jimmy grinned. "OK, we'll call her... uhh... OH! We'll call her Whatsername!" Jimmy laughed.
"Whatsername... " The word balanced on the tip of my tounge. And it sounded just right.
***********
After that night, I saw Whatsername constantly. Most of the time I was high, and the times I wasn't, I forgot to ask her what her real name was. Or even if I did, I forgot it right away. To this day, I still remember Whatsername, and the times we spent together. And even today, I still wish I could see her one last time.
"Ecstasy," He said slowly. "You like it?" I nodded and reached for more. Somewhere in the depths of my head, my brain was screaming, "DON'T DO IT!" but I pushed that voice away. I thought about Mike and Al. Where they thought I'd been all this time. I returned to them occasionally, when I wasn't stoned, and I could tell they were worried.
Jimmy accidentally dropped the drugs on the floor, which, for some reason, made me crack up laughing. There were a few other "patients" of St. Jimmy there, none of which I knew. Jimmy leaned in close, suddenly, and whispered, "Hey, kid, I gotta tell you somethin." He started laughing spontaneously. I laughed, too. I felt happier than I'd ever been. All my worries and fears had disappeared somewhere. I wondered briefly if they could fly...
"You're my favorite. You know that? It's like... it's like... you don' give a shit, ya know? And I'm proud of dat," Jimmy snickered. "Thanks, dude." I returned. I tried to stand up without having to rely on the wall for support, which didn't work out. Suddenly I was falling, down, down, and I desperately reached out for something, anything. I grabbed her arm.
It was the first time I saw her. Though my vision was blurred, she was beautiful. "You alright?" She smiled. "Uhh... uh... " I mumbled. Quivering, I attempted to stand, still clinging to her arm. "Man, you are soo high!" She laughed. Her laugh... it was like music to my ears. She said her name but it was like I didn't hear it. I was too busy looking at her face.
"What's your name?" She asked me.
"Uh... uh... " I said again.
Jimmy laughed hysterically. "He's Jesus." I noticed how he didn't mention my full name... just Jesus. The girl laughed. She smiled at me. "Maybe I'll see you around some time, Jesus."
"Uh... yeah... " Then she turned around and left. Right after she exited the building, I collapsed on the hard wood floors. Jimmy fell down beside me. He was cracking up, but I felt sick.
"Man... she's... she's... " I couldn't find the words to describe her. "Dude, you are SO in love! I... I think she's new round here or somethin, cuz I don think I ever seen her here... what's her name again?" Jimmy rambled.
"I... I don't know," I said. The Ecstasy was starting to wear off, but I didn't feel like more.
Jimmy grinned. "OK, we'll call her... uhh... OH! We'll call her Whatsername!" Jimmy laughed.
"Whatsername... " The word balanced on the tip of my tounge. And it sounded just right.
***********
After that night, I saw Whatsername constantly. Most of the time I was high, and the times I wasn't, I forgot to ask her what her real name was. Or even if I did, I forgot it right away. To this day, I still remember Whatsername, and the times we spent together. And even today, I still wish I could see her one last time.
