Walking Alone, chapter 8
"We need fucking air conditioning in this studio... or I'm gonna die," Tre groaned. He was draped across one of the couches. Another lazy summer afternoon. At least we were getting some progression, ever since my idea.
"So, what do you think?" Mike asked.
"Of what?" I replied. I hadn't been focusing too well. So much had been on my mind...
Mike rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's the old Billie Joe I know." He laughed. "What do you think of the part of the song I wrote?" He repeated. I glanced again at the paper that had been shoved in front of me. Mike had scribbled some words and chords on the paper. The great thing about us, was we all think alike. So when I told the guys about my idea, it clicked with them, too. It was almost like we had all been Jesus, not just me. I'd never told them about my past, and I never really intended to. The crumpled paper below me read:
Nobody Likes You
I fell asleep while watching Spike TV
After 10 cups of coffee
And you're still not here
Dreaming of a song
But something went wrong
And you can't tell anyone
'Cause no one's here
Left me here alone
And I should've stayed home
After 10 cups of coffee
I'm thinking where'd you go
Nobody likes you
Everyone left you
They're all out without you
Havin' fun
(Where'd you go?)
Everyone left you
Nobody likes you
They're all out without you
Havin' fun
(Where'd you go?)
The song itself bought back painful memories that I buried somewhere deep down inside. "We could like, base the whole CD on the part... where it goes, 'Nobody likes you, everyone left you, they're all off without you, having fun'. We could stick that in some of the other songs." I suggested. Mike nodded. I passed the paper to Tre, who read it over more thoroughly than I had, and agreed with me.
After trying out some of the chords, and making some changes to the music, we called it a night. Once again, I was left to drive home alone again, but this time with more of a happy feeling. We were almost done with the CD.
By the time I got home, the kids were in bed. Adi was upstairs, reading in our bedroom. I walked in and planted a kiss on her cheek. She smiled and returned the kiss. I went into the bathroom to scrub out some of the dye in my hair. Call me crazy, but it's more comfortable for me to sleep with my hair natural. The black washed out into the sink, and my reddish-brown curls came out from hiding. Right when I reached for my toothbrush, I heard Adrienne's voice from the bedroom.
"Honey, I just have a... question," She said.
"Shoot," I replied, applying the toothbrush with Crest toothpaste.
"Just... out of curiosity... where did you get the idea of the characters, like Jesus of Suburbia and St. Jimmy and Whatsername?" She asked.
I waited till I finished brushing my teeth and spit before answering. "You know... my 'wild imagination'," I said, quoting my fifth grade elementary school teacher. I heard her laugh... but it wasn't her normal laugh that was usually as sweet as honey. It was more of a nervous chuckle. I reached for the dental floss by the mirror.
"Oh. Because... I... knew a guy. Way back... I never told you... he called himself the Jesus of Suburbia."
Right then, the small plastic box of floss I'd been holding fell from my hand and crashed on the floor.
Oh my God.
She couldn't be.
Adrienne... she couldn't possibly be... it'd be to weird... was she...
Whatsername?
My body felt numb, but I managed to walk from the sink to the doorway that connected the bathroom to the bedroom. I stood there, unable to move any further. "You... wait... what?" Adrienne looked at me, and for a second I thought I saw something flicker in her eyes. Something old, something familiar, flashed before her eyes. Her hazel brown eyes...
It must have been in my eyes, too. Because her face dropped, and she stared at me with an expression that mixed stunned, fear, and passion all together. "Jesus... " She whispered.
Dear God.
She was. She was Whatsername.
How the fuck did this happen?
"I know who Whatsername is. I know where she is. I know what she's doing right now. You'd never guess who she was, this whole time, but I finally found out... " Jimmy's words echoed in my mind. I found it ironic that back then, I would have killed to know who Whatsername was. And now... now, it was like I wanted to go back to being ignorant.
"Whatsername," I whispered back.
How could this happen to me?
She suddenly stood up, and for a moment I thought she was going to leave me. Again. Leave me in the dark to die inside. She began to head for the door. "Don't... please, not again... " I struggled to get the words out. She said nothing, but instead of going out the door, she turned and open the door of the closet. Then she pulled out a box with a lock on it.
She opened the box, a box I'd never seen before, though it looked familiar. She pulled out something and handed it to me. It was a photo. An old photo, of me and her together, somewhere outside Jimmy's place. Jimmy wasn't in the picture. I flipped over the photo where Adrienne had written: "Whatsername and Jesus of Suburbia forever". I felt overwhelmed with the mixed emotions. I didn't know what she was feeling now, I didn't know what to do. But Adrienne answered all of that in one breath.
"I didn't forget. And I never will."
"So, what do you think?" Mike asked.
"Of what?" I replied. I hadn't been focusing too well. So much had been on my mind...
Mike rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's the old Billie Joe I know." He laughed. "What do you think of the part of the song I wrote?" He repeated. I glanced again at the paper that had been shoved in front of me. Mike had scribbled some words and chords on the paper. The great thing about us, was we all think alike. So when I told the guys about my idea, it clicked with them, too. It was almost like we had all been Jesus, not just me. I'd never told them about my past, and I never really intended to. The crumpled paper below me read:
Nobody Likes You
I fell asleep while watching Spike TV
After 10 cups of coffee
And you're still not here
Dreaming of a song
But something went wrong
And you can't tell anyone
'Cause no one's here
Left me here alone
And I should've stayed home
After 10 cups of coffee
I'm thinking where'd you go
Nobody likes you
Everyone left you
They're all out without you
Havin' fun
(Where'd you go?)
Everyone left you
Nobody likes you
They're all out without you
Havin' fun
(Where'd you go?)
The song itself bought back painful memories that I buried somewhere deep down inside. "We could like, base the whole CD on the part... where it goes, 'Nobody likes you, everyone left you, they're all off without you, having fun'. We could stick that in some of the other songs." I suggested. Mike nodded. I passed the paper to Tre, who read it over more thoroughly than I had, and agreed with me.
After trying out some of the chords, and making some changes to the music, we called it a night. Once again, I was left to drive home alone again, but this time with more of a happy feeling. We were almost done with the CD.
By the time I got home, the kids were in bed. Adi was upstairs, reading in our bedroom. I walked in and planted a kiss on her cheek. She smiled and returned the kiss. I went into the bathroom to scrub out some of the dye in my hair. Call me crazy, but it's more comfortable for me to sleep with my hair natural. The black washed out into the sink, and my reddish-brown curls came out from hiding. Right when I reached for my toothbrush, I heard Adrienne's voice from the bedroom.
"Honey, I just have a... question," She said.
"Shoot," I replied, applying the toothbrush with Crest toothpaste.
"Just... out of curiosity... where did you get the idea of the characters, like Jesus of Suburbia and St. Jimmy and Whatsername?" She asked.
I waited till I finished brushing my teeth and spit before answering. "You know... my 'wild imagination'," I said, quoting my fifth grade elementary school teacher. I heard her laugh... but it wasn't her normal laugh that was usually as sweet as honey. It was more of a nervous chuckle. I reached for the dental floss by the mirror.
"Oh. Because... I... knew a guy. Way back... I never told you... he called himself the Jesus of Suburbia."
Right then, the small plastic box of floss I'd been holding fell from my hand and crashed on the floor.
Oh my God.
She couldn't be.
Adrienne... she couldn't possibly be... it'd be to weird... was she...
Whatsername?
My body felt numb, but I managed to walk from the sink to the doorway that connected the bathroom to the bedroom. I stood there, unable to move any further. "You... wait... what?" Adrienne looked at me, and for a second I thought I saw something flicker in her eyes. Something old, something familiar, flashed before her eyes. Her hazel brown eyes...
It must have been in my eyes, too. Because her face dropped, and she stared at me with an expression that mixed stunned, fear, and passion all together. "Jesus... " She whispered.
Dear God.
She was. She was Whatsername.
How the fuck did this happen?
"I know who Whatsername is. I know where she is. I know what she's doing right now. You'd never guess who she was, this whole time, but I finally found out... " Jimmy's words echoed in my mind. I found it ironic that back then, I would have killed to know who Whatsername was. And now... now, it was like I wanted to go back to being ignorant.
"Whatsername," I whispered back.
How could this happen to me?
She suddenly stood up, and for a moment I thought she was going to leave me. Again. Leave me in the dark to die inside. She began to head for the door. "Don't... please, not again... " I struggled to get the words out. She said nothing, but instead of going out the door, she turned and open the door of the closet. Then she pulled out a box with a lock on it.
She opened the box, a box I'd never seen before, though it looked familiar. She pulled out something and handed it to me. It was a photo. An old photo, of me and her together, somewhere outside Jimmy's place. Jimmy wasn't in the picture. I flipped over the photo where Adrienne had written: "Whatsername and Jesus of Suburbia forever". I felt overwhelmed with the mixed emotions. I didn't know what she was feeling now, I didn't know what to do. But Adrienne answered all of that in one breath.
"I didn't forget. And I never will."
